


Counterclockwise

by Anime_or_scifi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Asexual Levi, Asexuality, Buckets of stress, Bullying, Confessions, Depression, Drug Use, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Mental Illness, Nerd! Levi, Non-Explicit Sex, Nonbinary Hanji, OCD, Rating will go up, Really Bad Decisions, Sleep anxiety, Slurs, So much angst, Toxic Friendships, Trauma, alcohol use, angst awaits you, extremely low self esteem, honey you got a big storm coming, let me know if I leave something out, potentially triggering content, self hate, underage use of the aforementioned substances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 18:11:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 91,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anime_or_scifi/pseuds/Anime_or_scifi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For his whole life, Levi has found it difficult to socialize and sabotages himself whenever it comes to his happiness. Due to mental illness and some other "quirks" as some people call them, he works to make his life perfect, but he's never reached that standard, needing to stop his habit of isolating himself. But being eccentric to others and being wary of everyone doesn't exactly help. And everything changes when some stranger just has to be his friend for some reason he can't figure out.</p><p>(Warning: some characters are very ooc)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Right On Time

**Author's Note:**

> What's good, guys? Here's my new fic! Disclaimer: Don't think that all asexual people are like this, or people with OCD either. This fic is just one big mental outlet for me, I'm mainly writing this to get out frustrations and using this as a stress relief fic, so I can't promise quick updates. I just wanted to exaggerate (like reeeeally exaggerate) my mental struggles and make my favorite fictional characters suffer, as you do. 
> 
> *By the way, Levi is very out of character here.
> 
> I hope you guys like this!

6:20

Why did Levi's alarm clock need to have the most repulsive, aggravating and deterring noise he'd ever come across? Or did he just hate that noise simply because it was the thing that tore him out of his peaceful slumber every day of his life? Whatever the case was, Levi propped himself up on his elbow to shut the damned thing off, reaching over to stop the second alarm clock before it sounded and finally, disabling the alarm on his phone. Now for the next task, getting ready. 

Levi hopped out of bed over to his dresser, where his clothes were already neatly laid out from the night before. A nice, dark blue turtleneck that would be worn underneath his warmest, black button-up sweater that was admittedly far too big for him. He could never be too careful, catching a cold was certainly not on his agenda. Set beside them were his underclothes, socks and dark jeans. He changed out of his pajamas and into his day clothes, tossing the pjs into the hamper and searching for his dress shoes that he wore everyday. 

6:30

Not too bad today, better than the day before, that's for sure. If he hurried, perhaps he could catch five minutes of the news with his mother before he left. 

What's next? Levi marked off his tasks on his dry erase board that he kept on his door. How he treasured that thing, quite possibly his favorite birthday present his aunt had ever gotten for him. Now, it was time for the restroom. Getting his teeth brushed, combing his hair, putting on deodorant, flossing, and washing his face. 

6:42

Not good enough. No, no, no. He'd have to skip out on filing his nails like he had wanted. It wasn't a necessity, but Levi still would've liked to squeeze that in before he left. 

Levi checked and double checked his book bag, making sure he had everything and everything was in its place. He added one more package of erasers and a pencil sharpener to the front pocket before closing it up. Wait! He almost forgot to put his phone in the safest pocket in the back. How foolish, he scorned himself. 

6:47 

Levi groaned. He hated odd numbers. Especially when they were flashing on his alarm clock, mocking his tardiness. He glanced at his wall clock and noticed that it was exactly three minutes slow. A pain in the neck no doubt, but it'd have to wait to be fixed another time. He already had to sacrifice checking his book bag a third and fourth time. The clock would still be there when he got home, but knowing that it would be off all day irked him to no end. What a bother.

Trotting downstairs, Levi bid his mother good morning and slipped into the kitchen to make a cup of decaf coffee and a bagel. Bagels were quick to prepare and consume and decaf coffee wouldn't make him have to use the restroom all day like caffeinated would. 

His mother came into the kitchen and started fixing herself a cup of coffee of her own. Caffeinated. She needed the energy. "Ready for your first day as a senior?" She prompted, sitting down at the table to fill out a crossword puzzle in the morning paper. 

"I'm trying to be." Levi tapped his foot, waiting for his coffee to finish dripping out of the machine. Those last, hesitant drips made him cringe. Never an even amount of them and never perfectly spaced. 

He ate his breakfast hastily, but still made sure he used proper manners, sitting down at the table, keeping his mouth shut, and wiping away crumbs with a napkin. 

Afterwards, it was time for round two of brushing his teeth.

7:01

Levi rushed, going as fast as he could to get everything done. He still had to water the plants, make his bed, or he could wash the dishes and save that for night instead. As swift as he was with finishing his goals, he couldn't do it all. Levi wasn't perfect and he knew that, but he'd be damned if he didn't try to come close.

7:25

Running out of time. Precisely twenty minutes remained. 

He dashed up and down the staircase, nearly tripping as he went. Why did all the things he had to do have to be at different ends of the house? At least he got a decent work out. No gym membership required.

7:38

One more minute than he had anticipated. Today was his lucky day, an entire six minutes to watch the news with his mother. Quite the luxury. 

"You made it," his mother congratulated him from the couch. "And with an extra minute to spare. Impressive."

Levi smiled graciously at her, sitting down. "Thank you. It wasn't easy." 

"Easy or not, you did it." Levi's mother said. "It's a good thing you ended up with extra time too. I have something I'd like to give you." 

Levi's interest was peaked when his mother hoisted herself off the couch and over to the desk in the corner of the living room. She pawed through the top drawer, pulling out a black box and returning to her seat. "I thought this would be nice for you to have to keep you on track for your senior year."

Levi took it as she handed it to him. He opened the box at an acceptable pace, not too fast to be rude, and not too slow to waste time. Inside was a beautiful, brand new wristwatch. Not a single fingerprint was left on the face, the hands were already accurate to the tick and everything about it seemed to be perfect. "Mom... this looks very expen-"

"Don't you worry about it." She waved him off. "Straight A's all your life earns you a special little something. Do you like it?" 

"Of course. It's... astounding. Thank you, mom." Levi brought her on for a quick hug, kissing her cheek. "It's perfect." His favorite word. Perfect. The most thoughtful, useful, and aesthetically pleasing gift she could've possibly given him. Or anyone could've given him, for that matter.

His mother was aware of his rare usage of that word, knowing that he used it sparingly. She was so glad her boss had given her a promotion just in time so she could give it to him on this particular day. She couldn't afford everything he deserved, but she made sure she could get him what she could when she could. 

7:45

Levi checked the time on his new watch, thanking his mother one last time before heading out the door. He stood and waited, checking to see that it was in fact, still 7:45 when he was outside. Great timing.

His bus didn't even arrive for another three to five minutes. That was something he really hated, the inconsistency of his transportation. It never came at the exact same time. But at least, this way he could always say that even if his bus wasn't there at the same time, he would be outside waiting for it at the same time. 

 

~

 

8:01

How annoying. The bus never got to the school at exactly 8:00. Levi hurried into the school, searching for his best friend near the water fountain that they planned to meet at. He grinned slightly, when they were already there waiting for him. He hated having to wait.

His friend Hanji Zoe stood there, waving at him frantically, dressed in a white button up shirt, bleached jeans and mint green suspenders. Their classiest outfit, he noted. "Care to explain why you're late?" They teased.

"You know my bus never gets here on time. It's not my fault." He explained exasperatedly.

Hanji giggled at how he always failed to pick up on their sarcasm. "Oh Levi, I'm just kidding. I don't mind if you're late, that's your concern, remember?"

Levi sighed heavily. "Right."

"Something bothering you?"

"I'm a bit stressed out."

"You're always stressed out." Hanji rolled their eyes, wrapping an arm around Levi's shoulders, leading him aimlessly around the halls to kill time before class. "Well, spill the beans! Tell Dr. Zoe all about your troubles." 

"My bedroom clock is off, my nails are getting too long, I'm pretty sure I have enough folders packed, but I can't remember, I couldn't check two more times, I might've watered the hydrangea too much, I can't tell, but I think a hair is sticking up at the back of my head-"

"Levi, breathe, my child!" Hanji stopped him, placing their hands on each of his shoulders. "What have I told you?"

"In through the nose, out through the mouth?" He asked, lifting a brow.

"No- well, yes, but the other thing." They started walking again as they spoke. "Don't worry about things that won't affect you on a long term scale. Now relax, it's your first day. You don't need to stress over so many things on your first day, there'll be plenty to stress over in due time. It is our senior year, after all." 

"Easier said than done." Levi scoffed. "How can I not worry when there's so many things that could go wrong at any moment?" 

"Many things can go wrong. Things always have the potential to go wrong." Levi wondered if this information was supposed to be helpful before Hanji continued. "The thing is, most these things that can go wrong, never happen. Don't worry until bad things happen. You spend all your time thinking about bad outcomes and then you completely forget about the good outcomes. Nice things can happen too, you know."

"I know." Levi grumbled. 

"Then lighten up! Something great could be just around the corner." Hanji reminded him. 

Levi sighed, mentally criticizing their words. They always said that, always told him that something positive and life changing was waiting for him, but he dragged on with his mediocre, but smoothly planned life. So far, the most interesting thing that had ever happened to him was when he was thirteen and his cousins had taken him to a local baseball game. He never complained about living a simple life out loud, he tried to be as grateful as he could, but no one would blame him for being borderline depressed for living so strictly and with no rewards. Perfect grades were terrific and all, but they weren't fun, just nice to be able to tell his family and future colleges about. "I hope you're right." Levi huffed out.

 

~

 

8:20

Levi sat down in his first class of the day, which was art. He decided that it would be a fairly simple course to pass, and it could be a nice change to having all boring courses. Expectedly, he was the first one in the classroom, sitting down quietly and pulling out a notebook, a pencil, a pen, and his agenda, arranging it all neatly on his desk. He sat up straight, somewhat angled in towards himself, crossing his legs and smiling down at his new watch as he waited for his classmates to arrive. 

Levi started tapping his foot anxiously. Four minutes after the class had officially started and even the teacher hadn't arrived yet. He bit his lip briefly, before stopping himself. His mother pointed out that it was an unhealthy, nervous habit he had to break. 

8:26

"Sorry I'm late!" A cheery voice came from the door. Levi let out a sigh of relief as he looked towards his teacher who strided in casually, her necklace and bracelet beads jingling and her long dress flowing lightly behind her feet. Levi decided to momentarily forgive her for her tardiness as he noticed her happy tone of voice and genuine smile. "I'm Miss Ral, I'm so happy to be back. I see some of you are also excited to be here."

Levi glanced around, noticing several students not even paying her any mind, while others were just as prepared as he was. 

"You'll find that I'm very lenient with grading," Miss Ral went on. "If you're not what one would call 'artistic' or 'talented,' that's alright. I don't grade on quality, just effort and participation."

Levi was glad to hear that, he'd never sketched or sculpted a thing in his life. 

"I'm going to be trying something new this year as well. For the majority of your projects, you will be working with a partner. You might notice that there are an odd number of you," Levi grimaced. "But a student has informed me that he'll be switching schedules and will be in this class by the end of the week. So, for a few days, one of you will be working alone."

Levi couldn't believe that. Why on earth would someone change their schedule after the school year had started? What a ridiculous thing to do. Your schedule was what determined your day, it was such a sacred and solid thing. Sometimes Levi just couldn't understand people.

"I guess that'll be the first thing you all do. Go on, choose whoever you want! No switching, though. Whoever you choose will be your partner for the whole year, unless you're disruptive. In which case, I'll make you switch. Now go ahead." 

The screeching of chairs being pushed out was painful to Levi's ears. Everyone stood from their chairs and wandered around. A few friends would occasionally high five each other as they paired up and Levi immediately knew they'd be trouble. He carefully stood from his chair to refrain from making the scratching noise. He hesitantly roamed around, trying to find someone he had known to be kind and orderly. Hanji was his only real friend and seeing how they weren't present, he just went for someone with a nice character. 

He looked hopefully to someone he knew for her good grades and polite attitude. She smiled at him briefly and for a moment, he thought she'd like to pair up with him, but she kept looking.

No matter, he'd find someone else. Levi searched around and locked eyes with a boy who he thought was decently nice and easy to get along with. Levi timidly raised his hand, extending his index finger to get his attention. "Um, excuse me..." Once the boy realized that Levi was addressing him, he turned to his right and asked the first person he saw to be his partner. Levi's shoulders slumped and he continued looking. 

The only problem was, there wasn't anyone left. To hide his embarrassment, he hastily returned to his seat. Just wonderful, he was a last resort.

8:36

Miss Ral circled the room to write down the pairs on her clipboard. Levi stiffened as she came up to him. "Did you find someone, dearie?" 

Levi felt even worse, since she was being so nice about it. He simply shook his head, looking down at his perfectly organized materials.

"That's not a problem. Your partner will be here in a few days." She informed him. 

Levi didn't want a partner in a few days, he wanted one at that second. He started wondering if he even wanted one at all. The satisfying sight of the flawlessly arranged materials in front of him gave him no comfort, as he was once again the last choice.

 

~

 

11:30 

Levi sat at lunch, waiting for Hanji to show up. He took out his packed lunch that he had prepared the night before and put in the fridge. He always hated how greasy and sloppy the school lunches were, not to mention they weren't exactly healthy. He took out his cup of yogurt and started with that. He didn't even like yogurt, especially the plain, flavorless kind that he had, but it was good for him, so he forced it down, scrunching his face at the taste.

Hanji soon joined him, setting down their tray of food. "How was your first half of your first day?" They asked, taking a bite of their sub.

Levi swallowed his disgusting yogurt. "Terrible. No one wanted to be my partner in art, it's absolutely freezing in the math room, my study hall is filled with loud, obnoxious people and in my other study hall, the teacher wouldn't close the curtains and the sun got in my eyes." It was all petty, Levi knew that. But he couldn't help it, every small thing added on just made his day worse. 

Hanji's face fell at the news. "I'm sorry. But remember, tomorrow can be better." 

"It could be worse, too." Levi muttered, stabbing at his yogurt with his spoon. 

"Levi, you're such a pessimist." Hanji chastised him. "All sorts of things can happen today that will make it a great day. But they won't mean anything if you keep moping. And tomorrow could be the best day of your life and you wouldn't see it coming." 

Levi hadn't looked up from his bland food. "I don't even want there to be a tomorrow."

Hanji's heart stopped. They knew of what Levi dealt with. Things they couldn't help, but it never failed to break their heart. "Levi, don't say that." They said, trying to keep their voice level and firm.

Levi glanced up at them with apologetic eyes. 

"Do you know how scared I get every time you say something like that? I worry that for the first time, you won't show up the next day in school and I won't know if you're just skipping or its for a worse reason." They hated bringing the conversation down this path, but they felt the need to. Levi really did scare them sometimes. 

"I'm sorry." Levi looked back down at his food and took another bite of his yogurt. After he finished that bite, he continued. "I just want to have a good day. I don't like having a negative outlook all the time, but I can't help it."

Hanji sighed. "I know you can't. Sorry for yelling at you." 

"It's okay." Levi forced a smile. 

His days always went like this. They would start off with him just rushing around, trying to set things up to go well, and after the events of life went along as they did, he would get tired out and lose motivation. One thing he could say was that he at least kept trying to make things go well, even if he was running on empty. 

"Is that a new watch?" Hanji leaned over the table to take a look. "That's very nice."

Levi grinned slightly. It wasn't a big smile, but it was real. "Yeah. My mom gave it to me this morning."

"Wow, how do you like it?" Hanji asked.

"I love it." Levi said confidently. "More than that whiteboard."

Hanji looked at him with wide eyes. "That's a lot of love. You take care of that, mister."

Levi chuckled. "I will." 

 

~

 

12:00

Levi was somewhat excited for his next class. He elected to take Creative Expressions as his English course this year. Another nice change to normal, boring classes. 

He went through the same process as his other classes, taking out all the materials required, organizing them neatly and sitting in a straight, yet closed off position. 

Their teacher, Mr. Smith, stood from his chair, gaining the full attention of his class. "Welcome back, everyone. I hope you're all having a good first day of-" He was cut off when the door opened. 

"Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?" A lazy voice followed the intrusion.

"That's alright, we're just getting started. Take a seat." Mr. Smith continued.

Levi's eyebrow twitched. How dare that person barge into the classroom after the period had already started? They must have had a lot of nerve. Levi decided to ignore them and refocus on what Mr. Smith was saying. As he looked up, the first thing he saw a back pack being heavily dropped onto the desk, making him jump. "Sorry." The person said.

Levi had enough of this asshole. He wasn't brave enough to start a fight, so he settled for glaring at him to death. Just as his eyes settled on theirs, his anger had faded away and his glare disappeared. Levi had seen this boy around school before. He didn't know his name or much about him, he just knew he'd spent some time staring at that beautiful face of his. This boy with his olive skin, shining teal eyes, and chocolate brown hair. This boy was staring at him with this sweetest smile and a lifted brow as a result of his confusion. 

It was then that he noticed he was staring and his snapped his head back to stare down at his lap. The boy plopped down in his chair with no care for neatness. He pushed out his chair, tipped back in it and set his feet up on the desk.

Levi would've been disgusted, had this boy not been so captivating, so he settled on mild anxiety out of fear of him getting in trouble or leaving dirt on the desk. Levi's heart rate sped up when he saw the irritation in their teacher's eyes. Mr. Smith didn't seem to think it was too big of a deal as he continued. "Now, since this is a creative writing course, you all have the chance to show me your styles of writing and your interests. I've decided to let you all do a little activity today, and don't worry, it won't count as a grade. You can hand this in at the end of the class or at the beginning of class tomorrow." 

Levi sat forward, taking his attention off of the boy and back to his teacher, though reluctantly. 

"This will give me a good idea of who you are and how you write. Answering each question in a small paragraph, tell me what was the best day you've had?" Mr. Smith listed on his fingers. "Your biggest fear? If you're uncomfortable with that, you can substitute with one thing you're afraid of if you'd like." He paused before saying the last question. "And what would you do with a million dollars? We'll have more interesting questions as the year goes on, but we'll start with these ones. You're allowed to talk, as long as you don't get too loud. Begin."

Levi opened his notebook, taking his pencil to put his name and date on the top of the page and readied himself to answer the first question. Only problem was, he hadn't heard it. If only he'd been paying attention to his teacher instead of spacing out every few seconds to stare at the boy next to him. How could he carry himself like that so easily? What was his secret?

Levi scratched his head in thought, hoping to have some idea of what the question was. He was brought out of his thoughts, flinching when he felt something budge his elbow. He snapped his eyes in the direction that it came from and locked eyes with the boy.

And of course, he had to be smiling bashfully in the most beautiful way. "Did I scare ya?" 

Levi bit his tongue, shaking his head even though he did scare him.

"Sorry." The boy chuckled, baring his perfect teeth. "What are you writing for the first question?" He inquired as if he couldn't be more interested in Levi's answer. Levi stared, puzzled for a moment, almost in panic. "What was the best day of your life?" He added helpfully.

'My what now?' Levi thought. He didn't know how to answer that question. He knew the most interesting day of his life, but it wasn't the best day. The day he went to that baseball game was great to tell people about, but he couldn't care less about baseball. It was bad enough he had to answer this for his teacher, now this unfairly attractive stranger wanted to know. "I... have no idea."

"Oh, good." He laughed, slapping Levi's shoulder in relief, making Levi jump. "That means I'm not the only one who's lost."

Levi himself let out a small sigh of relief. It made him feel better that someone else had as much difficulties as he did. While he had the chance, he looked at the top of the boy's paper to see if he had written his name. Luckily for Levi, he had. Eren. A nice name, he thought. He dared to deepen the conversation. "You're having trouble thinking of the best day of your life too?"

Eren slouched back in his chair, his horrific posture concerning Levi. "Yeah, it's too hard." 

Levi offered a sympathetic smile, still glad he wasn't alone. "I think so too-"

"I mean, how does he expect us to choose just one day?" Eren complained. Levi's face drained and his words broke off as Eren spoke. "There's so many things I could write about, I've had like seven best days of my life. Do you think he'd let me write about all of them?"

Levi couldn't believe him. That was the exact opposite of a problem, why was he complaining? More importantly, what was he doing that Levi wasn't that made his life so great? "U-um... I would just pick a random one." He offered. What kind of days had Eren had?

"Yeah, you're right." Eren nodded, leaning forward and grabbing his pencil to jot down his answer.

Levi discreetly peaked over to look at what Eren was writing and was mildly disappointed when he couldn't decipher his chicken-scratch. That kind of handwriting was atrocious in Levi's opinion, completely illegible. Though, he had never been one to judge for such an irrelevant thing. He busied himself with trying to write down his own answer. Levi settled for writing about the day of the baseball game, unable to think of anything else. 

Now onto the next question. Biggest fear. Levi didn't find that too complicated, everyone had a phobia. He tried to figure out what was his biggest fear though. 'What is it?' He pondered. 'Drowning, losing my loved ones, thunderstorms, dying, suffocating, birds, rats, being buried alive, becoming terminally ill, germs, consequences of being late, small spaces, getting hurt, breaking bones, clowns, being confronted by a gang member, public speaking, voices late at night, burglars breaking into my home, bees, wasps, food poisoning, centipedes, never finding a good job, fire, being the last person on earth, failure, disappointing my mother, falling asleep and never waking up, not getting enough sleep and falling dead, going blind, cats, or animals in general, having sex, all the clocks going backwards-'

"Hey," Eren snapped him out of his thoughts. "You're sweating. Getting nervous thinking about your biggest fear?" He guessed, now leaning on the desk.

"Um... you could say that." Levi wore a crooked smile, trying to come off as calm.

Eren nodded in understanding. "I can't think of mine." Eren admitted.

Levi's smile became more genuine upon hearing that. "Are you having trouble deciding which is your worst fear? Can you not choose?" Perhaps him and Eren had the same issue.

"Nah, can't think of a single fear I have." Eren shrugged.

Levi tried not to gawk at him. How could he not think of a single fear? "Wow... y-you must be really brave." 

Eren shrugged noncommittally. "I don't think so. Just don't think about what scares me a lot."

'How can you not think about what scares you?' Levi mentally screamed. 'That's all I seem to think about. There's so many things to fear, how could you not have a single phobia?' Levi became self conscious. Was there something wrong with him?

Eren yawned and started scribbling down on his paper. "I'll just write down sharks, they're pretty freaky I guess. What're you writing about?"

"I can't decide." Levi said honestly.

"See?!" Eren flailed his arms, alarming Levi. "It's a hard question!"

Levi agreed. It was a hard question, but he found it to be difficult to answer for other reasons. "I'll... write something random down." Levi somewhat lied. He settled on writing about wasps. It wasn't completely random, but he chose it at random. He moved on to write about what he'd do with a million dollars. That question was easy, he'd buy his mother's dream house for her and give the rest to cancer research. Once he was finished, he took a few minutes to work up the courage to initiate conversation. "Um... w-what would you do with a million dollars?"

Eren sat back clumsily. "I can't decide between two things." He began. "I'd either get like nine tigers or buy an island. That would be pretty cool." 

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Why only nine tigers? Why not ten?" The odd number bothered him and Eren's answers seemed very unrealistic, even though Levi wasn't sure if their answers needed to be realistic. 

"Dunno, nine's a cool number." Eren replied.

Levi wanted to tell him how ridiculous that was. He didn't even have a reason for nine specifically, he just chose some number. Levi didn't understand, he thought he should at least have a motive for picking nine, but he didn't voice his opinion. "I like ten." Levi said lamely, trying to further the conversation.

"Then you get ten tigers." Eren suggested with a goofy grin that Levi couldn't look away from.

"But I don't want tigers." Levi defended. He wanted to put his head in his hands for being a novice at the art of talking with another person.

"That's okay, what would you get with a million dollars?" Eren asked, resting his head in his hand, watching Levi with interest.

Levi considered lying, but thought better of it. "I would buy a nice house for my mom and donate the remaining money to help fund cancer research."

Eren smiled, showing off those pearly whites of his. "That's cute. Getting a house for your mom."

Levi felt a red tint find its way on his cheeks. Eren thought that was cute, how lucky for him. "Um... thank you?"

Eren hummed in acknowledgement. "I'm surprised I've never seen you around before." 'But I've seen you.' Levi wanted to say. "I'm Eren." Eren offered his hand for Levi to shake.

Levi moved back an inch, staring at his hand. With a shaking hand and much hesitation, Levi lightly grabbed his hand and shook it. "I'm Levi." He said, voice wavering. 

Eren increased the tightness of his grip, making Levi suck in a sharp breath. Levi drew his hand back quicker than Eren when they separated. "What's your schedule?" Eren asked. "I wanna see if we have anymore classes..." He broke off his sentence when he saw Levi pull some hand sanitizer out of his book bag. "... together."

Levi rubbed the sanitizer between his hands. "Let me get my schedule out." Levi produced a sheet of paper from his folder and handed it over to Eren. 

Eren scanned the sheet of paper, pulling out a crumpled paper out of his pocket and comparing the two. Levi stared at the countless folds on Eren's schedule, but kept his mouth shut. "Cool, looks like we have gym and art together! We should hang out then."

Levi knitted his brows together. "Huh?"

"We should hang out." Eren repeated happily.

"Y-you want to hang out?" Levi asked, perplexed. "With me?"

"Yeah, you seem pretty cool." Eren said, grinning. "I mean, only if you want to. You don't gotta."

"Have to." Levi corrected instinctively.

"Wha?" Eren asked.

"I don't have- never mind. It's nothing." Levi shook his head. "But... I'd like to hang out with you." 

"Awesome, I'll see you in gym." Eren beamed. "And uh, my hands aren't that dirty." He chuckled. "You didn't need to use sanitizer."

Levi panicked, afraid that he'd offended Eren. "Oh, it's not that! I always use it, it's not you." 

"Ohhh, I get it." Eren nodded. "I have a cousin who's like that. But yeah, I was gonna say, I know us guys get our hands a little dirty from time to time, if ya know what I mean," Eren nudged Levi's elbow. "but I wash my hands, so you're safe."

Levi broke out into a sweat, feeling his whole face heat up at Eren's comment. Yes, he knew what Eren meant, but no, he did not participate in those types of things. He couldn't fathom how someone could say something like that so easily, was Eren shameless? It wouldn't surprise Levi, after all, he seemed fearless as well. "I don't doubt it." 

Eren angled his head in an adorably innocent way. "You're sweating. Is it because you're too hot? That's a lot of clothes you're wearing. You sick?"

Levi couldn't believe the utter bluntness of this boy. "Um... I'm just warm. I'm not sick." Half of the truth, both things were factual, but they weren't why he was sweating. And of course, he wasn't sick. Levi hadn't been sick since he was eight years old. And what a terrifying experience it was for him. 

"Why do you wear all that? It's not that cold outside." Eren couldn't stop talking and unintentionally backing Levi into so many corners. 

"Well... I don't want to catch a cold. You can never be too careful." Levi chuckled.

Eren kept up his straight face for as long as he could before he let out a sharp bit of laughter, making Levi jolt up and other students stare at him. Not that he noticed or minded, of course. He wiped a tear away from his face, getting his breathing in check. "That's a good one, Levi. You're a funny guy."

Levi forced himself to laugh to make it look as if he had just told a joke. He didn't know why Eren thought it was funny, but he didn't want to make a fool of himself either. "Thank you." 

"Yeah, no problem." Eren finally settled down from his laughing fit. Levi liked that noise. It gave him butterflies in his stomach. "Do you want me to take that up for you?" He gestured to Levi's paper.

"Oh... yes, please." Levi smiled at him gratefully. 

Eren took both of their papers and placed them on the teacher's desk, walking in a careless way, slouching and mismatching the distance between each step. Levi found it to be a very peculiar way to walk. Eren shoved his chair out, dropping himself into it. He kind of observed Levi for a few moments, not saying anything and looking at him. Levi didn't know what to do, he felt so vulnerable under his stare. He fidgeted and twitched until he felt he had to say something or he'd panic. "Why are you looking at me?"

Eren made a grunt that sounded like 'I don't know.' "Just am, no reason." 

Levi marveled at his way of talking. So curt, so uninvolved, but never failed to make sense. Which was more than he could say for the other students who spoke like that. 

Out of no where, a crumpled ball of paper hit Levi in the face, causing him to jolt up and speed up his heart race. The people responsible didn't even attempt to hide their guilt as they laughed at their doing. "Dude, you hit the midget!" Some guy patted his friend's shoulder.

Eren looked over his shoulder to see who had thrown it, then back to Levi. He wasn't too appreciative that they made Levi shrink into himself even more, (if that was possible) and made him start breathing irregularly, trying to hide in his own space. Eren turned around and glared venomously at the group of people laughing. 

"Yo, Eren! Did you see that? Got em right in the face!" They hollered obnoxiously.

Eren kept up his stare. "Not cool." He stated simply, and turned around, unimpressed with their antics. "Fuckin pricks." He mumbled, folding his arms.

The laughter died down shortly after Eren's judgement. They all fixed him with confused stares. "Wow, Jaeger, way to be a buzzkill." One of them muttered under their breath.

Eren snapped his head around to face them. "I'm not a buzzkill, you guys are just being jerks and I don't think it's funny." Eren returned his gaze to Levi. "You alright?"

Levi nodded frantically, refraining himself from saying, 'I am now.' Hanji had been the only person to defend him before this moment. Aside from teachers, but that was their job. Levi waited until Eren turned away to pull out his phone before he went in his own book bag, grabbing his inhaler and refilling his lungs. Too many things were occurring at once to handle. After he could breathe properly, he checked his watch to see how much time they had left in the class.

8:03

Levi nearly choked. What was going on? Was his watch broken? Was he imagining things? No, he stared at his watch intensely, seeing that he indeed wasn't imagining the hands to be in a wrong place, and this couldn't be right, he had to find out- oh. 

12:40

Levi sat back, mildly distraught. Why did he read his watch wrong? He couldn't have been thinking straight. For some reason that he couldn't comprehend, that moment of reading his watch wrong bothered him. He sat in a straight stare for what felt like the longest time. Looking up at the classroom's clock just to confirm that it was in fact 12:40. Only, time had passed and it was now 12:43. As he realized this, the bell rang and the first thing he wanted to check wasn't his watch or schedule. He looked at Eren who seemed to have been caught up in conversations with several people across the room, but he met Levi's eyes again, still grinning like an idiot. "I'll see you in gym?"

"Y-yes! See you then." Levi promised, raising himself onto shaky legs.

12:44

Levi arrived at his study hall in a daze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, there it is. 
> 
> Some of the metaphors in this fic may be harder to understand. (Like I said, it's my mental release) If you get them though, congratulations, you must read as much sad poetry as I do! :D 
> 
> If you're new to my fics, hello! (Check out my other fic: Don't Let Your Guard Down. Please? I love it so much and I work so hard on it   
> ;-; ) 
> 
> If you, for whatever reason, don't read the tags but do read the notes... just wait. This fic will be so painful. Sooooo painful. :) Enjoy, dearies. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! If you liked it, let me know with a kudos or a comment! I don't edit, so sorry for any errors. My tumblr is dr-s--art. Thanks again, have a great day! <3


	2. Shoeshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi never had great luck with getting through the day, but at least someone made it a little less difficult for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... It's been awhile.
> 
> This fic is as never meant to be good, it's just an emotional outlet, nothing more. So, if it sucks, just remember it was never meant to be good. Enjoy?
> 
> AND LOOK AT THE ART THAT MY TOL BEAN/ BETA MADE FOR THIS ITS SO BEAUTIFUL, MY GOD http://stormsoflegends.tumblr.com/post/143687348384/more-fanart-for-my-favorite-bab-dr-sart-this

12:50

"Levi, are you feeling feverish?" Hanji leaned in to examine Levi in their study hall. Levi dreaded his study halls. Because it was filled with honor students, they were free to do as they pleased, which meant constant noise.

"No." Levi replied. "Why?" He became deeply concerned. What if he was getting sick? Did he look like he had a fever?

"Your face is really red." Hanji stated. 

Levi instinctively put his fingers to his forehead, then his cheeks. 

"What happened last period? Did anything happen that made you overworked?" Hanji tried thinking of the possible explanations as to why Levi was reddening.

Levi thought back. There was that boy, Eren. That alluring, intriguing boy with a smile that made Levi feel like his heart was being gripped- focus, Levi. What could've heated him up? Ah, yes. "I had to use my inhaler. A lot of things happened at once and I was overwhelmed."

"Aw, I'm sorry." Hanji patted his hand in sympathy. "What kind of things went on? Nothing too horrible, I hope."

"Well... someone threw a paper wad at me and laughed. And called me names." Levi went on, listing off everything he could remember that got him worked up. "And this guy sat next to me. He kept asking me questions and talking to me. He got really close to me." Levi shivered at the memory.

Hanji started fuming at the mention of her best friend being a victim of bullying. "I'll beat the person who threw that at you into the ground. And as for that guy, I'm going to have a little chat with him about invading your personal space and making you uncomfortable. Just give me his name!"

"N-no," Levi stammered. "You don't have to hurt anyone. And... you don't need to speak with that guy. I wasn't uncomfortable, just... anxious."

Hanji raised their brow at him questioningly. "You weren't uncomfortable?" A rush of excitement came over them. "Did you use that technique I taught you? Three minutes of mindfulness? I knew it would come in handy!"

"It's not that," Levi looked down at his watch out of habit. "I don't know. I didn't use any technique. It was almost... nice. He didn't make me nervous or scared. He did a few things that surprised me, but I wasn't panicking."

"It was nice?" Hanji pushed on. "Tell me more, what's his name?"

"Eren. We talked about-"

"YOU TALKED BACK TO HIM?" Hanji boomed, startling Levi. "Sorry. This is incredible, though! This is amazing progress-" Hanji cut off their sentence, observing Levi's pout. "Sorry, sorry! You were saying?"

"Um... we talked about our assignment and he had some interesting answers. He asked me why I wore this." Levi gestured to his attire. "And..." He felt apprehensive about saying the best thing he remembered, feeling as if it was wrong to brag about it. 

"Annnd?" Hanji flailed their hands, prompting him to continue.

"And," Levi gulped. "He defended me from the person who threw the paper at me. He said I seemed... cool, and asked to hang out with me during gym." His heart raced as he said the words.

Hanji looked positively manic with realization, tapping their feet rapidly on the ground. "You said yes I take it?" Levi nodded meekly. "Hmm... sounds like a date to me." They added with a splitting grin. 

Levi looked mortified, jaw dropping, eyes widening. "Hanji!" He hissed quietly to get the attention he never had off of him. "You can't just say something like that! Th-that's ridiculous. Absurd, even. We're... we're just hanging out and that's it. It's gym class, not a restaurant."

Hanji shrieked a staccato of a laugh. "Dates don't have to be someplace fancy. It all depends on what you do. And hey, he defended you and called you cool. He probably has a crush on you."

Levi shook his head before Hanji even finished their sentence. "No. He doesn't. He doesn't, because I'm me and he's... him."

Hanji narrowed their eyes at him. "And what's that supposed to mean?" Levi was about to speak, but Hanji wouldn't have it. "And don't say what I think you're going to say."

"Then why did you ask?" Levi scowled.

"Because, I'm tired of you just needlessly putting yourself down all the time. I want you to give me an actual reason as to why he wouldn't like you."

Levi felt a headache coming on. He despised questions like that, questions that he could easily list a million answers to without taking a breather. "Because, Hanji. You didn't hear the things he said. He's had at least seven best days of his life, he's not afraid of anything and he..." Levi broke off collecting his thoughts. "He has everything going for him. Why would anyone like that mess up everything they've got by bringing somebody like me into the picture? So, it's not just Eren who doesn't have a crush on me. It's everyone with a good life. I have too many bad things going for me and too many flaws for someone to have a crush on me."

Hanji knew better than to interrupt him in that moment. As much as they wanted to scream how wrong he was, they knew he needed to get it out and it was their duty to listen. "Levi... everyone has flaws. But flaws don't matter when you find someone. And you have a lot of great things about you and it kills me that you don't see them. Even if Eren doesn't have a crush on you, other people will. What's so bad about you that would drive everyone away?"

Another question with endless answers. Levi lowered his voice. "My OCD. My anxiety. All of it. It's off putting. Not to mention I'm not very attractive." He ducked his head down in exhaustion.

"Levi, I'm not put off by your mental illnesses. I mean, I'm not crushing on you because you're my best friend, but people get past things like that. If you find the right guy, he won't mind. And you hush up about being unattractive! You're as cute as a button! Embrace it, accept it, own it."

Levi giggled at their last comment, but his mirth fleeted too soon. "Even if all that was true, we both know the real reason why no one would stay with me." He knew Hanji understood what he was getting at without needing further explanation. 

Hanji looked at him sadly. "Not everyone needs sex in a relationship to be happy. You'll find someone who doesn't need it. Or maybe a guy who dislikes it as much as you, he'll be your perfect match!" They added hopefully.

Levi inspected his nails, vaguely thinking over their words. "Doubt it." He murmured. He shook his head, changing his train of thought. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's better like that, I have too many other things to worry about that are more important than getting into a relationship. So... it all works out."

Hanji hated when Levi talked like that. They knew that he was just trying to make peace with a lie to protect himself. They were well aware that he wasn't actually happy with that answer. "But what do you want?"

Levi paused at the question. He knew exactly what he wanted, but he thought it was selfish of him to voice something he wanted and not be grateful for what he already had. He thought it was selfish to ask for more. "I don't want anything more than what I have."

"We both know that's a lie." Hanji accused. "You can't hide anything from me, Levi. I can always tell when you're not telling the truth." 

Levi avoided their gaze, he knew Hanji was the only one who could see right through him. "Let's change the subject." He mumbled.

Not wanting to push their friend to a point where he felt uncomfortable, Hanji agreed.

 

~

 

1:30

Levi walked into gym and over to the bench off to the side. He never participated in gym. With elevated anxiety during physical activity around rambunctious students combined with the excuse of his severe asthma, he was able to have a legal excuse of never joining in. Hanji also had gym class with him, but they participated. 

He sat up straight, with his book bag beside him, his arms tucked towards his stomach and knees pulled together. The students started pouring in the gym as their teacher announced that they would be playing basketball. Levi grunted, just the thought of everyone clashing into each other, trying to make basket made him nervous. 

Bounding through the crowd came Eren, already in a run and dribbling his basketball. He caught sight of Levi and started smiling brightly, making his way over to him. Levi seized up, inhaling sharply as Eren approached. As if it was possible, Levi straightened up more, not wanting to drive off the only person to show interest in him in years. Eren plopped down next to him, still baring that stunning grin of his. "Hey, Levi."

"Hi." Levi spoke timidly, returning the smile. He hated smiling with strangers, they were never his genuine smiles because of his nerves. And because he couldn't see himself, he feared that his face looked abnormal or even off putting.

"You gonna get changed? We'll be starting soon." Eren had absolutely no concept of personal space. Levi had to look slightly off from Eren so he wouldn't look straight into Eren's eyes at such a minimal distance. 

"Um, I don't participate in gym. I have a permanent pass." Levi explained, feeling his heart race.

Eren gawked at him. "You don't participate? But gym is so fun! It's the only class where you get to be active and actually do something."

Instead of telling Eren why he hated gym, out of fear that he'd appear strange to him, he gave him the excuse that he gave his teachers. "I have asthma that prevents me from playing."

"Ohh." Eren sat back, lazily nodding. "Sorry bout that."

"It's okay." Levi said hastily.

They watched as the last few students came in, one of which being Hanji. They waved over to Levi enthusiastically, and Levi waved back, albeit more subtly. The teacher stood in front of the class, taking attendance. He searched around about half way through and his eyes landed on Eren. "Jaeger! You playing?" He called.

Eren just waved him off. "Nah, I'm sitting this one out." 

Levi looked over to him, becoming both excited and apprehensive that Eren would be sitting with him the whole time. "Why can't you play?"

"Because, I asked to hang out with you and you're sitting here. So, I'm hanging out with you here." 

Levi stared back confusedly and worried that he was pressuring Eren into staying with him. "Y-you can go if that's what you want. You don't have to sit with me."

Eren snickered. "But I want to hang with you."

An odd feeling in Levi's chest erupted, something that he was unfamiliar with, but it wasn't unwelcome. "Why?" He couldn't help but ask. It didn't make sense to him why he wanted to spend time around him after having only known him for such a short time. 

"You're pretty cool, maybe we can be friends." Eren suggested, watching as the class was sectioned off to begin the game. "What do you think? I don't wanna force myself onto you or anything."

"N-no, that's alright." Levi said hastily. "... I'd like to be friends too." He gave another nervous smile, paranoid that his expression looked unnatural.

"Cool." Another blinding simper. Eren unintentionally started staring at Levi with a pensive face. Levi started shying away, tilting his head down in case his face started heating up. Then, Eren snapped, recalling what he wanted to ask. "Did you ever tell me what you wrote as your worst fear?"

"Oh, um... wasps." Levi answered, turning his head back.

Eren cocked his head at him in a funny way. "Wasps are your worst fear? Hm, guess that's understandable."

"Well... well, they're not my worst fear, exactly." Levi was scared that telling Eren that fact made him look like a coward. "That's just what I wrote down."

"Oh," Eren hummed, hunching forward and grabbing the edge of the bench. "Then what is your worst fear?"

Levi's stomach started turning again, he didn't want to think about it. But even more so, he didn't want to leave Eren without an answer. So, he started thinking. He recalled everything he thought of earlier, when trying to complete the task for class. He just couldn't decide. Narrowing it down to losing his mom, sex, drowning, failure and all the clocks ticking backwards, Levi tried figuring out which he feared most. Granted, he felt like all of them were equally as terrifying and just as bad to deal with, for some odd reason, he suddenly became certain of his biggest fear. "It's... it's strange. It's probably a stupid thing to be scared of." Levi mumbled. 

Eren nudged his shoulder, causing him to stiffen on instinct. "What is it? It's probably not as stupid as you think it is."

Eren's optimism provided him with some comfort, but he remained hesitant. Levi stared down at his lap, pulling his arms out of their hold and twiddling his thumbs. "... It's weird. I'm most likely the only person who's scared of it."

"Don't be nervous!" Eren urged him on. "You can tell me. I swear I won't tell anyone else." He comically crossed his heart to prove his determination to keep his secret.

Eren's little gesture somehow gave Levi the confidence to open up to him. He didn't know what it was, but for some reason, it was incredibly simple for him to be honest with him. Compared to other people anyways. "Alright, I'll tell you, but... don't laugh." 

"Wouldn't dream of it." Eren assured him, leaning in to give Levi more comfort so he didn't have to share his secret any louder than he was comfortable with. 

Levi took a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment of clarity. "I'm... I'm afraid of all the clocks going backwards." As soon as the words left his lips, he heart stilled and his forehead started sweating. He watched for Eren's reaction to see how badly he'd messed up by telling him.

Eren glanced in a couple directions, as if to make sure that Levi was finished. "What clocks?"

"All of them." Levi repeated, gripping the bottom of his sweater to help with his nerves, but it was to no avail. "I'm afraid that every clock will just start going in reverse. It's stupid, I know-"

"No, no, it's not stupid!" Eren interrupted. "I just... don't know if I get it. Why are you scared of that? Are you scared of going back in time?" This boy was something else. He was the first one to attempt to understand Levi's quirks rather than shutting him down as a freak. Aside from Hanji, of course. Sure, he may have not understood Levi's reasons for his fear, but he was trying to. And that was more than enough for Levi.

"It's not even that. If I were to go back in time, I'd know what's going on, I could expect things. But... this'll sound so crazy, I'm sorry." Levi shook his head, tapping his foot.

"Don't apologize," Eren rushed to encourage him. "Go on, I'm listening."

Taking another deep inhale, Levi continued. "Okay. To me... to me, clocks are these scared things. They're what keeps us under control. Even if they're broken and off, they're what we base our activities on. Time is this irreversible, unchangeable thing and clocks are the closest things we have to... perfection. Time is endless and even if we're late, there's always more time. It's the only thing we can count on always being there. So... if the clocks start going backwards... it'll be like we're losing what's always supposed to be there. It will be like we're losing the last thing that's meant to never go away." Levi looked at Eren for a brief moment to see if he'd lost him in his explanation and a wave of relief came over him when Eren looked thoughtful and not bored or confused. "Did that make any sense?"

Eren nodded slowly, analyzing Levi's explanation. "That was deep." He murmured. "I never thought about that before." Eren looked back at Levi, more focused on his features. "You're a smart guy, Levi."

Levi felt his cheeks heating up and he smiled slightly. "Thank you." He didn't expect to be complimented for over explaining his worst fear, but the thought was nice. 

1:45

Levi compared his watch to the clock on the wall. Right to the tick. What a marvelous gift his mother had given him. He was just thinking how he enjoyed the comfortable silence between him and Eren right before-

"Hey. Hey, Levi." Eren elbowed him gently. "Can you do this?" He took his basket ball and spun it, balancing it on his finger. His eager eyes shifted to catch Levi's amused expression. "Can you do that?" He asked again, excitedly.

Levi chuckled, positively delighted with how childish and easily entertained Eren was. He was always moving onto something new to occupy his time. "No," Levi chortled. "I can't do that." 

The ball almost slipped out of Eren's range, but luckily he caught it. "Have you tried it? You don't know unless you try." He shoved it in front of Levi, waiting for him to accept it.

Levi leaned back away from the ball, staring at it nervously. "Um... a lot of people have probably touched that. It's really dirty." 

"Oh, no problem." Eren held it back, a breathed over it. He used his elbow to 'polish' the basket ball and handed it it back to Levi. "All clean." He joked.

Levi snickered again. "I don't want to try, sorry." 

Eren shrugged. "Suit yourself. One of these days, I'll buy a brand new one, and I'll teach you." He promised. "Because it's new, it'll be all clean." 

Levi wanted to disagree with that, but he thought better of it. "That's very nice of you." 

Eren waved him off. "Nah, it's nothin. Oh! Hey, check this out." He lifted himself off of the bench and walked a couple feet away for good measure, capturing Levi's attention. He set the ball between his feet and steadied himself. He spared a two second glance over to Levi to make sure he was watching, (he was, attentively at that) and spun the ball with his feet. Unfortunately, he lost control and the ball went rolling away. "That wasn't it!" He yelled, retrieving the ball. Of course, Levi was being patient while he stifled his laughter. Eren came back and did his previous actions with setting the ball between his feet. He spun the ball by kicking his feet and the ball was lifted into the air. Eren easily caught it and immediately looked back at Levi, smiling as he saw how impressed he appeared. 

"That was very good." Levi praised him when he came to sit back down. 

"Thanks." Eren beamed. "Hey... you don't have to touch the ball if you do that trick. I can teach you that instead!" He added, practically bouncing on the bench. "Do ya wanna try that?"

Levi shrunk into himself, curious as to why Eren was so insistent that he teach him a trick. "I don't know... I'm not very athletic and I don't want to look foolish if I do it wrong." His arms went back to their defensive position against his stomach. He didn't even want to learn the trick, but he didn't want to sound rude either.

"It's easy if you have the right shoes." Eren said, bending over to look at Levi's footwear. "Whoa, those are pretty snazzy." He studied Levi's dress shoes, admiring their shine. "Any special reason you wore them? Going somewhere after school?" 

"No, I wear these everyday." Levi told him, bringing his feet back under the bench and out of sight. He felt self conscious now that Eren had pointed them out. 

"What about sneakers?" Eren suggested. "Wouldn't those be more comfortable?"

Levi vaguely shrugged. "These are comfortable and they're professional." Levi kept closing in on himself more and more. Were his shoes too much? Was Eren judging his choice?

Eren glanced around, confused. "This is high school, why do you need to look professional?"

Levi held his breath. So, he was trying too hard. The shoes were too much. This was horrible, how much longer until his next class? Sixteen minutes, not good, not good. His heart rate picked up and he looked down at his feet. Terrible mistake. He looked at the things that caused this whole situation, his distorted reflection in his shoes mocking him the whole time. He searched for a response, but it never came and he just wished Eren would leave so he wouldn't waste any more of this nice boy's time. His hands fastened themselves together in a tight grip, squeezing each other without a set pace. He felt so stupid for wearing them every day. Just as his shoulders started shaking, a light hand set itself upon one and he immediately tensed up and looked at its source.

"Whoops, sorry, I forgot you don't like that." Just as quickly as his hand was left there, Eren drew it back. Levi stared back, puzzled. He never told him he didn't like it. "Didn't mean to make you upset. I was just curious about why you wore them is all. But don't worry about it, you still look pretty neat in them."

Levi settled down a bit, grateful that Eren had not only caught his error with touching him, but also noticed his discomfort and tried to reassure him. "Thank you." He said quietly, lips beginning to curl into a faint smile. 

"No problem." Eren replied, leaning back to signal that he was ready to move onto a different topic. 

2:11

Everyone was called to go back to the locker rooms and change before the bell rang. Levi was rather disappointed that his time with Eren was cut short. Eren stood and headed off to the locker room, but wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. "Hey, Levi." He called a few feet away from the bench. Levi grabbed his book bag and looked up at Eren. "See ya tomorrow, my guy." He did a fake salute as he turned around and headed for the door.

"Bye..." Levi whispered far too quietly for Eren to have heard. He felt something tighten in his chest, but not in a bad way. Levi wasn't very knowledgeable in slang, so he wasn't sure if 'my guy' was another way of saying 'bro' or 'dude,' or if it meant something else. Whatever the case, Levi made his way to his history class, smiling at the ground. 

 

~

 

3:05

Levi arrived home, completely exhausted from his day at school. Life in general just took so much out of him, it was pathetic. At least, that's how he felt. He kicked off his shoes and headed upstairs into his room. Levi was uncertain if having no homework on the first day was a good thing or a bad thing. If he had other things to do, it was a good thing, but he wasn't sure if that was the case. 

Aside from seeing Hanji and talking with Eren, his day was was entirely draining and he would've loved nothing more than to go to bed and sleep for a few days. Sometimes he just... hated being. Existing. It was hard and he felt so weak for not being able to handle it like everyone else seemed to be able to. 

3:20

Levi fixed his clock and what a satisfying feeling it was to have it in sync with the rest of them. But it was hollow, he was tired of having something so simple be the highlight of his return home. 

 

~

 

5:32

Levi had finished rereading one of his books and set it on a shelf. He looked for something else to do, his room was spotless, television didn't sound appealing, he'd read all his books a million times over, and he didn't feel like calling Hanji. Or anyone. 

A familiar noise coming from the driveway alerted him that his mother had arrived. He flew downstairs to greet her at the door. Levi opened the door for her and stood out of her way. "Hi mom, how was work?"

She sighed heavily, setting her purse and keys in he kitchen table. "Rough." She began curtly. "It was supposed to be an easy day, but my boss kept me on my feet. 'Kutchel do this, Kutchel do that.' I'm just tired." She turned around, slumping her shoulders and saw Levi's sympathetic look. "Enough about my day. I'm going to make dinner and I want to here all about your day while we eat. Sound good?"

Levi bit his lip and nodded. 

"Levi, sweetie. What have I told you about biting your lip?" Kutchel put a hand on her hip.

Levi released his lip. "... Sorry." He mumbled.

Kutchel walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "It's alright." She turned back and walked over to the cabinets to pull out some pots and pans. 

Meanwhile, Levi felt a sudden pain in his stomach and heard the following rumble. It hit him that he forgot to eat anything when he came home. He went into one of their cupboards and grabbed a granola bar to hold him over until dinner. "Levi, don't eat that now. You'll spoil your dinner." Kutchel chastised him.

Levi felt his stomach rumble again, but would rather obey his mother than get into an argument. "Right, sorry." He put it back and closed the cupboards, heading back to his room. With nothing to do, he sat at his desk and started daydreaming until his mother called him down to eat.

 

~

 

6:46

"The food is great, mom." Levi said before he took another bite of his mashed potatoes. Their meals were always particularly silent with the exception of their silverware clanking against the plates.

"Thank you." Kutchel smiled. She looked down at his plate and noticed the main portion of his meal was eaten, there was a dent in the mashed potatoes and his vegetables had yet to be touched. "You need to eat those beans, mister. You're still a growing boy." She pointed at his plate using her fork.

"Mom, I'm seventeen and I haven't grown since eighth grade. I don't think there's much left of anything to fill out or grow up." Levi replied, bored. 

Kutchel eyed him challengingly. "You should still eat your vegetables. They're good for you."

Levi nodded and switched over to picking at the beans. "Right..." He mumbled. 'Good for me.' He parroted in his head. Personally, he hated steamed vegetables, but like his mother said, they were good for him. He kept himself from eyeing the leftover brownies from the other night. He hoped that his mother would bring them out later. Levi felt like such a child for wanting sweets so early. 

"So," Kutchel wiped her mouth with her napkin. "How was your first day of senior year?"

Levi swallowed thickly. "Great," he lied instinctively. "It was... great."

Kutchel scoffed. "Well, you have to tell me more than that! How were your classes? Do you have nice teachers? I want details." She took a bite of her carrots.

Levi took a low inhale, preparing his bluffs. "The classes were nice, we didn't get any homework. The teachers were nice too. I have a lot of study halls scheduled. My watch was helpful." He added with a small smile. "And... my asthma only acted up twice."

Kutchel's eyes widened as she hummed, surprised at the news. "Good, improvement. Was everyone nice to you?"

"Yes." Levi thought back to art class when no one wanted to be his partner, in the hall when he was certain that he heard someone snickering about him and in creative writing class, when someone threw a paper ball at his head and laughed, called him a midget and- how someone defended him. "Somebody even... complimented my shoes." 

Kutchel simpered with joy. "That's wonderful!" She took another bite of food. Noticing that he had finished his meal, she stood up and brought over the plate of brownies. 

Levi sat up excitedly when he saw that they were getting dessert after all. He internally groaned when he saw that there was an odd amount, three to be specific. He took one and went back to thinking about his day. "Actually... I think I have a new friend." He continued, taking a bite of the brownie.

Kutchel's mouth almost dropped. "Really? That's amazing! What's their name?" She begged for information. Levi felt a bit deflated that making a friend was so astonishing to his mother, but he couldn't blame her. It wasn't so often that he made friends.

"His name is Eren." Levi said. As he was telling his mother about him, he hoped that he wasn't wrong in assuming that they were friends. His heart lurched, he was desperate to know if Eren actually enjoyed his company or if he was hanging out with him as a joke. His mother kept asking little questions and he answered them honestly. 

Time went on and he was still hungry enough for another brownie. He looked at the plate and noticed there was one left. Just as he was about to reach out for it, his mother took it and set it on a napkin for herself. She looked up briefly and noticed the fleeting disappointment in Levi's eyes. "Oh, how rude of me. Levi, did you want the last brownie?"

Levi forced himself to look away from it. 'How selfish of me to have expected to have the last one.' He thought. "No, you can have it. I don't want it." 

"Are you sure? It's no problem if you'd like it." Kutchel persisted.

"No," Levi shook his head. "I'm full."

 

~

 

12:30

Levi laid awake. Sleep had never come easily, not since he started worrying about the dangers of sleep. Granted, he was in perfect health, but years ago, he started thinking that freak accidents could happen and he could fall asleep and never wake up. Every night, he took back his wishes for that exact thing to happen, just so he could get some shut eye. Of course, he was reasonable. He knew very well that if the body went without sleep or rest for long enough, that that would kill him too. Which is why anxiety was the only thing he could feel as he laid in bed, staring hopelessly at the ceiling. There was a possibility that he wouldn't make it either way.

Feeling as if he was suffocating, Levi carefully peeled off his blankets and sat up with his legs over the side of his bed. He heard that some people often enjoyed time awake before bed to reflect on their day, but he took this time to contemplate his life against his will. Levi was never able to control the thoughts that swarmed into his mind. All he could think about was how he did nothing with his life, putting himself in the constant state of a drowning sensation. He put a hand to his face, thinking about how he couldn't function in the simplest of situations. 

Levi let out a shaky breath, going over in his head why he could barely talk to people. He hated how everything had to be to his liking. As reckless as it sounded to him, he just wanted to not care. Not care about anything. Sure, if he didn't care about anything, he wouldn't have the grades, health, scholarships, or future that he had, but sometimes he'd give it up to live. His future was so bright and it killed him that it wasn't enough for him. 

He felt it coming up, the panic, the fear. He blindly felt around for his inhaler on his desk and took a puff before it could get any worse. He calmed back down, but as the anxiety left, the despair settled in it's wake. What a painful routine he had gotten himself into.

His eyes stung and he clutched at his sides. "Stop crying..." He mumbled to himself, even though no tears spilt over yet. In his grief, he allowed himself this one moment out of the day to slouch and hunch over. 

12:49

The flashing digits in his clock reminded him that every second that went by was another second he lost of precious sleep. He would've given anything for that in that moment, but what if he didn't wake up? Levi felt like he would throw up, but there wasn't enough food to get rid of. And that's when the tears worked their way past his eye lids, streaming down heavily and unrelenting. 

Levi would never say that his life was outrageous compared to everyone else's lives, but it definitely wasn't normal. Honestly, he would've loved to have average grades, less than immaculate health, a mediocre future, as long as he could enjoy his youth while he still had it. If he wasn't the one suffering through it, he would laugh at the idea of a seventeen year old boy having what felt like a midlife crisis everyday.

1:08

Once his shining visage was starting to dry, he became too tired to be upset with his predicament. That was what he thought was the most pathetic part of it. At some point, he just got tired of being tired. He'd feel crazy for trying to explain that to anyone other than Hanji. Another thing he kept holding onto. He'd be damned if someone genuinely believed he was crazy. He often came close when that someone was him. He didn't want to be crazy and he was terrified that one day, he would realize he was. He didn't want insanity to be added onto the list of things wrong with him, so he kept his troubles to himself in the hopes that if he didn't tell people the things he thought, he wouldn't be a real freak.

1:13

Sleep continued to elude him, but that didn't stop him from trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, another shitty chapter. Can't promise when the next one will come out. 
> 
> I hope you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos if you did to let me know! I'm sorry for any mistakes, I don't edit. If you'd like to check out my tumblr, it's dr-s--art. Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Blank, White Page

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfamiliar feelings keep itching away at the back of Levi's mind. It's only a matter of time until he breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finals are coming up, which means one of two things. I'm either going to be late updating because I'm busy working on them or I'll be really early because I'll be so stressed that I need to get it out by writing more of this. I guess we'll see.
> 
> Sorry this chapter was wicked short, I don't know what happened. I swear the next chapter will be more interesting. Enjoy!

11:30

"Why do you keep eating that?" Hanji asked exasperatedly. "You don't even like it, you look like you're going to puke."

Levi fed himself another bite of spinach while trying his best to stop grimacing. He swallowed and stabbed more leaves with his fork. "I have to eat them; they're healthy and I can't let them go to waste. 

"Levi," Hanji sighed. "You have plenty of other food. Eat that first, and if you're still hungry I'll give you something to eat."

Levi shook his head, unsurprisingly. "It's not even that bad," he lied. 

Hanji shook their head. They knew it was no use trying to get him to break old habits. They attempted to change the subject, so at least Levi wouldn't be completely miserable during lunch. "So, how are you handling that crush of yours?"

Levi nearly spit out his food. "Hanji!" he hissed under his breath. "Someone could hear you! I don't have a crush; stop being weird." He sat back, red tinting his cheeks lightly.

Hanji leaned on their hand and observed Levi in an amused manner. "Your face is getting red," they accused, making Levi avoid eye contact and frown. "You know, Levi, you don't have to be embarrassed about liking someone. It happens all the time."

"It doesn't happen to me," he argued bitterly. "What makes you think I have a crush?"

"Because I can read you like a book and you know it." Hanji pointed at him, putting him under the spotlight. "Again, don't be embarrassed! If you want me to help you out, put in a good word for you or something, just tell me."

Levi stared at his hands that were restlessly gripping each other until the knuckles turned white under the table. He fidgeted in his seat, a habit that he hated. "How was science class?" he asked, hating being the center of attention.

Hanji knew they should quit while they were ahead.

 

~

 

12:09

Levi's foot wouldn't stop tapping; Eren had no concept of personal space. Their teacher assigned them to write a short, one page story that was due at the end of the week. They had to write about a hero with an absurd power, and Eren could not stop pestering Levi about what he was going to write about. He sat practically up against him, looming over his shoulder and breathing his air. 

Levi discreetly scooted over, moving his chair with him so he could regain his breath.

"Did ya decide yet?" Eren nagged him.

Of course not. How could he make any clear minded thought with Eren so close? Levi's shoulders folded inward and his head sank down, a defensive maneuver that was almost turtle-like. He shook his head. "I haven't," he said unintentionally quiet. "Have you?"

Eren tipped back in his chair, finally giving Levi some room. "Nah, I wanna think of something really cool, you know?" He rested one foot on the table and put his hands in his pocket, consequently giving Levi a miniature heart attack.

"U–um, Eren?" Levi curled his pointer finger inward; mimicking some kind of beckoning motion, as if to catch Eren's attention. "M–maybe, you shouldn't tip back? You could fall."

"Pfft." Eren shrugged, causing him to tilt an inch more, which, in turn, made Levi even more stressed. "I've done this for years, haven't fallen once." He put his hands at the back of his head, relaxed. "I'll be fine, my dude— WOAH!" He had pushed his foot on the desk just enough to make him unbalanced and fall backwards.

A huge ruckus sounded as he made contact with the ground, which made Levi let out an inaudible squeak, throw a hand over his mouth, and place the other over his racing heart. He stared wide-eyed with his heart going a mile a minute and his breath ragged and irregular. He was terrified for Eren's safety and alarmed by the sudden noise and movement. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?" he asked, full of fear.

Eren, still on the ground, jolted up at Levi's voice, laughing and rubbing his head. Some other students had watched to see if he was unharmed while other joined in his laughter. The teacher jumped out of his chair to see if he was alright, but when he saw him laughing he sat down and shook his head. 

Eren hoisted himself up off the floor and pulled up his chair. "Holy shit, that was awesome," he chuckled. He plopped himself back down, ready to resume class as if nothing had happened.

Levi was not ready to do that. "Did you hit your head? Are you hurt?" His mind was spinning out of control over Eren's wellbeing. "Do you need to go to the nurse?"

Eren only waved him off. "I'm alright, Levi. Hit my elbow, but it's cool." 

Levi couldn't possibly understand this boy or his insane thought process. His heart and breath still hadn't leveled out. Why wasn't Eren as fazed as he was? "Well... that's good at least," he murmured.

"So." Eren yawned before continuing. "Have you figured out what you're writing about yet?" He leaned his elbows on the table and set his chin on his palm. 

Levi glanced at the blank, untouched page before him. "No, I haven't. I might ask my friend for help with coming up with an idea."

Eren nodded. "I'll probably write it at the last-minute. Doesn't seem too hard."

Levi snapped his head to stare at him incredulously. "But... don't you want to take your time and do a good job? What if you get a bad grade?"

Eren only shrugged. "It's only one grade. I could make it up."

"But one grade could make a huge difference," Levi countered.

Eren pondered it over for a moment and decided to move on. "Oh well." 

Levi most certainly did not understand this boy.

 

~

 

12:50

"He's so... strange." Levi finished explaining his encounter with Eren to Hanji. He couldn't get him off his mind. For some reason, he'd left a remarkable impression on him.

"Levi, as shocking as this may seem to you, some people don't stress over school work like you," they drawled. 

"It's not just that," he argued distantly. "I don't know how else to explain it."

Hanji leaned back, crossing their arms and letting out a wistful sigh. "Ah, young love." The panicked expression on Levi was priceless. "Face it, little man. You like him. The more you deny it, the worse it's gonna hurt."

Levi's frown turned into an empty stare. "Even if I did, it wouldn't matter. He wouldn't feel the same... no one would."

Every damn time he went down this path, Hanji became livid with the need to scream at Levi how great he was. It was such a shame that their best friend didn't see how valuable he was the way they did. "Levi, what do I always tell you?"

Levi cocked an eyebrow. "Don't force feed yourself if it's not necessary?"

"No—well I do always say that, but I mean the other thing." Hanji set a hand on his shoulder, unconcerned with his reaction as they were the only person aside from his mother that he was comfortable with coming in contact with. "You need to stop focusing on what you can't offer someone and focus on what you can offer them." They lowered their voice, conscious of the other people around them. "So what if you have trouble speaking up in front of others? You are drop dead gorgeous. Who cares if you can't always pick up on sarcasm? You're incredibly smart! Why is it such a bad thing that you don't want sex? You are the kindest, most considerate person I've ever met. You have so many qualities that everyone is looking for; don't sell yourself short!"

Levi stared at the ground. Granted, Hanji's words were kind and nice to hear, but he wrongly assumed that it was vain to believe any of it. An unmeasurable weight of guilt settled on his shoulders whenever he held pride for anything, treated himself, or vocalized any positive thoughts about himself. He didn't understand that self-love and self-esteem were not equivalent to being conceded. To him, it was wrong to recognize good qualities that he had, or in this case, refused to acknowledge that he had. 

"And Levi," Hanji went on. "It's not bad to let yourself have something you want every now and then. If you want to go out with somebody, ask them. They may like you back. Think about yourself too."

No. Impossible. Levi wouldn't put his wants first in any situation. He feared that it would be selfish. All these incorrect beliefs countered Hanji's affirmations, causing them to be ineffective. "It's fine, Hanji. I'm happy as I am."

Hanji narrowed their gaze at him. "Are you really?"

"Why don't you ever believe me?" Levi asked in an accusing tone.

Hanji took a step back in their advance. "You know I worry about you."

"Well, stop worrying," Levi snapped while furrowing his brows. He felt a pang of guilt, knowing very well from experience that one could not merely choose to stop worrying. "Stop wasting your time thinking about me. I'm fine. I'm happy. Okay?"

Before Levi got too upset with them, they backed off. "I'm sorry, Levi. I believe you," they lied, attempting to appease him. "But thinking about you isn't a waste of time. Promise me you're okay?"

Levi nodded. Hanji knew that he wasn't okay; he always sealed a promise verbally. And Levi knew that Hanji knew he was lying. The words being sent through eye contact, in a language that their years of knowing each other had formed, told each of them just how they felt. Levi apologized and looked deeply into Hanji's eyes, telling them how much he appreciated them. Hanji's look told him that they knew, and that they cared so much about him. Hanji threw an arm around his shoulders and brought them back to safe ground. "So, how's your mother doing?"

 

~

 

1:32

Levi sat down quietly on the bench in the gymnasium. He set his book bag down and took out his inhaler just in case the activity around him caused him any anxiety. After taking a quick puff, and holding in a breath, he returned it to its proper place and turned his attention to the rest of the gym.

Sure enough, his eyes landed on Eren who didn't even stop to retrieve a basket ball and came running to Levi's side. Eren launched himself onto the bench next to Levi, rattling the seat, and surprising Levi in the process. "You always sit out?" he confirmed.

"Yes, I do," Levi quipped, still shaken by the sudden jostling of the bench. "Aren't you going to participate?"

Eren shrugged, sitting back to relax. "Nah, I'd rather chill with you."

Levi's heart skipped a beat and he tried his best to ignore it. His words from yesterday echoed in his mind. 'Maybe we can be friends.' Levi wanted that, but he was also concerned for Eren. "What about your grades? Aren't you worried they'll drop?"

"It's only gym class," Eren scoffed. "Besides, I don't need it to pass." 

"But... but it'll bring your average down," Levi persisted. "Don't you care?"

"It's not the end of the world," Eren said while chuckling. 

Levi could not believe him. Of course it wasn't the end of the world, but it still mattered. It was still important, right? Levi tried not to think about it so he could stop stressing. The stress remained, but was lessened when he didn't focus on its cause. 

1:37

"So." Eren cleared his throat. "Now that we're friends, we should get to know each other better." 

Levi quirked an eyebrow at him. That came out of nowhere. "... What do you want to know?"

Eren scratched the back of his neck, looking deep in thought. "Um... just tell me about yourself. What are you like? What do you like?"

Levi searched for a reply, but he didn't find one so fast. He knew it would sound odd to someone else, but he didn't know much about himself. "There's not much to say," Levi breathed. "I'm pretty boring."

Eren clicked his tongue in surprise. "That's not true! I think you're really cool," he defended. "Like, that thing about clocks you said; that's some smart stuff. And you're funny, too." 

Levi shrunk into himself. "I'm not funny, I just tell the unfortunate truth and people think I'm joking," he hushed.

Eren cackled at Levi's simple explanation. Startled, Levi sat back, regarding him with wide eyes and hands clutching at his sweater. Eren served as a perfect example of Levi's statement. He wiped away a stray tear a tried bringing himself back down. "You kill me sometimes." 

Levi smirked uncomfortably, not wanting to ruin Eren's moment. "... Thanks."

"But seriously," Eren continued. "Just tell me a few things about you." He waited patiently, staring at Levi, waiting for his response.

Levi was at a complete loss of what to say, he was drawing a blank. "You go first," he suggested.

Eren leaned forward, resting his hands on the edge of the bench. "Alright that sounds fair." He thought for a few moments, gathering as much information as he could. "Uh... I live with my mom and we have a German Shepard. His name is Bear, but he's a big sweetie. Gym is my favorite class, I'm really bad at math and science. Um... my favorite food is a hamburger. My favorite show is Ninja Warrior, and my favorite film is Mad Max. I like to go for runs a lot, I play football with my friends, but sometimes we'll go to the beach and play volleyball. That's all I can think of right now..." Eren paused for a moment, as if waiting for something. "Your turn."

Eren always made everything look so easy. Always. Levi took a call breath, pulling together whatever facts he found find in his mind. "Alright," Levi began. "I also live with my mother. Sometimes I'll watch the news with her or we'll watch Jeopardy together. Hanji Zoe is my best friend; sometimes I'll go to their house and we'll play Boggle or Scrabble. We get competitive occasionally." He let out an amused breath, checking to see if Eren was still paying attention. Relieved that he was still listening, he went on. "My favorite subject is math. I like to read, but I don't have a favorite book." Levi was running out of things to talk about. "... Um, but my mom's favorite book is Good Omens. Hanji doesn't have a favorite either, I think..." Few other facts came to is mind. "My mom works at a paper company... she leaves for work a little while after I leave for school..."

1:45

"What about you?" Eren interjected.

Levi blinked. "... What?"

"What about you?" he repeated. "Do you have a job?"

Levi seemed caught off guard by his question. "No, I don't," he answered hesitantly.

"Do you have any pets?" 

"No... I'm not good with animals," Levi answered sheepishly.

Eren steered him back on track. He didn't know it at the time, but Levi was more concerned with others as opposed to himself. He didn't think about his interests often, as his life revolved around other people. Often times, Levi felt like he was nothing without other people. After all, most of his decisions were based off of others. 

Eren asked him plenty of other questions, keeping his focus on himself. Levi wasn't as boring as he made himself sound. Eventually he changed the subject completely. He never failed to keep Levi on his toes in their conversations. "So, have you decided what you're doing for that essay?" 

Levi shook his head. "No, I think that my friend could help me decide." Speaking of them, Levi searched around to find Hanji. When he caught sight of them, they winked at him, gesturing to Eren and giving him a thumbs up. Levi sent them a glare, yelling at them mentally to stop.

Luckily, Eren didn't notice. "I'll make something up on the fly, most likely." Eren thought aloud.

Levi nodded in acknowledgement, but otherwise did not reply, not knowing what to say.

"My hero will have the power sprouting frog legs to go everywhere. He won't even fight crime, he just has the frog legs." 

Levi snickered and tilted his head down. "That's what you're writing about?" he asked incredulously.

"No," Eren said, chuckling and shaking his head.

Levi quirked an eyebrow at Eren. "Then why did you tell me that?"

"It got you to laugh, didn't it?" Eren asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Levi angled his head away, not entirely sure of how to react. He cursed whatever deity was up there for letting his cheeks heat up at an abnormal rate. "Mhm," he murmured sheepishly.

Eren's grin only broadened. "So, I'd say that was a success on my part."

This boy was killing Levi. He always said things that made him nervous and excited at the same time. How on earth that was possible, Levi would never know.

 

~

 

8:34 

The next day in art class, Levi tapped his foot impatiently while waiting for his teacher who was late yet again. He straightened out his supplies, aware that they were being assigned their first project that day, and like always, he tried to put his best foot forward. 

Heavy, familiar steps interrupted Levi's train of thought and reminded him that even with your best foot forward, you can still trip. By his side, sat Eren. Levi had no idea how this could've slipped his mind. He knew Eren had this class with him, he'd said so himself, but for some reason it didn't register that he was the student that joined late. That meant he would be his partner. Levi mechanically turned his head to face him. That blinding smile and those dazzling eyes made his heart skip a beat. He almost forgot how to speak for a moment.

"Looks like we're gonna be partners!" Eren quipped excitedly. "Did I miss anything important?"

"No." Levi shook his head slightly to bring himself back to reality. "The teacher hasn't arrived yet."

Eren blew out a breath, rested his hands behind his head, and tipped back in his chair, causing Levi's heart to race yet again. "That's good. I have a real time management problem, ya know?"

Levi wasn't sure how to reply, so he merely nodded. 

After Miss Ral showed up she gave everyone their assignment, which was fairly simple, and didn't involve them working with their partners yet.

8:42

Levi eyed his watch, then gazed at his paper. It laid there, blank. Practically mocking him. His mind was completely void of all inspiration. Eren, on the other hand, got to work immediately, sketching out his rough draft as he was asked to. Their assignment was to start out making a quick sketch of a still life that consisted of a bowl of fruit on their tables. It was a simple exercise to get their thoughts flowing, but Levi found that he had no idea where to start.

Levi had no choice but to ask for help. He was utterly lost. "U-um, excuse me? Eren?" Levi watched Eren pick his head up from his haunched position. "I'm sorry to disrupt your work, but how do I do this exactly?" Levi's voice was just as small and unsure as it had always been with Eren.

Eren was more than happy to help, luckily. "So here's what you gotta do," he began while straightening his back. He gestured to the bowl of fruit. "Ya look at that really hard for a minute. Take your time if you need to. Then outline it." And with that, he bent over, hovering above his paper, and sketching the lines in.

Levi stared dumbly. That was all the help he could receive? That was all he had to do? Perhaps he'd been over complicating it all along. Levi reached into his book bag and sought out a protractor. He pulled the device out and set it on the paper after studying the bowl of fruit. 

8:51

Miss Ral came around to check on everyone's progress. She stood at Eren's side and inspected his work. "Very good, Eren," she hummed. She kept walking after Eren sent her an appreciative smile. She looked over Levi's work and stood, puzzled. "How did you make perfect circles?"

"I used my protractor," Levi answered, shaking slightly. "I know it's bad, I drew the apple too big, the grapes are supposed to be closer to each other, the placement is off, but I'm trying my best—"

"Levi, dear," Miss Ral said to silence him. "That's okay, don't worry about those things. But, you're supposed to freehand it. We're trying to build up your drawing skills and you can't do that if you're using tools."

Levi knitted his brows together, looking back at his work. "I–I did it wrong?"

"It's not a big deal," she assured him. "You can try again and fix it, or you can start over next class." She left with an encouraging grin, but Levi felt anything but encouragement. 

Eren frowned, noticing Levi's empty expression as he lazily erased every line on his paper. "I think it looked cool. It was different," he said, leaning in close.

Levi's breath hitched as he sat back a bit to regain his own space. "Thank you, but it's not what I'm supposed to do."

"But it's unique," Eren argued. "I think it was wrong that she told you to do it differently. This is art class, there's no wrong way to make art. Who was that guy who used shapes for his paintings? Something like, uh... pistachio?"

Levi lifted a single brow in question, slightly amused. "Picasso?" he corrected.

"Yeah, that guy!" Eren snapped his fingers. "You're like him. You know, with how you make your art." 

His eyes were held so wide and his smile was so inviting. Levi allowed the corners of his mouth to twitch upward the tiniest bit. "I suppose that's not a bad way of looking at it..." he mused.

"Not at all!" Eren persisted. 

Levi huffed out an amused breath. This boy was too... close to perfect. He looked back down at his page, no longer a crisp, clean paper, now dirtied with smudges from his eraser. Levi decided that he'd start again. The new page he pulled out somehow seemed less intimidating than the original one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this was so short. 
> 
> Big thanks to my beta, bless your soul. You are a wonderful bean!
> 
> If you liked this, please let me know with a comment or kudos! In case you're interested, I have two tumblrs. My fic/art/update/snk blog is dr-s--art. And my ereri/riren/color guard blog is the-witch-daddy. (Please don't ask about the name, it's a long story.) also feel free to check out my other (better) fic, Don't Let Your Guard Down. Thanks for reading!!!


	4. Good Reception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comes to terms with his feelings, but it's not the easiest thing in the world. Taking a risk, he lets Hanji help him and the results are hard for him to accept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I hate that I update this fic so late. I feel like this chapter is rushing things, but I panicked and ended it this way. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it!

7:54

Weeks of hanging around Eren gave Levi a constantly rhythmless heartbeat, but a lot less stress. He was absolutely fascinating and the way he would approach situations both amused and worried Levi to no end. For some reason, he couldn't get him off his mind, which was why Hanji was currently consoling him in his room on a Friday night while he lost his composure. He'd finally broken and realized that he had fallen hard for the boy.

Hanji stroked his shoulder soothingly as he laid on his bed, clutching a pillow to his chest. "There there, small fry. What's eatin' you?"

Levi hid his face in his pillow and groaned harshly. "You were right," he grumbled. "I like him, and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to him anymore, because every time I see him, I can't breathe. He's just so... I can't say it!" Levi shivered through his inner turmoil. "My stomach turns when I see him coming, my face gets red, and now I can't even talk when he's near me. Help me, Hanji!"

Hanji snickered at his complete and utter loss of what to do, but didn't think of teasing him for it. "Relax, Levi," they hushed. "Everything will be alright. Crushes can be hard to deal with, but it'll turn out well, I promise."

"What if he doesn't like me back?" Levi argued. "What if I ask him out, and he says no and avoids me? What if he's really disgusted or freaked out? He won't want to hang out with me anymore."

Hanji clicked their tongue. "Levi, that's ridiculous. I can't guarantee that he'll like you back, but he'll still hang out with you. He's hung around you for this long; I don't think you asking him out would mean he wouldn't like you anymore."

A tremendous weight settled on Levi's chest, constricting his lungs. His brows knitted together with worry. "I can't ask him out, I can't do it," he said. "He'll never ask me out either."

Hanji pushed up their glasses and hopped off the bed, rounding the corner to sit at the other side of Levi, so they could see his face. Or at least, the top of it, as it was still shoved into his pillow. "You can't think like that. You don't know if he likes you that way. And hey, if you want, I could subtly get some information out of him and see if he likes you." They ended their statement with a warm smile, gently tugging Levi's pillow away from his face, revealing his terrified visage.

"... He doesn't like me." He whispered.

"Levi—"

"Enough with the optimism." Levi finally cracked. "I need to be realistic, and - realistically speaking - there's no way someone as... close to perfect as him would like someone like me. Even if he did ask me out he'd leave me because he'd get sick of me or it would get too hard for him to deal with me. That's why you're the only person who hangs out with me, because no one else wants to deal with me!"

Hanji fell silent for only a moment. "That's not true," they murmured. "I'm not sure why other people don't hang out with you, but it's nothing you're doing or not doing. I have plenty of reasons that I like you; I don't know why others don't see them." They set a hand on his shoulder for reassurance. "Now back on track, do you want me to get some information from Eren? I can be really sneaky so he doesn't know what I'm up to," they explained with a lilt in their voice. 

Levi calmed down and inhaled heavily. "No... You know what they say, 'ignorance is bliss.' It's better if I don't know."

"But if you don't know it'll keep tearing you apart!" Hanji tried reasoning with him. "If he does like you back, then you guys can be happy and get together or whatever. If he doesn't, you'll take some time to be upset about it, but you'll move on. If you don't know, it'll eat you up inside and drive you crazy. And don't say it won't, because I know you too well, and you'll let it fester until it's unbearable. Even after that point in some cases."

Levi avoided their gaze. "I'm still not sure that I want to know."

Hanji sighed and sat up closer to him, leaning in to get their point across. "Listen up, little man. I'll put it this way. Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power. You can do a lot more with knowledge, and keep yourself from getting hurt with that knowledge. That's a hell of a lot better than choosing to be ignorant about something that has the potential to hurt you, so you're caught off guard when it comes to bite you in the ass. Trust me, that hurts twice as much."

Levi knew they were right, but for some odd reason he found it hard to make his decision. He bit his lip, deep in thought, when his head started hurting and he buried his face back in his pillow. "I just don't know what I'll do if it turns out that Eren doesn't like me back." To Levi, this was his last chance. He needed to know that there was at least some hope that, one day, somebody else could love him. He'd spent his entire life with no one showing him that type of affection, and barely anyone else who'd show him any kind of friendship. To Levi, Eren was his last chance.

 

~

 

11:30

Levi sat at their lunch table, looking past Hanji over to the other side of the cafeteria. Eren was there causing a ruckus with who Levi presumed to be his friends. Eren stuffed his face and started laughing uncontrollably at something that someone had said. Levi usually would've been disgusted by him showing his chewed food, but he was in too deep to even mind. 

"Levi," Hanji called for the fourth time, snapping their fingers in front of his face.

"What?" he asked, heart speeding up, aware that he'd been caught.

Luckily, Hanji didn't tell him to stop. Instead, they chuckled at his actions. "You were practically whimpering just then! It's so cute; it's like puppy love," they mused, staring at him excitedly. 

Levi sunk into himself, embarrassed. "Stop it, I can't help it," he whined. He sent another glance in Eren's direction, appreciating his bright eyes and mirthful grin from a distance. It almost hurt to look, given that Levi's current mindset was that Eren would never like him back. 

"You went from puppy love to kicked puppy real fast," Hanji noted. 

Levi averted his gaze, switching it to down on his lap. 

Hanji rolled their eyes. "Levi, I'll go talk to him if you want. Though, if you want to talk to him, I can come with. I can't bear to see you keep torturing yourself like this." 

Levi sighed. He knew his anxiety would worsen if he let himself do this any longer. "Okay, you can talk to him. Just don't make it obvious that I like him, please."

"Don't worry, Levi." Hanji winked at him, taking their food tray to return it. "I'm a master in the art of being subtle." With that, they nodded at him and stood with their tray. Just as they turned around, their foot got caught on their chair, and they went tumbling to the ground with a loud clammer.

Levi raised himself to a standing position, gasping in alarm.

Hanji stood, holding their arms out for balance. They put one hand on their hip, breathing raggedly and nodding to Levi to signal that they were unharmed. "See...?" They breathed, gesturing to everyone in the surrounding area. "No one noticed. Subtle." With that, they went to return their tray. 

Levi sat himself down and fished for his inhaler in his book bag. He took a puff and tried to settle down. He was in a huge mess.

 

~

 

7:23

Levi finished washing the dishes and started drying them and putting them away. His mother stood behind him, sweeping the floors while he worked. "Do you have any tests to study for?" Kutchel inquired. 

"No, I don't," Levi answered, setting a plate into a cupboard. 

Kutchel tried to get more of a response out of him. "How's your watch holding up?"

Levi turned around to answer, holding out his wrist. "It still keeps perfect time and the face is still clean." He beamed at her. "It's the nicest watch I've ever had."

Kutchel smiled at him. "That's good. I'm glad that you like it so much; I'd been wanting to get it for you for a long time." Having a job at a paper company paid enough for them to live comfortably, but to afford a watch like the one she'd given him required saving and a promotion. She'd never tell him how much it cost, and it was such a relief that he loved it as much as he did.

"I really appreciate it, Mom." Levi went back to putting dishes away, with a smile still on his face.

Kutchel watched him work, seizing effort in sweeping. She felt lucky that her son was made happy by simple things. It pained her to know all the struggles he went through, but little moments like these renewed her hope for his happiness. Levi faced her after he set the last spoon in the drawer. He cocked an eyebrow at her, wondering why she was staring seemingly blankly at him. "Mom?"

Kutchel shook her head, bringing herself back to the present. "Sorry... I was just thinking," she murmured.

"Is everything alright?" he asked tentatively, fiddling with his hands.

Kutchel grinned and approached him. "Yes, sweetie," she said, kissing the top of his head. "Everything's just fine." Her hands framed his worried face, observing the crinkle of his brow and the glimmer of his eyes as the kitchen light reflected in them. She had to extract her thoughts from his troubles, so she wouldn't concern him any further with her unusual actions. "Would you like to go watch Jeopardy?"

"Yes," Levi mumbled. 

 

~

 

4:35

Levi waited for the phone to ring. A little less than a week after Levi had given Hanji permission to talk with Eren, they had changed one of their earlier study halls to coincide with Eren's. Levi took one of his cleaning wipes in his free hand and ran it over the phone while he waited. Hanji said they'd call him and tell him their progress, but the waiting was agony.

The phone's blaring ring startled him, causing him to nearly drop it. He fumbled for the answer button after he vaguely checked the collar I.D. "Hello?" He said in a strangled voice.

"Levi!" Hanji's voice screeched over the receiver. "My little ray of sunshine, how are you?" 

"Hanji, please," Levi mumbled. "I'm shaking right now. Please just tell me what you have to say and don't get my hopes up if things aren't definite." He sat down on his bed, predicting that he'd fall if the news leaned one way or the other. 

"Right," Hanji replied. "Well, nothing is certain on terms of him having a crush on you, but I'm happy to confirm that he really likes you as a friend at the very least."

Levi clutched his stomach and gave a sigh of relief. 

"I did what you asked and didn't make it obvious that you like him like that, I made sure he was clueless. I kind of migrated towards him as soon as I saw him and just made friendly conversation. I'll have you know that he got excited when he saw me and greeted me, not as Hanji, but as 'Levi's friend', so I reminded him of you. That has to count for something, right?"

Levi couldn't deny that hearing that put butterflies in his stomach, but he forced himself to remain skeptical. "Hanji, I asked you to not get my hopes up," he whined. 

"Sorry, sorry!" Hanji quipped. "Anyways, I asked him about art class first. I asked what you two were working on and he told me. Then I asked him if he liked working with you..." Hanji had no idea how much that pause killed Levi. "And he said that he loved working with you and that he was really excited to find out that you both were partners!" They went into a small giggle fit after their statement. "Oh Levi, the way his eyes lit up and the way he talked about was so adorable! He couldn't stop smiling!"

Levi collapsed on his bed and curled into himself, trying to restrain the noises that threatened to fall out. It wasn't a confirmation of whether or not Eren felt the same, but it was enough to make him weak. Levi felt so embarrassed just thinking about how much of an effect Eren had on him. "Please don't tell me you're making this up."

"Levi, why would I make this up?" Hanji asked, mad grin still present in their voice. "Anyways, we just kept talking about you and all the classes you guys have together. He told me he likes making you laugh and he loves to joke around with you in gym. Oh my gosh, I wish you could've been there!"

Levi held the phone away to groan into his mattress. He couldn't take in this information all at once. 

"But—"

"But?" Levi panicked. "But what?"

Hanji chuckled at his urgency. "But, Eren also told me that he's worried around you. He said that he knows you get nervous really easily and he's scared that he'll take something too far. He just doesn't want to drive you away, is how I took it." 

Images of all the time they'd spent together flashed in Levi's mind. Eren was careful whenever he noticed that Levi didn't like things he did and picked up hints here and there. Like when Levi kept flinching when Eren touched him, he noticed without having to be told and did his best to not do it again. "Did he say that he's annoyed by me being nervous? Did he say that it's a burden having to watch himself around me?"

"Nope," Hanji chirped. "Didn't say a single thing like that. Overall, I can't tell yet if he likes you that way, but he definitely likes you as a friend. Like, a lot." 

Levi smiled at their words, but only for a moment. He fell silent, starting to think of what it would feel like if that's all Eren would ever feel for him. 

"Levi?" Hanji's voice brought him back. "Are you still there?"

"Yes," Levi murmured gruffly.

"What's wrong?"

Levi swallowed thickly and clutched at his chest. "This just really hurts," he whispered.

"But... but I thought you'd be happy to know that he likes being around you. I thought it'd make you feel better if you knew he enjoys being your friend."

"I am, but..." Levi's chest ached as he tried to think about something else. "It'll hurt more when you have to tell me that he doesn't feel the same." 

Hanji sighed. They wished they could tell him that Eren did feel the same, but they weren't sure if it was true. Telling him a lie only to have him find out the truth would be like setting him up for failure. They knew it would kill Levi if they somehow convinced him that Eren had a crush on him, then have Levi discover that he didn't. "Levi... even if he doesn't feel that way, it's not like other people won't. You're so special and you'll find someone who'll see that in you. I can't promise it will be Eren, but that person is out there. You're somebody's dream guy, you just don't know it yet."

Levi's lip quivered, his eyes shut tightly and he took in deep breaths. He wanted to believe them so badly. "No... I–I'm not. I only have one friend; there's no one who will think of me like that. It will never happen."

"You can't think like that. That way of thinking isn't going to help you in any way, because you're lying to yourself right now. That's not true. Someone will love you, cherish you, and treat you like the most precious thing in the world and—"

"N–no," Levi whimpered, interrupting Hanji. "No... no." He shook his head, feeling his chest tighten. He sniffled and moved his hand from his chest to cradle at his turning stomach. "That c–can't happen..." Hearing such beautiful things pained him. He'd spent his entire life telling himself the exact opposite of what Hanji told him. To hear those words was excruciating, because - to him - it didn't sound like an affirmation. They were just pretty words dangling in front of his face, mocking him about things he could never have. He couldn't let Hanji keep talking and listen to that. "Just stop... please."

Hanji's heart snapped in half. Their own voice wavered as they spoke. "You'll see what I mean. One day. And... and you'll be happy to hear me say 'I told you so.'" They tried to sound as encouraging as they could, but their voice betrayed their worry. Levi's silence weighed heavily. "I promise, Levi."

Levi remained quiet for a few more moments. Every word was like a punch in the face, though he knew Hanji didn't mean for it to be like that. "... I need to go. I have homework to do."

"Alright. I'll see you Monday. Call me over the weekend if you can, okay Levi?"

"Okay," Levi agreed. They said their goodbyes and Levi set the phone where it belonged, hanging it up. Now, he just felt pitiful. He felt so pathetic for being upset over a boy, but he couldn't help it. He refused to pity himself, but he also refused to get over the subject. Feeding himself lies and mentally reprimanding himself for being upset and almost feeling sorry for himself was the best way to unintentionally tear apart his emotional state. 

 

~

 

8:39

Levi watched at a distance as Eren worked away with wet clay, building their piece of pottery. There was no way Levi would touch such a filthy material, especially considering it was hard to get out from under his nails, so Eren offered to do this part by himself. Levi felt guilty for making him do all the work, so he compromised by saying that he'd paint and glaze it after it had been fired in the kiln. 

"Water me, my man," Eren stuck out his hands in Levi's direction.

That was another part of their deal. To make it look as if he was doing something, Levi held the cup of water for Eren to wet his hands when they were too dry to work with the clay. 

Levi leaned back, holding out the cup of water, allowing Eren to dip in his fingers before tending to their project again.

"Thanks." Eren beamed at him.

"You're welcome," Levi mumbled. He looked at Eren smoothing out the clay with a heavy heart. He used to love when he'd share a class with him, and now all he could think about was his unrequited feelings. And Eren had no idea how much it hurt him, not that Levi would ever tell him. 

"You're sure you don't want to get in on this?" Eren asked, picking up a tool to carve away pieces. "It's pretty fun."

Levi grimaced at the project, then at Eren's hands. It looked as if the clay would be difficult to wash off his hands. "No thank you."

Eren shrugged. "Alright, suit yourself." 

It was moments like this when Levi hated everything wrong with him. He wished that getting his hands dirty wasn't such a big deal, so he could join Eren in on the 'fun.' He wished that doing such a thing wasn't so disgusting or off-putting to him. He just wanted to be normal. 

9:06

"Hey, Levi?" Eren said. 

Levi hummed to show him he had his attention.

"So, uh..." His voice came out more timid than usual. Levi wondered if something was wrong. "I was wondering, would you maybe want to hang out with me sometime?"

Levi's heart jolted, but he forced himself to remain calm. "We do hang out. We have three classes together."

Eren snickered, shaking his head. "Always the jokester," he muttered to himself. "I meant we should hang out outside of school. You could come over to my house and we could chill. Or, if you have something you'd like to do, we could do that instead." 

Levi's words got stuck in his throat. He couldn't believe Eren had actually offered. His heartbeat sped up and he felt short of breath. It was probably a joke. Or Eren was just pitying him. The only person who's ever offered before was Hanji. "Y–you don't have to ask me to hang out with you if you don't want to. It's okay."

Eren huffed out an amused breath. "But I do want to. You're a fun guy. You don't have to say yes if you don't wanna, but I'd like to hang out with you. So, what do you say? Do you want to?"

Levi was completely taken aback. He never understood anything this boy did. His heart raced, but his mind went faster, trying to make sense of this whole thing. It was then that Levi made the dangerous decision to throw caution to the wind and spit out his answer without properly thinking things over.

"Yes."

Levi didn't even recognize his own voice. He was too busy studying the way Eren lit up like a Christmas tree as he left their project forgotten. Levi could feel his entire face reddening. 

"Awesome!" Eren's smile was nearly blinding as his excitement took over him. "We can switch numbers so we can make plans if you want."

Levi wasn't thinking clearly, for once in his life, his mouth had no filter. "O–okay," he answered, thoughts bounding in all directions. He honestly had no idea what was happening, his words were taking over, not letting him make his own decisions. 

"Great!" Another enthusiastic reply came. Levi hadn't noticed that Eren was already offering his cell phone to him. "Put in your number, then I'll put mine in yours."

"O–oh, um..." It was all happening too fast, Levi couldn't concentrate. "I don't have a cell phone," he responded lamely.

"That's alright," Eren said. "Do you have a house phone?" Levi nodded. "Then type that in; I'll write down my number so you know who's calling." Eren handed off his cell phone to Levi and stood up to wash his hands.

Levi's trembling thumbs took their precious time putting in his telephone number. He'd nearly forgotten it, due to his mind being foggy. 

9:10

Eren returned with semi-clean hands and ripped a sheet of paper out of his notebook. He quickly scribbled down his name and number and folded it up, handing it over to Levi, exchanging it for his phone. "Perfect, I'll call you tonight and we'll work something out, yeah?"

"Y–yeah," Levi breathed. He felt like he was dreaming, there was no way he could be this lucky. 

Levi was caught in his own little world with a barely functioning thought process while everyone cleaned up and put their projects away. He only noticed everything going on around him when the bell rang, dismissing them.

"See you in Creative Writing, Levi." Eren waved goodbye, finally bringing Levi out of his head. 

"I–I'll see you then," Levi responded a tad late. He had no idea what to do with himself. He had no clue how to carry on with his day. He needed to find Hanji, and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my beta (who is a helpful, wonderful bean) they are literally the best!
> 
> I reeeeally hope this chapter didn't suck. If you liked it, please let me know with a comment or kudos, I'd really appreciate it! If you'd like to follow me on tumblr, my fic/art blog is dr-s--art & my ereri/color guard blog is the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!!!


	5. Polished Rook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi works up a fair amount of nerves before he and Eren hang out for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp
> 
> This is a fairly short chapter, I hope no one minds. I hope it wasn't too boring either. Enjoy!

4:30

Levi paced in his room, clutching his phone in his trembling hand and taking a wipe over the receiver to make sure it was sanitary. Sweat gathered on his brow, he nearly tripped over his own feet, and he couldn't keep a steady breathing pace to save his life. "Should I put it on speaker phone? So you know what's going on?" Levi asked Hanji.

"Only if you want to," they said from the chair at Levi's desk. "You need to sit down and focus on calming down. You're going to have an asthma attack at this rate!" Levi had told them the whole situation during school hours and they insisted that they accompany him as he was waiting for moral support. Eren had been particularly giddy the whole day, which only added to Levi's nerves. This was the least Hanji could do for their best friend in his time of need. 

"My god, you're right!" Levi huffed. Setting the phone on his desk, he went to his bed side table, retrieving his inhaler to take a puff. "What if this isn't enough? What if I choke after we've been talking for a few minutes? What if I don't make it that long?"

"Relax, short stuff," Hanji chuckled. "This is supposed to be fun, planning things out with him."

Levi grabbed the phone again, almost scared to let go of it. Hanji's words went in one ear, then straight out the other. "He did say it was tonight that he would be calling me, right?" He murmured to himself. "What if he forgot? He probably doesn't want to hang out anymore. But... he might call to say the whole thing is off."

Hanji rolled their eyes. "Levi, you're being irrational."

Levi tore his eyes away from the phone and stared at Hanji. "Could you answer when he calls and plan it out with him? You can give me the details after!"

Hanji stood, shaking their head in exasperation. "I can't do this for you! This is something you'll be glad you did for yourself. Plus, it'll be really odd if Eren calls you and I answer and you're nowhere to be found."

"Tell him I got sick!" Levi begged, holding out the phone. "Tell him you came over to help and I can't answer."

"What about school tomorrow?" Hanji tried reasoning. "You're fine and he'll know somethings up."

"I'll skip school tomorrow," Levi pressed on.

Hanji lifted a brow and set a hand on their hip. "Would you honestly do that?"

"... I'll pretend to be sick tomorrow."

"And what about hanging out? You'd have to put that off until you 'got' better.'"

Levi hated when Hanji was right during times like these. He was at a complete loss; he'd never had to go through something like this before. Phone calls were not his strong suit, but at least he wasn't the one making the call. 

"Levi." Hanji extracted Levi from his inner turmoil. "You're going to be okay. I promise." They sat their hands on his shoulders making him face them fully. "I know this'll be tough, but it's just a phone call. You're not going to get hurt. Eren will be patient like always, and you'll get through this." Levi furrowed his brows, but appeared to have eased up a bit. "If worse comes to worse, you can always hang up."

Levi's breathing slowed, allowing him to catch his breath for the time being. He repeated Hanji's words over and over in his mind to help him get a grip on things. 

"Besides," they continued. "This is Eren we're talking about. He couldn't hurt a fly." Hanji grinned after seeing Levi give a curt giggle. "I don't know what you see in him. I was in study hall with him today, and he had pencils shoved up his nose, pretending to be a walrus in front of his friends for some reason."

Levi pouted, letting his jaw drop. "And I missed it?!" he gasped. "Aw, that's sounds adorable. I wish I could've seen it."

Hanji cackled and hunched over, accidentally startling Levi in the process. "Levi, I'm so happy for you. Normally you would've been disgusted by that. Oh gosh, I hope things go well with you two." They straightened their back and regarded Levi's bashful features.

"I hope things go well too," he whispered with a faint smile settled in his features.

4:37

The phone's blaring ring caught Levi by surprise, making him drop it and jump back. Hanji gave him some space and watched him pick it up and check the collar I.D. Levi stared up at them, panicked. "It's him," he announced, voice shaking in fear. 

"Well, go on," Hanji prompted him through a wild simper. "Answer it!"

Levi briefly considered leaving it, but the begging look Hanji gave him made him decide otherwise. He clicked the answer button, closing his eyes and bringing the phone up to his ear. "H-hello?" Levi mentally kicked him self for letting his voice crack.

"Levi?" Eren said.

"Eren?"

"Levi! Hey, how's it going?" Levi thought that he could almost hear Eren's signature grin in his voice, but he didn't want to fool himself.

"Um... I'm well. How are you?" Levi spared a worried glance at Hanji, who nodded excitedly and gave him two thumbs up, telling him that he was doing alright.

"I'm good too," Eren answered. After a couple of quiet seconds, he continued. "So, do you have anything in mind you wanna do when we hang out? Or is there a specific place you'd like to go?"

Levi's heart lurched. He panicked, having completely forgotten to think about what they'd actually be doing. He spent too much time worrying over the phone call that their activities completely slipped his mind. "There's nothing that I can think of at the top of my head. I-is there anything you'd like to do?"

"Hmm," Eren started, thinking over the possibilities. "I want to do whatever you want to do." Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. Eren was not helping. "You can take your time choosing if you want."

He was being too considerate; Levi couldn't handle the situation. Furthermore, he couldn't think of anything he enjoyed that Eren would also take interest in. "Let's try to figure out when we can hang out first." This way, Levi could have more time to think over what they could do. 

"Alright, well, when are you free?"

Levi stepped past an attentive Hanji to look at his calendar, making sure that there would be no contradictions. "I'm not busy on Saturday," Levi said.

"Neither am I. Saturday it is then," Eren confirmed. "What do you wanna do?"

Levi frowned. That didn't give him much time to conjure up any ideas. "... I'm not sure." Levi looked to Hanji with pleading eyes, begging them to do something. What exactly he wanted them to do, he wasn't quite certain of. 

"How about I list off some things and you can tell me what you're interested in?" Eren offered.

"Y-yeah," Levi replied hastily. "That could help."

4:43

After having Levi reject a walk in the park (too much pollen and bugs), going to the cinema (everything is sticky and it would probably be crowded), and attending a haunted house tour (he'd most likely have a heart attack), Eren suggested that they could just stay at one of their homes. "Would you like to come to my place?"

"Um, I don't know..." Levi wasn't sure if his mother would be okay with him staying at a stranger's house. Not only that, but he'd never been there and an umpteen amount of things could go wrong just by being in an unfamiliar place. And Levi recalled Eren saying he had a dog. No, that certainly wouldn't do. "What about my house?" He blurted out in a panic. 

"Sure! What do you want to do when I get there?"

That boys enthusiasm was killing him. "U-uh, let me think—"

"What do you normally do for fun at your house?"

Eren's question caught him a bit off guard. But Levi answered regardless. "Well... for fun... I'll either read, watch Jeopardy or play chess with my mother. But I don't think—"

"We can play chess!" Eren decided. 

Levi paused a moment, not sure if he heard right. Hanji noticed his befuddled expression and mouthed 'what did he say?' Levi only gave them a perplexed gesture, not certain of how to respond. "You really want to play chess?"

"Yeah, you said you do that for fun, right?" Eren asked. "I mean, only if you want to though. We don't have to, but I think we could have some fun playing chess."

Levi was at a complete loss. "You honestly want to play chess when we hang out?"

"Sure, if you're up for it."

To be truthful, Levi didn't mind the idea. It wouldn't cause him much stress and it would be in a comfortable environment and he'd be in his element. He just didn't understand why Eren would want to do that of all things for the first time they hung out together. "A-alright. We can do that."

"Awesome," Eren mused. "I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yeah," Levi breathed. "I'll see you then."

"Bye, Levi!"

"... Goodbye." Levi moved his numb legs to hang up the phone and sit in his bed. He clutched at his chest in a daze over what had just happened. He had gotten through a phone call with minimal difficulties and made plans with Eren. It wasn't nearly as hard as he had made it out to be. 

"Levi?" Hanji sat beside him. "What happened? Is everything okay?"

"He's coming here on Saturday and we're going to play chess together." It barely registered to him that the words had left his own mouth. 

"That's awesome!" Hanji congratulated him. "Levi, this is so exciting! How do you feel?"

"... I'm not sure."

 

~

 

1:28

Eren was supposed to arrive in two minutes and Levi was running around the house like a madman trying to get everything in order. What if he showed up early? What if he hated Levi's house? This was a nightmare, his home was far from perfect and Eren would be there any minute. Levi hadn't slept at all the night before; he was practically running on empty. He briefly considered calling Eren to tell him he's changed his mind, but not only was making a phone call terrifying, but he also would forever live with the guilt for canceling. 

His last task was to set up the chess board at the kitchen table where his mother and him usually played. He needed everything to be as close to perfect as he could get it. He tried centering each and every piece, trying not to waste too much time, so he'd have a moment of calmness before Eren arrived. However, realistically speaking, the fact that he was arriving at all meant Levi would never reach a calm point. He glanced down at his watch.

1:30

It was exactly the time Eren was supposed to be there. He rushed to center the last few pieces before he walked through the door. 

Levi sat down, releasing a deep exhale after finally having finished his tasks. Eren would be there any second now.

Any second now. 

1:31

Levi gasped. 'Oh god, where is he?' He bit his lip, sitting patiently for him to show up. He didn't understand why he wasn't there already, they'd agreed on meeting at one thirty. What if something happened to him?

Levi stood and walked aimlessly around the kitchen to keep his mind occupied. He could feel his heart beginning to pick up its pace and he tried steadying it by taking deep breaths. 'It's not a big deal,' he told himself. 'He's coming.'

1:34

Levi's shuttered after checking his watch. Was Eren coming or wasn't he? Then the idea struck him. Eren probably changed his mind. A person as popular as him most likely had better things to do and more interesting people to spend his time with.

"No, he said he'd come. So he's coming," Levi tried convincing himself. But his subconscious told him otherwise. 

1:37

Levi's bottom lip began trembling. He sat down at the table again, feeling utterly defeated. He couldn't believe he held his hopes so high that he actually convinced himself that Eren would want to hang out with him. 

He let his shoulders slump and his hands started to shake. He let his mind go blank as his eyes gazed over the perfectly spaced out pieces on the chess board ahead of him. It didn't matter that they were flawlessly placed in their spots, ready to be set into a game. No one would be using them.

Levi felt so sick for tricking himself and for putting so much effort into something that would never happen. And like a fool, he still waited, not daring to put the board away.

1:39

An abrupt knock came to the door, startling Levi. Jumping to his feet, he matched over to the front door, opening it with shaking hand and overworked lungs. He was instantly flooded with relief as well as newfound nerves as he saw Eren beaming down at him like he'd just won the lottery.

"Hey!" He chirped.

"H-hi," Levi greeted back with a hesitant smile, moving out-of-the-way to let him in.

Eren stepped through, walking right on in, his sneakers tracking in a bit of dirt. "U-um, wait," Levi called, causing him to turn around. "I'm sorry, but... we have to take our shoes off when we come in." He felt like he might've been annoying just for suggesting that. He wanted Eren to be comfortable, but unneeded cleaning was something he and his mother wanted to avoid.

"Oh! Sure thing, sorry about that." Eren shuffled over to the designated area and kicked off his shoes haphazardly. Levi had the urge to straighten them out, but decided against it, seeing as he didn't know where Eren's feet had been.

"Sorry if the house is a bit messy." Levi gestured around his immaculate home. 

"That's okay," Eren replied, wondering what Levi had meant, seeing how everything was so tidy. "Besides, I didn't come over for your house, I came over for you." He switched his weight to his other foot. "So, where are we playing?" That dopey smile was going to be the end of Levi. 

"We'll be playing right here," Levi gestured to the kitchen table, watching Eren sit down. "Would you like a drink or something to eat?"

"Uh..." The taller drummed his fingers along the table. "I'll take something to drink." He settled on a glass of grape juice that Levi poured for him.

Levi sat down across from Eren, handing him his glass and took a slow inhale. His stomach was doing somersaults over the fact that the boy he'd fallen hard for was in his home, ready to do one if his favorite activities with him. It must've been a dream of sorts.

"So..." Eren drawled. "How do you play?"

Levi gawked at him. "You... you don't know?"

"Nah," Eren snickered. "But I don't have a problem with you teaching me, if you don't mind."

Levi was at a loss. He didn't know if Eren would like it if he'd never played before. What if he got bored and never wanted to spend time with him again? "Sure, I'll teach you."

Levi thoroughly went over what each piece does, explaining it in multiple ways so that Eren would be familiar with them. Next, he went over the objective and how to win. The whole thing was simple for Levi, he'd been playing for years and was somewhat of an expert. He just hoped that the eager boy sitting across from him wasn't lost.

"And lastly, white always has the first move. Which side would you like?"

Eren looked rather befuddled with all the hasty instructions Levi had given, but decided to give it all a shot anyways. "Um... since I'm new, you can go first. I'll take black."

The game started with Levi taking his turns rather silently, feeling too awkward to make conversation. Eren took his turns hesitantly, taking his precious time deciding on where to move and often asking Levi to explain what certain pieces did again. And before he knew it, Levi had four of his pieces taken captive while Eren hadn't taken out a single one of Levi's.

Levi found his voice gently correcting Eren's mistakes. "You can't move there."

"But you said the pawns could move ahead two spaces."

"Only up to this point." Levi pointed to the spot where the pawns could no longer move two spaces. 

"... Oh. I guess I'll move my castle."

"Rook."

"Huh?"

"The castle is called a rook," Levi elaborated. 

More moves were made and Eren kept losing his pieces one by one. It hadn't crossed Levi's mind to go easy on him, but he wasn't complaining. 

Eren stared at the board contemplating his next move, tapping his chin. He was more invested and serious about the game than Levi had anticipated. "Can I jump over pieces?" He asked, holding up his bishop.

"This isn't checkers," Levi said, biting back an amused smile. 

Eren chuckled. "Right, sorry." 

"It's okay." Levi raised his eyebrows, mildly impressed when Eren swiftly took out his knight with him having realized that he could do that. 

Eren's hopeful eyes looked up to Levi. "Is that right? Can I do that?"

Levi checked to see where Eren's piece came from and determined that the move was allowed. "Yes, that's right. Good job."

"Yes! I got one." The excited brunet placed the knight off to the side of the board proudly. He sat bouncing in his seat, looking like a child who'd gotten a perfect score on a hard test. It wasn't much compared to the six pieces Levi had accumulated, but it was his first. And that was enough for him.

Levi got lost in those green eyes that were crinkling at the edges with so much joy over such a tiny thing. He envied that. Even more, he found himself falling harder. It seemed as though he fell harder everyday and it was killing him.

"Your turn." The gentle words brought him out of his trance.

Levi shook his head lightly, refocusing on the game. "R-right." He stared down at the black and white squares, mind drifting off unintentionally back to the face of the boy across from him. He wished that Eren didn't have this strong effect on him, but at the same time he wasn't ready to push the thoughts of him away. He glanced up, flinching back when he saw Eren staring at him with his elbow on the table, his chin resting on the palm of his hand and his lips spread out into this admiring smile. He appeared almost entranced with Levi. "I-is there something on my face?"

"No," Eren answered calmly. He had no shame, blatantly staring at Levi.

Levi dropped his head, trying to figure out his next move instead of losing his train of thought with Eren watching him. His hands latched onto each other, tight enough to cut off the blood flow if he kept it up long enough. Finally clearing his head, he made his move and switched his king with his rook.

"What—?" Eren gawked. He began pointing at the pieces accusingly. "What the hell was that? You can't do that."

Levi flinched, a tad alarmed with Eren's tone. "Yes, I can. If you haven't moved the king or the rook from their original spots, there are no pieces separating them, and if the king isn't in danger from his starting spot or his new spot, then you can switch them. It's called castling."

Eren stared blankly for a moment. "... That's stupid."

"I-I'm sorry...?"

"You told me it's not a castle, it's a rook." Levi only stared confusedly. "So, shouldn't it be called rooking and not castling? Doesn't that make more sense?"

Levi bit the inside of his cheek, attempting to suppress his laughter. The idea was do innocent and adorable. "I... suppose that makes sense."

Eren grinned brightly. "Then we should call it that."

Levi nodded. "Okay." Of course, he'd only call it that whenever he played with Eren. No one else.

"Hey, Levi," Eren murmured. "If I'm new to this, does that make me a... rookie?"

Levi snorted unattractively at his joke, immediately covering his mouth with his hands, embarrassed by the noise he just made. Eren started cackling at Levi's odd laugh, making Levi's face go beet red. "Man, I'm so glad we decided to hang out."

Levi's embarrassment subsided when he saw just how happy and entertained Eren appeared. "I am too."

 

~

 

7:32 

They'd played for hours, somehow never getting bored with the game. Conversations went on as they played, Levi feeling proud of himself for not stuttering as often and feeling more at ease with Eren. 

Levi had won each time they played, but Eren had made slight improvement with each game. 

Unfortunately, their fun had to end sometime. "I should get going so my mom doesn't get worried," Eren said, standing up. "This was really fun. We should play a few games with the set in the library at school. You know, whenever you have study hall."

"Sure, that's sounds nice." Levi beamed. 

That blinding smile of Eren's never faded. "Cool. I'll see you on Monday?"

"Yes," Levi walked him out to the porch.

Eren wanted to pat Levi's shoulder or give him some kind of parting contact before he left, but he knew he wouldn't like that. So, he settled on a curt wave and a nod. "Goodnight Levi."

"Goodnight Eren." 

After Eren had left, Levi sat in his room, practically giddy. He collapsed on his bed, confused as to how Eren didn't mind playing chess all day. It was something he thought most people found to be boring, but he was more elated that they'd both had fun and that they were slowly growing closer. Plus, he found himself being filled with more hope than he had in quite a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that sucked. Next chapter, more "exciting" things are going to happen. And by exciting, I mean painful. Oh boy.
> 
> Major thanks to my super awesome beta! You're the literal best!!! Speaking of which, I'm a jerk and forgot to link art that they made for this fic. It's so beautiful, you don't understand. If you'd like to see it, I made a link to it in the notes of the second chapter, check it out!
> 
> If you liked this, it would be greatly appreciated if you left a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art & the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	6. Trying New Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi attends his first party after being invited by Eren. For once, the results were worse than he had feared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah geez, I suck at updating quickly. I've been real busy lately and I've been incredibly stressed out. I apologize for this chapter, it's super predictable and cringy. Enjoy?

Levi sat next to Eren in gym class again. This time, now that they'd spent quality time together outside of school, he felt a little more at ease. Perhaps there was hope for them.

"That's a really cool watch you got there," Eren commented. 

Levi's eyes lit up with elation. "Thank you, my mother gave it to me."

Eren was taken aback from how excited he got. Usually Levi would accept his compliments bashfully, but the appreciation and joy in his eyes made him want to further the conversation to keep him smiling like that. "Really?"

"Yes, it's probably the best gift I've ever received," Levi ranted on. "It keeps perfect time and it's easy to keep clean. It was so thoughtful of her. I love it so much." Levi hadn't noticed how bright his smile was at that moment, but Eren sure did. 

"I can see why. It's very nice." Eren watched as Levi looked down at his watch with such delight. It wasn't something he saw often, so he guessed his watch was incredibly special to him. He wanted to see more of that glimmer in his eyes. "Hey, Levi?" 

"Yes?" Levi looked up from the watch.

"You know Reiner Braun?" 

"Um... I know who he is, but I don't know him personally," Levi answered.

"Well, he's having a party at his place in a couple of weeks, and he told me I could bring anyone I wanted," Eren said. "So, do you want to come with me?"

Levi was a bit taken aback. "You want me to go with you?"

"Yeah, why not? It'll be fun, Reiner always throws the best parties. I think you'll like it."

Levi pondered it over. Social gatherings weren't his strong suit by a long shot. "I don't know, I've never been to a party before."

Eren gawked at him. "Never?!"

"Well," Levi started. "Not never. I went to a couple of birthday parties for my best friend Hanji when they were a kid. Sometimes my family has cookouts at my uncle's house... So, I've been to a few."

"Yeah, but not a real party?" Levi shook his head. "Oh my god, you gotta come! You're missing out! Trust me, you'll really like it, we always have a lot of fun at his parties."

Levi still didn't like the idea. A house full of strangers along with an unfamiliar situation was the perfect recipe for panic in Levi's case. But, if Eren really wanted him to go, then he'd go. He looked into the taller one's pleading eyes.

Eren was quick to add, "Though, if you don't want to go you don't have to. I could probably find someone else to come with me." 

Levi shook his head no. Just thinking about someone else going with Eren made his stomach tingle. "It's o-okay. I'll go."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Eren chanted with elation, making Levi smile uncontrollably, which he tried to hide.

 

~

 

7:24

Levi rummaged through his closet while holding his telephone to his ear, with Hanji on the other line. "I've never been to a party before, what do people wear to those?" he asked, shoulders shaking in fear.

"From what you've told me, it sounds like a casual party," Hanji mused. "So, I'd suggest that you wear something comfortable and not anything too fancy."

"Alright," Levi breathed. "Something comfortable..." He pulled out a white, button up shirt, black pants and a knitted, navy blue sweater. He told Hanji to wait for a moment while he hastily changed. "Okay," he said, picking up the phone again. "I just have to put my shoes on."

"How are you getting to the party?"

"Eren's picking me up," he answered.

"Ooo, how exciting!" Hanji squealed. "You'll be just fine, I bet you'll have a lot of fun with him tonight."

"I hope," Levi whispered, tying his shoes. He stood up and went to look at himself in the mirror. His sweater was too big for him, but it was comfortable, like Hanji said. The collar and cuffs of his shirt were poking out, but they were neat. He picked up a comb and started fixing his hair frantically. "I wonder what people do at these things."

"They have fun," Hanji scoffed. "There isn't a specific list of rules or a schedule that you need to follow. They talk, they dance, and they do whatever."

"I don't like that," Levi huffed, setting down his comb to check his watch. "Should I bring anything?" 

"I don't think so."

7:29

"Okay," Levi hummed. "I have to go. Eren will be here any minute."

"Alrighty, have fun Levi! Call me if you need anything. Good luck!"

"Thank you so much, Hanji." They said their goodbyes and Levi rushed downstairs. There, his mother stopped him before he went any further.

"Levi, I want you to have fun tonight," she said with her hands on his shoulders. "But - if there's an emergency - I want you to have my cell phone to call the house. Okay?"

"Okay," he answered, accepting her phone and putting it safely into his pocket. A honk from outside startled him, signaling that Eren had arrived. "That's him."

"Alright, have fun sweetie," Kutchel murmured, kissing his cheek. "Bye."

"Goodbye, mom."

Levi bit the inside of his cheek as his feet carried him out the door and off the front porch. Sure enough, Eren sat in his car in their driveway. Levi could see his excited smile through the windshield. His heart nearly stilled as he forced his eyes to be torn away as if he hadn't seen him. Swiftly patting his pockets before he opened the car door, he checked to see that he had his mother's phone, his inhaler, his sanitizer, and his cleaning wipes in case he crosses paths with a questionable surface. 

7:32

He opened the door and mechanically slid into the seat, pleasantly surprised that Eren's car wasn't overcome with an odor. He almost jumped at how loudly the door shut. Taking in a deep breath, he clutched the seat belt to buckle up and greeted Eren with a soft smile. "H-hi." 

"Hey!" Eren beamed. "Are you ready to go?" he asked, switching into reverse.

"Yes," Levi replied in a hushed tone, clicking in his seat belt. In truth, he was all nerves, having never been to a gathering like this with so many strangers. 

As soon as Eren pulled out onto the road, they sped off. Not at an unsafe rate, but fast enough to make Levi take a sharp inhale. "Are you excited?" His grin didn't fade as he spoke.

"Mhm," Levi hummed, not entirely honest. He was doing everything he could to remain optimistic, but the impending fear was bound to take over at some point. "What do people normally do at these?" He had to ask. He'd already received a somewhat helpful answer before, but he needed details. He didn't think Eren would pick on him for asking.

"Well," the brunet started, keeping his eyes on the road. "Usually at Reiner's parties, people will talk, we listen to music, sometimes Reiner will have some fun things planned out, we'll have a few drinks—"

"Wait, what?" Levi cut him off.

"We'll have some drinks," Eren repeated.

"Do you mean..." Levi couldn't bring himself to say it; he didn't want to assume things of Eren. "You only mean... drinking in a normal sense, right?"

"... What?" Eren asked dumbly.

"What do you drink?"

Eren shrugged. "Pft, beer, vodka. It really depends, so if you don't like those things, he's got options. I think last time he had some tequila for some people who requested it. I'm sure you'll find something you'll like."

Levi's stomach started twisted into knots, his mouth went dry and he couldn't tear his eyes from Eren. He had to be joking. "... I-I don't drink," was all he could get out.

"You don't?" Eren mused. "Hmm... well, maybe there'll be something else. He might have water. I can't think of why he wouldn't have water."

Levi wanted out. He needed to go home. He didn't see this night ending very well if people would be drinking. "But... isn't that illegal? If it's all people from school, there'll be no one of age. What about you? You're not going to drink all that, are you?"

Eren chuckled lightly. "Yeah, it's no big deal. We always clear out before his parents get home and he has no neighbors, so no one complains about the noise. We're not going to get in trouble, if that's what you think."

Levi's heart sped up. Why wasn't Eren seeing how big of an issue this was? Or was he overreacting again? Levi told himself it was the latter, so he wouldn't ruin Eren's fun. Yet, he still worried, even if getting caught wasn't an issue. "But... drinking is bad for you. Do you know what that can do to your liver? Or your memory? What about—"

"Levi, my man, don't worry," Eren said. "I don't drink excessively, it'll be fine. You have nothing to be nervous about."

Levi still wasn't convinced, but he dropped the subject. He didn't want to push Eren or annoy him when they were supposed to be having fun. "... Okay," he mumbled.

Eren glanced at him briefly, barely taking his eyes off the road. "Is everything alright?" he asked, voice laced with concern. 

Levi took a moment to think out his reply. 'No, it's not alright,' he thought. 'This is incredibly dangerous and irresponsible and I don't want to go anymore and I don't want you to go either if you'll be drinking.' But he couldn't say that. He was too afraid. "Yes."

The smile he received from his lie was worth it to him.

"Great."

 

~

 

7:42

 

"Are we late?" Levi asked, unbuckling his seat belt, noticing they weren't there at exactly 7:40. 

"Nah, we're good," Eren replied. "Let's go." He led Levi out of the driveway and up to the porch. Without even knocking, Eren waltzed right in with Levi in tow, both of them instantly struck by the wall of sound. Levi winced at blaring, electronic music that hit him so suddenly. Eren looked over his shoulder to spare him a glance and waved at him to keep up as they entered. The apprehension settled in his mind, but Eren keep it at bay.

People rushed by, greeting Eren with bounding enthusiasm, but left Levi unnoticed, for which he was half thankful for. The taller of the two led the way to the kitchen, vaguely nodding to each person who passed them. 

They halted at a table with various drinks splayed out in red plastic cups. Eren looked over them, deciding which he wanted before taking one on the left, filled with an amber liquid. After he had chosen, Levi immediately picked one up with a clear liquid. "Is this water?"

Eren grabbed the cup from him and smelled its contents. "No scent. Sorry, this is the vodka."

Levi straightened up and refused to touch the cup again. Eren looked over each drink and clicked his tongue, shaking his head. "Sorry again, nothing here." He leaned down to Levi's level, making the shorter boy inch away instinctively. "I'll find you something, don't worry," he whispered. 

He made sure no one was looking while he opened the fridge and searched for any non alcoholic beverage he could find. He took the first thing he saw after rummaging for a few moments and turned back to Levi. "No water, but I found you this!"

Levi looked down at the can of grape soda he was being offered and took it in his hands, the cold aluminum chilling his skin. Soda wasn't good for him, he noted, but it was his best option at the moment and it was a nice treat that he didn't often let himself have. "Am I allowed to have this? You took it out of his fridge."

"He won't care," Eren said. "Come on, let's go." He took him through another horde of people and came into the living room that wasn't any less crowded. Levi wasn't fond of having little space to move without fear of bumping into someone, so he stayed close to his escort.

"Eren!" The whole room chimed as he appeared. 

"Sup guys?" 

He didn't receive a direct answer, not that he was expecting one. He took his seat on the empty couch in the center, Levi sitting on the end, shoving himself into the corner as much as possible. 

Levi realized these were all people he knew, but since the setting was different, he felt so unsafe. 

Eren took a sip of his drink and due to their close proximity, Levi could smell that it was in fact beer, and he couldn't help but feel a little sick. But he trusted Eren. He trusted that he wouldn't get carried away. It took him a few seconds of struggling, but he opened his soda and took a hesitant sip, grimacing on the overpowering sweetness as it hit his teeth. 

"Eren," a nearby girl with blond hair and a welcoming smile called. "Who's your friend?"

Eren looked a tad confused. "This is Levi."

"Is he from another school?" The girl asked.

"No... he goes to our school."

Levi bit his lip, expecting this kind of thing to happen. 

The freckled girl next to her spoke up. "What, is he a new kid or something?"

"No..." Eren replied, offended for Levi. Levi however, was used to this kind of reaction. There was a reason he felt invisible from time to time.

"Oh," the girl scoffed.

Levi took another reluctant sip of his soda. Eren turned to him and whispered. "Things'll be more fun once the party gets started. Don't worry."

Levi nodded, sending him a forced smile. He wanted to remain hopeful. 

7:59

"Why aren't you drinking?" A guy with ashy blond hair and an undercut asked Levi, judgment written all over his face.

Levi stumbled over his words. "Um... I-I just wasn't interested in having alcohol."

The perplexed look never left the teen's face. "... Why?"

"Um—"

"Just let him be, Jean," Eren took over the conversation. "He doesn't drink, it's not that big of a deal."

"What's the point of going to a party if you're not going to drink?"

Before Levi had time to let his self-consciousness sink in, Eren spoke in his place, much to his relief. "Not everyone goes to parties just to get shitfaced." 

Jean snorted, quirking up his lip. Levi decided he didn't like him much. "You're one to talk."

Eren sunk back, losing a sliver of the control he had over the situation. He then decided to cut off the conversation completely, remaining silent as he finished his drink. 

Levi tossed him a look, wondering what Jean was talking about. He didn't want to know, so he let the quietness hang steady. Whatever quietness they had, at least, with the music flooding through each room. 

 

~

 

8:20

Levi checked his watch. Not much had happened aside from all the people asking Levi stupid questions that made him feel more insecure than when he entered. They asked what he was so dressed up for, more asked where his beer was, some wondered why he wasn't talking very much other than to Eren, and some couldn't process that it was his first party. 

Every time somebody became too invasive, Eren would take the attention off of Levi so he wouldn't get too upset. He was more concerned with Levi having a good time than himself. 

"I'm gonna get you another soda," Eren excused himself, seeing that Levi's drink was empty. He left him despite his protests.

Levi sat alone, begging for him to come back. In his absence, a rather tall boy who Levi recognized as Reiner came to sit down, or collapse really, onto the couch. He was laughing hysterically, catching the attention of all surrounding. Levi dug his hands into the hem of his sweater, staring at Reiner, wondering if he should go find Eren himself. 

"Holy fuck, they made a good batch," the blond cackled.

Levi forced himself to move further into the arm of the couch, not able to move much, but that didn't stop him from trying.

"They're done?" Someone asked.

"Yeah, and they're great," Reiner raved, seemingly out of his mind. A handful of people left to the kitchen after hearing that. Levi could've lived his whole life without knowing what was going on and he'd be just fine with that. 

Eren returned, simpering when he saw Levi through the group of people, holding Levi's can of soda and two red cups in the other hand. "I got you a Sprite this time, there wasn't any grape soda left."

"Thank you," Levi said, accepting the can, letting out a sigh of relief when Eren separated him and Reiner. Levi saw the contents of Eren's cups as he sat down and tried to fool himself into believing he'd emptied them out and gotten water.

"Reiner, where you been?" Eren asked. "It's your own party and no one has seen you for an hour or whatever."

"Dude, dude," Reiner laughed, patting Eren's shoulder. "Connie made the brownies, and holy shit these ones are good. Better get a few before Sasha eats them all."

"They're done?" Eren perked up. "Where are they? How many are left—" he stopped his ranting when he caught a glimpse of Levi trying to disappear into himself. "I'm gonna pass them up tonight."

"Fuck that," Reiner replied, words cracking. "Go on, let yourself have some fun. You never go without a few."

Eren rolled his eyes, chuckling. "I'll be fine. Go find your boyfriend and get your shit together."

"Fuck you, man," Reiner said playfully as he stood, wobbling into another room. 

Eren shook his head, turning to Levi. "He can get pretty wild, but he's a cool guy."

"He seems like it," Levi lied, still hoping to salvage the night.

 

~

 

8:46

The music had quieted down and everyone's focus was being drawn to a girl in black pig tails, carrying around a brown paper bag. She went around sticking the bag in front of everyone's face, waiting for them to offer up an item, which they all did enthusiastically.

Several whoops and hollers went around as the girl did, taking random things people had on them, like bracelets or car keys from the more careless people.

"What are they doing?" Levi asked Eren.

Eren gaped at Levi, then tried to recover his calm. "Uh... you don't wanna know buddy." His words started slurring together and Levi told himself that it was because he was tired and not because of what he was drinking. 

The girl came up to them, putting the bag in their faces. "Hurry up, we want to start."

Levi looked to Eren. "What do I...?"

Eren left him unanswered. "Levi's not playing. And... neither am I."

The girl's jaw dropped. "You're kidding, right? You're not playing?"

"Not this time," Eren replied.

Some people boo'ed at Eren, but the girl just shook her head, moving on. The curiosity was building up in Levi. He trusted Eren's judgment, but he wanted to know what was going on. "Why shouldn't I play? What are they doing?"

Eren scratched the back of his head, searching for the right words. "Uh... I'm preeetty sure you don't wanna fuck someone tonight." He nodded when Levi's eyes widened and cheeks reddened. "Yeah, you put something that's yours in the bag and they pull it out later. And then they pull another. Whoever the things belong to are the people who end up together."

"Oh..." Levi mumbled, his heart pounding with panic. "Thank you for getting me out of that."

"Any time." 

 

~

 

8:56

Levi was grateful that the music drowned out whatever noises people were making upstairs. However, he felt less and less safe as Eren kept drinking. 

Jean came back at one point with a tray of brownies. Levi was starting to get hungry. Jean offered them to the two and Levi went to take one. It was a party, so he allowed himself to have some sweets.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Eren hollered, shooing Levi's hand away. "None of that f-for you, my guy. I will take one, though." He actually grabbed three, Levi thought perhaps he just didn't notice. "I want one before Sasha hogs them all."

"Why can't I have one?" Levi asked.

"I don't think you'd like them," Eren explained, mouth not fitting around his words. "They're... special brownies."

Levi knitted his brows together in confusion.

"They got weed in them," Jean admitted bluntly as he walked away.

Levi gawked at Eren. "Why on earth would you eat those?" he whispered. 

"Don't worry, Levi." Eren waved him off. "I eat these all the time, I'll be fine."

"But... but..." Levi couldn't take this. He needed some time to think. "I-I'll be back, I just need some fresh air." He stood, ignoring Eren's calls, ignoring everything around him. He rushed through the hall, dodging every person he could, making his way to the front door and out into the night air.

He allowed himself to take in the oxygen like he'd just emerged from water after being submerged for what felt like hours. He couldn't believe the things Eren was doing without any care for his well-being. He'd been surrounded by such self-destructive actions and he needed space to think about what he could do to keep himself safe. Taking a seat on the bench in the front porch, Levi tried regulating his heartbeat again.

He fished out his inhaler from his pocket, taking a puff and holding it in. 

9:01

Levi checked his watch. It reminded him of his mother. At that moment, he wished by some miracle that she'd show up so take him home. Even more so, he wished that Eren would get out of there and stop doing such reckless things. 

He looked out at the night sky, no stars in sight, the lawn lit up from the light streaming through the windows. He just wanted the night to end. 

Startling him, the door opened, a stumbling figured creeping out. "Levi?" Eren's voice sounded like he was tickled pink over something. "There you are." He shut the door and came to sit by Levi, the boards of the bench creaking under his weight. 

"Hey," Levi's timid voice came out roughly.

Eren appeared a bit less amused and more concerned. "You having fun yet?"

Levi couldn't tell him the truth. He couldn't ruin his night. "Yes. My asthma was acting up, so... I needed some air."

Eren nodded a bit exaggeratedly. "I get ya." He tried to look Levi in the eye. "You should come back in. Things are getting real fun. I don't wanna spend the night without you there too."

Levi half smiled, avoiding his gaze. He couldn't help but tell himself that he was only saying these things because of whatever substances were interfering with his system. "I'll go back in. I just... need a minute."

"Gotcha," Eren grunted, suppressing a burp. "I'll wait with you—"

He was cut off by the door opening again. "Eren," Reiner poked his head out. "We're gonna start passing it around soon. I don't know what's been going on with you tonight, but you can't pass this up. It's tradition."

Eren looked torn. He stared back at Levi, as if he was asking for permission. Levi had no clue what they were talking about, but it couldn't have been that bad. And he didn't want to keep Eren from having a good time. 

"I'll be back inside in a few minutes. You don't need to wait for me," Levi said, hoping deep down that Eren would stay.

But he didn't. He only gave him a blinding smile. Though, it wasn't like his other ones, a couple of his facial muscles not complying. "Thanks Levi, you're the best."

Levi watched as he left him, stumbling back into the house. How many drinks was he having that Levi hadn't seen? And how many more would he have that night? Levi didn't want to think about it.

 

~

 

9:13

Levi felt it was time to go back and look for Eren. Being alone, outside in the dark wasn't as appealing as being with the one person he was familiar with at the party. 

Levi hauled himself inside, pulling his arms inward to keep from coming in contact with anyone. He first checked the living room and felt a pang in his chest when Eren wasn't there. He built up his courage and forced himself to walk down an unfamiliar hallway in the hopes of finding him. People passed him, laughing heartily and nearly bumping into him. Levi quickened his pace, desperate to find Eren.

He vaguely looked in the rooms he passed if the doors were open. Each room was filled to the brim with strangers, but Eren couldn't be found. Levi dove into the first empty room, which happened to be the restroom and shut the door, in dire need of some space. Air was getting thin and he needed his inhaler. 

Taking a puff, he looked at himself in the mirror, not much of a fan of the yellow light coming from the fixture above. 'Where is he?' Levi thought. 'I want to go home.'

Taking a deep breath, he pressed on, moving out into the hallway. When the hall reached its end, Levi came to the base of a flight of stairs. He could make out a few figures at the top, so it wasn't as if no one was allowed up there. Even so, he didn't want to go.

Levi bit his tongue as he ascended the stairs, shaking slightly. He angled his head down when he passed people, avoiding eye contact. He looked in each room as he had before, finding the majority of them empty. Levi could only guess that Eren was in the last room at the end of the hall, seeing as he could hear noise from there and a couple of people stood outside the door, looking in as if there wasn't room for them. With great hesitation, Levi slowly made his way to the room, wary of the others looking in. He made it to the entrance, blocking out all the hollers and shouts, trying not to jump at them.

"Take it away from him, he's using it all up!" Someone whined.

"I haven't had any yet," another person groaned. 

"Look at him go at it," somebody else chuckled. 

Levi shouldn't have looked. He wasn't ready to handle seeing Eren breathing in the smoke from the glass object in front of him. The clouds exited Eren's nostrils as he refused to break off contact and kept taking in the drug. Levi wished he could look away, but shock was a hell of an immobilizer. 

Eren shot back, collapsing into the couch, laughing like a hyena. Someone took away the bong, complaining about how he'd nearly taken everything they had and how they wanted some before it was gone. Levi stared, terrified. So many things were happening that he didn't understand. Why was Eren doing this to himself? Why were people laughing like it was some big joke? Why did no one else see the danger in this?

Levi allowed himself a moment of reassurance when he saw a blond girl pat at Eren's shoulder, trying to get him to calm down. He hoped she would be successful in her attempts. Eren seemed unresponsive, reaching for his cup and tilting it back as he downed every last drop within it. The girl laughed, but tried again to bring him back to sanity. 

9:29

The last drop of optimism Levi had in him was torn to shreds when Eren crushed his cup and secured his hands at the sides of the girls face, bringing her into an unruly mess of a kiss. Levi felt his lungs still and his heart stop as his feet carried him away on an instinctive reaction. He couldn't process a single thought going through his mind, he barely registered the fact that he was going downstairs. He faintly recognized the shouts that increased in volume after what Eren had done and suddenly that was all he could see. Even if he closed his eyes, the only thing he saw was Eren with that girl and he could feel his eyes burning at that.

Before he knew it, he ended up outside on the porch. At first, his heart and lungs had stopped completely, but now they were pounding faster and harder than ever. He was taking in too much air and not enough, all at once. He thought his chest was going to explode with everything he was feeling, he was acting entirely in instinct. Somehow, his quaking hands had pulled out his mother's cell phone. He knew he had to call someone to come pick him up so he could get away. Away from this nightmare of a night. 

He didn't know who to call. He couldn't call his mother, she'd ask him what was wrong and he wasn't ready to tell her, let alone come to terms with what was happening. It just barely occurred to him that he had dialed Hanji's number before he could process anything.

Every bit of his body was shaking, it was a miracle he was able to bring his phone up to his ear by the time Hanji had answered. "Kutchel?" they said.

Levi focused all of his energy into speaking clearly. "I-it's Levi."

"Oh, Levi! How's the party so far? Or is it over?"

Levi took a deep breath before replying. Even in his traumatized state, he had a mind to put everyone else's needs before his. "Are you busy?"

"Not unless you count having a Jaws marathon as busy. What's up?"

"Oh... I see—"

"Levi, I'm not busy." Hanji knew they had to clarify since Levi was so concerned about disturbing others.

"Um..." Levi struggled to find what he needed to say. "If it's not too much trouble, could... could you pick me up?"

"What's the address?"

 

~

 

9:48

Levi waited on the front porch until Hanji arrived, trying to keep himself occupied by regaining a more stable breathing pace. His inhaler only helped just enough, but his mind was still racing and he feared that his thoughts would take over like they always did. 

He was provided with some comfort when their car pulled along the side of the road behind all the others. Levi stood and marched his way to their vehicle, willing his features to not portray his inner turmoil. He reached their car on wobbly legs as they rolled down the window. He set his hand on the door handle and just before opening it, he felt a flood of guilt even though he was hurting so much. "Just a moment," he told Hanji. "I need to say goodbye to Eren." He didn't want to disappear on him with no explanation.

Hanji nodded, though they looked wary.

Levi turned back, reluctantly stepping foot back into the house. Even though Eren probably couldn't have processed any logic in his intoxicated state or understand what Levi was going through, Levi at least wanted to let him know where he was on the off-chance he'd notice his absence. Levi knew that Eren would most likely be in the kitchen, living room or the room upstairs, so he decided to check them in that order. When he passed through the kitchen that was practically empty, he followed the sounds of booming hollers in the living room. 

Levi instantly regretted his decision to return after being greeted with the sight of Eren lowering himself on top a random guy on the couch with the rest of the guests either laughing or cheering him on. Levi had reached his limit. He walked out as fast as his feet would carry him without breaking into a sprint and exited the house.

9:54

Levi ran to Hanji's car as soon as he came outside and rushed to get in and buckle up, not bothering to say anything to his friend. Hanji narrowed their eyes at him. "Levi? Is everything al—"

"Please, can you get me out of here?" he begged, not brave enough to look them in the eye just yet.

"Of course," they answered, switching the car into drive. "Do you want to go to my house or home?"

"Home. I want to go home." He'd been chanting that in his head the whole night, that was the only place he wanted to be. "Could you... could you stay the night? If you want?" He didn't want to be alone, but he didn't want to be crowded like earlier. 

"Sure thing," Hanji said. They knew he wasn't prepared to say what was going on, but he'd open up by the end of the night.

 

~

 

10:06

They arrived to a dark, silent house. Of course, Levi's mother was asleep and didn't bother to leave any of the lights on. Hanji threw their arm around Levi's shoulders as they escorted him upstairs to his room.

Levi remained quiet since he asked Hanji if they would spend the night and wore a stoic expression as he tried convincing himself that it was a bad dream. He entered his room, mechanically taking a seat on his bed, back straight, staring at nothing. Hanji sat beside him with a reassuring hand on his back. "Could you tell me what happened?"

Levi had spent all this time blocking it out that the second he genuinely remembered, his entire body physically hurt. The images were stuck in his sight again. Eren losing control over his motor functions, his slurring voice, him kissing that girl, taking in the smoke and alcohol, him on top of that boy. It was too much to think about all at once. 

Levi's face cracked as he started shaking and sobbing, hanging his head and gasping for air. Hanji was quick to start rubbing his shoulders, and shushing him. "It'll be okay Levi," Hanji hushed. "Can you tell me what happened or do you need some time?"

Levi's breath hitched. His words were barely comprehensible through his crying as he tried explaining what he went through. "It was E-Eren..." he began. "He... he was drinking," he hiccupped. "A-and he smoked something..."

"He didn't make you do it, did he?" Hanji asked.

Levi sniffled, shaking his head no. "H-he kissed someone..." At that, Hanji brought him into a side hug, knowing how much that alone had pained him. "And later... I came back and he w-was on top of somebody else." That was all he could get out before he broke into a coughing fit. 

Hanji gave him some space to breathe and rubbed soothing circles into his shoulder blades. After minutes of him weeping without continuing any explanations, they determined that he was finished with his story. Either that, or he couldn't get out anything else if he tried. "I'm so sorry," Hanji whispered. That was all they could find to say. 

"Th-that's probably why he brought me," Levi theorized through his tears. "He p-probably wanted me to see... so I'd leave him alone or so I'd know he doesn't f-feel the same." He wrapped his arms around his stomach and bent over to ease the sick feeling.

"No, no, no," Hanji protested. "Levi that's not rational. I know how much you're hurting, but I don't think he'd do all that specifically to drive you away."

Everything they said never reached Levi's ears. "This is my fault... he was too nice to tell m-me he didn't want to be around me. I'm too clingy, I-I'm a bother."

"Levi, that's just not true," Hanji interjected. "I think it's just his lifestyle, he must have done something like this before. He's used to this kind of thing; it has nothing to do with you."

Levi listened as best as he could while he cried. "... He never liked me... he never will."

Hanji exhaled heavily, feeling their friend's pain. They didn't know if that was the case, but they weren't sure if it wasn't either. So, they just took Levi in their arms, and held him through the night, letting him cry until his heart's content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp
> 
> I can't promise if things will get better anytime soon. Oh boy. 
> 
> Super mega thanks to my awesome beta who is the best person ever! They helped so much, appreciate them plz.
> 
> In case you're interested, my tumblrs are dr-s--art, my fic/art blog and the-witch-daddy, my ereri/color gaurd blog.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!! If you liked it, please leave a comment or kudos! Have a fabulous day! <3


	7. Piping Hot Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi struggles to heal and move on from everything he witnessed the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have no schedule for this fic (or any of my fics) but I'm sorry this is so late. 
> 
> Enjoy!

8:43

Levi awoke with reddened eyes and a sore body. He'd spent so much time hunched over and weeping the previous night that this was the only possible outcome. He shifted in his bed, turning to lay flat on his back and stare at the ceiling. He gently rubbed at his burning eyes before sitting up.

He vaguely became aware of a body at the foot of his bed and realized it was Hanji, who was still sleeping and curled up like a cat. Then, as he sat up, the memories of the previous night came flooding back to him and he couldn't help the ache in his chest and the tremble that ran through his lip. He didn't hesitate in slouching over, holding his sides so tightly, and shutting his eyes like locks. The sickness took over, leaving him in a state of utter disgust with the events the night prior. His body shook from the overwhelming thoughts that returned and soon he couldn't focus on a single thing with every image that stuck in his vision. 

Hanji stirred from their spot and groaned, lifting their head from the sheets. They patted around the bed to find where their glasses had fallen and haphazardly threw them on their face, stretching into an upright position. Once they felt attentive enough to observe their surroundings, they looked over to Levi, only to find him just as distraught as the night before. They immediately crawled over to his side, rubbing his shoulder soothingly. "Shh, let it out, Levi," they murmured. 

Levi leaned into their touch, seeking out every bit of comfort he could find. Levi opened his mouth to take in large gulps of air. 

"How are you feeling? Physically, I mean," Hanji asked.

"Terrible," Levi mumbled. "Everything hurts."

"Stay right here," Hanji instructed. "Can you handle being alone for a couple of minutes?"

Levi sighed heavily. "... Sure."

Hanji didn't want to leave him, but there were things that were absolutely necessary that they took care of for him, otherwise he'd neglect them. "I'll be right back." They hopped off the bed and exited his room, trotting downstairs.

They searched through the kitchen to find food for Levi that would be filling and that he wouldn't reject. Looking through the cupboards, they froze when they heard a long yawn. Hanji turned around to find Levi's mother drowsily walking in the kitchen. "Good morning, Kutchel."

Kutchel blinked a few times, focusing on Hanji. "Oh... good morning, Hanji. When did you get here?"

"Last night," Hanji replied, looking into the fridge. "I drove Levi home from the party." They pulled out fruit salad and got to work, putting it into a bowl for Levi, then moving on to start making tea.

"Why didn't Eren drive him home?" Kutchel asked, turning on the coffee maker. 

Hanji stilled, knowing Levi wouldn't consent to them telling his mother of the events of the night before. "Um... Levi got tired and wanted to go home, but Eren wasn't ready to leave," they lied, picking out a mesh tea bag.

"Oh, alright. So, did he have fun?" Kutchel asked as the her mug was being filled steadily.

Hanji didn't know how to answer that. They were uncertain of what Levi would want them to tell her, so they improvised. "You'll have to ask Levi when he's awake. He's pretty exhausted from last night, so I tried not to wake him."

Kutchel nodded. "Okay. Well, when he's up, let him know I want to hear all about it." She took her coffee and exited into the living room.

Hanji sighed, rubbing their temples and collecting what they had prepared for Levi. They grabbed a granola bar and put it on a tray along with the fruit salad and tea, and headed back up to Levi's room. Levi was still sitting on his bed, still slightly shaking. Hanji hurried over to his side, setting the tea on his nightstand and placing the food in front of him. "I brought you some breakfast. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled, eyeing the food.

"Hungry or not, if you don't eat now, you won't later. You need to eat." They pushed the food in front of him. "At least try?"

Levi buried his face in his knees again. "I don't want food."

Hanji sighed is exasperation. "What do you want?"

Levi sniffled before answering. "... I want Eren. I want him to stop doing those things." He gripped his shins, nails digging through his clothes.

Hanji tried thinking of some way to console him while still getting him to take care of himself. They hated taking advantage of his need to please everyone, but it was for his benefit. "Eren wouldn't want you to go hungry. You're his friend."

Levi set his head on its side, laying it on his crossed arms. He looked at the food in distaste, genuinely not hungry. "But I don't want to eat."

Hanji stuck a piece of fruit with a fork and held it along with the bowl out for him to take. "Will you eat for me?"

Levi stared at the fruit and then at Hanji, deliberating over what he should do. He nodded faintly, accepting the fork and taking a hesitant bite.

"I brought you some tea, too," Hanji said.

Levi waited until he swallowed his food to reply. "Thank you."

Bit by bit, he ate his fruit salad and sipped at his tea, having yet to touch his granola bar, but at least he was feeding himself something. Hanji helped him along, reminding him that the food was good for him and that they were happy he was eating. Levi didn't seem to be fazed by their words one bit, taking in each bite as if on autopilot. When Levi finished, he pushed the dishes away and resumed his position, hugging his knees. 

9:34

Hanji was at a complete loss of what to do. Their best friend had been so hurt and only felt negativity towards himself and not the person who had done this to him. "Levi," they sighed. "Why do you still like him after what he did to you?"

"He didn't do anything to me," Levi defended.

"Yes he did," Hanji argued. "He ditched you for drugs and alcohol and left you by yourself. He knew you weren't used to going to parties and you're scared around that many people and he left you. How could you like him after that?"

Levi shut his eyes, shaking his head at Hanji's words. "It's not his fault. He was having fun and I was a bother."

"No, it is his fault. That was so irresponsible of him! If I didn't know it would upset you, I'd... I'd punch him the next time I saw him. I'm so furious with him."

"Don't be," Levi muttered. "I shouldn't have gone."

"Levi, I can't believe you're defending him. Are you honestly okay with anything he did?"

"No!" Levi shouted. He was hurting enough already, he didn't want to believe that Eren had treated him poorly. "I'm not okay with any of it, I hate everything he did last night and remembering any of it makes me sick. Yet, I can't blame him... I drove him away. Those are the things he likes and I can't change that."

Hanji pinched the bridge of their nose. "Levi, no no no. You did not do anything to drive him away, he was being a childish asshole and left you—"

"Don't talk about him like that!" Levi interrupted. "I don't like what he did, but he's not... he's not a bad person." He began speaking more to himself than to Hanji.

Hanji couldn't disagree more, they were livid with Eren and would even go as far as to say they hated him for what he did to Levi. "Listen, the next time you see him at school, what are you going to do? Are you going to forgive him and act like everything is fine?" If that was the case, they wanted to know so they could chew out Eren and make him regret his decisions. 

"I don't know," Levi answered quietly. "I feel like I'm going to throw up just thinking about it."

9:41

Their conversation was cut off when the phone's blaring ring cut through the silence, startling Levi. As exhausted as he was, Levi sighed and pushed himself to the edge of the bed to read the collar I.D. He jumped back, grasping at his chest and searching helplessly for his inhaler.

"What? Who is it?" Hanji asked, finding his inhaler at the foot of the bed and handing it to him.

Levi took a puff and held it in for a moment. "It's Eren," he rasped.

"He has some nerve calling," Hanji muttered bitterly. "Are you going to answer it?"

"No, I'm not ready," Levi breathed, distancing himself from the phone.

Hanji reached over and pressed the mute button so Levi wouldn't have to hear the persistent rings. "You just take your time and think over how you want things to go between you two. There's no pressure—"

The phone erupted with another ring, signaling that he had called back. "Ugh, do you want me to answer and tell him to stop calling?"

"No... I'll answer."

"Levi, you just said you weren't ready."

"I know," Levi sighed, panicking silently. "But he keeps calling, he could get the wrong idea."

"You owe him nothing, you don't have to pick up," Hanji said.

Before they could protest further, Levi took the phone with a shaking hand and answered. "H-hello?"

"Levi?" Eren groaned. "Where are you? Are you still in the house? I can't find you anywhere." His rough, groggy voice lagged and he sounded as if he was just barely aware of what was going on. 

"I'm home," Levi answered, eyeing Hanji and how skeptical they looked. "My friend picked me up last night."

"Oh... are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Levi replied curtly. He didn't have much to say to Eren at this point.

 

~

 

9:49

Eren trudged through Reiner's house aimlessly after his search for Levi, holding his phone up to his ear. He woke up with a migraine and threw up everything he had eaten and drank the night before. After he gained control over himself, he searched the house top to bottom, trying to find Levi. When he turned up short, he could only think to call him, hoping to god he would answer. The fear of what could've happened to Levi had him instantly regretting everything he did the night prior.

He reached the kitchen while on the phone with Levi, where people were passed out at random places, just like every other room of the house. He pushed some empty cups out of his way and sat at the table, leaning on the surface and going dizzy after seating himself.

"I'm fine," Levi said.

"Okay," Eren grumbled, rubbing his entire face. "Why did you leave?"

Levi took a bit before replying. "...I-I got tired. I didn't want to bother you, so I called Hanji."

"Oh..." Eren groaned, hating himself for his mistake. "What was I doing?"

He thought he heard Levi's breath hitch, but he couldn't be sure. "Um... I don't remember. I think you might've... been talking with someone."

Eren honestly couldn't remember much from the night prior. For that reason, he became worried that Levi had to leave for something he'd done. He didn't have much control, if any, when he was intoxicated and it wasn't rare for people to stop talking with him because of something he couldn't remember. "Levi, I didn't say... anything to you last night, did I? Anything that made you upset?"

"No, I don't think so." Levi's voice sounded rather confused, which confirmed to Eren that he didn't say anything wrong. 

"And I didn't... do anything to you, right? Anything you didn't like?" He knew he could get handsy and forget to mind his space, and he knew how Levi would get when he was uncomfortable or when Eren would touch him. 

"No, nothing to me."

Eren huffed out a sigh of relief. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Reiner walking in the kitchen and over to the fridge, clearly in no better state than Eren was in. He tried remembering the last time he saw Levi and was fairly attentive. The last thing he could recollect was when he left Levi on the front porch and went upstairs, being offered more drinks as he went. "Levi, I'm real sorry about last night. I didn't mean to leave you, I wasn't thinking. I fucked up..."

"... It's fine," Levi mumbled.

"Are you mad at me?" Eren asked, scared to hear the answer.

"No."

Eren wanted to believe him, but since Levi's replies came so quietly and with hesitation, he had a hard time doing so. 

"I have to go," Levi said. "My mother is calling me downstairs."

"Alright... again, I'm so sorry about last night."

"It's okay."

Eren shook his head, forgetting that Levi couldn't see him. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

Levi contemplated his answer briefly. "... Yes."

They said their goodbyes and Eren hung up, pocketing his phone. He rubbed at his eyes, suppressing a burp and grunting at the turning within his stomach. He sat back until his spine hit the chair and exhaled heavily.

"Who the hell took all the damn soda outta the fridge?" Reiner asked to a room of sleeping guests. 

Eren let his head fall back as he groaned in annoyance.

 

~

 

10:01

"What did he say?" Hanji inquired after Levi hung up.

"Not much," Levi replied. "He asked me where I was, if I was okay and he asked me what he was doing last night or if he had done anything to me."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him where I was and that I was okay. And I answered him the best I could. It sounded like he couldn't remember anything. So... it really wasn't his fault. He wasn't in the right mindset; that wasn't like him."

Hanji took off their glasses to rub at their eyes in frustration. "Levi, you can't keep making excuses for him because you don't want him to be a bad person. At some point, he knew exactly what he was doing, and he chose to get drunk and get high and leave you. It's not what you want to hear, but that's what happened." They looked at Levi and how he kept his eyes closed and his face angled away from them. It killed them to see how much he was hurting. Sighing, they tried to console him again. "Levi, you'll find someone special who won't do this to you. You'll find somebody else that will treat you right and make you happy."

Levi bit his lip and shook his head, crouching a bit and wrapping his arms around his stomach. "I don't want anyone else. I want Eren. But Eren doesn't want me..." His voice started cracking as he progressed. "And no one else will either." 

Hanji knew that they'd hit a wall, unable to get Levi to believe anything more than the lies he told himself. They scooted over to sit but him and wrapped their arms around him. "Someone will want you, and they'll be good to you. I promise." They weren't feeding him empty words. They believed everything they told him because they saw every bit of good in Levi and they knew for a fact that someone else would too, someday. "Eren's not good enough for you."

By the trembling of his voice, Hanji was aware that he'd started crying again. "I'm not good enough for him."

 

~

 

8:33

Levi sat in art class, wishing for nothing but to go home. Though, he wasn't about to destroy his perfect attendance record for anything, that would only add to his stress. Class had just started and he dreaded the fact that Eren would be there any minute.

Sure enough, Eren made his presence known by making a huge ruckus of sitting down, like he always did, startling Levi in the process. He seemed rather exhausted, but still bore his optimistic aura. It was normal for him to have messy hair, but right then, it looked like a family of crows were living there. With drooping eyelids and a bright smile, he greeted his partner like always. "Hey, Levi."

Levi glanced at him using his peripheral vision, but otherwise did not make eye contact. "Hello," he murmured. 

Eren sensed an uneasiness in him that differed from his usual nerves. So, he tried to get more out of him. "How are ya?"

"I'm well," Levi responded softly. He fiddled with his fingernails, angling his head down to appear somewhat occupied. 

Eren furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to what made Levi this way. Unsure if he should bring it up, he decided to avoid the subject and press on. "Are you excited to paint the pottery today?"

"Sure," Levi mumbled, gulping at his discomfort with the situation. 

Eren eyed him with worry. Usually, if something was wrong with Levi, he was anxious or on edge. Now he just seemed disinterested and borderline depressed. Eren was at a complete loss, wishing he knew what to do or say to help him. He was about to ask him what was bothering him when a voice from across the room distracted him. "Eren!"

Eren and Levi turned to face the owner of the voice, who happened to be one of the boys from the party. "Yeah?" Eren responded. 

"When did you leave the party?" The boy asked, leaning over his desk.

Eren considered the question, not really wanting to remember. Scratching the back of his head, he answered with uncertainty. "I dunno, like... noon on Sunday?"

The boy's eyes went wide. "Seriously? You were there that long?"

"What? Did you think I was gonna get behind the wheel like that?" Eren asked rhetorically with a bitter edge to his voice.

The boy backed off and tended to his project, clearly amused. Eren sighed and shook his head, looking back to Levi, who seemed even more shaken than before. "Levi? Is everything okay?"

Levi nodded subtly. "... Yes."

Eren's worry grew with each response. His chest felt tight, angry over the fact that there was nothing he could do for Levi. Again, he tried taking Levi's mind off of whatever was bothering him by talking about class. "Do you want to paint the pottery or is that too messy?"

Levi shrugged. "I don't care." He couldn't really get paint on himself and the drops would be caught on scrap paper. He didn't mind whether or not he participated; he'd get credit and his mind was elsewhere. 

"Oh... okay." Eren frowned. He could only hope that Levi would feel better by the end of the day.

 

~

 

11:35

"Levi, knock it off with the cabbage. You're going to vomit," Hanji reprimanded him, watching his face contort as he ate another food that disgusted him. "Eat the cucumber, you love cucumber."

Levi shook his head. "I won't let this go to waste. And it's good for me."

Hanji sighed, going back to their lunch. "So... how were you in art class?"

Levi stilled. He didn't want to think about it. For once he didn't want to think about Eren at all. "I was alright."

"Please stop lying to me, I want to help," Hanji said. "Do you want me to talk to Eren during our study hall? Because I'll do it, I'll put him in his place—"

"No," Levi cut in sharply. "Don't... say anything to him about me or about the party. Let him be."

"I can't stand by and watch while you're hurting and continue to hang out with the guy that made you so unhappy."

Levi sniffled, refusing to look up from his food. "It's not his fault."

"Yes it is!" Hangi argued, becoming agitated. "What he did was wrong and I don't know what I can do to get you to see that."

Levi bit his lip and knitted his eyebrows together. Deep down, he knew that Eren shouldn't have left him and been so irresponsible, but he didn't let himself believe that he deserved better. And as heartbroken as he was, he still had feelings for Eren. He thought that Eren was his last chance at finding someone, despite having his whole life ahead of him and he wasn't about to blame him for his pain, still praying for some miracle that one day his feelings would be requited. "... It's not his fault," he repeated to himself.

11:38

"It really is..." Hanji hated seeing Levi like this. "Do you at least want me to tell him you're not feeling well so he'll take it easy around you?"

Levi shook his head. "I don't want him to worry."

Hanji rolled their eyes, still furious with Eren. They had no positive feelings for him, believing him to be self-centered, having no regard for other people or their feelings. Without thinking, they bitterly muttered, "I doubt he'd worry."

Levi's lungs emptied. He started blinking rapidly to fend off the dampness gathering in his eyes. He tilted his head down even further so Hanji couldn't see the redness that built up beneath his skin. 

Realizing their error, Hanji backpedalled, reaching across the table to set their hand on Levi's shoulder. "No, Levi, that's not what I meant. I meant he—"

"No, y-you're right," Levi interrupted. "He wouldn't worry, it was stupid of me to think he would."

"Levi, no. I meant that... I mean, anyone would worry about you, because they would care about you. I didn't think Eren would because of the way he treated you, but he would!" Hanji patted his shoulder, trying to make up for their mistake. "He may not be a good person, but he'd worry! You're still his friend."

Levi shifted to dodge Hanji's touch. "He wouldn't worry. I'm not that important."

"But you are. You're so important."

"I'm not. Just... don't mention me to him. Please?"

"Levi, I'm sorry," Hanji said.

"Please?"

"I won't," Hanji promised.

 

~

 

12:22

Levi attempted to ignore Eren during their creative writing class and focus on his work, for both of their sakes. Eren, however, wasn't getting to work and was trying to get something out of Levi. He pestered him and pestered him, unaware that he was doing the opposite of helping. He just wanted to know if Levi was okay.

Their assignment was to write an ode to something unexpected and their teacher was more than happy to let them talk amongst themselves as long as they weren't disruptive. Eren was currently neglecting his work, resting his head on the table over his crossed arms, looking between Levi and his work. "Whatcha writing about?"

Levi sighed, angling his paper away. "It's not very good, I don't want to say." In truth, he just didn't want to be caught up in conversation with him.

"I bet it's good," Eren countered.

Levi forced himself to not glance him. If he saw Eren looking up at him with his big eyes because then everything would hurt that much more. 

"... I'm writing an ode to screaming," Eren said.

Levi nodded, letting him know he acknowledged him. Normally, Eren's absurd topic would've made him giggle, even though the point of the assignment was to be absurd. But he wasn't exactly in a laughing mood.

Eren didn't take a personal offense to his lack of response, but it definitely brought him down. He didn't like it one bit when Levi was feeling this low. "... Are you tired?"

Levi halted his writing, taking a moment to take a deep breath. "Yes... I'm very tired."

Eren hummed in response. "Didn't get much sleep?"

"I suppose not." Levi tried suppressing the ache in his chest that built up with each question, but Eren wasn't making it easy for him.

"I didn't get much sleep either," Eren mumbled.

12:34

Levi gave in and averted his gaze to Eren, making the mistake of looking him in the eye. The way he perked up at being noticed nearly broke his resolve. For a moment, they simply stated at one another, not furthering the conversation. As happy as Eren was that Levi finally looked at him, he was even more upset to see how worn out Levi appeared. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Levi was a tad too quick to speak, making Eren raise a skeptical brow. "N-nothing's wrong. I'm just exhausted. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I was just worried," Eren said.

Levi looked away as soon as those words left his mouth. "You don't need to worry." He mentally congratulated himself for making his words come out so calmly, because it felt like his sanity was collapsing. 'He can't be worried, he doesn't even like me.' He told himself. 'He's lying. He's too nice to make me feel bad. No one feels anything for me, especially him.'

12:37

"You just... don't seem like yourself today," Eren added.

'He doesn't care,' Levi mentally reminded himself.

12:37

"Usually you pay more attention to things."

'He doesn't care.'

12:38

"I just wanted to make sure—"

'He doesn't worry about me.'

12:38

"— that you were okay."

'He's too kind to tell me different.'

12:39

"You can tell me if something's up."

'I'm nothing to him.'

"I'm okay," Levi lied.

12:37

"You just... don't seem like yourself today."

Levi's heart started pounding painfully in his chest as Eren's words started echoing continuously. He extracted his eyes from him and turned back to his paper, bringing his shaking hand to pick up where he left off. However, he couldn't merely focus on his work again, Eren's sincere words were infecting his train of thought. He couldn't be sure, but he thought that it would've hurt less if Eren had told him the lies he was telling himself instead. He didn't want to be lied to, he didn't want to be fooled or get his hopes up. His stomach started turning uncomfortably and all he wanted in that moment was for the world to stop spinning. 

Levi jolted back when someone weaseled between him and Eren. He scooted his chair over on instinct, though neither Eren or the other student noticed. 

"Hey Connie," Eren greeted him, lacking much enthusiasm as he sat up. He didn't mind Connie's presence, though he wished he hadn't shoved himself between him and Levi. 

"Hey, what are you writing about?" Connie asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

"An ode to screaming," Eren answered.

Connie snorted curtly. "Nice. Can't wait to see how that turns out."

"Yeah, same. What are you writing?"

"An ode to booze."

Eren looked at him with an unimpressed expression. "You really think Mr. Smith will let you hand that in? You know you'll get a zero, right?"

"Not if I write it really good," Connie argued.

"Well," Eren corrected, remembering when Levi did the same for him at some point.

"Well what?" Connie asked dumbly.

Eren shook his head. "Never mind."

"... Anyways, I'm using you as my inspiration," Connie went on. "It'll be more like 'An Ode To Eren's Drunk Ass.'" He ended his statement bursting with laughter. 

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose. He wanted nothing but to forget about that weekend. "Just stop." He vaguely noticed Levi tensing up out if the corner of his eye.

"Come on! It's funny," Connie chuckled. "You're my muse!"

"I don't want to talk about—"

"Eren," Connie cut him off in a dramatic voice. "Unable to deny the call: the call of his alcohol."

"Connie, knock it off," Eren warned, agitation seeping into his voice. 

Levi shut his eyes and clutched his sides, wishing Connie would go away.

"Intoxicated at best, and drunker than the rest!"

"You're pissing me off," Eren gritted out, staring at his friend, silently telling him to stop.

Levi was starting to get a sick feeling at Connie's words, having a clear image of Saturday night glued into his vision. 

12:42

"Stumbling to the shelf, can't even hold up himsel—"

"Shut the fuck up!" Eren cut in, unknowingly scaring Levi in the process and startling Connie and a few others surrounding them. "It's not funny, it never was funny. I can't remember most of the night, I got sick, some people won't talk to me now, and I don't know why. Stop joking about it."

Connie backed off at the edge in his voice. "What happened to you?" He asked, watching Eren sit back and pick up his pencil to continue his work. "You love joking about it. It's the first thing you brag about coming back to school."

Eren leaned forward in his frustration, setting his forehead on the palm of his hand as he continued writing. "Let's just say Sunday was a bit of a wake up call."

Connie frowned, shaking his head as he left, strutting back to his seat. 

"Sorry about him," Eren muttered, not tearing his eyes away from his paper. 

Levi never closed the distance he created when Connie came. "... It's okay."

12:43

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Levi went into a panic, having not yet put away his things to make a hasty exit. As he packed away his supplies, Eren grabbed his attention. 

"Hey, Levi? Is it okay if I walk you to your next class?" Eren asked.

Levi didn't exactly want him to, but he couldn't think of a good excuse to say no. "Sure."

"Awesome!" Eren beamed. The fact that Eren had went from being so angry back to his cheery self-made Levi slightly uncomfortable. Though, he did prefer that as opposed to when he was shouting at Connie.

They walked down the hall side by side, Eren remaining silent for the most part. He seemed a tad anxious, though his nerves were nowhere near as bad as Levi's. 

"So... sorry about him again," Eren apologized. "He's a cool guy but he can get to be a little much sometimes."

"It's fine," Levi mumbled.

They slipped into silence again shortly after. Eren yawned before speaking lazily again. "Hey Annie."

Levi looked up to see who he was talking to and immediately saw the girl from Saturday. The same girl who had tried to get him to stop smoking before he kissed her.

She turned to face him as she passed the two of them. "Oh, hey Eren." Right before she left their field of vision, she sent Eren a wink, much to his confusion.

Eren knitted his brows together, perplexed. "What was that about...?" He muttered to himself.

Levi couldn't take much more of this, every second he spent with Eren was like a kick to the teeth. Now, all he could see was Eren with that girl and suddenly he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. "I-I have to hurry, I'll be late." He sped off to put as much distance between them as he could, heading straight for his next class, ignoring Eren's calls. 

Once sat down in his study hall, he fumbled for his inhaler, desperate to breathe. 

 

~

 

12:47

Hanji settled down in their study hall, regretting the fact that Eren would be there any minute. Sighing to themselves, they pulled out work to busy themselves with in the hopes that Eren would think they were too occupied to talk. But Hanji was not so lucky. 

Eren entered the classroom and made a b-line for Hanji, not even taking a minute to settle himself in before he started badgering them. Hanji leaned back once he sat down next to them, invading their space. "Hanji, can I ask you something?" 

Hanji barely tried to hide the disgust on their face. As worried as Eren appeared, they couldn't bring themselves to care about his feelings after what he did. "... I guess."

"Is Levi okay? Is there something wrong with him?" Eren asked.

Hanji's state softened. Of all the things that they expected him to say, that wasn't even close. After they couldn't detect any signs of disinterest or signs of him pulling their leg, they reluctantly decided to provide him with an answer. "Well... he just has a lot going on, but he'll be okay." They could only tell him so much without going against Levi's wishes. "Why do you ask?"

Eren finally sat back, slouching terribly. "He's just been acting weird today. He's more quiet than usual, he won't look at anyone and he looks kinda sad. I understand if it's none of my business, but I want him to be okay. I don't like seeing him so upset."

Hanji studied his face, finding nothing but genuine concern. With a sigh, they relented, pushing up their glasses and turning to face him. "I don't like seeing him upset either. The most you can do now is try not to overwhelm him."

Eren peered up at them. "What's making him so upset?"

To Hanji, it was like speaking with a child. He was too oblivious to see that he was the one troubling Levi. 'Because you were an immature asshole and left him all my himself when he was scared just to get drunk and high,' they wanted to say. 'Because he has the biggest crush on you for god only knows what reason, and you broke his heart by kissing and climbing on random people. And you're too stupid to realize what you're doing to him.' But they couldn't say any of that. That would go against what Levi had asked of them. "It's not my place to tell you, and I'd advise you to not bring it up with him."

Eren nodded in understanding and brought up his feet to set them at the edge of his chair, folding his arms over his knees and setting his head on his elbows. "I don't like it when he's sad," he mumbled into his sleeves, pouting.

Hanji sighed, shaking their head. "Me neither."

 

~

 

1:33

Levi took out a book as he sat on the bench in the far end of the gym. He might as well have done something productive while he kept from participating. 

The bench shook, causing him to gasp sharply, clutching his book to his chest. He looked to his side and sure enough, there sat Eren, looking down at him with a smile. Though, his smile faltered when he saw Levi's distressed state. "I'm sorry," he whispered, recalling Hanji's words about not overwhelming him. "Did I scare you?"

"No," Levi rushed to say before he opened up his book again. 

1:34

Their teacher wheeled out a basket of volleyballs and placed it next their bench, instructing the students to get into pairs and retrieve one ball per team. Eren looked over at Levi and tried to make small talk, keeping things calm. "Do you like volleyball?"

Levi didn't look up from his book. "Not really."

Eren frowned. He started kicking his feet, thinking about what he could do or say that could put Levi at ease. "... Whatya reading?"

"Nothing," Levi mumbled. 

Eren's chest started to tighten again. He couldn't let Levi stay like this. Going on a whim, he reached in the basket beside them and pulled out two volleyballs. "Hey, Levi. Look." He tossed one in the air and began juggling them. It wasn't a particularly difficult trick, but he thought it might amuse Levi.

Levi lifted his gaze just enough to see what Eren was doing. Eren grinned at him expectantly. Levi only forced the smallest of smiles before returning to the pages. "That's very good," he murmured monotonously. 

Eren's face fell, as did one of the volleyballs. He held the other one in his hands, tapping the surface. "Hey, would you wanna hang out sometime soon?"

Levi exhaled heavily. He couldn't keep going back and forth with him. "No... I'm busy."

"I didn't even say when..." Eren argued.

"I have a lot of things to study for," Levi bluffed. "I'm going to be busy for quite a while."

"Oh... I understand. But, if you ever want to take a break from studying, we should hang out. We could play chess in the library during one of your study halls if you'd like."

Levi's grip on his book tightened. He mentally screamed at himself that Eren was merely pitying him. He didn't care about him, and he certainly didn't want spend time with him. "... Maybe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when things will get better, or if they will get better hA. I hope this didn't suck. 
> 
> Big thanks to my awesome beta who is so helpful and wonderful! 
> 
> My tumblrs are dr-s--art & the-witch-daddy. If you liked this, feel free to leave a comment or kudos, they make my day! Thanks for reading!


	8. Silent Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going back to normal, or at least pretending that he is is a difficult task for Levi. He needs to decide if he should cut off ties with Eren or keep trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I invite each and every one of you to murder me. I'm so sorry this took so long geeez. I'm almost positive it won't happen again. Things are now getting back on track and the next chapter will be more eventful! 
> 
> Enjoy!

4:38

Levi finished his homework hours after he'd come home from school and neglected to take care of himself by laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. Seeing Eren along with the others who had attended the party constantly reminding him of that horrible night had left him drained. He knew there wasn't much he could do to improve the situation. Staying near Eren would keep his mind flooded with his terrible memories. Avoiding him would tear him apart.

His phone interrupted the silence and he tossed onto his side to hit the muting button. He wouldn't be accepting any calls, he was too worn out. Laying back down flatly, he tried clearing his mind to put himself at ease.

It was all in vain, when a soft knock wrapped in his door. "Levi, may I come in?" His mother asked.

"Yes," he answered, attempting not to sound as tired as he felt.

Entering his room, Kutchel walked up to his bed and handed him the phone. "It's Hanji."

Levi sat up taking the phone from her. "Thank you." As he held the phone up to his ear, his mother left the room, shutting the door. "Hi, Hanji."

"Hey, Levi. How are you feeling?" 

Levi sighed, knitting his brows together. "Awful."

"I see..." Hanji mumbled. "I called because something happened and I feel you have the right to know about it."

"Alright," Levi muttered, waiting for them to explain further.

"Well, I was in study hall today and Eren sat by me like he usually does." Levi flinched at the mention of Eren, unbeknownst to them. "And... he asked me about you. He kept asking me if there was something wrong and if you were okay. I still don't forgive him for what he did and I still think you shouldn't hang out with him, but you should know that he cares about you. I don't think he deserves a friend like you, but you should know that he didn't do anything specifically to hurt you."

Levi haunched over, feeling everything in his stomach turning. If anything, that had only complicated things more. Levi had difficulties believing that Eren cared about him on any level after the night at the party, but hearing that he did made things harder for him to understand. He always used that excuse as a crutch, telling himself that people didn't care about him so that he'd be the one letting them down and not the other way around. He was so used to blaming himself before ever letting someone else be the one in the wrong. "You're not making this up?"

"No, I promise," Hanji confirmed. "He really wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't know how much you would be okay with me telling him, so I just told him you have some personal stuff going on and not to bother you about it."

Levi didn't know how to respond. "... I don't know what to do, Hanji. I can't avoid him and I don't think I want to. Are you sure he wasn't lying to you?"

"Levi, why would somebody lie about that?" Hanji was beginning to lose their patience. Their friend's logic was so often warped that it was hard for them to understand what was going through his head.

"Well... maybe he..." Even Levi couldn't think of an answer, he just didn't know what to do with himself after knowing that Eren showed concern for him. "I have to go."

Hanji sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," Levi murmured. 

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Levi curled into himself, attempting to block everything out.

 

~

8:49

Levi was left feeling drained for a couple weeks, and even Eren was worried out of his mind. While in art class, Eren continued to offer Levi the opportunity to glaze their pottery, but he denied every time.

"Hey Levi, do you wanna play chess in the library during one of your study halls? It's been awhile since we played and I'm pretty sure I remember all the rules."

"I'm busy in all my study halls," Levi mumbled.

"Aw come on, you've been saying that for forever, is there something wrong? I feel like there is," Eren said. As many times as Levi denied there being a disturbance, Eren wasn't that gullible.

"No, I'm fine," Levi assured him. "I just have a lot of work to do in all my classes."

"I'll make you a deal," Eren offered. "If you can find one period to play chess with me this week, I'll stop bugging you about it until you have more free time. What do you think?"

Levi knew Eren would remain persistent, so simply to appease him, he agreed. It would only be one time anyway. "Okay, I'll play chess with you tomorrow."

Eren lit up immediately. "Great, when do you have study halls?"

The two continued to make plans for the following day, one doing so much more enthusiastically than the other. Lexi didn't like that he was avoiding Eren, but he knew he had to distance himself or he'd get hurt again. And as much as it pained him, he did feel a small twinge of excitement for their plans. Being around Eren was so conflicting to him. He dreaded thinking of how Eren might not care much for him if at all, but being in his presence always did brighten his mood. Even if it wasn't by much anymore.

 

~

 

11:33

"Wait, you're willingly hanging out with him?" Hanji parroted as they sat across from Levi during lunch. "Are you sure that's such a great idea?"

Levi hadn't heard his friend speaking. He was too occupied looking off in Eren's direction while chewing on his strawberries. He was brought back into focus when Hanji snapped their fingers in front of his face. Shaking his head, he looked down at his lap sheepishly. "... Sorry," he mumbled. "What did you say?"

"I said do you honestly think that's a good idea?" Hanji repeated. "Levi, excuse my bluntness, but you look like you've been punched in the stomach every time I see you glance at him. Can you really handle spending time with him?"

11:35

"... I think I can. I want to spend time with him." Levi shrunk inwards when Hanji gave him their signature stare that told him he wasn't fooling them. "I can't get used to being around him if I keep running away."

"Maybe you should run away." Hanji bit their lip, trying to figure out how to phrase their thoughts without hurting Levi. "Listen, I know I'm not your boss and I don't want to control your life or make decisions for you. You know that, right?" Levi nodded. "It's just that I care about you so much and it kills me to see you hurting. I don't understand why you think that these forms of 'exposure therapy' are helping you when they've only ever made things worse. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I really think that being around him is going to hurt you more."

Levi clutched at his sleeves, letting his friend's words sink in. "Hanji, I really like him. And he's not always pushing me away. He's my only chance—"

"Levi, somebody else will love you—"

"You don't know that!" Levi cut them off firmly, maintaining eye contact. "You do not know that. I don't care how many times you tell me that, you can't know if it's true. Unless someone has explicitly told you that they will have feelings for me one day, then you don't know that and I can't keep hearing that because it makes me look forward to something that'll never come." His gaze never wavered, letting Hanji know that there wasn't an ounce of uncertainty present. 

Hanji didn't want to get in a fight with him, but they couldn't give in and let Levi believe such terrible things. "I do know it's true. You're so smart and selfless and beautiful. I love you Levi, and there's no doubt in my mind that somebody else will too. Your mother loves you. The rest of your family loves you. Someone else probably loves you right now, but they haven't told you." Their words fell on deaf ears but they refused to believe it was in vain. "As long as you can give love, you will be loved, and Levi, I know you have a lot that you're ready to give."

11:39

Levi didn't have enough energy to listen to them anymore. He went back to eating his lunch and thinking about his meeting with Eren the next day. 

"You'll see," Hanji promised.

 

~

 

10:46

Levi walked into the library the next day just like he had discussed with Eren and searched for him. He found him sitting at an empty table, already setting up the chess pieces enthusiastically. Levi took an extra moment to take a puff from his inhaler before joining Eren at the table.

Eren's face lit up when Levi took his seat. "You're here! Okay, so I set up the pieces so we could start playing and you can be white. I remembered that that means you can go first," he said as a matter-of-factly.

Levi forced a grateful smile and observed the pieces. "Thank you." He straightened up his own pieces so they were in the center of the squares and noticed a fault in Eren's work. "You misplaced the rooks and knights. You'll need to switch them."

Eren looked down and mentally scolded himself for his mistake. "Sorry, dude." He fixed everything and awaited Levi's first move.

Levi first moved his knight and sat back.

"No pawn for your first move?" Eren asked. "You probably already have a game plan."

In all honesty, Levi didn't, he wasn't too invested in the game this time. "You can say that."

10:48

"Why do you check your watch so much?" Eren inquired after moving a pawn.

Levi looked up, being caught off guard. "Um... it's a habit." That was the easiest way to explain it at least. He wasn't sure why he had to always check, he just knew he had to check.

"Does it have to do with what you said about clocks?" Eren asked quietly, so he wouldn't risk embarrassing Levi. "You know, about them going backwards?"

Levi couldn't believe that Eren remembered his ramble about his irrational fear. "W-well, not really. I just always look at my watch, there's no reason." He moved another piece on the board. 

Eren nodded understandingly. "Okay... it's just that lately I've been thinking of your fear, and it's not that weird," he said, trying to comfort Levi even though he wasn't visibly bothered by anything. "I started thinking about it, and it would be really creepy if all the clocks went backwards. Heh, it'd be even worse if all the calendars started going backwards, you know?"

Levi nodded along, not certain of what Eren was getting at. 

"I mean, I know we have to change calendars ourselves, but how weird would that be?"

"Very," Levi said curtly.

"It's not bad that you're scared of something like that," Eren added, taking his turn. "I've got a strange fear too. I'm scared that I'll look in the mirror and my reflection won't match what I'm doing. But I'm usually only scared of that happening late at night when I've been watching horror films." He furrowed his brows, picturing the scenario. He shook his mind of those thoughts and resumed his elated expression, watching Levi. "Anyways, it's your turn."

Levi refocused himself on the game, ignoring Eren's babbling that differed from his usual banter. He kept silent, unsure of how to keep a conversation going, especially since he was apprehensive about coming in the first place.

"You know who would probably like chess? My old friend Armin," Eren said. "Well, I don't know for sure, but it seems like something he would've liked."

"Armin who?" Levi asked.

"Oh, uh, you wouldn't know him. Armin Arlert. We used to be best friends, but he moved away when we were kids." Eren trailed off, sensing Levi's perplexity. "... You would've liked him. He was smart just like you. I bet he's really good at chess like you too."

Levi made his move, taking one of Eren's rooks. "He sounds like a nice person."

"He was!" Eren beamed. "I haven't seen or heard from him in years, though. I wish you two could've met." He moved one of his pawns, not overly concerned about winning anymore. 

"That would've been nice," Levi mumbled, not sure of how else he should've responded. 

Eren nodded. "... Levi, why are you so upset?"

10:53

So that was it. He was stalling to break the ice, though he did very poorly. "I'm—"

"Don't tell me you're not," Eren interrupted. "Something's wrong, I can tell. I want to know if I can help you."

Levi stared in shock. Aside from his mother and Hanji, no one ever offered to help. He still didn't want to think that Eren cared for him to prevent himself from getting hurt. "I have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Levi sighed. "No. I'll be okay anyways."

Eren nodded solemnly. "Let me know if you ever need anything. We're friends now, I don't want you to be sad."

Levi's heart skipped a beat and he willed himself to stay calm. "Th-thank you. I appreciate that."

Eren grinned up at him. "And hey, I think I know something that'll take your mind off of things. Reiner is having another party in about a week-" Levi's stomach immediately started turning. "We could go and have fun."

Levi swallowed a lump in his throat. "I don't know—"

"I won't leave you this time," Eren promised in a more serious tone. 

Levi's thoughts were heading down a bad road. The sincerity in Eren's voice combatted with his mental chants reminding him of the nightmare he faced at the last party he went to. He needed to put his foot down. "I don't think I can go."

Eren nodded understandingly, but asked nevertheless, "Alright, why not?"

10:56

Levi was used to coming up with lies on the spot by now. "My mother doesn't want me to go to parties for a little while. She wants to wait until she sees my report cards." He moved another piece to seem more occupied.

"Ah, okay. Well, can you think of a free time coming up for you? We can still hang out and have a good time. We can go to your place and play more chess, or you can come to my house and we can play video games." Levi was about to decline, but Eren had to continue. "I just want to spend some time with you."

At this rate, he'd never learn to say no. "I'll ask my mother," he blurted out.

If it was at all possible, Eren smiled even wider than any other point in their meeting. "Awesome, so you want to hang out?"

"Yes." Levi was going to smack himself if he didn't shut up quick.

"This is great! When I get home tonight, I'll call you and we can figure things out," Eren chimed.

"Okay."

With a permanent simper plastered on his face, Eren went to make his next move. "I'm so excited. Now that we have that to look forward to, I think I'll take out this pawn." He snatched up Levi's piece smugly, not yet understanding that it wasn't a major casualty that Levi took. 

Levi was feeling too many emotions all at once and he couldn't help the genuine smile that appeared on his features. Eren's positivity truly was contagious and it was going to be the death of Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter isn't edited at all, sorry for any errors!!!!
> 
> If my calculations are correct, the next chapter will get the plot ball rolling. I can't apologize enough for how late this is, I'll be quicker, I swear!
> 
> ATTENTION: I have a new fic out called Restrictions! It's a fic that's very important to me because it's spreading awareness for a not so well known disorder that I suffer through and I would be over the moon if any of you would check it out!!!! (And don't worry, it's not just about the disorder, there's tons of ereri goodness!) 
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this, they really motivate me to write! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy in case you'd like to follow me for updates or other ereri goodness. Thank you so much for being so patient and for reading! <3


	9. Extra Coat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren unknowingly breaks down a wall Levi had put up and in the process has made himself vulnerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere, yay! I wrote this half asleep, my apologies. Sorry if there are any errors, it's not edited.
> 
> Enjoy!

4:59

"You're hanging out with him again?" Hanji asked incredulously over the phone.

Levi didn't know whether or not he should've felt guilty. "He really wanted to spend time with me. He said so. And he told me he doesn't want me to be upset."

"Does he know he's the one you're upset with?"

"... No," Levi muttered, sitting down on his bed. "Things can get better between us, it's possible."

Hanji gave in. Levi never remained overly optimistic unless he was dead-set on a goal. Even then, seeing Levi try after being so hurt was rare. And it was obvious to Hanji that his goal was to be with Eren. They realized that Levi wasn't going to heed their warnings, so instead of guiding him away, they figured they should let him make his own decisions and be there should he need them. Sighing heavily, they replied, "I hope they do."

Levi fell silent for a moment. "...Really?"

"Yes. I know how much you like him and I hope things will work out. For your sake though, I just want him to get his act together."

Levi smiled to himself, glad that Hanji was supporting his efforts finally.

"So, what are you guys going to do?"

"We're going to his house," Levi answered. He didn't feel comfortable letting Eren back into his home, at least for a little while longer. "He's going to teach me how to play video games."

"Uh, have you ever played video games before?"

"Well, no, but it could be fun. He said he'd teach me how to play all the easy ones." Levi couldn't tell if he was more excited or apprehensive. He wanted to have fun with Eren, but he still was being constantly reminded of the strangers he was all over, along with the substances he took in. The only thing keeping him with Eren was his feelings for him. Had he felt nothing for him, Levi would've distanced himself from Eren as much as humanly possible, but for the first time in his life, he allowed his wants to overcome his instincts.

5:02

"Okay. I hope you two have lots of fun," Hanji said. 

"Thank you, Hanji." Levi hoped the same.

 

~

 

2:36

Eren was currently driving Levi to his home, visibly eager, while Levi looked down at his lap, fiddling with his watch. "So, I've got a few pvp games, but since you're new to video games, I'll just teach you the basics on the other ones. It'll be really fun, I got a lot for you to choose from."

Levi nodded along, giving an occasional hum to show that he was listening. 

"And you're gonna love my dog! He's a real sweetheart-" oh god, Levi forgot about the dog. "He's not very loud, but he's so friendly and loves everybody! So, he'll warm right up to you."

Levi wished his dog was the type to be scared of everything. He just didn't want a wet nose smelling him or a giant beast of a house pet jumping on him. It wasn't that he didn't like animals, they were just loud and filthy and dangerous.

"Oh, and wait till you meet my mom! She's really nice, you'll love her."

Levi's heart dropped. He was just starting to learn to cope with being around Eren, he wasn't ready to meet another person, let alone his mother.

They parked in the drive way and Levi could his heart pounding in his chest relentlessly. They exited the car and walked up to the front porch with Eren leading the way. Once inside, Levi could already hear the running of Eren's dog growing nearer and nearer. He braced himself as the massive German Shepard came bolting into the kitchen to greet Eren. Levi backed up to the door while Eren kneeled down to pet his dog who couldn't be happier, licking his face and his tail wagging so much it shook his whole body. 

"Hey, boy! I wasn't gone for long!" Eren laughed. He turned to look up at Levi. "This is Bear, you wanna pet him?" He noticed how apprehensive Levi appeared and tried to calm him. "He doesn't bite, he's real nice." 

2:41

Levi bit his tongue, slowly making his way over to the hyper canine. He wasn't about to say no and possibly offend Eren. Eren stood and took a step away from Bear. "Bear, sit," he commanded, pleased his dog happily obeyed. "Go ahead," he urged Levi with a smile. 

Levi held out a shaky hand, maneuvering it over Bear's head, gently setting it down. Bear nudged Levi's hand back, eager for the attention and panting all the while. Levi stroked his head a few times before withdrawing his hand and pulling it into his sleeve. 

"Good boy!" Eren praised Bear, softly patting his back. 

Levi had to admit, it wasn't that bad. Bear was very soft and not over excited, though, he would be sanitizing his hands when Eren had his back turned.

While Eren was occupied treating his dog, Levi took a better look around. The house wasn't a mess, but it wasn't to his liking either. There were coats over piled on a rack near the door, he could tell the floor hadn't been swept in a couple days and there were a few dishes next to the sink, needing to be washed. He tried to ignore his surroundings to keep his mind on more important things, though it wasn't too awfully simple. He briefly thought about removing his shoes to maintain good manners, but after seeing that Eren kept his shoes on and with how dirty the floor was, he changed his mind. 

"Eren?" A woman called from the other room. 

"We're home!" Eren announced.

Soon, Eren's mother came out from the living room and smiled upon seeing the two boys. She quickly hugged her son and shuffled over to stand in front of Levi. "You must be Levi, Eren's told me so much about you."

"Ma," Eren whined.

Levi's heart skipped a beat at the thought of Eren bringing him up to his mother.

"You hush up." She turned back to Levi, offering her hand. "I'm Carla, it's nice to meet you."

Levi hesitantly shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you too."

"Well, I've got a lot of work to do. I'm cleaning out the cellar right now before winter hits and I've got to do laundry later, so I won't be around much. But you're welcome to all our food, the restroom is down the hall by the living room and if you need anything else, let me know." She gave him a kind grin and started walking off. "You two have fun!"

"Thanks ma," Eren called after her. "Come on, Levi, let's go pick out something to play." He led Levi into his living room and Levi took this opportunity to sanitize his hands while he wasn't looking. "You can take a seat on the couch."

"Okay." Levi sat down on the center cushion, sinking down much farther than he anticipated he would. He blew out a sigh of relief when Bear followed them in and rested by the side of the couch, away from him.

Eren kneeled down to open drawers of the television star and pawed through, trying to find the best suited game for Levi. Eventually, he picked out a couple of his favorites that weren't overly difficult that Levi might enjoy. He stood up and showed them to Levi. "Okay so one of them has multiplayer mode so we can play together on that one, but the other doesn't and I can teach you without being in the game. Which one do you want to play?"

Levi didn't want Eren to be left out, or stuck watching him play terribly. "Um, we can do the one with multiplayer mode."

"Great," Eren beamed, setting up his gaming system and bringing over the controls for him and Levi. He explained how to move around and what each buttons purpose was for the game and then the television lit up, signaling the beginning of the game. Levi felt lost already, having not committed the control's functions to memory. "So, basically we have to get to that tower as fast as we can, but there are obstacles along the way," Eren explained. "Since you're new, I'll lead the way."

2:59

Levi struggled to keep up, unable to press the right buttons without looking down, let alone remember what they did. He let Eren do most of the work, hoping he wouldn't mind.

 

~

 

3:43

Levi proved to be every bit as terrible as he thought he'd be, but he didn't mind since his thoughts were more concerned with how well he was keeping himself together in Eren's presence. Eren kept making small conversation about the most random things while still giving Levi tips on how to play.

"Once we're done with our art project, do you want to keep it?" Eren asked.

Levi couldn't keep up with his questions varying in topic while still playing the game. "Um... I'm not sure. Would you rather take it home?"

"Dunno, we worked on it together. Maybe every Friday we can switch?" Eren suggested.

"I suppose... if that's what you want to do."

Eren's phone started vibrating, so he paused the game to check it. After figuring it wasn't important enough to respond to, he tossed it aside, raising Levi's curiosity.

3:45

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

Eren shook his head. "Nah, it's nothing." He resumed the game and changed the subject. "What else do you do in your free time other than chess?"

"Um, I study?" Levi mumbled. "Sometimes I read." 

Eren nodded thoughtfully. "What tv shows do you like?"

"Jeopardy." Levi had no idea why Eren was so interested in his personal life.

"Okay," Eren chuckled. "What else?"

"That's it, I don't watch an awful lot of television." Levi could feel his pulse quickening. He found himself to be exceptionally boring, he just hoped the other boy didn't think the same.

"Alright, then what do you like to read?"

"Well, I mostly read historical—" Levi cut his sentence short as Eren's phone went off again.

Eren sighed agitatedly as he read the message he received. "Sorry, I just gotta text back real quick," he excused himself, typing back a quick reply before putting his phone away. "You were saying—" His phone went off again and he angrily looked back at the screen before sliding it into his pocket. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"... Who was that?" Levi asked, concerned with why Eren looked so upset with his texts.

"Just my friends, they want to know where I am." Eren shrugged, trying to get off the subject.

"Should you be somewhere else?"

"No, there's just a party going on tonight and they wanted to know if I was going. I told them I wasn't and now they're just bugging me about it. It's nothing."

Levi recalled him asking him if he'd like to go to another party. He didn't expect it to be tonight. "Why aren't you there with your friends?"

"Well, you're my friend too and I wanted to hang out with you. Besides, I always go to their parties, they can go without me for one night." He continued to focus on their video game and Levi's interests. "So, what were you saying about the books you read?"

Levi suddenly started to feel guilty for depriving Eren of his fun. He didn't want to keep him at home when he could be out with his real friends.

3:50

"... Levi? You alright?"

"Why would you choose me over them?" Levi blurted out. 

Eren paused the video game and adjusted himself to face Levi better. "I already told you, you're my friend too. And... I don't know much about you, so want to hang out with you to change that."

Levi couldn't accept that answer. He didn't think he was worth that much sacrifice on Eren's part. "But you'd have more fun at the party. Your friends expect you there."

Eren laughed. "Levi, I'm having a lot of fun with you. You're always so busy, so I'll take any time I can get with you. And who cares if my friends expect me? It's just one night and it's not the end of the world if I don't show up." He took Levi's silence as a sign that he needed some time to process things. "Maybe we should take a break from video games. I'll get us something to eat, come on." He stood from the couch, leading Levi back into the kitchen.

3:54

Eren invited Levi to take a seat at their table while he searched for food. He looked through the cupboards just as his mother passed through. 

"Eren, I'm off to the store to get more laundry detergent. Do you two need anything?"

"No, I think we're good," he answered.

"Alright, well I'm on my way. See you two when I'm back!" She grabbed her purse off the table and headed out the door.

Eren watched as she left until he noticed her car exiting the driveway from out the window. "So, Levi. I can make sandwiches, we have soup, there's cereal... what would you like?"

"Whatever you want is fine," Levi mumbled.

Eren shrugged and pulled out a couple cans of soup to get started. While he started putting together their food, his phone kept going off within his pocket. Eventually, as it came time to let the soup heat up, he turned his phone off and pocketed it again, sitting next to Levi.

"Are your friends mad at you for not going?"

Eren studied Levi's expression, confused as to why Levi cared so much. "Um, I don't think they're mad really." Levi started to revert back to the expression he kept at school when he was unwilling to speak with him. He couldn't understand what was going on with him, but he didn't like it. "What's wrong? You're upset about something."

Levi stilled. The last thing he wanted to do was burden Eren with his worries. "I'm not."

4:11

"I think you are," Eren countered. He tried making sense of why Levi appeared off for such a long time. He wanted Levi to feel better and know that he'd help him if he needed it. He could only come up with one reason why Levi seemed this way for so long. "Levi... are you depressed?"

Levi stared back at Eren, feeling like a trapped animal. He had no idea if Eren knew just how bad it was and he wasn't sure how he should answer. He could feel his palms sweating while the boy beside him waited for a reply, but he was stuck. 

Eren sat back to give Levi space, hoping he'd be more comfortable that way. But Levi sat silently, internally panicking. He simply couldn't handle someone he barely knew looking at him with such genuine concern, especially Eren. Even more so, he wasn't prepared to tell anybody other than Hanji that he suffered from depression. That was something he only let himself deal with. He lived with constant fears everyday, but this was a fear he was unfamiliar with, which shook him to his core. It wasn't so horrible if Eren thought he was odd or even unexciting, but to know there was something 'wrong' with him was another thing all together. 

"My... my mother used to be depressed," Eren said when Levi wouldn't utter a word. "Her and my dad got divorced years ago, and I remember she used to be sad everyday." He started to bite his lip, wondering if he was stepping over a line. "I don't want to assume, but I just thought... you've kinda been like that. And I don't want you to be."

Levi didn't know the extent of what Eren's mother went through and he didn't know if Eren was aware that it was more than being sad. He pushed himself to give him some kind of reply, hoping he wouldn't mess up whatever friendship they had built. "It's not something that can just go away for me. I don't know if your mother still has it..." he muttered quietly.

"Not that I can tell," Eren replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm sorry, no."

"You don't need to be sorry. I know I'm not the best at helping people feel better, but I'll always listen. If it ever gets really bad, you can come to me." He looked into Levi's eyes, hoping he'd see his sincerity.

Levi would only ever go to Hanji if his depression would take a turn for the worst and nothing would change that. But still, he'd never received an offer or consolation from a person other than Hanji -and maybe his mother on occasions- regarding his mental illness. And for that, he was overwhelmed with surprise and gratefulness. "Thank you."

Eren offered him a smile. "Any time." He stood to tend to their food, facing Levi as he walked away. "Don't hesitate to come talk to me about anything. I don't judge."

Levi's lip turned up ever so slightly. Feeling a sense of safety around Eren was still going to be difficult, but his trust for him was slowly being built up again. Whether it was successfully opening up to someone new or Eren just being kind to him, he wasn't sure. But whatever it was, it leant him hope.

 

~

 

8:25

"How was your Saturday? Did you and Eren have fun?" Hanji asked, walking with Levi in the halls. 

"It was... nice. Everything went well," Levi said. 

"That's great! How are you feeling now?"

Levi shrugged. "I'm better than I've been in awhile," he admitted. "I think I want to spend more time with Eren. I don't feel as upset around him since Saturday."

"Really? Did something happen or are you just healing on your own?" 

"A bit of both." Levi lowered his voice so that no one surrounding them would hear him by chance. "At some point in the night... Eren was suspicious of how I've been and he asked me if I was depressed. I told him I was and he said that I could confide in him."

Hanji gasped, stopping in their tracks. "Levi, that's great! I'm so proud of you for opening up to him, and it ended so well. This is a wonderful step for you!" 

Levi smiled to himself. This was certainly a good place to start. 

"You know, I'm still not sure about Eren, but I'm glad he's at least getting better around you. I just hope he keeps it up."

"Me too," Levi agreed softly. 

8:33 

After wandering around the halls for some time, the first bell rang and the two parted on their way to their classes. Levi arrived to art class on time, swiftly taking his seat and pulling out all the supplies he'd need. 

It wasn't long before Eren arrived, taking his seat next to him, setting their pottery on the table. "Hey Levi, Miss Ral said we should glaze this one more time to make it all even, then we should be done."

"Okay." Levi retrieved their supplies and set them out to what would be most convenient for Eren. 

Eren scooted his chair closer to Levi's, dropping his voice a few levels. "So, how are ya feeling today?"

Levi's breath hitched as Eren asked him that. It proved that he didn't tell Levi he could talk to him merely out of obligation of the moment. He genuinely cared. "I'm feeling better than I have been recently. Thank you for asking."

"Any time," Eren beamed. That grin never failed to take Levi's breath away.

Eren got to coating their pottery for the second time, when a splatter of paint was flung onto their work, seemingly out of nowhere. Eren snapped his head up to find a friend of his standing beside the table with a paint brush in hand. "Thomas, what the fuck?"

Thomas studied Eren for a few moments, dangling the brush handle between his fingers. "Where were you Saturday?"

Eren held out his hands, baffled. "Who cares? Why did you throw paint on our project?"

"You didn't show, we were waiting for you. Nobody knew where you were," Thomas spat. 

Eren glared at him. "Are you fucking kidding me? First, I told Connie and Reiner. They knew. And I have a life outside of the rest of you, it was for one night. You guys can last without me."

"You're right about that," Thomas snorted, walking off. 

Eren rolled his eyes, turning back to their project agitatedly. Levi watched anxiously as he stood without a word to go wash off their pottery. 

8:41

Levi looked back at Thomas, wondering why he would do that if he was Eren's friend. He decided that he didn't like him for being petty over such a small thing, but then he got to thinking of his part in all this. If he hadn't went to Eren's house, he wouldn't have been antagonized by his own friends. 

Eren returned shortly with their project. "Sorry about him, he's just being an ass," he huffed out. "I think if I cover it well enough, you won't even see the paint."

Levi scratched his arm, taking the weight of the guilt on his shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you didn't do anything." And just like that, Eren had let go of his negative feelings and resumed his optimistic attitude that Levi was so used to.

"If I didn't come over, this wouldn't have happened," Levi murmured, slumping his shoulders.

"That's not true, he's just being a baby about it. I wanted to hang out with you, and I don't feel bad for not going to the party." He put his focus on glazing the pottery and covering the paint stain. 

Levi quieted himself, but his thoughts remained relentless.

 

~

 

11:35

"Your project will turn out okay though, right?" Hanji asked, taking a sip of their juice.

Levi sighed in frustration. "I don't care about the project."

Hanji stared at him, wide-eyed. "You don't care about a project?"

Levi caught himself, realizing what he had said. "I mean... I do care, but I'm more concerned with how Eren was treated."

Hanji nodded in understanding. "Yeah, that was really messed up. Like, if you canceled on me for whatever reason, I wouldn't be mad over it. And I definitely wouldn't do something so low like ruining your school work."

"He deserves better friends," Levi said, looking down at his food.

"Who does?"

Levi raised his gaze and Hanji turned around, both finding Eren standing there with his tray in hand.

"Um, a family member of mine," Hanji lied so Levi wouldn't be nervous if they said they were talking about him. 

"Oh," Eren hummed, smiling nervously. He bit his lip, looking down at his shoes. "Um... could I maybe sit with you guys today?"

Hanji looked to Levi to see what he thought. 

"I-I don't mind," Levi said.

"Me neither, go ahead," Hanji offered.

Eren's smile widened a fraction as he rounded the table to sit next to Levi. "Thanks guys," he mumbled, trying to settle in. Levi couldn't be certain of what it was, but Eren's smile didn't seem genuine. It felt too forced, but it never left his features. 

"So, what brings you over here today?" Hanji inquired.

Eren shrugged. "Wanted to hang out with you guys. Just hope you both aren't bothered."

"I'm not bothered," Hanji assured him.

"I'm not either." Levi sent him a small grin, hoping it would help. 

"Thanks." Eren began eating his food and the other two tried to resume their lunch as they had been before. 

Eren kept close to Levi, forgetting about personal space the same way he had when they first started seeing each other. Levi was almost sure he knew what was bringing about this change, he just hoped he was wrong. 

11:37

"Hey, um... do you guys ever get into big arguments with each other?"

Hanji and Levi raised a brow at Eren, wondering what had brought up such a question. "Not really," Levi said.

"We have little disagreements, but that's about it," Hanji added. 

Eren nodded solemnly. "How do you get over them?"

Hanji and Levi shared a look before Hanji spoke, "Well, we either get to a point where we decide one of us is right, but if we can't do that, we just ignore the disagreement and move on." 

"... Oh." Eren nodded again and turned back to his lunch.

"Are you having an argument with someone?" Levi asked, thinking Thomas was being rude to him again. He felt partially responsible for what happened and wanted to know if he could be of assistance.

Eren shrugged. "A bit. I'm okay, though."

Levi wasn't exactly convinced, but he didn't want to pester him any longer. "Alright."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure the next chapter is really getting things on the move, that is if I've planned it right. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked this chapter! If you did, please leave a comment or kudos to let me know! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!!!


	10. Genuine Character

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Hanji get to see a bit into Eren's personal life and Eren realizes who is most important to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I'm so sorry this is so short and took so long!!! I've kinda been avoiding writing anything that involves romance/intimacy lately because reasons (not that this chapter had much of that but we're getting there my dudes) and I hit a "creative block?" I'm not sure what it was, but it kept me from making content.
> 
> Anyways, I hope this chapter isn't overly rushed. It's not edited, so I'm sorry for any errors. I hope you enjoy!

1:32

Levi sat off to the side in gym class like every other day. But he spent his time thinking of why Eren had been acting so strangely since lunch. His immediate assumption was that his friend Thomas was still giving him grief, but he didn't think that one person being bitter would affect him so much. 

He was distracted from his thoughts when he noticed Eren approaching the bench like always, only his usual smile was absent. Instead, his features were void of all emotion with the exception of pure exhaustion. And instead of throwing his weight beside Levi, he gently lowered himself onto the bench. "Hey, Levi," Eren said tiredly.

"Hi." Levi's worry increased, seeing how Eren stared off into space. He wasn't used to him acting like this. 

1:33

Levi had so many questions, but failed to speak up. Eren stared at his shoes for the longest time, not daring to utter a word after sitting down. Normally, he would've engaged in conversation about anything he could think of, no matter how foolish or unimportant it was. 

But he wasn't himself, and this was not his normal behavior. He wasn't the type to be so easily deflated and Levi had to know what had done this to him.

"Is something upsetting you?" Levi asked.

Eren perked up, forcing a cracked smile that wasn't too awfully reassuring to Levi. "Yeah, but I'm fine. It's not a big deal."

Levi drowned in response. "What is it?"

Eren sighed heavily, looking as if he hadn't slept in days. "... It's nothing." He sat back, letting his head hit the wall as he stared at the ceiling. 

Levi hated seeing Eren so drained, it felt so wrong. It was like watching the sun come up blue. 

Pondering over his situation, Eren sat straighter, facing Levi. "Hey, um..." he murmured, biting his lip in hesitation. "I have a weird question." He waited for Levi to nod, asking him to continue. "Do you ever just... really hate your friends?"

Levi widened his eyes. "No," he answered. "What do you mean?"

Eren hung his head. "I dunno. Like, do your friends ever act like pricks? For no reason?"

Levi shook his head. "I only hang out with Hanji. They've never acted that way to me."

Eren nodded in understanding. "What would you do if they just one day stopped listening to you and treated you like shit?"

Levi didn't want to think about that ever being a possibility. Hanji would never do that to him and he wasn't familiar with having somebody he trusted acting in such away. Maybe strangers, but never his friend. "I don't think I'm the right person to answer that."

Eren nodded again. "Hanji's a good friend, aren't they?"

"Yes."

"... They're always so nice to you," Eren mused to himself. "And the two of you are always so nice to me."

Levi couldn't have been more perplexed. "What are your friends doing to you?"

1:36

"It doesn't matter," Eren said more to himself than to Levi. "They'll get over it soon. They'll stop soon." Or at least, he hoped they would. "Hey uh, would you want to hang out more in the library? We could play chess if you have time. Or you could come to my house this weekend and we could play more video games. Would you want to? We should hang out more often."

Levi felt caught off guard for a moment, but he couldn't turn down Eren when he looked at him with those hopeful eyes. "Sure, we could do that."

Eren sent him a smile. Granted, it wasn't at all similar to his typical grin, but it was genuine.

 

~

 

2:15

Eren sat with Hanji in their shared study hall like everyday. Hanji tried to be more sympathetic than usual, seeing as Eren wasn't in the best mood. "Hey, there," they greeted as he sat down beside them.

"Hi, Hanji," he said back, still seeming somber.

Hanji may have not had the best feelings about him, but they couldn't help but feel sorry seeing him this way. "How are you?"

"I've been better," Eren huffed out. "You?"

"I'm well," Hanji answered, calculating his mood. "What's got you down?"

Scratching the back of his neck, Eren avoided eye contact. "My friends... aren't treating me very well. But I'm okay."

"Why would they do that?" Hanji felt worried that he'd done something to make them act out, and hoped he wouldn't do the same to Levi.

"I didn't go to one of there stupid parties," Eren spat with a newfound irritation. "They got all pissy because I always go and I missed one night." He calmed himself and looked back to Hanji. "Don't tell Levi, I don't want him to feel guilty. It was the night we hung out together, so I don't want him to think he got me in trouble with my friends."

Hanji nodded. "I understand."

Eren forced another smile, as if to say thank you. "Levi wouldn't act like a jerk," he whispered to himself. "I wouldn't cancel on him, but if I did, he wouldn't be an asshole about it."

Hanji kept silent, only humming in response every so often.

"He'd probably be really cool about it. He's too nice to act the way they do." Eren's brows knitted together as he thought on the subject. "Levi's always so nice. He's always more concerned about other people than himself. He's a good person."

"There aren't many people like him," Hanji added, even though Eren's conversation wasn't a shared one. "You should count yourself lucky to be his friend."

"I really do," Eren murmured, seeming more pensive. With each second that passed, Eren lost his tension, appearing to be more at ease. "He's so selfless... and he's like that all the time. He never asks anything of me." 

"He's not the kind of person to put expectations on people, especially unreasonable ones," Hanji said.

"Yeah," Eren agreed. "And he doesn't ever ignore what I want or what's convenient for me. And he's such a smart guy." The more he talked, the more a subtle smile grew. "And he's funny too. He's just so fun to be around. I don't think he'd ever do anything to hurt someone."

"No, not Levi. If he ever thought he'd hurt somebody, he'd probably have a heart attack," Hanji exaggerated. Though, it wasn't far from the truth. Levi dreaded the thought of ever bringing harm of any kind to a person.

"Levi's so great," Eren mused, now smiling as brightly as he normally did, staring off into space. He tipped back in his chair, letting his thoughts be filled by his friend. 

Hanji watched him amusedly. To some degree, it made them happy to see Eren regain his typical, optimistic behavior, and even more so because it was over Levi. For the rest of the class, they observed Eren getting more and more giddy by the minute, occasionally hearing him chuckle to himself. They tried to work on their homework, but Eren's bubbly attitude was a bit distracting. 

By the end of class, Hanji simply had to ask, "What are you thinking about?" They were too curious.

Eren shrugged, still grinning like a fool. "No one."

Hanji raised a skeptical brow, finding it odd that he said 'no one' rather than 'nothing.' But they weren't so oblivious. Seeing as they left there conversation at Levi, and his expression hadn't changed since then, it was easy to figure just who was on his mind. And Hanji was glad. It made them happy that Eren was so joyful and thinking positively about him. Levi deserved another person who genuinely enjoyed his presence. "If you say so."

 

~

 

11:34

The next day at lunch, Hanji started having flashbacks of their small chat with Eren once Levi started talking about his morning class with him. 

"... And he kept leaning closer to me like he used to when we first started to hang out," Levi went on. "But it was alright, I suppose. He seems a lot happier today, so I'm glad. Maybe his friend stopped harassing him."

"Maybe..." Hanji hummed. "You weren't uncomfortable when he leaned near you? If you were, I hope you told him so he knows better."

Levi shrugged, picking away at his food. "It wasn't too bad. He might've been doing it on purpose though."

Hanji frowned, not understanding. "What do you mean?"

11:35

"Well, he wouldn't stop staring at me, so I think he might've been waiting for a reaction. But I'm not sure, maybe I'm reading too far into it." Levi looked up from his food and felt all the color drain from his face as he noticed a familiar figure walking towards their table. He could only hope that he hadn't heard what he was saying.

Eren approached the table, biting his lip to suppress a grin, although failing to shield his excitement. "Hey, guys!"

Hanji turned around to face him. "Oh, hey Eren."

"Um, is it alright if I sit with you both again?" Eren asked hesitantly, though with unwavering optimism.

Hanji looked to Levi, catching nod and answered for the two of them. "Sure, we don't mind."

Eren lit up and rounded the table to sit with Levi. He once again started to forget any concept of personal space and was nearly touching Levi's side. Levi instinctively inched away, and luckily Eren didn't notice. "If it's alright, would I be able to sit here? Like, everyday?"

Levi and Hanji nodded at each other. "If you'd like," Levi answered. "Why did you decide to?"

11:37

Eren flinched ever so slightly. "Uh... my friends won't let me sit with them anymore." He hurried to continue before the other got a word in. "But that's okay, I would rather sit with you anyways." He tossed a smile over to Levi rather than the both of them, which had Levi blushing. "You're much nicer, I wouldn't want to sit with them anymore even if they hadn't told me to leave."

Levi shrunk into himself, more so because he felt so flattered rather than shy. "But... you've been friends with them longer."

"I like you more," Eren said simply. 

Levi willed himself to keep his breathing under control so he wouldn't need his inhaler. His chest started tightening, but not in a painful way and he didn't know what to do about it.

Seeing his struggles, Hanji tried to get Eren to switch his attention over. "So Eren, how's your art project coming together?"

Eren spoke with Hanji, providing some relief to Levi. Levi couldn't keep up with Eren's change in mood and his fluctuations in character. But he couldn't say he disliked it either. Whatever was going on with him was keeping him on his toes and maintaining his fascination in Eren.

 

~

 

2:14

For days Eren kept coming to sit with them at lunch, Levi would always come back with stories of how Eren was acting weird and all Eren talked about in his study hall with Hanji was Levi. Hanji didn't mind too much, but they had work to do and couldn't afford to chat away their free period all the time.

Eren came in and this period wouldn't differ from the others. "Hi, Hanji."

"Hello, Eren," Hanji sighed, flipping through their textbook. 

"I've got a weird question for you," Eren whispered, scooting his chair closer so their words would be unheard by surrounding students. 

Hanji didn't let him see them roll their eyes, having no time to sacrifice quality studying opportunities. "What is it?"

Eren inched even closer to them, and Hanji finally understand how uncomfortable Levi must've been as Eren wasn't too considerate on giving room to breathe. "Is... is Levi gay?"

Hanji forgot their textbook and faced Eren. Given the fact that no such subject or hinting comments ever came up, they were caught completely off guard. As a result, they couldn't gage why Eren would want to know. If he was merely curious, then Hanji couldn't fault him. If he was asking for homophobic reasons, Hanji considered lying. But since they were at a complete loss of why he'd asked, they had no idea how they should answer. "Uh— why do you ask?"

Eren flicked his gaze away, appearing guilty. "Dunno," he rushed to say, shrugging. "I, um... I was just wondering. You're his best friend, so I assumed you'd know."

Hanji squinted at him, having difficulties reading his intentions. "Well, that's a very personal question. If you want to know, I think you should ask Levi." Since they couldn't guess what he was getting out of having this information, and couldn't assess whether or not Levi would permit them to tell, they'd leave it for Levi to say.

"You're right, you're right." Eren nodded, sitting back a bit. He clicked his tongue a few times, tapping his fingers on the desk. It wasn't too long before he leaned back to whisper to Hanji again. "Uh, another thing..."

Hanji pushed down their frustration, looking away from their textbook. "Yeah?"

"Is Levi single?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I hope that was okay.
> 
> Side updates: I finished my huge af fic DLYGD, check it out? And if you haven't already, please please please give my fic Restrictions a look. That fic is really important to me at the moment, so it would mean so much if you'd give it a shot!
> 
> Thank you for your patience, if you liked this chapter, please leave a comment or kudos to let me know! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!!! <3


	11. In Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren realizes what his feelings for Levi had been, and he considers approaching him about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long!!!!! I don't know what my problem was, but for awhile I just didn't want to write, and if I did write, it was garbage. But I think I'm over that!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a wee bit short, but we're going places. It hasn't been edited, so I'm sorry for any errors. Enjoy!

2:23

"Is Levi single?"

Hanji stared blankly. "Uh... yeah, he is." His previous question made more sense now, though Hanji didn't know how to feel about this. If Eren was invading Levi's personal space simply because he was interested, then they couldn't imagine how he'd act of they actually got together. And ever since Eren took Levi to that party, Hanji hoped to any higher power that he wouldn't pursue Levi for his own safety.

Eren's simper widened as he sat back with the new information, and Hanji wished he'd stop making that face. "Why, do you like him?"

Eren shrugged bashfully, trying and failing miserably to not give himself away. "Maybe."

'Goddamn it, Eren,' Hanji thought. 'This is not the time to be coy. I'm worried about my friend.' Hanji stared back at him, trying to think of how they should approach this. 

Eren looked like a giddy child, squirming in his seat. "He's just... god, he's just so amazing," he gushed. 

Hanji watched with worry as Eren tossed his weight around, thinking about Levi. They could only hope that he wasn't interested in Levi for shallow reasons. "Oh, um... when did you start liking him?" They attempted to sound as level headed as possible.

Another shrug. "Dunno. I always thought he was cute, but lately I've just been thinking about how sweet he is, and how smart he is." He brought his hands to his face, still rolling in his seat. "Fuck, he's so perfect." 

Hanji had never seen him act in such a manner. He looked so happy just to picture Levi in his head, perhaps his feelings were sincere. 

Eren snapped out of his reverie and looked at Hanji with hopeful eyes. "Do you think he'd like me too? Could you help hook us up if he's interested?"

Hanji sat back, needing some room. "W-well, let's not plan too far ahead. We don't know for sure if Levi would say yes to going out with you. Let's just wait a bit, okay?"

Eren's shoulders slumped and his face fell. "You're right... I really like him," he mumbled to himself. Though, it wasn't long before his grin returned. He was in far too deep with his crush to sulk for long. "Maybe I could ask him out in one of our classes, or when we hang out on the weekend."

"Alright, just pace yourself," Hanji advised. "You don't want to rush into anything too quickly." Or rather, Levi wouldn't like it if he did. Hanji felt the need to keep Eren away from Levi, but ultimately it was Levi's decision if he still wanted to be with Eren. They knew it was wrong to sabotage their potential relationship, so they wouldn't dare meddle with the situation, but they weren't really certain of what would be best for their friend.

Trying to gage Eren's intentions, Hanji came up with a few questions for him. "If he did say yes, would it be more of a temporary thing for you both?"

Eren's eyes widened with worry. "Oh, I hope not. I've been in quick relationships before. Meaningless ones, and I don't want that with Levi."

Hanji figured that was good to hear. "Alright. If Levi told you no, how would you handle it?"

Eren deflated ever so slightly. "... I'd be pretty upset, to be honest. But I guess I can't force him to go out with me. If he says no, I'll still hang out with him, I just hope he says yes."

Keeping Levi in mind, that was the best answer they could've received. But Hanji still wasn't sure if they were happy about all of this. However, everything would unfold if and when Eren went forth and asked Levi out, so they tried clearing their head to dispel their concern. If Levi agreed, they'd keep a close watch on Eren, and if he denied the offer, then it would be for the best.

"Okay. When do you plan on talking about it with Levi?"

"I don't know yet, I have to find the perfect time," Eren said. "Wish me luck."

 

~

 

12:12

Levi had the feeling that he was being watched, but refused to look up. Mostly because he didn't want to prove himself right and also because he had plenty of work to do. He simply kept working on his creative writing assignment, sensing eyes on him. 

Eren couldn't be bothered to work on his homework. Grades be damned, the person he'd recently became infatuated with was working diligently beside him, looking as cute as ever. Everything he did now seemed to be entrancing. Each little movement, every little habit, he couldn't keep his eyes off of him. He couldn't remember the last time he fell so fast for somebody.

Levi vaguely looked up, but his attention was captured as he noticed Eren staring intensely. "Eren, aren't you going to work on the assignment?"

Eren shrugged. "I can do it later." 

12:13

Levi was used to his neglect of his school work by now, but he was now more concerned with why Eren wasn't looking away. Not even for a second. "... Do you need something?"

"What do you mean?" Eren asked, shaking himself out of his reverie. 

"You're staring..." Levi mumbled.

"Oh, right." Eren straightened out, remembering that Levi wasn't fond of having eyes on him. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." Levi went back to writing, but Eren's old behavior resurfacing kept him unfocused. For awhile now, he was shifting in attitude and Levi couldn't wrap his head around the reason why. He went from moping around to being absolutely clingy. Levi wasn't exactly annoyed with this, simply confused. 

"You know, we should hang out more," Eren suggested.

Levi gazed back at him with a quirked brow. "But we are hanging out more. You sit with us at lunch now, remember?"

Eren chuckled. "Yeah, yeah, but like, just you and me. It can be anytime, I just like chilling with you." 

"Sure, if you'd like," Levi agreed. He couldn't fathom why Eren, or anybody for that matter, would choose him over his other friends. "I don't want to take you from your friends, though."

Eren shrugged. His friends had gotten over his absence at the party and invited him to sit back with them during lunch, and they'd stopped harassing him, having grown tired of it. But Eren wanted to sit with Levi still, and he wanted his attention even more. "I don't mind, and neither do they. And don't worry about them." 

That didn't keep Levi from concerning himself with them, but it eased his thoughts. 

 

~

 

3:30

Levi slowly became more comfortable by the day with Eren. He eventually reached the point that he felt calm again, should he ever come to his home. Which is why they were currently sat at his kitchen table once more, over a round of chess after Eren had suggested they spend more time together. 

Levi tried to keep his focus on the game, but he'd have to keep reminding his opponent when it was his turn, seeing as he'd stare back at him, seemingly distracted.

"You're getting a lot better," Levi commented casually. 

"Yeah! It's getting a lot easier now," Eren beamed. "We should do this all the time. Maybe I can get as good as you eventually." 

Levi nodded vaguely. "That would be... nice." He moved his bishop and looked up at Eren, finding him gazing back almost absently with a wide grin. "Eren...? It's your turn."

Eren snapped back up, shaking off his thoughts. "Right, right, sorry bout that." He stared down at the board, pondering over his next move. "Sorry for being distracted, heh."

3:31

"That's alright." Levi could tell he wasn't so into the game, so he tried to think of some conversation starter to make up for it. Though, he wasn't so great at conversations, so he decided on something that he'd genuinely been curious about. "Are things better between you and your friend?"

Eren looked back up at him. "Which one?"

"Um, the one who threw paint on our project." Levi couldn't recall his name.

"Oh, him. Yeah, we're cool. He was just being a baby, but everything's fine now." Eren slid one of his pawns foreword. 

Levi nodded, remembering how Eren also seemed upset with his other friends. "What about everyone else? Are they treating you well again?"

Eren scratched the back of his neck, not really wanting to think about it. "Well... yeah, I guess. They were just acting like a bunch of dicks for stupid reasons, but now they're acting like none of that happened and everything's fine. So yeah, they're back to normal, but I'm still a little mad at them," he admitted.

Levi hummed, relieved. "That's good. That they're being nice again, that is."

"Yeah," Eren sighed, resting his head on the palm of his hand as he leaned on the table, waiting for Levi to take his turn. "It's funny. Like, they've all been my friends for years, but you don't act like any of them. You're so much nicer to me."

3:33

Levi looked up at him after moving his rook to take out one of Eren's knights. "That's a shame that your friends don't treat you nicely."

Eren only shrugged. "It's okay, I don't really care anymore. But... you wouldn't treat me like that, would you?"

Levi shook his head quickly. He'd never dream of treating Eren, or anyone, so poorly. "No, of course not."

Eren's lopsided smile only brightened. "Yeah, you're too nice. You remind me so much of an old friend I used to have. You're smart like him, and... and you care about what I think. But, even though you're a lot like him, you're still... unique, you know? You're like, my best friend now."

Levi's heart started pounding. He couldn't believe somebody like Eren thought so highly of him. And only after having known him for such a short amount of time. No. Eren had to be mistaken. "I-I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm sure you have quite a few friends who have much more to offer."

"No, seriously. You always listen to me, you ask how I am, you don't pressure me to do anything, and I love hanging out with you. So, yeah." Eren nodded to himself, as if he was mentally checking off all of Levi's qualities. "Yeah, you're my best friend."

Levi wouldn't let himself be convinced. He only had one friend. And that one friend was the only one who'd value him in such a way. And that's how things had to stay. He wouldn't allow himself the luxury of being so spoiled. "No... no, you have plenty of nicer friends, I'm sure."

"I really don't," Eren laughed. "You're my favorite, hands down."

Levi's chest felt so light after hearing those kind words, but he forced himself to push it all down. "Well, I just think that there are better options—"

"I don't care about 'other options,' I like you the most," Eren stated confidently, moving his queen.

3:36

"... That could change..." Levi mumbled.

"I disagree," Eren countered.

Levi looked up at him, remaining impassive, but internally felt nothing short of pure perplexity. How could Eren know? How could he be sure? Levi didn't recognize this tone, but Eren sounded so positive in his affirmations and he didn't know what to do.

"You're turn, buddy," Eren reminded him, tapping the board. 

Levi extracted himself from his mindset and tried to refocus himself on the game. "Check," he muttered, moving his rook foreword. Though the game was winding down, favoring him, his mind remained cloudy.

"You know, this reminds me of when my mom taught me how to play checkers when I was little," Eren commented. "I know this is nothing like checkers, but it makes me think of that. I think she used to let me win." He moved his king to a safe square, but continued talking. "And sometimes, in elementary school, I'd bring our game to school and play it with my friend. He'd always beat me, and I'd get mad, so that didn't last for long." He ended his story, cut off with a small laugh. "Um, do you play checkers? Or did you?"

Levi shook his head, examining the board. "No, I've always liked chess more."

Eren nodded, biting his lip. "Oh... when we were little, my friend Armin and I used to hang out away from everyone else. And whenever I didn't bring checkers, he'd bring his books. I didn't really like to read, still don't, but he'd tell me everything that was in them. He liked to read about the ocean and whenever I'd go to his house we'd go in the pool his family had and we'd pretend to be the sharks and fish and whatever else he'd read about." He looked up at Levi with hopeful eyes. "When the weather gets warm again, would you want to go to the lake? I know one that's close by. They've got a dock and canoes and grills set up for barbecues."

Levi moved his rook once again, wrinkling his nose at the idea. "Sorry, I can't exactly swim. Check."

Eren nodded at the new information and studied Levi's expression. He couldn't be certain, but he sensed that something was off with him and assumed it might've been because he was boring Levi. "Uh, sorry I keep rambling so much. I just... I like talking with you. And I like hearing what you have to say, but lately you haven't been talking much. I just thought..." He didn't have an end to that sentence prepared. 

It hadn't occurred to Levi that all this time as Eren kept talking and talking, he was merely prompting him into conversation. Eren loved to chatter by nature, but it didn't phase him that he also wanted to listen.

3:41

"Oh... u-um, I'm sorry," Levi stammered. "I'm just a quiet person. I don't often have a lot to say." 

Levi wasn't sure of what he expected Eren to do next but it wasn't chuckling.

Eren giggled at Levi's response, adoring how he took everything so seriously. "That's okay. It's... cute that you're silent."

A lump settled in Levi's throat at the word 'cute.'

"But, if you ever got something to say, I'm all ears. I like listening to you."

"Um, thank you." Levi couldn't have come up with a better response if he tried. Which he did. But this boy was always surprising him, convincing him, even if only for a second, that he was worth someone's time. 

But even with an open invitation, Levi would not dare burden him with his thoughts. Eren may have told him he wanted to hear what he had to say, but Levi would always withhold something from everyone. That's just how he was. Though, it was nice to have heard those kind words, and he'd think of them often, he was sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reeeaaalllyyy excited for the next chapter, eek! I hope this one wasn't too bad.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos to let me know. They're really appreciated!!! Also, if you'd like to check out my tumblrs, they're dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading! <3


	12. Empty Bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi feels more comfortable around Eren when he keeps spending time with him, and Eren makes his decision to ask Levi out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo, quick update! That never happens! I hope you guys like this chapter. It's not edited, so I'm sorry for any errors. Enjoy!

1:57

Hanji sat on the edge of Levi's bed, studying their friend as he sat in his desk chair. He seemed to be in a better mood than usual for some time now, and they had their suspicions as to why this change had occurred. Though, regardless of the reason, they were relieved to see him happier. "Spill the beans, little man. What's going on?"

Levi fixed them with a quizzical stare. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb," Hanji chuckled. "The bags under your eyes are fading, you're having an easier time sitting up straight, and you're fidgeting less. Something really good must've happened," they accused, grinning madly.

Levi casted his gaze to the ground, doing all he could to suppress a smile. He hadn't even made the connection yet. "... Nothing happened, really. I suppose I'm just happier than usual."

"... Because...?" Hanji prompted.

"I don't know. I'm just not thinking about things that stress me, maybe?" In all honesty, Levi was fairly certain he knew, but he wasn't positive. 

"Is it Eren?" Hanji hit the nail on the head. Judging by Levi's immediate drawback and bow of the head, he realized it too. "It is, isn't it?"

"I think so, yes," Levi replied quietly, biting his lip before catching himself and shutting his mouth. "He's still unpredictable and that concerns me, but... lately he's been so nice to me. He's putting so much effort into spending time with me and letting me lead our conversations. Aside from you and my mother doing so, I'm not used to being treated like that."

"Do you like it?"

1:59

"I do," Levi admitted. "I'm not sure of how to respond to it each time, but I enjoy it. I'm wondering what he's trying to get out of it."

Hanji knew that Eren was hoping to get a new boyfriend out of this behavior, but they knew Levi wasn't aware of that, and he was assuming far worse things. They couldn't reveal Eren's secret, but they needed to at least reassure their friend. "It can't be anything bad. What could someone possibly gain out of caring for you and hanging out with you? Aside from making a friend, that is."

Levi snorted a humorless laugh and began deflating. "I don't know. Information. He could be manipulating me. He could be using me."

Hanji rolled their eyes. "Try not to be a pessimist. This is Eren we're talking about. He may not make great choices, but he's not smart enough to scheme."

"He is smart," Levi argued, offended on Eren's behalf. He furrowed his brows and crossed his arms. "He's just... He needs time to understand things."

Hanji cackled, amused by how far Levi was, now that he was defending Eren so quickly in such an objective topic. "Levi, dearest. Eren's a sweetheart, he's funny, he's got looks, but with all due respect, he can be a real dope sometimes."

Levi puffed out his cheeks in frustration. "That's not true!" Deep down, he knew it was the truth, but he wouldn't let someone say such unkind things about Eren. 

"Okay, okay, I'll back off," Hanji said through fits of giggles. "Stupid or not, he's starting to make up for what he did to you."

2:02

Levi returned to his dreamy state, thinking about the brunet. "He is." If Levi had one flaw, it was his tendency to overlook big things, whether it was for better or worse. Often times, the latter. And now, he was overlooking how Eren left him alone in a strange house for harmful substances. True, he vaguely knew to not sweep that memory under the rug, but he was at long last attempting to heal instead of festering. But with thoughts that were constantly conflicting with each other, it was difficult. He may have been ignoring Eren's past mistakes, but now he was telling himself Eren was using him. Though, whatever optimism he had left was letting him enjoy the special treatment.

"I still don't forgive him, but I'm glad he's turning himself around for you."

Levi shook his head. "He's not doing anything for me. He's just nice."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Hanji sang, biting back a knowing smile. But that was the most they'd let slip without giving Eren away. Focusing on Levi's best interests, they realized they were more happy than wary. They'd keep their guard up in case Eren made another mistake, but for now, they were ready to give him their blessing.

 

~

 

8:40

"If you ever wanna get in on this, just let me know," Eren offered as he sculpted the clay for their next project.

Levi grimaced at the muddy substance in distaste. "No thank you," he politely declined.

"Suit yourself," Eren snickered. "Why did you take this class if you don't like participating in it?"

"I needed the credit, there wasn't much of a choice."

"Ah, right." Eren nodded in understanding. "What's so bad about clay? It washes off."

Levi winced. "It gets under your nails. The odor is offensive. Your hands become dry afterwards. Its absolutely filthy. It's more trouble than it's worth really."

Eren smiled to himself, just as brightly as usual. "I think you're really smart to think of all that stuff," he mentioned, trying to compliment Levi. "But, uh, you probably get that a lot."

Levi shrugged. "No, I usually get told that that way of thinking is excessive and troubling," he responded, completely missing Eren's intentions.

Eren frowned, thinking of the people who had the nerve to say that to Levi. "That's not it. You're thoughtful. You're a smart guy, and don't let anyone tell you you're not."

Levi was a bit taken aback by Eren's sudden defense, but he didn't dislike it. "... Thank you." 

"Oh, I should probably tell you," Eren remembered. "I'm going to Reiner's house this weekend, so we won't be able to hang out like we've been doing. Unless you wanna come." He looked over to Levi eagerly.

Levi shrunk into himself. He'd never subject himself to that again if he had any choice in it. "No thank you. I'll probably have things I need to get done anyways," he lied.

8:44

"Alright, if you're sure."

Levi's stomach started turning. He knew what Eren would be doing if he went. He'd start drinking again and surely do worse things. He'd lose himself at some point and start throwing himself at other people, getting close to them in ways that made Levi shudder. Of course, he couldn't tell Eren what to do, but he wish he could prevent him from going at all. He assumed it was a selfish thought. He didn't want Eren touching other people or hurting himself. 

"Hey, you okay?" Eren snapped him out of his thoughts.

Levi stilled and fixed his expression to something more acceptable. "I'm fine."

Eren quirked a brow at him. "Are you sure? You looked kinda sick there for a second. Do you need to go to the nurse?"

Levi shook his head. "No, I'm alright. I'm sure."

 

~

 

7:09

Eren walked through the entrance to his friend's home with a feeling of relief. After they'd shun him for skipping out the last time, he'd mainly attended to please them so he wouldn't go through it again. He assured himself that nothing would be asked of him again, so long as he was there. And that comforted him.

Upon entering, he was immediately greeted by his friends shouting for him. He smiled seeing how they were glad he was there. They had completely forgiven him.

"Eren!" Connie shouted, walking towards him with two beers. "You're late, you dick!"

Eren laughed, accepting a drink. "When have you ever given a fuck if I'm late or not?"

"Heh, you're right." Connie turned back around, leading him into the living room where the rest of the guests were.

"Eren!" They yelled, noticing his arrival.

"What is this?" He asked, taking notice of the crowd. "I thought it was just a few of the guys showing up tonight."

Reiner shrugged, standing in the corner. "Blame it on Jean. He just had to invite thirty extra people. They all just showed up, and I couldn't tell them no."

Eren shook his head. "You never say no." He opened his bottle and walked in further to claim his seat on the couch. He barely noticed the thin streaks of smoke dirtying the air. "You guys started already? Isn't it early?"

"If you wanted us to wait for you, then you should've showed up earlier so wouldn't have to start without you," Jean scoffed by his side. 

Eren chuckled, finding no actual annoyance in his tone.

"Do you want a hit?" Jean drawled.

"Nah," Eren declined, taking a swig of his drink. "None of that tonight."

Several whines sounded after his answer. "Come on!" Reiner hollered. "Don't be a buzzkill. What's going on with you lately?"

"I just wanna cut back, that's all. I always feel like shit after our parties. I drink too much, I smoke to much, and I don't wanna feel like I'm dying when I have to go home tomorrow." He started to become apprehensive. He thought he was in the clear up until this moment. 

"We'll get you to change your mind!" Connie promised him.

Eren rolled his eyes, taking another sip of his beer. He wasn't as interested in getting smashed anymore and he didn't plan on going back on his earlier statement.

A little over an hour had went by since he arrived and he felt absolutely miserable. He'd only had his one beer and didn't intend on having much else to drink until later. He refused to take any drugs at any point, wanting to keep a clear mind. And throughout all of this his friends and even people he didn't know well were harassing him, and telling him he was no fun and that he might as well have not shown up. Did other people's friends treat them like this, he wondered. Everyone else was having the time of their lives, losing coherency as the night went on, just like every other time. But he was simply festering, sinking into the couch cushions, watching everybody else. He felt like he was sitting inside of a bubble while everything else moved around him, and the only thing keeping him occupied was his thoughts. And for a brief moment, he wondered if this was how Levi felt when he'd brought him here.

While Eren sat, focusing on his own self pity, his friend Annie sat at his side, letting out a sigh. "You really got a stick up your ass tonight, don't you?"

Eren shut his eyes, becoming more frustrated as time passed. "I don't get why everyone's got a problem with me taking it easy for one night."

"You're the life of the party, we expect you to get everything started. And we want you to have fun."

"Really? Cuz it seemed to me that you guys don't give a shit if I have fun, since you're all making me feel worse." Eren crossed his arms in aggravation. 

Annie shook her head. "You'd feel better if you'd just let loose. But no, you've got to be a sour little shit, sitting in the corner."

Eren didn't even bother responding. At this point, he was exhausted and wanted to go home. It wasn't worth staying just to get put down anymore.

Annie slid her arm around Eren's shoulders in a comforting motion. "Look, you can make up for lost time. Stop acting so frigid and get upstairs. They're passing it around in a bit. You love that."

Eren exhaled heavily, shaking his head. "I'm not interested."

Annie rolled her eyes, sick of Eren's attitude. "Well, you've got other options," she murmured, taking her other hand and setting it on Eren's thigh.

Eren sat up straight and looked up at her. "Annie, no. Can't you just leave me alone this time?"

"It could get you out of your funk," Annie argued, snaking her hand further up. 

Eren took a hold of her hand and pushed it aside. He couldn't put his finger on why, but it felt so wrong. Being with somebody would hurt him in a way he couldn't quite understand. "I don't want to."

Annie glared at him, unimpressed. "You're so annoying," she mumbled, closing their distance.

Eren pushed at her shoulder to get his own room back and stood up, leaving Annie perplexed on the couch. He sent her one last apologetic look, before walking off into the kitchen. 

The lighting in the kitchen was soberingly bright compared to the dim living room. Although, it was an absolute mess, cluttered with empty cups and bottles on every surface. Seeing as it was void of people, Eren took up the opportunity to lean against the wall and enjoy the space. 

He thought it was odd that in such a situation, he started to think about Levi. He wondered what he was doing, if he was tired, if he wished they'd gotten together for chess. Eren certainly wished they had.

All he wanted was to go home and go to sleep, though the night was still young and he couldn't disappoint his friends. He sighed, dreading the night ahead of him.

His solitude was disturbed when someone entered the kitchen in search of another drink. He turned to face them, finding the figure to be Marco. Finally, somebody who wouldn't pressure him.

Marco stared back at him, noticing his movement. "Eren? Why're you hiding out in here?"

Eren let himself relax in his presence. "I'm just not having a good time. Kinda wish I didn't come."

Marco pouted at that, coming to stand by him. "Really? You're having that awful of a time?"

Eren nodded. "I don't want to be here anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What's going on?"

"I just... I dunno," Eren muttered. "I don't wanna drink too much, I don't wanna get high, and everybody's trying to guilt me for it. All my friends are being assholes."

Marco took a sip of his drink, listening intently. "That's messed up, they shouldn't guilt you. You're taking care of yourself. There's no shame in that."

"Thank you, that's my point. But everyone's acting like I ruined their night." He scratched the back of his head. "I was gonna go to my other friend's house, but I got invited to come here. Now I'm wishing I went to his house instead."

"Well... you might as well make the most of your time now," Marco suggested. "I know you can't get all that time you spent here back, but don't keep yourself from having fun."

"I don't think I could possibly have fun here when everybody's making me feel like shit. What do you think I should do?"

"I've got an idea," Marco said, taking his hand and leading him out of the kitchen and down a hallway. "We'll find a vacant room."

Eren already knew what he was getting at and halted in place. "No, Marco. We're not doing this."

"It always makes you feel better, it can take your mind off things," Marco said, facing him in the quiet hallway. "This way, you can relax without having to drink. Nobody will bother us."

Eren shook his head. "I know you think it'll help, but I can't do it." He knew very well that what he was thinking didn't make much sense, but for some reason this felt like cheating to him. Of course, he wasn't with Levi, he had yet to ask him out, but to be with somebody else in an intimate way made him feel like he was doing something wrong. Levi was the only one he really wanted to be with like that.

"Are you sure?" Marco asked, stepping closer to caress Eren's arm. "You'll feel better afterwards."

Eren jerked away from Marco's touch. "I'm sure... actually, I'm just gonna go home. If anyone asks, I left."

Marco nodded, slipping away. "Alright, get home safely."

"Thanks." Eren spun on his heel, weaving back into the kitchen, and left the house. He hated how things were. He couldn't stand his own friends. Why were they acting like this?

He got into his car and just sat there. He leaned his head against the steering wheel, completely drained. Even after leaving, his mind kept wandering back to Levi. He wanted to be with him, playing chess, of all things. No, not even that. He wanted to be by his side was all. Holding him, staying silent. He wasn't sure if Levi would allow that, but he hoped he would.

Going on a whim, he sat up, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time. It was a quarter to nine, hopefully Levi was still awake. He called his number and waited.

On the third ring, a woman's voice came. "Hello?"

"Hey, this is Eren. Can I talk to Levi?"

"Oh, Eren! Of course, just a minute."

A moment later, Levi was put on the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Levi! How's it going?" He couldn't help but get excited when he heard his voice.

"I'm well. How are you?"

Eren neglected to tell him that his night had been a mess. "Um, I'm alright. Listen, I left the party sooner than I thought I would, so the rest of my weekend is open. Do you wanna hang out tomorrow or something? Are you busy?"

"No, I'm not busy. Um... sure, we can do that."

Eren's lips split into a wide grin. "Great. We'll play chess at your place? Same as always?"

"Yes, if that's what you want."

"Awesome, I'll be there at one, if that's okay."

"Yes, that's okay."

They said their goodbyes and Eren pocketed his phone. He felt better already.

 

~

 

1:34

This was it. Today was the day Eren decided he'd ask Levi out. After he'd spent Sunday with him and instantly regained the energy he'd lost the night before, he realized he needed him. Eren knew a few people who could offer him some support in troubling times, but since Levi simply being in his presence was able to get his heart racing and made him forget what had upset him in the first place, he'd choose him over anybody. They didn't do an awful lot when Eren had come over, but even then, Levi was improving his mood. 

Levi made him so happy by doing nothing and he wouldn't leave his mind. All Eren wanted to do was spend his time with him and make him show his rare smile. It was such a timid, hesitant curve, but it lit up Eren's whole world. And now, sitting in gym class with him, he was hoping to bring out that beautiful smile once he asked him out. 

Levi sat by his side, watching the other students play volleyball haphazardly. Eren studied his features as he looked out, and to him, it felt like he was falling harder with each second that passed.

1:40

"Hey, Levi," Eren called for his attention. He tried to keep his smile down once Levi faced him, eyes meeting his.

"Yes?"

"Uh, I got a question for you. And I've been wanting to ask you for awhile now."

"What is it?" Levi asked, raising a confused brow.

Eren sat a tad closer, preparing his question. "Do you wanna go out with me?"

Levi inhaled so sharply, he nearly choked. His face went beet red, his eyes widened and it seemed that his lungs had stopped working all together. Was Eren joking? He had to be. Though, his features appeared entirely genuine. All of his thoughts were processed so quickly he started to get dizzy. Perhaps he hadn't heard correctly. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you wanna go out? Like, be my boyfriend?" Eren rephrased. "I really like you. You're so smart, and sweet, and you're really cute, and I love it when you smile, or when you laugh." He was being too blunt and rambling, but he couldn't help it. He was too honest for his own good. "I want to make you happy and you already make me happy. I like spending time with you, I wanna spend more time with you. So, what do you think?"

Levi had to force himself to believe he was telling the truth, he couldn't handle being asked out as a joke. His mind told him to figure out too many things at once. Like why Eren had asked him out, what did he see in him, was he using him, was this a good idea, did he deserve him? He could feel his palms sweating as his mind slaved away, trying to come up with an answer for all these questions, completely forgetting there was another question already asked of him. 

And as much as he remained apprehensive, there were more thoughts crowding in about how excited he was. He still wanted to be with Eren, even if he had his reasons to decline. He wanted this so badly. But would Eren actually want to be in a relationship with him when he discovered how much work it'd be? Levi was extremely high maintenance. He needed cleanliness, he needed constant reassurance, he needed constant comfort. Not to mention he dreaded things that came so naturally to Eren. He wouldn't be able to touch him so easily, he had no interest is in drinking, getting high, or attending parties. He hated loud places, he rarely left home, he found joy in calm activities. Not to mention Eren might've been expecting a physical relationship. He couldn't give him what he'd need or want. Somebody else would be better suited for Eren, anybody else actually. 

But Levi needed to give him an answer. The only problem was he couldn't register his thoughts in the slightest. And without thinking through what he was doing and without answering his own internal questions, he quickly blurted out, "Yes."

Eren jolted closer to Levi on instinct. "Really?!" He said a little too loudly. He couldn't contain his elation.

Levi's heart was pounding. He needed his inhaler. Eren had just given him the opportunity to take a few seconds and rethink his answer, but his mind was too foggy to function. "Y-yes."

If it was at all possible, Eren's face lit up even more. He began squirming in his seat, too happy to think. "I'd hug you right now, but I know you don't like to be touched."

1:42

Levi's heart skipped a beat. He remembered. "Th-thank you." He couldn't think of anything better to say. That little comment reassured him that Eren did care about his comfort and helped him think that maybe Eren genuinely did want to be with him.

"I don't wanna cross a line, so I should probably ask. Can I hold your hand? Is that okay with you?" Eren asked, patiently awaiting an answer.

"U-um..." Levi wasn't sure. He wanted to be able to do that, he wanted to be able to do everything other couples could do so easily. But he didn't know if he could handle that just yet. He started to hold up his trembling hand, slowly inching it towards Eren in the hopes that he could force himself. His nerves kept him from getting any closer, but he was stubborn. So, he twitched his pinky finger upward, trying to keep going. 

Getting a different message, Eren assumed he was lifting his pinky as an offer to take it, so he grabbed a hold of it gently.

Levi sucked in a harsh breath, eyeing Eren's hand, caught by surprise.

Eren looked down at him. "Is this okay?"

Levi stared at Eren's hand, wrapped around his pinky finger. It didn't feel invasive. There was no urge to pull away. He still felt clean. He'd never considered this alternative. "Mhm," he hummed, nodding quickly, unable to form words.

Eren's bright grin returned. "Good. If I ever make you uncomfortable, just say so. Okay?"

Levi nodded again.

Eren started staring again, looking down at Levi giddily. "I'm really happy you said yes."

Levi was in a state of shock. None of it seemed real. And if it turned out to be a dream, then it would be one that he'd treasure. Because for once, even though his anxiety was getting worked up due to uncertainties, he could honestly say he was happy, and he had gotten something he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gawwwdd I've been waiting to write that scene for forever!!! Our two nerds are now a couple!
> 
> If you liked this, please let me know with a comment or kudos, they are greatly appreciated! In case you want to check out my tumblrs, they're dr-s--art (my fic/art blog) and the-witch-daddy (my ereri/riren/color guard blog) Thanks for reading! <3


	13. Subtle Worries and Simple Pleasures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has difficulties adjusting to being in a relationship, but it's also an experience he's not ready to give up so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for updating so late only to come back with a short, crappy filler chapter. I had a bit of a rough time deciding what I even wanted to include in this chapter. With that being said, this chapter isn't too exciting, but I still hope you enjoy it!

5:21

"I'm so happy for you!" Hanji chimed, bouncing on the balls of their feet in Levi's bedroom. They still had minor qualms with Eren, but seeing how Levi couldn't beat back his smile as he invited them over to talk about it had nearly gotten rid of their worries. "This is so exciting, give me all the details!" 

Levi bit his lip bashfully, trying to bite back his grin. "We were sitting on the bench in gym class and he just asked me, out of nowhere. And I said yes."

"Really? You just accepted so easily?"

"Well, not really. I thought I hadn't heard him well enough the first, but he assured me that I had. And then... he started complimenting me, and he said I made him happy. So, I told him yes."

Hanji nodded enthusiastically. "What happened after that? What did he say?"

Levi sat himself on the edge of his bed and laced his fingers together, thinking on the fresh memory. "He was very excited and he was mindful of my need for space. He asked to hold my hand, but I can't do that yet, so he settled for just a finger. And he told me how happy he was that I'd said yes."

"Levi, that's so precious!" Hanji gasped, grinning ear to ear. "Now, most importantly, how are you feeling about everything?"

It seemed obvious to Levi, considering how he couldn't stop beaming. This didn't go unnoticed by Hanji, it was why they were celebrating rather than being skeptical on the relationship. But they wanted to be sure.

"I'm happy. I didn't think this could happen, and I don't know what to do with myself." Immediately after answering, Levi's heart started pounding as he wondered what was typical for one to do in a relationship. "I mean... I'm not sure how it all works, but it shouldn't be too hard. Right?"

"Exactly, there's no reason to be nervous. Having a boyfriend is supposed to be fun! And if you're unsure of anything, talk it out with Eren. Communication is key."

5:22

Communication. That wasn't so simple. "Oh... that'll be a problem."

Hanji joined Levi on the bed. "It doesn't have to be. I'm sure Eren will understand this is all new to you, so he'll go slow. And if something worries you, just tell him. He obviously likes you enough to be patient and listen to you."

Levi couldn't decide if he should focus more on his concerns or his joy. He couldn't have been happier that Eren requited his feelings, but the uncertainty of how to properly act was just as prominent. "I don't know, he might think less of me if I'm inexperienced."

Hanji scoffed, rolling their eyes. "He wouldn't, I promise. You were just telling me how excited he was when you agreed to go out with him. And you told me how respectful he was of your boundaries. He's not gonna think less of you just because you haven't had a boyfriend before."

Levi had to admit that it didn't sound very rational when they put it like that. Perhaps everything would go smoothly, but even that sounded too good to be true. 

5:23

"Listen short stack, I can't promise anything out of this relationship. But what's the harm in going into it with a good attitude? You don't know how it will play out, so I'd hate for you to regret not making the most of this when the opportunity is being handed to you on a silver platter."

Levi wanted to be an optimist about this, but it was just so difficult when he could see all potential problems so plainly. But Hanji had a point, what he wanted so badly was being given to him. There were very few things he wouldn't give up because he felt undeserving. And though he didn't feel like he deserved Eren at all, he decided that he wouldn't be giving up so quickly.

"I think I can do this," Levi murmured.

"That's good, and it'll get easier," Hanji went on. "If you're ever lost or scared, just talk it through with Eren. I promise he'll help you get used to everything and work with you on anything you're nervous about. I'm sure that as long as he knows how you're feeling, everything will be fine."

Levi nodded. "Okay." He just kept mentally repeating to himself that he could handle everything, no matter how hard it would be. And maybe it wouldn't be so difficult, but he knew couldn't find out if he didn't give himself the chance.

 

~

 

6:13

After Hanji went home, Levi was called down for dinner by his mother. He walked into the kitchen, feeling lighter than usual and set the table.

"You look excited about something," Kutchel commented, filling their plates. "How was your day?"

"It was a good day, how was yours?"

"Mine was fine," Kutchel said as she sat down. "But I want to hear more about your day. Did you finish your homework?"

"Yes," Levi answered, pouring their drinks and seating himself. 

"Alright, now what about the rest of your day? Did anything interesting happen in school?"

Levi contemplated telling his mother that he was in a relationship. She rarely spoke to him about such subjects, so he couldn't predict what her opinion would be. He didn't want to lie to her, but he didn't want her to worry or cut off his contact with Eren. Of course, he didn't believe she would actually do that, but she was so protective of him and wanted the best for him. He couldn't tell if she'd be upset. 

"Um... well—"

"But why don't you first tell me why you've had that smile since I got home?" Kutchel teased with a grin. "And don't try to keep any exiting details from me."

Levi figured she'd find out eventually, so there was no point in lying. But that didn't stop him from worrying. "Uh, do you remember my friend, Eren?" He began, taking a bite of his food.

"The one who you play chess with at school?"

"Yes, him." He wished he had prepared himself to tell her. But since he couldn't avoid the topic now, he decided to spit it out. "He's... um, t-today he asked me to be his boyfriend."

Kutchel nearly dropped her fork, fixing Levi with a shocked stare. "And what did you say?"

"... I said yes."

Kutchel's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "You did? So, the two of you are dating now?"

6:18

Levi nodded hesitantly. "Yes."

"Levi, that's terrific! I didn't know you liked anyone." She'd nearly forgotten about her dinner by now. "Would you like to invite him over for dinner? That would be nice, don't you think?"

"I'm not sure..." Eren had seen his mother briefly when he'd visited before, but he wasn't sure if his mother would like him if she met him properly. "Maybe, I don't know if it would be a good idea to do that so soon."

"That's fine, but he's welcome to come over anytime, just like your other friends."

Levi sighed and rolled his eyes, he only had one other friend. 

"Is this why you look so happy?"

Levi showed a small grin and nodded. "Yes. I didn't think he would ask me. So, I was very excited when he did."

"There are probably plenty of people who'd want to date you, of course he asked! You've got so much to offer, I bet there's tons of people who're interested." Kutchel honestly did think her son was a wonderful young man, and it perplexed her why he had so few companions.

"No, not really." Levi took another bite of his food. The fact that he wasn't asked out often didn't bother him like it normally would have, since he had Eren now.

"They're too nervous to ask you, I'm sure," she said optimistically. "The important thing is that you found someone you like back."

Levi nodded in agreement. He was glad his mother was so enthusiastic and accepting about his new relationship. And though he had a number of pessimistic thoughts at the back of his mind, he felt happier and more at peace than he had in a long time. 

 

~

 

8:36

Eren could barely put together a string of coherent words together since he met up with Levi the next day. He was giddy in a way Levi hadn't seen before. 

While he worked on their art project, he kept sneaking glances at the other, barely trying to keep himself together. 

Levi wasn't doing any better. As happy as he was, he didn't quite know how to express that without looking foolish. And he didn't know if he needed to act differently now that they were together.

"You should give me your schedule, so I can learn it and walk you to all your classes," Eren suggested.

Levi held out the bowl of water for Eren to wet his hands to keep the clay from cracking. "I don't think that's necessary. You'd be late if you did that."

"But I want to! I need to act like a gentleman for you."

He never failed to make Levi's heart skip a beat. "Th-that's okay. I don't want you to get in trouble." 

"I won't get in any trouble," Eren scoffed. "The teachers won't care. And I don't think it'll make me too late. I wanna do a lot of things with you and spend more time with you now that we're dating." He kept rambling as he sculpted away. "And I wanna hear all about your days, and I know you don't like to be touched, so instead I can come over to your house and we can talk. I like hearing you talk, that's one way we can be closer—"

Eren kept going on and on and Levi felt absolutely indulged. Before now, he believed that it was near impossible for someone to willingly take time out of their day to just be with him. But there Eren was, chattering about how much he enjoyed sharing his company and he had to restrain himself from thinking it was all lies. He couldn't think of a single reason why someone ask him out as a joke and follow through with sacrificing their time with him. Actually, he could think of several, but he forced himself as best as he could to stop thinking like that.

8:40

"— And I just wanna know everything about you and make you happy and— sorry, I didn't mean to talk your ear off," Eren interrupted himself sheepishly. "You probably want me to shut up now," he laughed.

"No," Levi hurried to say. "I-I didn't mind." He honestly didn't. It was such a luxury for him to hear someone go on and on about such nice things. True, he may not have thought he was deserving of everything Eren was promising, but he loved hearing it all. 

Eren beamed at him. "You're cute when you stutter."

Levi felt his cheeks reddening, and tucked his head down to hide it. "I don't like stuttering."

"That's okay. I'll make sure to remind you how much I love it whenever it happens, so you feel better about it."

Eren was making Levi fall apart and he didn't even realize it. Everything he said was tearing away at all the negative affirmations Levi always mentally told himself. And he felt spoiled for the first time.

Time passed as Eren worked away, talking to Levi and before they knew it, the period was over. After putting their project away, Eren waited for Levi to get his things together and held out his hand.

9:17

Levi offered him his pinky finger to hold like he had the day before. Even though Eren took it, he felt a tad embarrassed that he couldn't give him his entire hand. "... Sorry we can't hold hands like a normal couple," Levi mumbled.

Eren snickered in response. "Don't apologize, I think it's adorable." They walked out of art class, 'holding hands' and he let Levi lead the way. "Where to?"

"Um, math class?" 

Eren nodded and started heading in that direction. "And what do you have after that?"

"Two study halls." Levi looked up at him skeptically. "Were you serious about taking me to all my classes?"

Eren smiled down at him. "Yeah, of course."

While they walked, a few of Eren friends passed saying hello to him. He'd greet them back and they'd raise a brow at Levi and then at him, but Eren didn't seem to notice. Levi almost didn't want to know what they were thinking.

Before they reached Levi's class, Hanji also walked by. They waved briefly at Levi and took notice of their connected hands. Upon seeing that, their mouth dropped in a wide smile, happy to see Levi comfortable with touching someone. Levi tried and failed to hide a small grin. 

Once they were at the door of the math room they parted ways. "I'll see you next period!" Eren said as he left.

Levi rushed into the room, not trusting himself with words at the moment. He couldn't understand how this was a normal thing people did and how they kept themselves calm when someone treated them with such care. But for now, he decided to enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my writing for this fic is getting worse as I go on. I don't really like this fic that much anymore. I only started writing this as a means of stress relief, and I still use it for that, so that's probably why it isn't too great. But I have no intentions of abandoning this fic (or any of my other ones,) I just sometimes can't think of anything exciting to add to it. I do have plans for this, it's just getting there that's the problem.
> 
> This wasn't edited, I'm sorry for any mistakes. Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	14. Personal Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji has a talk with Eren to be sure he doesn't accidentally hurt Levi, and Levi takes Eren to his house to spend more time with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy, I had trouble with this one. I had no idea where I wanted to go with this, and I think that shows. But I think I know how I want to continue, so ... improvement?
> 
> This isn't edited, sorry for any errors. Enjoy!

2:14

Hanji was happy for Levi and his new relationship, they genuinely were. But they couldn't help being protective over him, especially when their intuition was telling them something would go wrong.

Hanji hated being so skeptical of Eren, but they wouldn't dare trust him blindly. They wanted to like him for Levi's sake, especially since he was making up for his mistakes. And they had to admit, even the kindest people with the best intentions could end up hurting Levi, and that wouldn't be Levi's fault or anyone else's fault. He was a sensitive person and mostly dealt with internal struggles, it only made sense that people didn't know if they were causing him damage. And since Eren was so care free with his actions, Hanji had the most worries about him.

Eren arrived to their shared study hall rather late, not surprising Hanji in the least. And like everyday, he chose to sit next to them. 

They exchanged greetings and fell into a silence, before Hanji became curious of his ridiculous grin. "What's got you so excited?" They asked, trying to establish a casual friendship with him. It was ideal, considering he'd probably be spending a lot of time with Levi and, in turn, Hanji.

"I'm just real happy," Eren answered.

Hanji cursed Eren's habit of being incredibly vague. "Because...?"

"I was just with Levi. I walked him to his class."

"Ah, right." He must have had it bad if he was this giddy only due to the mere action of accompanying Levi. "You two really like each other, huh?"

Eren nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah. Well, I'm really into Levi, and he obviously said yes when I asked him out, but I'm not sure if he's as excited about this as I am. I hope he is. I'm doing everything I can to spoil him just to be sure."

Hanji had to stifle a laugh. If only he knew how head over heels Levi was. But even though Eren was so thrilled about his new boyfriend, Hanji had to be certain he wouldn't put Levi in a tough position. They couldn't be blunt and tell him about Levi's mental illness or sexuality, that was for those two to discuss on their own. But the least they could do was give Eren a heads up on things that they knew Levi would never have the confidence to bring up. "Hey, I'm really glad you two are together and everything's going great, but there are some things I'd like you to know."

Eren sat forward, giving them his full attention.

"Do you know how Levi's kind of..." They trailed off, trying to think of the right word.

"Awesome?" Eren filled in.

Hanji chuckled. "Well, he's that too, but I was getting at how he's very... shy? He gets nervous very easily."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I know Levi doesn't like to be touched, so I try not to. And I know he likes his space," Eren listed off. "Some things make him worry that I don't really get, but that's okay. I just need to be patient, and I don't mind that if its for him."

Hanji had to admit, they didn't expect Eren to pick up on all those things, but they were in no position to complain. "Well, I'm glad you're aware of all that. And you know that he gets anxious around people, right?"

Eren angled his head in confusion. "What do you mean? He seems fine around you and me."

"It's more like he doesn't like to be crowded. He doesn't do well with strangers, but he's working on it." They hoped that with this information, Eren wouldn't be taking Levi to more parties. 

"That kinda makes sense," Eren thought aloud, tipping back in his chair. "Has he always been this way?"

Hanji nodded. "He has. Ever since we were little kids."

"So, you two go way back?"

"Yes," Hanji answered. "Back to what we were talking about. I've noticed that you like to go to parties and have fun, and Levi likes to have fun too, he's just... more of a homebody. He's not very adventurous and while I'm not saying you shouldn't invite him to go places with you, I think you shouldn't make him feel like he has to go or do something outside of his comfort zone. And here's the problem with that; Levi probably won't tell you he doesn't want to do something if you're excited about it. He's too nice, he would feel guilty."

Eren furrowed his brows, not quite understanding. "Then how will I know if he doesn't want to?"

Hanji sighed. "You might not always know, but sometimes it's very easy to tell. If he seems unsure or tries to give reasons why he doesn't like the idea, then that means he doesn't want to do whatever you're asking him to do. He will almost never give you a flat out 'no.' So, if he seems wary, don't try to convince him."

Eren started to think back on when he first invited Levi to the party and how uncertain he was and how scared he looked on the drive over. Then, he remembered how Levi would make excuses when he asked to hang out with him, but ultimately ended up going anyways, and a heavy guilt fell on his shoulders. 

"I just want you to know these things because I don't think Levi would speak up and tell you himself," Hanji went on. "And some of these things I'm sure he'd deny, but I want him to be happy."

"I want him to be happy too. And I know he has—" Eren cut himself off. He didn't know if Hanji knew and he wasn't certain if it was his place to tell them if they didn't. "Never mind. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you that."

"Tell me what? Is he okay?"

"Um..." Eren hummed trying to think. "Sorta? You might already know because you're like his best friend."

Hanji nodded. "It's unlikely that I don't already know, he tells me everything."

Eren still looked hesitant, unable to decide if he should tell them. He finally decided he would, took a glance around the room and used his hand to motion for them to come closer, like a child telling a secret.

Hanji leaned in and Eren whispered so no one else would hear. "He has depression."

Hanji sat back and nodded once more. "Yes, I knew that."

Eren sighed in relief. "Well, I know that he has... that, so I want to make him happy from now on. I want to help with that."

Hanji felt grateful that Eren had the decency to not blurt out that Levi had a mental illness and also cared enough to want to help, but it wasn't that easy. "I know you mean well, but it's not like you can take it away. And he can still be happy and have good days, but that doesn't mean it's gone."

Eren's face took on a dejected expression. "Then what can I do for him?"

Hanji relented. Maybe Eren wasn't all bad. "There's a lot of things you can do. But mostly, all you have to do is listen to him and try to be understanding of how he feels."

"I'm going to do everything I can," Eren promised.

Hanji smiled at him. "Good. Now for your only warning."

Eren's eyes widened and he became curious. "Warning?"

"Yes. Now, this is nothing against you. It wouldn't matter who it was. But as Levi's best friend, it's only fair that I tell you that if you hurt him in any way, you'll be dead in a ditch the next morning."

Eren sat back, taking a gulp. "Understood."

 

~

 

3:07

Levi rode home with Eren in his car on Friday after Eren requested that they spend more time together. Levi thought they could do more than play chess and perhaps he'd be less nervous around him.

"I forgot I've never been to your room before," Eren commented as he followed Levi upstairs.

"It's not too exciting," Levi replied. He entered his bedroom and stepped out of the way for Eren to come through.

Eren gazed around, studying his room. "It's so neat in here," he noted, eyeing the already made bed, the clear desk and perfectly arranged shelves. "Is it always like this?"

"Yes," Levi answered, shutting the door and setting his book bag down. "I like it when everything is in order. It makes everything easier."

"I can imagine..." Eren walked over to Levi's book shelves, eyes wide as he scanned the spines. "Holy shit, you got a lot of books. How many are there?"

"Sixty," Levi answered immediately. He counted them frequently, so it was hard to forget. "There isn't that many, I've been wanting to get more. The rest of them are in my desk drawers."

Eren turned around to face him. "Why aren't they up there? There's room for more."

Levi bit his lip, hoping Eren wouldn't make fun of him for it. "Um... I-I like having the books line up with each other. There'd be an odd amount if I put the rest up there."

Eren shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded. "Makes sense... which one's your favorite?"

"Oh, I couldn't choose," Levi chuckled. 

Eren lit up at Levi's subtle smile. He shuffled over and dropped himself onto Levi's bed, wrinkling up the blanket and making the springs squeak. "I can't even try to read all those. I mean... I probably could. But it'd take me awhile."

Levi huffed out an amused breath. As much as he loved reading, it took him quite a long time to acquire all his books. He couldn't blame him for being intimidated by his collection.

3:12

Levi tried not to feel uncomfortable. The only other friend he'd ever had in his room was Hanji, and they'd always been respectful of his belongings and space. Eren was still looking around, taking in all his surroundings. Levi had nothing embarrassing in his room and he had nothing to hide, but the way his boyfriend examined every inch made him twitch.

When Eren noticed Levi was still standing, almost as if he was waiting for something, he patted beside him on the bed. "Come sit with me."

Levi mechanically walked forward, seating himself beside Eren while still maintaining his personal space. 

"You know, I told all my friends about us."

Levi felt his heart jump. He remembered his friends. He didn't like most of them. "O-oh, did you?"

"Yeah, they all took it really well. My friends Jean, Reiner and Thomas were surprised though. They didn't know I was into guys, but they're all happy about it."

"That's good." Levi knew how Eren's friends could be, and he hoped that what he was being told was true. He hoped they weren't giving him a hard time and were genuinely happy for him.

"You should hang out with me and my friends one of these days! Wouldn't that be fun? They could all get to know you better, and you could come along to all the fun stuff we do if you want. I know you've met a couple of them, but this time you could maybe be friends with them. You especially need to hang out with Christa, you guys would love each other—"

Eren went on and on and Levi wasn't sure he could easily go along with the plans he was making. But he couldn't hurt his feelings either. And he looked so excited. Didn't people often make sacrifices in relationships? Levi thought he could put aside his comfort for Eren. As long as it would make him happy, he didn't want to drive him away so quickly.

"Would you want to do that? You obviously don't have to."

"I'd love to," Levi answered with no hesitation. And in that moment, it was worth it after seeing how happy Eren looked. 

Eren reached for Levi's hand, taking only one finger like he usually had, always concerned about Levi's comfort. 

3:18

Levi started to get used to that feeling, and he was in no way complaining. Perhaps he could get just as used to making compromises to make certain that Eren kept smiling. He liked to think he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh, I think this story gets more and more boring with each chapter but I promise we're going somewhere.
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!!!


	15. Critique

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren properly introduces Levi to his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, sorry about the long wait! This isn't edited, sorry about any errors.
> 
> (Btw, your comments are helping me get through this fic, thank you guys sooo much!!!)
> 
> Enjoy!

11:35

"So, where's your boyfriend you were telling us about? Or did you make him up to make yourself look less like a loner?" 

Eren rolled his eyes at Connie. "He's coming, he just wants to finish his lunch first."

"He can do that over here," his other friend Ymir argued.

"He sits with his friend Hanji everyday, he'll be here. Trust me. Besides, you guys have met him before, he came to one of our parties."

Silence fell over their table. Everyone looked at Eren in confusion. 

"Come on," Eren said, growing agitated. "You guys know Levi."

His friends looked at each other, trying to recall him.

"Connie, you know him. He sits next to me in creative writing."

Connie tapped his chin in thought. "Does he wear glasses?"

Eren shook his head. "Thomas, what about you? He sits at my table in art class, you had to have seen him."

"Not ringin' a bell."

Eren sighed in frustration. He tried not to let it get to him. He was sure once they met him properly, they wouldn't be able to forget him. At least, that's how it was for him when he met Levi.

Eren turned around after faintly hearing someone clear their throat and he was incredibly excited to see Levi waiting patiently and smiling timidly. "Levi!" He then addressed his friends. "Guys this is Levi!"

Levi gave a subtle wave, feeling his nerves build with all the eyes on him.

"Oh, I remember you." Jean spoke up. "You're the weird kid who wouldn't drink that one time."

Eren glared at the other. "Shut the fuck up, he's not weird." He looked back and Levi was still standing, now looking a bit uncomfortable after Jean's comment. "Don't listen to him, he's an ass."

"Hey!"

"Like I said, don't pay attention to him." 

"Um, okay," Levi mumbled.

Eren slightly furrowed his brows, wondering why Levi was waiting behind him. "You can sit down, you know."

"Oh, thank you." Levi took a seat next to Eren.

Ymir raised a brow, studying Levi and resting her chin on her hand. "Your boyfriend needs to be told to sit?"

Levi looked down at his hands. Eren noticed his change in demeanor and frowned at his friend. "He does not need to be told, don't be a jerk."

"Then why did he wait for you?" Ymir laughed.

"He... because he..." Eren didn't really know why, that's just what Levi did. "He's just polite." He tried to push his friends' comments from his head and focus on why Levi was there in the first place. "So, Levi, these are some of my friends. You already know Jean, Connie and Thomas. Oh, and you went to Reiner's party, so you probably know him. Next to him is Bertolt, that's Reiner's boyfriend—"

"We are not dating, Jaeger!" Reiner shouted.

"Over here is Ymir, the blondie is her girlfriend, Christa."

"Hi, Levi!" Christa greeted him waving.

"Hello," Levi said back quietly.

Eren continued, gesturing to the girl next to him. "This is Sasha, I don't think you've met her. Over there is Mina. Next to her is Marlo, that's Hitch, and that girl is Annie."

Levi inhaled sharply once he saw Annie, remembering what she'd done with Eren, but he forced a smile to everyone anyways.

"I don't remember seeing him at one of Reiner's parties," Annie said.

'But I remember you,' Levi thought.

"It was awhile ago, but he was there. He sat next to me most of the night."

"Nope. Don't remember," Annie yawned.

Eren wished they wouldn't say that in front of Levi. He couldn't understand how they'd just forget, some of them had even talked to Levi. He looked over, and his boyfriend was staring down at the table with his hands together and his body angled inwards. He wasn't too enthusiastic about being there, and Eren wished his friends would be more considerate of him.

Maybe if they knew Levi like he did, they wouldn't be so cold towards him. "Well, you guys are gonna like 'em. He's really smart and he's really funny."

"Really?" Sasha asked. "Tell us a joke!"

11:38

Levi checked his watch, hoping for time to fly by. He didn't know any jokes, he couldn't impress Eren's friends with anything. "Um... I don't know any."

"It's more like on the fly comedy," Eren explained. "You'll see what I mean sometime."

"So," Christa grabbed Levi's attention. "Tell us about yourself. Eren won't stop talking about you, but he only talks about how he likes you and how cute he thinks you are. He doesn't talk about... you, you know what I mean?"

Levi and Eren both reddened at her comment. "Well... there's not much to say. I'm a pretty boring person, I suppose."

"That's not true!" Eren argued. "He's just kidding you guys. He's really smart, like... really smart. He's an expert at chess, and he taught me how to play and he's wicked good at it. And he's passing all his classes with really good grades! He knows a lot about history—"

"Oh cool," Christa interrupted. "So, what do you do for fun?"

Levi shrugged. "Not much."

Eren laughed. "Come on, you do tons of stuff. He plays chess like I said, he reads a lot, like a lot," he stressed. "And he watches a lot of Jeopardy and he gets almost all the questions right—"

Levi appreciated that Eren was speaking for him, he didn't have much to say and he wasn't confident in talking to his friends.

"Yeah, but what does he... do?" Ymir asked.

Eren frowned. "Weren't you listening? I just told you."

"That's it?" Ymir scoffed.

"Sounds pretty boring," Thomas sighed.

"Shut up, he's not boring." Eren's friends were getting on his last nerves. Why couldn't they act the least bit polite towards Levi? He was just as fun as them, he was just as cool as them. Why didn't they think so too? 

11:40

Levi was starting to hope that Hanji was going to come and ask him to come back to their table, but he knew that wouldn't happen. They had no reason to. He didn't think that Eren's friends would warm up to him or vice versa, they were too different and frankly, Levi still had bad feelings tied to certain members of this friend group stemming all the way back to the one party he attended. 

"You don't talk a lot, do you?" Reiner piped up. 

Levi stiffened, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Guess that answers my question," Reiner said, him and his surrounding friends erupting into laughter. 

Levi sunk down, a tad embarrassed. "N-no, I'm sorry."

"Levi, you don't gotta be sorry," Eren murmured to him, reaching under the table to latch his pinky finger onto Levi's like they normally did in an effort to comfort him. He turned his attention back to his friends. "Levi's just shy. A lot of times he doesn't have much to say, but he's really nice."

Levi eased up, seeing how Eren was determined to make him comfortable.

"No offense, but he doesn't look that into you," Annie mumbled.

Eren casted a worried stare at Levi, then back at Annie. "What do you mean?"

Levi was starting to really dislike this girl. If she made him uncomfortable before, she made him furious now. Of course, he was into Eren, he was head over heels for him.

"Well, it's just that he's not even sitting near you. It looks like he's scared to touch you," she snickered.

"He's not!" Eren said. "We hold hands and stuff, he just likes his own space! He doesn't like it when people touch him, but he's not scared."

He was right about that, Levi noted. He wasn't scared. He was terrified.

"Wait, he doesn't like to be touched?" Jean cackled. "How does he live?!" 

Connie slid his arm across the table, aiming for Levi's shoulder, making him flinch away. "Poke!"

"Stop that!" Eren slapped Connie's hand. 

"Never woulda clocked you as a guy who'd be cool with dating someone he can't touch," Annie added.

"I can touch him, there are just some things he's okay with and some that he's not! It's not a big deal."

"Wait, so if he doesn't want to be touched," Mina began. "Does that mean you two can't... ya know?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oo," Sasha whispered.

Connie whistled obnoxiously while the majority of the table started laughing and making noises at them. Eren's face was going red, not from embarrassment but from how angry he was getting. Levi looked down to hide his face, he only wished he could hide the rest of him. He didn't want that kind of relationship with Eren and he hoped he wouldn't give his friends an answer that would suggest otherwise.

"You guys are being pricks, that's none of your business."

11:43

No one at the table seemed to mind that they were bothering the couple, it was all a joke to them. 

"Well, we should get going," Eren announced standing up. And as soon as he mentioned leaving, suddenly everyone 'felt bad' for teasing him.

"What? Why?" Sasha whined.

"Come on, we were only joking," Jean reasoned.

"It's not that, it's just... we were going to sit with Levi's friend after he met all you you. It's only fair and, well, he just met you guys, so it's time to go."

Levi gave out a sigh a relief and followed Eren. Once they were far enough where none of his friends could hear them, Levi spoke up. "We didn't agree to sit with Hanji after."

"I know, but... I think we could use some time away from those guys. They're pretty wild."

Levi nodded in agreement. Wild was an understatement.

"Levi, I'm sorry if they were bothering you. My friends are just the kind of people that take some getting used to."

Levi had a feeling Eren still hadn't grown used to them. "That's okay. I'm fine." As long as it calmed Eren, he'd let him believe he went unbothered.

Back at Levi's table, they sat together, making Hanji suspicious. "I thought you guys were going to be with your friends for the rest of lunch."

"That was the plan, but my friends were a bit overwhelming. For both of us," Eren answered. 

"Oh." Hanji nodded understandingly. That didn't surprise them one bit. 

 

~

 

8:04

Levi shouldn't have let it bother him, but it did. That whole night, all he could think about was Eren's friends and their criticisms. Maybe he was boring, maybe Eren would get bored of him and leave. Sure, he defended Levi, but what if he was only doing that so he wouldn't be upset? What if Levi wasn't good enough for him?

As he walked into school, he quickly became overwhelmed with these thoughts, taking a puff from his inhaler. Then he started thinking of how Eren's friends teased him for not being able to touch people. He wanted to get to a point where he could hold Eren's hand like normal, put his arm around him even, he wanted to reach that level of comfort, but it was hard. But what if Eren got sick of waiting? What if he wanted more out of their relationship than Levi could ever give? What if—

"Levi!"

He was torn from his thoughts when he heard Eren's voice and saw him approaching, so he plastered on a fake smile to hide his stress. 

"Woah, you okay? You look really pale."

It didn't help that Levi was also sweating buckets. "I-I'm fine."

"You don't look like it. Is something wrong? Are you sick maybe?"

8:07

Levi thought maybe if he told him his worries, he'd be more patient with him. He'd do anything to hold onto this relationship. Then without a second thought, he began to ramble. "I-it's just that I'm nervous that maybe I'm not living up to your expectations. I know if I try, I can learn to be more like what you want. I know I can't do a lot of things you like and I know I must be so boring to you, but I'll try harder. And I'm sorry that we can't hold hands like a normal couple and I'm sorry that you can't touch me, but I'm working on it. I really am. You just have to trust me and be patient, I'm sorry you have to wait—"

"Levi, baby, breathe!" Eren interrupted worriedly. "Levi, you're shaking."

Levi looked down at his feet, pulling at his sleeves anxiously.

"Is this about what my friends were saying the other day?" Eren asked gently. When he didn't get an answer, he continued. "I told you not to listen to them. They can be jerks sometimes."

"... But everything they said was true."

"No, it wasn't." Eren tried to give him an encouraging smile. He would've tilted Levi's head up, but he knew he wouldn't like that. "Look at me."

Levi obeyed hesitantly.

"Look, I don't know what expectations you think I have for you are, because there are none. I just want you to be happy, I don't care if you're into the same stuff as me or not. I don't think you're boring, I like you just as you are." He reached a hand out to hold Levi's hand in the way they usually did. "And don't worry about the touching thing. We'll only ever do what you're okay with. I'll wait as long as you need before we can do other things. If I have to wait a year before you can hug me, then so be it."

Levi wanted to believe it was that easy, but that never seemed to be his luck. "It doesn't seem fair to you though."

"Don't worry about me," Eren chuckled. "If what we're doing now is making you happy, then it's fair. If you're happy, I'm happy."

Levi liked the sound of that. To be treated as his equal, as if his wants were as important as Eren's. He never imagined whoever he'd end up with would want that.

8:11

"Okay..."

Eren grinned wider, glad that they'd reached an understanding. "So, where were you heading?"

"Um, to find Hanji? I usually hang out with them before classes."

"Cool, cool. Mind if come along?"

"Go ahead."

They searched for Hanji around the halls and made a loop around the school before stopping in front of the library. "They're usually here by now..."

8:20

"Levi!" Hanji called from the other direction. "Sorry, I missed the bus." They caught up to the couple, out of breath from running. "Hey Eren, how goes it?" They asked, out of breath and slinging an arm around Levi's shoulders.

"Oh, good. Just caught up with Levi..." He trailed off, eyeing Hanji's arm and then Levi. "We were just looking for you."

"Ah, sorry! I'm here now, don't fret."

"Did you really run to school?" Levi asked, worried that Hanji might pass out.

"No, the stop after my house wasn't far, so I ran to catch up with it. The bus went faster than I expected, so I ran back home and drove here."

Eren watched as the two conversed. Why wasn't Levi flinching? He seemed calm as ever with Hanji's arm around him. The three walked around aimlessly and chatted until the first bell rang. 

8:30

"Well, see you guys!" Hanji left to go to their own class, leaving Eren and Levi as they walked to art class.

Eren wondered if Levi had simply gotten a little more used to people touching him. Perhaps he was making progress. So, he slowly raised his arm and tried to lay it across Levi's shoulders.

As soon as Levi felt his hand, he inhaled in a panic and looked over to Eren, who immediately retracted his arm.

"Sorry, I keep forgetting," Eren lied.

Levi calmed down. "That's okay."

For the rest of the day, Eren couldn't fathom why Levi had acted that way. Was there something wrong with him or was Levi not telling him something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's friends are dicks. 
> 
> I wrote two one shots??? They're called Anything Goes and That's What Friends Are For. They're not that great but you can check them out if you'd like.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	16. A Little Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren confronts Levi about what he'd seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the greatest chapter, and it's wicked short, but I wanted to get something up for the long wait. I always feel so bad when I don't update this quickly, because I'm working on other fics too! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

8:39

Ms. Ral had their art class diverge from their partners to move onto watercolor pieces. Levi was focused and frustrated with his art, while Eren couldn't focus at all. His mind was occupied with so many questions on why Levi seemed to comfortable with an arm around him earlier, but not with his arm. Did he think Eren was dirty? He didn't think that was it. What would make Hanji more clean than him? Well, they were more tidy, and he did occasionally forget to wash his hands. Okay, that could be a valid reason.

He looked over at Levi and saw how his hand shook, trying to make a straight line on his paper, then becoming frustrated when the pigment bled. He was so particular about everything, what gave Hanji the exception? It wasn't that he didn't trust Levi, he just felt incredibly confused.

Levi peeked over at Eren's paper after giving up with his painting. "You haven't started?"

Eren shrugged. "No... didn't decide on what I want to do yet."

"You should start soon. We only have so much time to finish these."

"This class isn't hard to pass, I'll be fine."

Levi gave him a funny look, but relented. He stared back down at his paper and sighed. He was going to have a difficult time finishing. 

"Do you want me to do this project for you?" Eren whispered. 

8:42

"No, you need to work on your own project. You wouldn't have time to do both."

"I don't care if I don't finish mine."

Levi gave him an appreciative smile. "Thank you, but I'd rather you work on your own project. I'll figure this out eventually."

"If you're sure."

Levi nodded and picked his brush back up. While he mulled over where to add color, Eren watched him, trying to think of an explanation for his earlier actions. Perhaps it was nothing, but what if it wasn't? His curiosity was getting the best of him.

 

~

 

4:38

Levi went to Eren's house after school after having been invited. He made his way past Eren's excited dog again and followed him into his room. 

"Your dog is so... excitable," Levi commented, trying to sound calmer than he was.

"Yeah, isn't he great?" Eren laughed. "So, this is my room. It's not much, but I guess it's alright. Make yourself at home."

Levi looked around and was glad to find that Eren's room was rather tidy, far cleaner than he expected it to be, though there were some loose ends and most shelves, walls and desk surfaces he could see were cluttered. But it was livable.

"I made sure to clean before you got here, you should've seen it before."

Levi was certain he didn't want to see the state it was in before. "Thank you, that's very thoughtful."

Eren shrugged. "Anything for my boyfriend."

Levi tilted his head down to hide his flushing cheeks. 

Eren launched himself onto his bed, bouncing and making the springs squeak. "Come on, take a seat!" He invited Levi over.

Levi walked over and lowered himself onto the bed, sinking down into the mattress a little too much for his liking.

4:41

"I actually wanted to ask you about something if that's alright," Eren began, waiting for Levi to nod before continuing. "It's not that big of a deal, it's just something I've been thinking about since this morning. I saw that Hanji put their arm around you."

Levi waited for him to elaborate, but he never did. "Yes?"

"And you didn't freak out or anything," Eren filled in. 

"... Right."

Eren furrowed his brows. "Well, why is that?"

"Because, it's Hanji."

"Why can't I do that? Why do you not like it if I touch you but you're perfectly fine when Hanji does it?"

Levi was starting to see what he was getting at. "Oh, I see. Well... it's hard to explain. Some people I'm okay with touching. Like Hanji and my mother, I've known them both my whole life so I'm used to them touching me. Those two would hug me, put their arms around me and hold my hand far before I started having problems with interactions. You're still very new to me. But don't worry, we'll get there. I just need time."

"Oh, I get it. So, the longer you know someone, the more comfortable you are with them?" Eren asked.

"Something like that, yes." Levi nodded. "I don't want you to think I have a problem with you specifically, it's everyone with minor exceptions."

A huge weight lifted from Eren's shoulders. He was worried he'd done something before that concerned Levi. "Cool, cool. So, you think eventually we'll be able to go farther? Like hug and stuff?"

"Yes, of course." Levi wanted to reach that point. He liked the thought of being physically close to Eren, but when he'd put those thoughts into action, his instincts would keep him away. He wanted to do things normal couples did, it would just take awhile. "I'm sorry, though. It'll take me some time before I get comfortable doing so. But we'll get there."

"Nice, but- just so you know, there's no rush," Eren was quick to say, wanting to put Levi at ease. He knew what came naturally to most wasn't easy for him and he didn't want him to feel pressured at all.

"I know, and I appreciate that you understand I can't do all this so quickly. I never want you to think it's because I don't like you, or anything like that." Levi was terrified that he'd drive Eren away, and it was so reassuring to him to know that Eren was willing to wait. And as anxious as it made him, he felt like he should give him a small gesture as a means of saying 'thank you.'

4:44

"Um..." Levi tried thinking. What could he do that could help them along but not do too much to make him panic? He inched a little closer to where Eren sat, finding it to be difficult with how little support the mattress had.

4:45

He reached out so Eren could hold onto a finger like they usually had, but this time, when Eren held out his hand to meet him in the middle, Levi outstretched his entire palm, looking away and interlocking their hands. 

Levi paced his breathing, trying to regulate everything and calm his nerves. After a silent moment, he looked back at Eren who stared at him expectantly. Then, another few seconds passed and Eren's expression slowly contorted into one of delighted surprise. "Hey!" He exclaimed. "Look what we're doing!"

Levi could feel his heart pounding and let a faint smile grow. The feeling was foreign to him but wasn't as alarming as it would have been if it was with a stranger. 

"You're okay, right?"

"... I'm a little nervous, but... it's not bad." Levi tossed little glances at their hands, trying to get used to the feeling.

"That's great!" Eren beamed. "See? It's not so bad."

Eren's excitement was worth progressing. His reactions didn't make it easier, but they definitely gave him an incentive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that wasn't too boring.
> 
> Shameless self promotion: I'm selling two paintings of Eren and Levi on my tumblr! Please check them out and if you're not interested, I'd very much appreciate it if you share the post. I'm very poor, I'm moving into college soon, I have to support myself and my kitty cat, and now I just found out my summer job isn't secured. https://dr-s--art.tumblr.com/post/160249424298/dr-sart-good-morning-sunshine-goodnight
> 
> If you liked this chapter, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. I'm sorry for any errors, I didn't edit. Thanks for reading!


	17. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has passed, Levi is getting more comfortable and Eren reflects on the way his friends treat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy yikes, it's been awhile. And I've been writing this for over a year. Wow.
> 
> I didn't edit this chapter, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! And there's a surprise appearance of a new character, yay!
> 
> Enjoy!

6:49

For months, Levi was slowly starting to get more and more accustomed to Eren touching him. They held hands nearly everyday at school and they'd sit closer and closer together by the week. Something Levi was particularly proud of getting past was when Eren would absentmindedly lay a hand on his shoulder while he spoke with someone else. And throughout all of this, Levi found himself smiling more and feeling less anxiety. Of course, his heart would still race when Eren was near, but it was more from excitement rather than nerves. He was happy. 

Levi was once again at Eren's home, watching a film with him in the living room with a tired German Shepard sleeping at their feet. They sat relatively close to each other, but Levi was contemplating moving in a little more.

"Hey, Levi?" Eren spoke up.

"Yes?"

"If it's alright with you, would you want to sit with Hanji everyday at lunch from now on?" The couple alternated between sitting with Hanji and sitting with Eren's friends. Levi never said anything, but he didn't like who his boyfriend surrounded himself with very much.

"All by myself?" Levi asked timidly.

"No," Eren laughed. "Nah, the both of us."

Levi shrugged. "I wouldn't mind. Why do you want to do that? Don't you want to sit with your friends?"

Eren avoided his gaze at first. "I dunno. My friends are just... really exhausting lately. You know how they can be. And I'm starting to really like Hanji, they're cool."

"Is everything okay between you and your friends?" 

Eren waited a moment to answer. He wasn't certain himself. "... Yeah. We're good, it's just that I need a little break from them if that makes sense. Are you ever like that with Hanji? Either of you ever just need your space?"

Levi tried to recall a time when he wasn't happy to see Hanji, but he came up with nothing. "Not that I can remember, no."

Eren deflated, thinking of how Levi was such good friends with Hanji and how they never appeared to get on each other's nerves. It seemed as if he was getting pushed by his friends all too often. He remembered being friends with other people when he was younger, and he'd ask for his own space on occasion, but he didn't need it at the end of every other week.

6:52

"Oh..." Eren finally said. "Well... I'm sure after some time, we'll be fine." He always went back to this. This time wouldn't be any different.

Levi could sense that Eren felt off even if he was smiling through it. He'd never been too good at comforting people, so he wasn't sure if there was much he could say that could make Eren feel better. But maybe he didn't need to say anything. Maybe just a reassurance that he was there a willing to listen would do. At least, he hoped it would.

Levi took a deep breath and slowly leaned over and into Eren's side. Then, feeling like he was taking an enormous risk, he shut his eyes out of apprehension and let his head fall into Eren's shoulder.

It took Eren a minute to notice what he was doing, but once he did, he couldn't believe it. Levi couldn't see, but he was smiling like a fool. He wrapped one arm around Levi's shoulders to secure his place and leaned back. 

Levi felt short of breath, but the feeling of being so close to Eren and touching him was starting to settle in. He just needed to give everything a little time. Time was all he'd ever need.

 

~

 

12:06

Mr. Smith stood next to the board in their creative writing class, ready to give them their assignment. "Alright, everyone. It's time for your next project, and this time you'll be working with partners. And I know how rowdy some of you can get when you work together, so I've assigned a partner to each of you."

Eren looked to Levi, bouncing in his seat excitedly. "I hope he put us together!" He whispered. 

Levi smiled and nodded back.

"For your project, you'll have to work together to write a five page story," the teacher said as he passed out sheets of paper. "And all of you have been given the same, short dialogue, but with no context. So, you have to create a setting, characters, and a way to include the dialogue that gives it a more clear purpose. I've also written the name of your partner and the due date at the top of the sheet I'm handing out that has the conversation you'll use. Get to work, you'll obviously have to talk, but don't get too loud."

12:07

Levi and Eren both deflated when they saw that they'd be working separately. "Who'd you get?" Eren asked.

"Your friend, Connie." Levi wasn't overly fond of him. Connie was rather loud and made Eren feel bad on occasion.

"Oh, cool. Sucks that we won't get to work together, though. But at least you don't have to do it with a stranger," Eren added optimistically, oblivious to Levi's misfortune.

"Right."

"Well, I'm gonna find my partner. Good luck." With that, Eren stood and left, searching for someone he barely knew. He looked around, not familiar with the student assigned to him, but was lucky enough that they found him first. 

"Eren Jaeger?" He heard a quiet voice say.

He turned around to find a short, black haired girl, looking at him hopefully.

"That's me, you're Mikasa?"

The girl nodded. "The seats at your desk are taken, let's go back to mine." She led the way, showing him to her desk at the opposite end of the room. "Do you have any ideas on how to start this?"

Eren shrugged as he sat. "I didn't even read the paper yet."

"Okay, well I've got a couple thoughts. So, let me know if you like any of them."

Time seemed to fly by, and Eren actually liked working with Mikasa. Her input was quick and to the point, every time he had an idea, she didn't make him feel stupid no matter how odd his suggestions were, she listened to him thoroughly and they surprisingly had a lot done after a short period of time. He thought that maybe Levi might like her. She was nice.

The class was under control for the most part, so their teacher thought it was safe to leave them on their own to make a copy. Always a mistake with this class, but it needed to be done. As soon as the door shut, the volume raised.

"Okay, so now our two main characters need somewhere to go. They have to be heading somewhere, otherwise what we have already won't make any sense," Mikasa said, highlighting her paper. "And we still need to figure out how to weave in the dialogue."

"Right, um—" Eren was interrupted by a crumpled piece of paper hitting his forehead. Eren and Mikasa both looked up to see where it came from.

Connie was waving his arm about for Eren's attention. "Open it!" He shouted from across the room.

Eren rolled his eyes, doing as asked, only to find a crude, inappropriate drawing. He glared back up at his friend who was laughing while Levi had his head down, writing away. "What are you doing?"

"I'm refining my skills!" Connie replied, tipping back in his chair. "What do you think? Do I have what it takes to be an artist?"

"You're supposed to be working," Eren shot back.

"I am working. Art is my passion!"

Eren shook his head and turned his attention back to the task at hand. "What were we talking about?"

Mikasa's mind seemed elsewhere as she answered, her eyes following Connie as he got up. "Uh, where the characters were..."

"Eren!" Connie slapped his friend's shoulder.

"Heading," Mikasa finished.

"Got any tips for my masterpiece?" Connie went on. "I think it's pretty good myself, but I wanted to hear what you have to say."

Eren sighed. "Just let me work. And you need to be working too. Your Levi's partner, go help him."

"Why the fuck would I do that? He said he'd write the whole thing himself. It's all taken care of, so I don't gotta worry about it. I can just chill while he does it for me. He volunteered."

Eren stared incredulously at him. "Are you kidding me? Don't make him do it all by himself! It's a partnered project!"

Connie snorted. "Like I said, he offered. He doesn't got a problem with it. And I definitely don't want to work on it. It's like a free 'A.' You said he's like a genius or something, right? So, I don't have to do anything and I'm getting a good grade."

"That's taking advantage of him, you jackass! At least try to help or give some input. Be involved so he doesn't have to work alone."

"Don't you do all your shared art projects with him by yourself?" Connie challenged. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is that there's a fair reason. He gets anxiety when he gets things messy and I don't mind doing the parts he's uncomfortable with."

Connie laughed, only succeeding in confusing Eren. "Gets anxiety? Is he afraid of germs? That's sad."

Eren could feel his blood boiling. "He's not afraid of germs!" He fired back, voice raising. "He just likes things to be clean and a certain way and there's nothing wrong with that."

Connie shook his head, rolling his eyes amusedly. "Right, that's afraid of germs. You know, your boyfriend is pretty weird."

Eren couldn't stand when anyone had anything bad to say about Levi. "Shut up! There's nothing wrong with him."

"Why are you getting so offended?"

Mikasa scooted away from the two, seeing their argument getting heated. 

"Maybe because you're making fun on my boyfriend and making him do work all by himself when you're supposed to be helping him?"

"Whatever, you've had a stick up your ass since you two started dating."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, you get upset over every little thing and you're not fun anymore. And now you won't hang out with us. Levi's making you boring."

Eren sat back. Did all his friends think that of him? Did they discuss this when he wasn't around? He didn't care if Connie thought he was uptight, he knew he was just more aware of things he never cared about before. And Levi wasn't making him boring, he just started doing things for himself and not for his friends. "Go fuck yourself."

Connie raised his brows for a split second, surprised that Eren was genuinely upset at him. "Fine." He walked off, back to his seat.

"And do the work!" Eren shouted after him, slumping back in his chair and turning to Mikasa. "Sorry about him. What were we working on? Where the characters needed to go?

"Is that your friend?" Mikasa pointed towards Connie with her pen, ignoring his question.

"Unfortunately, yes," Eren grumbled.

"... Why are you letting him talk to you like that? If he were my friend, he'd be long gone."

Eren shrugged. "Dunno. All my friends are kinda like that."

Mikasa furrowed her brows. "Not to be rude, but they sound like terrible friends. Why do you hang out with them?"

Eren wiped at his face, tired and wishing they could just work on their project already. "Honestly? I don't even know anymore."

Mikasa tried to understand, but she couldn't put herself in Eren's position. "Well, I know it's probably not my place, but I'm going to say it anyway. You should ditch all your friends that treat you like that. It's better being alone than surrounding yourself with awful people."

Eren couldn't do that. "It's not that easy." Granted, he'd have Levi, and he sort of considered Hanji to be his friend by now. But if he cut out everyone who made him feel small, then he'd have almost no one. He'd have to start over. That was a scary thought to him.

"Lots of things aren't easy, that doesn't mean they're not worth doing," Mikasa said. "Now, anyways, I have an idea of where the first person should be leading the other..."

Eren couldn't focus. He was far too frustrated with himself and his circumstances to care much for the project.

 

~

 

12:43

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Everyone packed their things and the students started to exit the classroom, but Mikasa asked for Eren's attention before he could make a move to leave. 

"Hey, Eren? Did you already know about the play that the school is putting on Friday and Saturday?" She asked, throwing her backpack over her shoulder.

"Uh, I know about it now."

"Oh, well, do you plan on going?"

Eren didn't know how to respond, but he didn't want to be rude. "Um..."

"Sorry," Mikasa said. "It's just that I'm in drama club and I'll be working the soundboard for the play, so I'm required to invite everyone who I can hold a conversation with for longer than five seconds," she laughed. "You don't have to go. But tickets aren't selling well, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in showing up. The drama club could really use some support."

Eren thought about it for a moment. As far as he knew, he was free on Friday night at the very least. And Mikasa seemed so nice. He wanted to do something for her after she showed concern for the way he was being spoken to. "Sounds like it'll be fun. I'll go, maybe I can get some other people to come too."

"Really?" Mikasa beamed. "That would be great. We could use all the help we can get. Thank you so much, you'll love the play. It's really funny."

"Cool, I'll be there." Eren smiled at her.

"Awesome, thank you so much!" She said as she started to leave.

"No problem!" Eren ducked through people to get to Levi and pushed his chair in for him. "Hey, how's your project going?"

Levi forced a smile for Eren, walking out of the classroom with him. "It's... it's coming along."

"Has Connie been any help?"

Levi didn't want to lie, but he didn't want to hurt Eren's feelings either. "... Not much, but that's okay. I get things done faster on my own anyways."

Eren frowned. "I get that, but he should still be helping you. It's his work too."

"I don't mind... how's your project going? Do you like your partner?"

Eren gently grabbed Levi's hand as they walked. "Yeah, she's actually really nice. We got a lot of work done." He reflected on the promise he made her. "Hey, I know this is random, but are you free on Friday?"

Levi thought about it quickly. "I think so. Why?"

"Would you want to go to the play that the school's putting on? I hear it's supposed to be really good. The girl I'm working with, Mikasa, she's working on it and she said that they haven't been selling a lot of tickets, but it's funny. So, it might be cool to go see it."

Levi nodded. "I think I can go. Should I invite Hanji to come with us?"

"Yeah, that'd be even better!" Eren barely knew Mikasa, but he couldn't wait to tell her he recruited two more people. And he barely spoke to her about the play, but he could tell it meant a lot to her that he would be going. He wished the next day would come faster so he could share the good news with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I been finding ways to get to certain big points of this story, so I'm now able to write this with a clear idea of where I'm heading. And also, I've thought of things to add that I'm excited to write, so HOPEFULLY (no promises), I will get chapters out sooner.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	18. Two Tickets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren starts making decisions for himself and tries to figure out what his priorities are. Levi just wants him to be happy and be surrounded by positive people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my quicker updates, golly. Enjoy!

11:32

Eren ended up finishing his writing project with Mikasa early on after it was assigned. She kept him focused and involved in their work and he would've compared it to working with Levi if he didn't find Levi so distracting (in a good way). Once they'd completed the paper, they would talk about random things and Eren decided that Mikasa was actually even nicer or more interesting than he initially thought. 

She was so passionate about working in theatre, she loved the same kind of action films Eren liked, she wasn't loud, obnoxious, or prying. Eren wondered if he could consider her his friend. He would ask her about the play that she was working on, and she'd go on about how well it was coming together, how excited she was for opening night, or how certain things went wrong but were fortunately fixed. Mikasa always spoke of things that mattered to her. And she showed interest in what mattered to Eren. 

If they were friends, then he wanted to do her a favor and try his best to get as many people as he could to come to her play. So, even though he hadn't hung out with his typical group of friends in some time, he decided it was worth a shot to invite them. 

He parted ways with Levi and Hanji to sit with his friends at lunch and sat down with them. No one called attention to his arrival or asked why he was often absent, it was like he never left. 

Reiner was going on about plans in the making for another party. "I was thinking it could be this Friday. But you guys know how they go, it'll probably last 'til Sunday," he laughed. 

"Your place like always?" Ymir asked.

"Yeah, my place has the most room." He looked around at everyone for approval. "So, who's coming?"

There were comments and grunts of agreement all around the table from everyone with the exception of Eren. He figured this was as good a time as any to invite them. "How about we wait to have the party until Saturday at least?" He suggested.

Everyone looked at him in confusion. 

"Why's that?" Jean asked.

Eren shrugged. "Well, the school is putting on a play on Friday and Saturday and I promised someone I'd go. Anybody wanna come with me? I hear it's going to be really funny."

He mostly received blank stares in reply, and he wondered why no one else thought it was a good idea. "A play? Good one, Eren," Connie snorted.

"I'm serious." Eren smiled encouragingly. He genuinely thought that if they had been informed about it with as much enthusiasm as he was, then maybe they'd want to go. "Levi and Hanji are going, it's going to be a really good time."

More silence came. 

"No offense, but going to the play sounds fucking unbearable," Jean pointed out.

Eren frowned at him. "Come on, you guys. It's probably not as bad as you think. The drama club needs the support because no one's buying tickets."

"They're probably not buying tickets because plays are fucking stupid," Reiner said. "You seriously want to go to a dumb play instead of going to one of our parties? You love those!"

"Or he used to, at least," Jean muttered under his breath.

"I go to our parties all the time, this play is a one time deal. And I already promised I'd go." Eren was starting to get desperate, and he wasn't sure why. It wasn't the end of the world for him personally if they didn't go. And Mikasa would understand. So, why did he want them to come so badly? "Connie, it's a comedy, you love comedies."

Connie shrugged. "I'd rather eat sand than go to a play."

Eren turned to Christa. "Christa? You don't have to go both nights, what about just Friday? You love trying new things."

Christa sighed apologetically. "Sorry, Eren. I've never missed one of our parties. They're always so fun."

Eren nodded understandingly, disappointed. "... Anyone?"

He only had a few head shakes in response. 

"Look, I get that you can't back out of the deal you made with whoever," Reiner started. "So, we'll let you show up late and come to the party on Saturday."

Eren tensed up when Reiner said he'd 'let' him come. It was an open invitation for the rest of their friends. Was he being pushed away? "Alright." He wasn't even sure if he wanted to go at all. He stood up to leave.

"I'm sure you'll have fun with your boyfriend," Christa reassured him. "And... that other person." She couldn't recall their name.

"It's Hanji," Eren said. "And thanks." He left and returned to Levi and Hanji's table, sitting beside his boyfriend.

11:37

"Did you convince some of your friends to come?" Levi inquired.

"No... they said that they're having a party so they won't be able to make it."

"They're having a party both nights?" Hanji asked.

Eren nodded. "Yeah, during our parties, people pass out randomly and they get hungover so they spend the night. And sometimes we feel like one night isn't enough so it lasts a couple days."

Hanji stared concernedly at him, but didn't make a comment.

"They said I can show up a day late if I wanted. Well, they actually said they'd 'let' me, which I thought was weird, but there's that."

"Do you plan on going?" Levi asked.

Eren shrugged. "I dunno. I'm not missing the play's opening night though."

Levi carefully reached out to hold Eren's hand, seeing how crestfallen he felt that not a single one of his friends wanted to come. "We'll have fun when we go."

Eren smiled over at him. "You're right. It'll be a good time." He knew there was no use in wallowing over the fact that his friends didn't want to go, but it still bothered him. They wanted him to go with them to their parties and other wild activities, and he always went, even when he didn't feel enthusiastic over them. And when he didn't come, they shunned him. But they couldn't give up one night to do something he wanted to do? He then realized that he didn't want them to go so badly for the drama club or for Mikasa. He wanted them to show that his interests mattered too. And they let him down. But he supposed they'd have other chances to make up for it. He always gave them one more chance.

 

~

 

8:40

Hanji took off their glasses to wipe at their eyes. "Oh my gosh, my sides hurt."

"Same, that was hilarious!" Eren laughed. "Levi, what did you think?"

Levi smiled at the stage. "That was very good."

Eren was glad that he came. And even though he was optimistic coming into it, he hadn't expected to enjoy the play so much. That he could recall, he'd never been to one and he loved every second of the performance. 

The play ended and people were exiting the theater slowly, but the trio stayed in their seats for a few moments to regain their composure.

"I wonder if we can find Mikasa," Eren thought aloud. "I wanna tell her how good the play was."

"We can go look for her," Levi suggested.

"Yeah, let's do that." Before Levi or Hanji could get up, Eren was already climbing over the seats to get to the isle and walk out of the auditorium. 

Levi and Hanji followed at their own more relaxed pace. Levi smiled at his never ending enthusiasm, but sighed as he soon lost him in the crowd.

"He just gets an idea and doesn't stop, does he?" Hanji said, looking around for Eren.

"Yeah, that happens a lot."

8:45

Levi eventually spotted his boyfriend grinning uncontrollably and chatting with who he recognized as his partner for his English project. "There he is." He made his way over to Eren, trying not to bump into people with Hanji following closely behind.

Eren faced Levi and lit up even more, if that was possible. "There they are!" He pointed to the two.

Levi inhaled sharply. He didn't know what Eren was telling Mikasa, and even though he knew it most likely was nothing negative, the uncertainty made him anxious.

Once they caught up, Eren took the chance to introduce them. "This is my boyfriend and my friend that I told you about."

"The play was fantastic, everyone did a wonderful job," Hanji said.

"Thank you so much! That means a lot, we all worked so hard on it." Mikasa reached out to shake Hanji's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Eren talks about you both a lot."

Levi prepared himself to shake Mikasa's hand, as he figured she'd do that for him after doing that for Hanji. But when she faced him, all she did was wave politely. And he had to wonder if Eren mentioned his aversion to physical contact to her at some point. He waved back and smiled vaguely.

"What did you think of the show?" Mikasa asked Levi.

"I thought it was great," Levi said quietly. "Everything was put together very well."

"Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. I'm glad opening night didn't turn out as bad as we thought. A lot of people bought tickets as they walked in instead of ahead of time, that's what got us worried."

Eren glanced at his feet, feeling a little guilty. "I tried to get some of my friends to come too. But... they're all busy. They didn't have the time."

"Don't worry about it." Mikasa waved him off. "It was a good turn out tonight. And we have tomorrow night too, and based on the tickets we sold for that night, I think we'll be fine."

"Yeah, but I thought I'd at least get a couple of them to come."

8:47

Levi could see the faint disappointment in Eren's eyes. He wanted his friends to come, to do this one thing for him and they turned him down. 

Mikasa looked at him knowingly and felt bad for him. "Do you mean your rude and obnoxious friends you told me about?"

Eren didn't say anything. He agreed full heartedly with her on her assessment of who he hung out with, but he still considered them to be his friends.

"Forgive me," Mikasa excused herself. "It's just that I've seen how your friends treat you, and I didn't expect them to show up."

In all honesty, Eren didn't expect them to either. He just hoped they would. 

"But I'm glad that you three showed up. And you all said you enjoyed it, I'm not sure that your other friends would have."

Eren nodded. "That's true. And... I think I'm going to come again to tomorrow's show."

"Really?" Mikasa beamed.

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun."

"Didn't you say that your friends' party goes onto tomorrow night?" Levi mentioned. "You said they told you that you could come later on."

Eren thought it through and made his final decision with confidence. "Yeah, well their parties are starting to get old. I'd rather come see the play again."

Levi was proud that Eren was making his choices independently, doing what he wanted instead of what he thought he should do. He wanted to support his decision, but wasn't sure if he'd be welcome to accompany him for any other night. He didn't want Eren to be sick of him. "...Could I come along?"

"Yeah! That'd be great, we could all hang out again," Eren beamed.

"If it's cool with you two, I'm gonna tag along with you," Hanji added.

Mikasa smiled at their enthusiasm to return. It felt nice that people were excited for something she put so much effort into.

 

~

 

5:39

The Sunday after the second show, Eren stayed at Levi's house, engaging in several games of chess with him. It was a calm way to end the weekend and he was happy to relax with his boyfriend. 

"You're getting a lot better," Levi noted, moving his bishop. "We've been playing for awhile and you still have all your pieces."

"I'm learning from the best," Eren whispered, leaning on his elbows.

Levi smiled to himself. "I'm not the best."

"You are, though. You taught me how to play and you almost always win—" he had no idea Levi let him win. "- You know exactly what you're doing and I think you could beat anyone."

Levi couldn't help but feel flattered. "I wouldn't go that far."

"I would." Eren moved his pawn. "You're so smart." He rested his chin on his palm, looking admiringly at Levi.

As much as Levi appreciated those kind stares, his heart rate quickened whenever someone looked at him for a prolonged moment.

5:41

Luckily, Eren's staring was cut short when his cell phone rang. He checked who was calling and rolled his eyes as he brought it up to his ear. "It's Jean," he mouthed to Levi. "Hello?"

"Where are you?" Jean slurred. "You never got here, what's your deal?"

Eren pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm at Levi's house and I never said I was coming for sure. I went to the play both nights."

"Both nights? That's sad... bet it was like watching paint dry."

Eren watched as Levi took out his rook with his queen. "It was actually really fun. But you wouldn't know cuz you didn't even give it a chance. And I don't have a headache like you probably do because I didn't get fucked up."

"Fuck you," Jean groaned. "It's tradition, and you haven't been coming through for us for months."

Eren frowned, wanting to focus on the chess game and hang up already. "It hasn't been fun for months. I'm tired of doing the same thing and having our parties end in the exact same way with me hungover or sick the next day. And I've got a life outside of you guys, I wanna do other stuff too."

Levi watched Eren glare at the chessboard, knowing he was agitated with Jean and not his next move. He just wanted Eren's friends to be considerate of him.

5:45

"What's more fun than hanging with us?" Jean grumbled. "Is it because of your stupid new friends? Are they telling you to stop coming to the parties?"

"Fuck you, they're not stupid. And I made the choice on my own." Eren wanted to appease him. If he passed on any information to the rest of his friends, he didn't want them to be angry with him. "Look... it's not like I'm never going to our parties again. I just want a break. We have them like every other weekend. I'll live if I don't go to a couple, and so will the rest of you."

"Well, you gotta make up your mind. We can do without a couple people for sure... the whole point of these is getting so out of it that you don't have to deal with other shit. You don't gotta worry about anything else that's going on. And if you don't want in on that, then we won't miss you."

"Did you even hear what I just said? I said I'm coming, just not every time..." Eren paused when he heard the dial tone. "Jean?" He stared at his phone in disbelief.

"Is everything okay?" Levi asked.

Eren didn't even know the answer to that. Jean was one of the more petty members of his friend group, he couldn't make the decision to ban him from their parties, could he? He couldn't make the decision to eject him from the group all together, could he? Had he really pissed him off or was that only the substances talking? Did the rest of his friends feel the same?

"Yeah," he lied. "My, uh... my friends are just bitter that I never showed up. Everything's fine, though."

Levi didn't fall for his bluff. Eren seemed too bothered. "Are they being nice to you?"

Eren winced at Levi's concern. Levi wanted to know that he was being treated right. His other friends just wanted him to do as they asked, even if he wasn't willing. "Not exactly, but it's fine. They'll get over it." He moved his knight, taking one of Levi's pawns and looked up at him expectantly, shaking off any visible worry he'd been showing. "Your turn."

Levi stared back at him sadly. He didn't want Eren to cover up whatever he was feeling. He knew what that was like and he knew how painful it could be if he let things fester. Levi loved his smile, but this one didn't reach Eren's eyes. And that was what he loved the most. The vibrancy and life behind his eyes when he was excited or happy. But all he could find was stress. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Eren answered a little too quickly. 

Levi ached for him. He couldn't even think of anything that could reassure him that he'd be okay. He couldn't think of a single thing to say to let him know he'd be there to listen. He felt so helpless for Eren. So, he let him disguise his inner turmoil and that round, Eren won the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I keep saying this but we're getting somewhere. If I time events out right, then there's going to be a special introduction next chapter!
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! That would make my day! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	19. Familiar Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi's friend group expands, and they discuss how Eren's usual friends mistreat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is garbage, don't even look at me.

8:20

Levi wandered around the school halls with Eren, holding his hand as they waited for Hanji to arrive. Eren kept going on about his new friend and all the things she told him. Levi was just glad that he had a friend who was treating him right.

"And Mikasa also said she got accepted into this really nice college and she'll be a theater major," Eren rambled on excitedly. "This summer, before she heads off to college, she's working for the local theater. I forgot the name of the show she's doing, but she's really excited about it and I think I'm gonna go see it to support her."

"That sounds like fun," Levi commented, nodding. "What will she be doing?"

"She's gonna be working on the soundboard and she'll help build the set. I'm so happy for her, she said it'll help her get a head start in the theater business." Eren smiled to himself thinking of how Mikasa beamed the whole time she explained what she'd be doing over the summer.

8:22

Hanji met up with the two just as Eren finished answering Levi. "Hey, guys!"

The couple greeted them back.

"Now that you're both here, I need to ask you guys something," Eren said. "Mikasa wants to know if she could sit with us all during lunch. She said it won't be everyday, but she wants to hang out with us more. What do you think?"

Levi thought Mikasa was nice, and she was definitely more polite than some of Eren's friends. "I don't mind."

"Me neither," Hanji agreed. "She's pretty cool, I say she can hang out with us whenever she wants."

"Awesome, I can't wait to tell her!"

Levi was relieved that he was feeling better after how his friends spoke to him over the weekend. He just hoped that it would last.

 

~

 

11:34

Mikasa sat with them at lunch, just like she said, and it was made clear rather quickly that they would all be getting along easily. She and Eren were already good friends, but she also made conversation with Levi and Hanji. Apparently, she was fond of some of the books that Levi often read and she bonded with Hanji over their mutual annoyance with their science teacher.

"He just doesn't know how to teach a class!" Hanji complained. "I know some of the other students are fine with it, because it's an easy grade, but I want to learn something."

"Exactly!" Mikasa agreed. "I'm not learning anything by doing crossword puzzles for homework."

"I know, and don't get me started on the films we have to watch. They have nothing to do with the class!"

Eren and Levi just watched the two converse amusedly. They went on and on, seemingly without taking breaks to breathe, and neither of the boys were brave enough to interrupt.

11:36

"They're not even eating their food," Eren whispered to Levi.

"Hanji's always looking for opportunities to vent about Mr. Dawk. They can't stand him."

They continued to listen and eat their lunch, as if they were watching their favorite television show or debate.

"And there's this new kid, in our class right?" Mikasa went on. "He honestly thought Mr. Dawk was joking."

Hanji raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know we had a new kid."

"Mhm. He's really smart and he's the only reason I look forward to that class now. He moved here just days ago. He actually told off Mr. Dawk and said the class was useless if he didn't give out real homework and he got so mad. Then he asked in the middle of a film what the point of watching it was and I almost clapped for him because Mr. Dawk didn't have an answer."

Hanji started cackling. "I love this guy! What's his name?"

"I don't remember, I'll ask the next time I see him."

11:38

"I never heard that we were getting a new kid," Eren spoke up.

"Yeah." Mikasa nodded. "A lot of people didn't. I think it's kinda weird too, since it's so late in the year, but I'm glad he's here."

 

~

 

1:59

Eren sat with Levi like he always did in gym class, and Levi couldn't keep his worries to himself any longer. "Eren, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Why are you still hanging out with your friends? I don't want to be rude or upset you, but they don't have your best interests in mind. They're treating you awfully."

Eren stilled, surprised by Levi's boldness, then looked down at his lap. "... They're still my friends." He could barely give himself a proper answer. "They don't act like this all the time, we still have fun together."

"Do you feel that it's worth it?"

Eren scratched the back of his neck in thought. He really didn't know anymore. "Sometimes... that's enough, right? If it's not that bad sometimes?"

Levi looked at him sadly. "It shouldn't be bad at all." Levi didn't have an overwhelming amount of friends to compare his experiences to Eren. But he was certain that friends shouldn't purposefully hurt each other. "I know there aren't a lot of us, but you have Hanji and me. And now you have Mikasa, too. We would never pressure you or hurt you."

2:01

Eren nodded. That much was true. "The problem is... I don't know what would happen if I lost all my friends. We've all been friends for so long..."

"Have they always acted this way?"

Now that Eren thought of it, they didn't. But somehow, he always knew that should he need something from them, or if they had to compromise, he would get the short end. But it never came to that. Not until that school year when he developed interests in other things. When he started dating Levi and cared about different activities and different people. "No, they haven't."

Levi nodded. 

"But they might change!" Eren added quickly. "Maybe after some time, they'll get over it and we'll be on better terms again."

"But you say that every time," Levi countered.

Eren knew that. He always told himself that things would get better between him and his friends. But he could never be certain. All he could do was hope they'd mature over time, but there was no guarantee.

Levi took his silence as a sign that he needed comfort. He held Eren's hand, then took a deep breath before shrinking the distance between them. "I want you to be happy. Are they making you happy?"

Eren shrugged. "Not right now, no." But there were still rare occasions when it seemed that there were no hard feelings between any of them and they'd have a great time together. He was scared to give that up. "But sometimes I'm happy with them."

Levi knew he couldn't make any decisions for Eren, and he couldn't put himself in his place. He'd never been in a position where he had to question whether or not it was worth staying with a friend. He just wished that things would get better for Eren, whether that meant finding new friends or his current friends having a change of heart.

 

~

 

8:21

Mikasa started hanging out with Eren, Levi and Hanji in the mornings before classes began. She felt so welcome in their little group and they enjoyed her company. 

They wandered about the halls as per usual and discussed whatever topics crossed their minds. It was as if Mikasa had known them for ages. Nothing felt forced or awkward between the four of them and the atmosphere was relaxed and comfortable. Eren wished he could say the same thing for his typical group of friends.

"I wonder if we can find that new kid I told you guys about," Mikasa thought aloud. "He probably wants someone to hang out with, being new here and all."

"Yeah, let's look for him," Hanji agreed. "I wanna meet the guy that put Mr. Dawk in his place."

With a mutual agreement amongst the four, they headed off to look for said student. Eren and Levi were slightly less interested in finding him, but saw no harm in tagging along. Eren took Levi's hand in his as he always did while they walked and absentmindedly gravitated towards him. Levi started to get used to this, aware of how he was prone to touching people or get close unknowingly.

The two kept their own leisurely pace, even when Mikasa and Hanji sped off, having located the student they discussed. "I guess they found him," Levi chuckled, watching them disappear into a crowd of loitering students.

"Guess so," Eren agreed. "I wonder how they found him through all these..." His voice trailed off as he looked ahead, finding Mikasa and Hanji reemerging from the crowd, bringing a familiar face with them.

"Eren?" Levi called, wanting him to finish his sentence.

8:27

Levi's voice fell on deaf ears. Eren stared straight at the new student who wasn't all that new to him. Hanji and Mikasa tried speaking to him, but the boy looked right back at Eren with just as much shock. Eren couldn't believe who stood before him. The wide, blue eyes he remembered, the long, blond haircut that didn't change in the slightest. It really was him.

Levi, Hanji and Mikasa looked on, utterly confused as to why neither of the boys were speaking and just stared at each other in amazement.

The blond boy was the first to speak up. "Er—"

"Armin!" Eren shouted, reaching out and picking him up in a tight hug. "You moved back!"

"I did!" Armin looked rather nervous about being lifted off the ground, but was more happy than anything, laughing at his old friend. 

Eren set him down, but continued staring, smiling brightly. "This is awesome! When did you get here? How have you been?! I haven't heard from you in forever! How's your cat?"

Armin couldn't help but laugh. "My gosh, Eren. You haven't changed at all. Still so excitable. But to answer your questions, last week, I've been well, and Misty had kittens."

Eren didn't know what to do with himself and it sure showed. "Wha- how many kittens?! What have you been doing? Are you busy this weekend? I... How..."

"You two know each other?" Mikasa asked. 

"We were best friends when we were little," Armin answered. "But I moved away ages ago."

"Levi!" Eren tugged on his boyfriend's arm, earning a few laughs from him. "This is my best friend I told you about! He's back!"

"I see that," Levi chuckled. 

So many things were running through Eren's head, he couldn't keep up with his thoughts. He had so many things to tell Armin, and so many things to ask him. But first things first, he had introductions to make. "Armin, you already met Mikasa, that's Hanji," he pointed to each person as he introduced them. "And this is my boyfriend, Levi." In his excitement, he forgot about Levi's issue with touching for a moment and wrapped an arm firmly around Levi to show him off. Levi wasn't put off as he usually would've been, but it did throw him off a bit.

Armin nodded at Hanji, having briefly seen them moments ago. "It's nice to meet you." He then reached out to shake Levi's hand. "It's nice to meet you, too."

"Likewise." Levi hesitantly shook his hand.

Armin had been gone for so long, he didn't consider that Eren might've gotten into a relationship. But he was just as energetic and wound up as he was when they were children. Aside from growing up and acquiring new friends and a significant other, he was exactly the same. If he tried to imagine what Eren would grow up to be like without taking outside influences into consideration, this is precisely the image he would've conjured up. 

8:30

"I can't wait for you to meet the rest of my friends!" While caught up in all the excitement, Eren forgot all about the troubles he was having with his friends. "We need to hang out sometime soon!"

"We do, we have so much to catch up on." Armin didn't voice his concern, but when he first saw Eren again, he was nervous that after all these years without contact, he wouldn't have cared much that he returned. But he felt so relieved that Eren showed how glad he was to see him. 

Levi kept silent so he wouldn't disrupt their reunion, but all he could think of was how glad he was that Eren had another friend again that made him excited. He didn't know everything about Armin, but based on the occasional stories he heard about him, he felt that he could trust Armin to treat Eren like a real friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to be so much better!!! I had such a hard time transitioning between scenes and this chapter is so short and it's all over the place and ugh.
> 
> With that being said, this fic is (just estimating here) one fifth away from being finished. Maybe? I've got like five or six chapters to go. Maybe more. But now I've got such a clear idea of how the story is gonna go, so there's that.
> 
> I'm sorry this was so awful, but if you liked it, please leave a comment or kudos! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. Thank you so much for reading! <3


	20. Relief and Shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am beyond pissed. I've been waiting to write this chapter since I started the fic and it is not what I hoped it'd be. The situational transitions are so bad they make me want to cut my ear off and send it to the boyfriend I don't have. But I'm over it. It is what it is.
> 
> Regardless of what I think, I do hope you guys like it!

11:29

Levi gave Eren some space to get reconnected with his old friend. For a couple days, Eren spent most of his time with Armin, updating him on his life and listening to him as he did the same. Everyone was happy to have Armin sit and chat with them at lunch, it wasn't hard to welcome him into the friend group. He was even invited over for the weekend and the following Monday, it was as if Armin never moved away.

"Today, do you want to meet the rest of my friends? We could go see them right now," Eren invited.

"I'd love to meet the rest of your friends."

Levi overheard their conversation and started to feel apprehensive for the two of them. He feared that Eren's friends would mistreat him and possibly be rude to Armin as well, but it wasn't his place to convince them not to go. Before he could say anything, they were already migrating towards the other table. 

11:31

"You're gonna love them!" Eren said. "We all have such good times together, we have lots of parties, they're really cool."

"I'm excited," Armin said optimistically.

They sat down at the table they were headed for, and no one addressed Eren or acknowledged him. "Hey, guys," he spoke up. Only a handful of people looked at him.

"Who's this?" Christa asked.

"This is my old friend Armin! He was my best friend when we were little, but he moved away years ago. Now, he's back, and I wanted him to meet you guys." Several people nodded in acknowledgement, but there were still people talking over him, having their own conversations. "Let me tell you about everyone." One by one, Eren named off all his friends at the table, some still too busy to say anything back, and some saying hello to Armin.

"It's nice to meet all of you, Eren tells me a lot about you." Armin barely received any response. He looked over at Eren, expecting this to go differently. 

"So guys, Armin moved here from—"

"Eren, can I copy your science homework?" Connie interrupted. 

Eren frowned at him. "Connie, I was talking."

"Yeah, so was I. Can I copy your science homework? I don't care if the questions are right, but the teacher won't get off my case if I don't hand anything in."

"... I didn't do the homework," Eren lied. He didn't want to help Connie cheat, especially when he was disregarding what he was trying to say. "As I was saying, he came from a school out of state, and..." He trailed off when he saw that only two people were paying attention to him. "And I haven't seen him for years." Christa was listening initially, but after she received a text, she showed more interest in her phone. "I think you will get along with him well..."

"Eren?" Armin whispered. "Are any of them even listening to you?"

Eren shook his head. "Guys, come on. I'm trying to talk to you here."

"Eren, shut up. No one gives a shit," Jean scoffed, that being the only time he broke away from the conversation he was having. 

"Don't listen to Jean, he can be a real asshole sometimes," Eren excused his friend.

"I can see that," Armin mumbled.

Eren was desperate to get anyone to listen to him about Armin. It was so important him that they accepted him and treated him well. "Hey, Reiner. Can Armin come to the next one of our parties? It would be fun for—"

"Who?" Reiner asked.

Eren widened his eyes frustratingly. "Armin. Him, the guy sitting next to me."

Reiner looked at him for a moment, studying him. "I'm not sure. I don't know the guy."

"If you were listening to me, then you'd know who he was! Can you please listen to me? I want him to hang out with all of us some time soon and I think—"

"To be honest, Eren, I'm not sure I even want you coming to our parties anymore. You're such a downer and you get upset over the littlest things. I mean, you can still come I guess, but you're being really annoying lately."

Eren just stared. He couldn't believe he was being shut down like this. He knew he should've expected this, but it still came as a shock.

"I'm going to sit with the others, if you don't mind," Armin murmured.

"I'm with you," Eren agreed. "See ya later, guys." He stood and waited for a goodbye from at least one person, but he never got one. He left, feeling furious and embarrassed that his friends couldn't have been more polite for Armin, if not for his own sake.

"Those are your friends?"

"Yeah..."

"Why the hell do you hang out with them? They're all jerks."

Eren averted his eyes. He didn't know how to answer that question. Now that his old friend was being critical of who he hung out with, he started to think of who was going to be there for him when he really needed it. But he pushed his thoughts away, not ready to face the facts. 

"I know a lot has happened since I left, but I didn't expect you to hang out with people who treat you so badly. I don't mean to step over any lines, because I know they're you're friends, but you deserve better."

Eren lowered his head. "No, you're right. It's just... I don't know."

11:40

They returned to their usual table, drawing everyone's attention. "Back so soon?" Mikasa asked.

"My friends were... less than enthusiastic," Eren explained.

"I figured it'd be like that," Mikasa mumbled.

Armin sat next to Hanji, listening to Mikasa. "Do you know what his friends are like?"

"Yeah, and I wonder why he's still around them," Mikasa said. "None of us really like his friends, they're rude to him."

Eren looked down at the table shamefully. Levi reached for his hand, not wanting him to hurt, but couldn't find it in him to disagree with Mikasa.

"Eren, we love you, but your friends are the worst," Hanji admitted. "We want you to be surrounded by people who are good for you."

Eren was surprised to hear that coming from Hanji, they weren't the type to speak on an overly personal level with him. He looked over to Armin and Mikasa, who both nodded sympathetically. He turned to face Levi next to him, and he worked up the courage to nod, agreeing with the others.

"... It can get better. They weren't always like this."

No one said anything more on the topic.

 

~

 

8:46

Eren came to Levi's house that weekend, needing comfort and advice. They sat together on Levi's bed, leaning against each other as Eren tried to get out his feelings. It wasn't something he was used to, but Levi remained patient.

"I just don't know if it's worth leaving them, I've known them all for so long." Eren sighed in agitation. "I'll be losing so much. I don't know what to do."

"Let me ask you something." Levi hated throwing hard questions at Eren, but he needed to do what was best for him in the long run. "You're graduating this year. Do you think they'll make an effort to keep in contact with you when you don't see each other everyday?"

Eren knew the answer. "... No."

"Do you want to stay with people who won't remember you? Do you want to stay with people who don't appreciate you?"

"They're... they're my friends, though."

Levi hurt for Eren. He wished he valued himself more to know when enough was enough. "They certainly don't act like it." Levi almost saw a bit of himself in Eren. The way he put himself last was too familiar, and knowing how that felt hurt to know that Eren was going through that himself. "Don't you think you'll be happier when you leave?"

8:49

"Leaving would be the hardest. I'm not even sure if that's what I'm gonna do." 

"I can't make any decisions for you, but I want you do what makes you happy, and I'm scared that if you cling to those people, you won't be happy."

Eren couldn't think of a single one of his friends, aside from Armin, Mikasa and Hanji, who'd say that to him. Levi was constantly supporting him, and while he wanted the best for him, he never pushed him to do anything. Levi was always advocating for him and whatever would make him happy. He remembered when they first started going out and how Levi was more concerned with what he wanted rather than his own needs. He didn't think that there should be an imbalance between them, but the fact that he always supported him was so reassuring.

Eren turned to look Levi in the eyes. "Can I just say how much I appreciate you? I know you don't want me to hang out with my friends anymore, even though you're too nice to say it like that, but you still want to help me. I still have no clue what I'm going to do to get past this, but I'm glad I have you to help me through it."

Eren had been upset around Levi before, but he'd never shown this much vulnerability to him. "I'll be on your side no matter what."

Eren grinned like a fool. "Can I hug you right now?"

Levi nodded, letting Eren wrap his arms around him, timidly raising his arms to do the same. He wanted Eren to know that he trusted him and he could be comfortable with him. It was time, he was ready. "Eren?"

"Yes?"

8:53

"I-Is it okay if I kiss you?"

Eren pulled back, keeping Levi in his arms. "You want to?"

Levi couldn't make eye contact, but he nodded with certainty. If there was a time to prove that he would stay by his side and go out of his comfort zone for him, this was it. "Yes. If you're okay with that. I-I might not be any good and it's something I've never done before, but I can get better, and I just want to show you how I feel—" he couldn't stop the rambling, he never could. 

Eren just smiled and laughed. "You don't need to stress about it. I just need to know that you're completely okay with this."

"I am, I promise." 

They faced each other, Levi putting his arms around Eren's shoulders and Eren putting his hands on Levi's waist. Levi immediately started blushing, feeling the anxiety get to him. He wanted to do this for his boyfriend and he wanted to do it right. He wanted to show that it was okay to be vulnerable, but he also wanted to move forward in their relationship.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm just not sure how this will go."

"It's okay. Just close your eyes and lean in when you're ready. You can back out whenever you want."

9:55

Levi nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay." Eren waited patiently while Levi worked up the nerve. He decided to just do it quickly before he let himself think of all the bad outcomes, shut his eyes, and let Eren meet him halfway. 

This was something Eren was well practiced in, but the sensation was entirely new for Levi. The second they kissed, he felt a jolt of electricity flow through his veins and his heart almost stopped completely. He didn't know what he expected from this, but he didn't expect that it would come this easily. His face was on fire and his pulse was racing, but he loved the rush it gave him.

It didn't last too awfully long, and when they parted, Eren chuckled at how red Levi's face turned. Levi couldn't handle the close proximity while being watched, so he hid his face in the crook of Eren's neck, only making him laugh more. "You okay?"

"Yes," Levi replied quickly.

"What did you think? How was it for your first kiss?"

"I liked it."

Eren held his boyfriend, starting to gently rock him. "Why are you hiding from me? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm okay, I just really liked it, but I don't know how to act, so I can't look you in the eye right now."

Eren snickered to himself. "You're so sweet." He loved that Levi was getting more comfortable with him. They'd come such a long way from when they started dating. Levi could now kiss him after barely being able to hold his hand. He stuck by him through his troubles and he didn't want to lose him. "Levi, I love you."

Levi stiffened. The words had a massive effect on him, but he wasn't sure how to show it.

"You don't have to say it back. I just want you to know how I feel about you."

Levi eased up and Eren fortunately noticed.

"And I want you to know that I'll support you the way you've supported me. And... you just mean so much to me and I don't want to ruin what we have. So, I'll wait as long as you need to before we can make our relationship physical or move on from this point. I don't care how long it takes, I'll always be patient with you."

Levi couldn't breathe. And for all the wrong reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the fic has been pretty Eren centric lately, but starting next chapter we're gonna get back to him and Levi in balanced portions.
> 
> (I may or may not be uploading a new fic tonight or next Friday, who knows, not me, be on the lookout my dudes)
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos, that would be greatly appreciated! I'm sorry for errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art & the-witch-daddy. Thank you so much for reading!


	21. Assumption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi worries about his ability to please Eren and about their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is wicked short, I'm sorry! I just needed to get this one up because reasons. 
> 
> Enjoy!

12:59

Hanji arrived at Levi's house upon his request, informing them that he had a lot to tell them and he couldn't do it over the phone. They were worried at first, and it didn't help at all when they came in, seeing how badly he was shaking.

They made their way to Levi's room and he was too busy pacing to sit by Hanji on his bed. He gripped his hands tightly and tugged at his cuffs, trying to calm himself and unsure of how to start things.

Hanji cleared their throat. "Um, Le—"

"I kissed Eren," Levi blurted out. 

Hanji raised their brows in shock. "Oh. Are you okay? You didn't feel pressured, did you?"

"Not at all, I was the one who asked. I... I really liked it." Levi paced in the other direction so his friend couldn't see his blush. "I'm okay, I promise."

"That's great! That's wonderful, actually. Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

1:00

Levi started to nod. "That... and other things." He gulped, feeling his anxiety increase over the memory and struggled to explain everything fluidly. "Eren... he told me some things. Good things and- not things that are bad exactly, just things that worry me."

Hanji nodded. "Alright, then just take your time, say what you need to say. I'm here to listen to all of it."

Levi took a shaky breath. "He said he loves me."

Hanji waited, uncertain of how to react. "And how do you feel about that?"

"It makes me happy," Levi admitted. "I didn't say it back, but I love him too. I'm just terrified to say it and he said I didn't have to, but I still feel awful for not returning the words. I don't want him to think that I don't feel the same way."

"Don't worry about it. You'll tell him when you're ready, and he already said it was okay that you didn't say it back," Hanji assured him. "What matters is that the feeling is mutual, and he's not pushing you to say it."

Levi tried to convince himself that everything Hanji was saying was true, he needed as much reassurance as he could get. "But I need to tell him soon because of... other things he said."

Hanji became concerned again and sat up straight. "And what did he say?"

1:02

"He said he'd be patient with me..." Levi's voice started trembling. "And he said that he would wait as long as he needed for us to have a physical relationship. He wouldn't hurry me."

Hanji narrowed their eyes at him. "Back up. You two have been dating for how many months now? Did you purposely not tell him or did it slip your mind? Because the fact that you're asexual and that you two won't have a physical relationship seems like the kind of thing you should've brought with him at some point since you were so worried about that detail when you first started crushing on him. Does he not know?"

Levi bit his lip, then mentally reminded himself to not do that. "... No, he doesn't."

Hanji gawked at him. "Well, what did you tell him when he said he'd take things slow?"

Levi looked at his feet guiltily. "I thanked him for being patient."

If Hanji's eyes widened any more they'd fall out of their head. They stood up, now pacing more urgently than Levi. "Okay, well you understand that's a problem, right? I'm not saying you need to tell him you're asexual the next time you see him, but at some point, you need to sit down and tell him that you're not comfortable with having a physical relationship with him. At least not a one beyond what you do now."

"I know it's a problem! You have no idea how stressed I am over this!" Levi spat, taking a step back and muttering a small apology for raising his voice. "But I can't tell him that. That's not an option."

"Then when will he find out?"

"Never."

"That's... you can't- Levi," they groaned, taking off their glasses to pinch the bridge of their nose in frustration. "Why wouldn't you tell him? He has to find out sometime."

"I can't tell him," Levi said with certainty.

1:04

9:29

1:04

Levi had to take another look at his watch, misreading it and feeling his heart race. "He won't want me anymore. He'd leave if he knew."

Hanji couldn't promise him that that wasn't true. They didn't know Eren well enough and they couldn't give him false hope only for it to hurt him if things didn't work out. "Levi, this is something you need to discuss with him. It's only going to be worse if he keeps expecting things from you that you can't do."

Levi knew they were right, but this wasn't something he could do so easily. Hanji was the only one who knew about his sexuality and he couldn't be convinced that Eren would still want to be with him if he knew.

9:54

1:05

"I can't... he won't love me." He sat down at the edge of his bed, pulling his inhaler out from his nightstand drawer and taking a puff. 

Hanji shook their head. "Levi, love doesn't boil down to whether or not you can have sex with someone. If he really loves you, he won't mind."

"And what if he does mind?"

Hanji couldn't say it. They weren't sure if it would help things or make them worse. They couldn't say that if Eren put his desires above Levi, then he didn't love him. 

"I can't keep him waiting forever..." Levi quietly mused, almost as if he were talking to himself. "Something has to happen."

9:29

Levi saw Eren kissing that girl all that time ago. He'd looked so desperate for it. Levi shivered.

1:07

"Levi... what do you mean?" Hanji stepped closer.

Levi shook his head. "He won't wait forever. And I can't tell him the truth." He had to give Eren an incentive to stay.

"Levi!" Hanji shouted without thinking, startling their friend. They sat down next to him. "I'm sorry for yelling. But I know you, I know what you're thinking, and I'm begging you to just be honest with him. For your sake, do this for your mental health, do it for your peace of mind."

Their words had no effect. Levi already made up his mind. "No, I can't lose him. He'll leave, I know he will."

"Levi." Hanji feared for their friend, they felt so scared that he'd hurt himself. "Please. Stop thinking about what he wants from you and think about what you need. When is the last time you did something for you? When's the last time you did something you wanted just because it was what you wanted? Or something you needed? When is the last time you did something with your own interests in mind, without worrying about what someone else would do or putting somebody else's needs before yours?"

"When he asked me out and I said yes," Levi answered without missing a beat. "And... every time I've seen just how incompatible we are and didn't leave."

Hanji stared at him in confusion. "I don't understand."

"Hanji, that's how badly I want to stay with him. I'm not stupid, I knew even before he asked me out that someone else would be a better match for him. Anyone else, actually. And I know I can't give him everything he needs to be happy and I must be such a bother for him, weighing him down all the time. But I really do love him and he is the only person I'm willing to be selfish with, because I don't want to give him up. I'll do what I have to to stay with him."

It broke Hanji's heart that Levi's self worth was so lacking. "I know you want to stay with him. But I want you to take care of yourself too. And you and I both know what you were considering, and I need to know that you won't do that. Please, Levi."

Levi nodded. "I won't."

"Good."

Levi hated himself. He hated that it was so easy for him to lie to his best friend.

 

~

 

8:23

Eren and Levi walked around the school with their friends like they did every morning, holding hands as usual. Mikasa and Armin started getting along really well, and Hanji had become fond of Armin quickly. It somewhat surprised Levi that their friend group that consisted of two people for years had grown so quickly. 

"Levi? I've been thinking," Eren spoke up. "I've been listening to what you've said and I made a decision. I'm not going go out of my way to get attention from my friends anymore. If they really are my friends, they'll come and talk to me."

Levi had other things fogging up his mind, but he was still proud that Eren had taken a step to be sure he was treated better. "Good, don't waste your time on them."

"I still consider them my friends, and I don't think I could ever make the decision to leave them on my own. But hey, if I stop going back to them and they don't bother to spend time with me, then they're cutting themselves out of my life and that's how I'll figure out if they actually care about me or not. I'm tired of being shut out when I try to hang with them."

"I'm proud of you, you don't deserve to be treated so badly." 

Eren smiled at Levi. "Thanks for having my back. I'm glad I have you and the rest of our friends on my side."

8:25

"I'm always on your side," Levi said. He started worrying of the day Eren wouldn't find interest in him. He wouldn't appreciate him anymore if he couldn't provide all that he needed to be happy and that killed him. He wouldn't smile at him like that again if he knew.

"Oh, I need to ask you something!"

Levi looked up at him.

"I know you're okay with kissing now, but I need to know if you're cool with that in public," Eren whispered. He didn't want to assume anything just because Levi was comfortable doing things in privacy.

Levi didn't expect to be asked that. "O-Oh, um... I'm okay with little ones. Kisses on the cheek are fine, but I'm not a fan of public displays of affection. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry! I'll take what I can get. I just don't want to do anything to make you unhappy."

Levi would've appreciated the sentiment, but he'd let his pessimistic thoughts take over and tell him that Eren's statement wasn't entirely true. He convinced himself that Eren wanted things from him and if he didn't get them, he'd leave. So, it was hard for him to believe it when told that his happiness was a priority.

"Hey, I told Armin that you taught me how to play chess. During study hall, we're gonna play it in the library. Wanna come with? You can play the winner," Eren offered, wiggling his brows, trying to convince him to come along.

"Alright," Levi mumbled.

Eren frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

Eren shrugged. "Dunno, I thought you looked a little upset."

"I'm not upset." Levi reminded himself to be more careful. The last thing he wanted to do was worry Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really feeling this fic anymore, I just want to get it done. I think I'll feel a lot better when it's finished. I started writing this fic as a form of stress relief because a lot of Levi's feelings/reactions towards things in this are kinda my way of venting about things that stress me out or things I deal with. And once it's done, I think I can take a deep breath and move on with other fics.
> 
> Also, I started a new fic "Think Ink." I'm really excited for it, it's got two chapters out already and it's gonna be updated on Friday. Feel free to check it out!
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos, that would make my day! I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	22. Gentle Reminders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO GODDAMN LONG!!!!
> 
> This chapter is incredibly short and it's garbage but I just felt so guilty for taking so long that I had to get something up, so I rushed to write this. 
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter is really bad and boring.

10:50

"Wow, Eren, you're really good at this," Armin complimented his friend while they played in the library, moving his knight onto a safe square. "You said Levi taught you?"

"Yup!" Eren grinned over at Levi who was sitting beside them, watching their current game. "Levi taught me a few tricks too, he's how I know what rooking is."

"Castling," Levi and Armin corrected simultaneously.

"Oh, right." Eren snatched another one of Armin's pawns, taking up the space. "Well, even if I don't get the name right, I know how to do it. That's what matters."

"You must be really good if you taught Eren and he's doing this well already," Armin told Levi, taking a bishop. 

Levi shrugged. "I'm decent, I suppose."

"Levi's really modest, he's great at chess," Eren said. "He almost always beats me, he's so good at it."

The two went back and forth, progressing steadily through the game. Although Eren was a good player after his lessons with Levi, Armin did excel past him and eventually came out the winner. Levi took Eren's place, having agreed to take on whoever won, and after awhile, it became clear that they were evenly matched.

11:13

"I'm excited to see who wins, both of you are awesome at this," Eren commented. 

It was anyone's game and the study hall was winding down, but the two opponents remained balanced in their game.

"It would be cool if I could get all my other friends to hang out with us sometime. It doesn't have to be during our chess games, but it'd be nice," Eren said.

Levi and Armin looked at each other briefly, both thinking the same thing. "Um," Armin started. "When's the last time your friends came to talk to you?" He knew that Eren's other acquaintances had little to no interest in him or Levi, and lately, they seemed to have no interest in Eren.

"Christa said hi to me the other day when we passed each other in the hall." Eren remained oblivious to his best friend and boyfriend's apprehension. "I'm sure we could find something we'd all like to do."

"You could discuss it with your friends and when you have an answer, let us know," Levi suggested, knowing full well they'd never agree to spending time with them, but he didn't want to force the harsh reality in Eren's face.

"I'll bring it up the next time they come and see me. Should be soon."

Levi felt awful knowing that his boyfriend was so unaware of how little those people actually cared about him. He wanted him to stop surrounding himself with people that weren't good for him, but he was also scared that he'd be so hurt when they never made the effort to contact him.

The study hall soon ended, and Armin and Levi had yet to finish their game.

 

~

 

5:12

As much as Eren had going on in his head and in his personal life, Levi was just as concerned for their relationship. Eren was struggling with his peer group, and Levi knew that they'd drift apart sooner or later and he didn't want to see how broken hearted that would leave his boyfriend. And in a similar sense, it terrified him to think that when he was left with only a few companions, he'd be disappointed, particularly in himself.

Levi feared for the future for so many reasons. Eren was in the process of trimming out all the unnecessary people in his life. What if he didn't make the cut? It was an irrational thought if there ever was one to be had, but Levi's old worries that he wasn't enough were resurfacing. 

Levi was staying at Eren's house again, listening to him ramble about whatever crossed his mind. He'd always been a good listener, but lately he found it more and more difficult to pay attention and not let his pessimistic thoughts take over. If Eren got sick of him, he wouldn't be back in this house. He wouldn't be able to listen to him go on and on about a new video game he loved or something funny his dog had done recently. He wouldn't even be able to call him his boyfriend anymore and that was eating away at him. 

Hanji would tell him to voice his fears and talk it out, but that was never an easy thing for him to do. They'd tell him he was overthinking, but that was no comfort to him. He just couldn't handle the thought of Eren going away.

He stared at Eren as he talked, watching the change in expressions from when he'd switch topics, but he maintained his usual enthusiastic smile. He didn't want to miss that. He loved that smile, he loved everything about him.

5:18

"So, what do you think?"

Levi blinked himself out of his daze. "I'm sorry?"

"I said what do you think about going on more dates? Just you and me."

Levi thought that was an odd thing to ask, considering they spent plenty of alone time together already. "I'd like that." Why would he ask for more? Was he expecting more from him? Was he prompting him to do more?

"Cool, I love being with you," Eren beamed, reaching to hold Levi's hand. 

Levi couldn't tell if there was an underlining message to that. Everything Eren did was completely innocent in nature and with no ulterior motives, but Levi's paranoia forced him to ignore that. "What kind of things did you have in mind?"

Eren shrugged. "Dunno. Anything is fine with me, even just staying home with you is nice." It never took much to please him. He leaned over and planted an affectionate kiss on Levi's cheek, smiling brightly, watching Levi's face heat up. "You're really cute when you blush."

Levi looked away, never having been a fan of the way his body portrayed his feelings against him. 

"I think you're beautiful."

5:20

Levi's heart skipped a beat. Eren deserved so much more than he could ever be. "I'm glad one of us thinks that," Levi said, giving a humorless laugh.

Eren pouted, moving up on the bed with Levi and putting an arm around him. "Why don't you think you're beautiful?"

Levi sighed. "I just... I've never thought I was anything more than average, but that's okay." That was a lie, he wished he looked better for Eren. 

"Well, that's not true. You're lovely."

Eren complimented him often, but he rarely used those kinds of words with him. "That's sweet of you to say," was all he could think to tell him.

"I'm not trying to be sweet, I'm just saying what's on my mind," Eren said, leaving another kiss on his cheek. "I love you a lot."

Levi couldn't look him in the eyes, he felt so guilty for still having not said that he loved him back. Would Eren expect more from him if he told him he loved him? Would he even believe him? He was so openly affectionate towards Levi, and though Levi had feelings for him, he struggled with showing it.

Of course, Levi also didn't want him to think that he didn't feel the same, and to him it felt like if he didn't say it or prove how he felt soon, it would upset his boyfriend or even cause him to drift away. Just thinking about that was painful for him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Eren on any level. "I just don't see how you possibly could," Levi whispered.

"You don't give yourself enough credit," Eren said. "You're always telling me that you think you're not exciting or special, but you excite me more than anyone. I look forward to seeing you everyday and you're the most unique person I know. I haven't met anyone else who's just like you. And you're just... you're just a great person. You're smart, you're funny, and... you're honest. You're considerate of other people. There's plenty of reasons to love you."

Levi couldn't agree. He didn't find himself to be smart, he just cared about his grades and loved to read and challenge his mind. He never tried to make jokes, so he had no idea why people found him to be funny. He lied more than he could be comfortable with. And he didn't think he was being considerate, he just didn't want to be an inconvenience for anybody.

"Don't sell yourself short," Eren added. "You're amazing."

Levi wanted to cry. He wanted to be so much more. He wanted to feel deserving of Eren's time and he wanted to believe for himself that he was worth while. But if he could only be himself or do what he was comfortable doing, he couldn't see how either goal was possible. It killed him to think that he'd never be enough for himself or anyone else if he just stayed who he was and not who other people wanted. He wouldn't let himself be undeserving. He wouldn't let Eren slip through his fingers. So, he made the decisions to push through his fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise the next chapter will be up soon, I want to take time to write what happens next so it's not horrible. It might be up next week, it might be up in a couple months. I just can't guarantee anything, I'm on a roll with writing out Think Ink and I've got college stuff to figure out, and work is really busy. I got a lot on my plate, and this fic isn't my priority right now.
> 
> I know this is bad, but if you did like it, please leave a comment or kudos. I'm sorry for errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	23. Petrified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi wears himself down and makes an awful decision. Eren worries for his comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to leave out a scene in this chapter and delay it for the next chapter. I just wanted to get something up. The thing I said I wanted to wait until it was written to the best of my ability will be in the next chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

11:50

For awhile now, Levi was forcing himself out of his comfort zone, doing anything and everything he could to hold Eren's attention and train himself to be comfortable with things that Eren enjoyed. He told himself he'd make small changes and progressively step further into unknown territory, but there was no transition. He dove headfirst into situations that frightened him and even though everything turned out fine, his anxiety was driven through the roof. Eren was just as affectionate and happy with him as always, if not more, but Levi could somehow feel him slipping away.

After they both finished their lunch, Levi held his hand under the table, interlocking their fingers and sat closer to him than usual. So close that they were leaning on each other, which made Levi slightly nervous. Mikasa was going on about a production she was working on in the summer, all the others at the table listening, but Levi was in his head. He didn't seem to ever stop zoning out lately.

11:59

The bell rang and everyone marched out of the cafeteria to get to their next class. Eren and Levi walked hand in hand of course, following Mikasa to their creative writing class. 

Eren was picking up on the change in Levi's composure, and while he was glad to see that he was more willing to do things he typically shied away from, he also felt worried that Levi wasn't feeling like himself. 

They sat down in class, their teacher telling them they could work on their homework so they could get it done early. Eren sat looking at his blank paper, tapping his pencil on the desk, thinking of what he could write about for the assignment. He tossed a glance at Levi and saw that he was just staring into space and not getting right to work like he normally would. He nudged his elbow. "Levi?"

Levi looked over at him tiredly. "Yes?"

"Are you... are you not going to work on the homework?"

Levi shook his head slightly to refocus himself. "Right, um..." He picked up his pencil and hovered the tip over his paper. "I got distracted," he mumbled. He stared at the blue lines on the sheet, looking pensive for a few moments.

Eren turned back to his own page and wondered why Levi was acting so strangely. 

Time ticked by, and Eren found himself watching the clock more often than not, unable to think of a topic to write about. The period was coming to an end and he was somewhat grateful, hating the silence of the room.

12:36

Eren looked back at Levi, only to find him in the same position as before, having yet to write down a single letter on his paper. "Levi?" He whispered. "You okay?"

Levi blinked a few times, clearing his vision. "What time is it?" He looked at his watch and compared the time he saw to the one on the classroom's clock.

12:37

"You didn't write anything?" Eren wasn't the type to badger someone about doing their work or using their time wisely, but this was unlike Levi. He'd usually have a page or two written by now. 

Levi shut his eyes, stressing himself out. "Oh my god... I have to get this done. This is great, I wasted almost all my time." He frantically searched his mind for anything worth writing while he scribbled his name and the date in the top of his sheet.

"Hey, it's alright. It's not due until tomorrow," Eren reminded him. 

Levi paused, his breathing getting faster. "Really?"

"Yeah, you weren't listening? You're okay, you don't need to panic. You can work on it when you get home tonight or in your study halls."

Levi couldn't explain why, but he felt that it was too soon to calm down. Something was wrong. "I can?"

Eren felt so confused. Levi was so out of it. "Yeah... you can." It almost hurt to see Levi like this, it felt as if he was falling apart and he didn't understand why. 

 

~

 

4:00

Hanji called Levi the next day after school. He took an exceedingly long time to answer, but when he did, he sounded frazzled. 

"Hello?"

"Hey, Levi. What are you doing?"

A pause and the sound of papers being shuffled followed. "Uh... working. Why?"

"Well, I was just wondering if maybe you'd wanna hang out this weekend. Are you free?"

"Um... I don't know. God, what time is it?" Hanji heard Levi ask in a muffled voice then groan. "No, no, no, I'm so behind."

"Behind on what? Do you need help with your homework or something?"

"No, um... Hanji I have to go, I have too much stuff to do."

Hanji furrowed their brows in confusion. Levi would usually elaborate or vent before hanging up. "Alright, I'll see you—" they were cut off by the dial tone and stared at their phone. "Why is he acting like this?" They asked no one in particular.

 

~

 

6:53

Eren had been asking for some time if he and Levi could spend some time together at either of their houses. Levi had been refusing him for awhile, seeing as he had a lot to do for school which was enough to stress him out, and he also had so much to figure out mentally. Eren didn't push him or show any signs that he was upset, but putting it off only added onto his guilt so he eventually cracked and agreed to have a film marathon at Eren's home. 

Levi tried staying as physically close to his boyfriend throughout the night, no matter how badly he wanted his own space for comfort. Eren had two arms around him while he practically laid against his chest while his dog was resting at their feet. 

"It's been awhile since we hung out like this," Eren commented, adjusting himself on the couch. 

"Mhm." Levi hummed.

Eren looked down at Levi sadly. He hated not knowing what was wrong. "Are you okay, Levi?"

"I'm fine."

Eren sighed. He didn't want to argue, but he didn't believe him. "You seem kinda... off lately, is there something wrong?"

"No."

Levi's answers weren't reassuring in the least and all Eren wanted to know was that his boyfriend was okay. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

There were a million things Levi needed to get off his chest, too many things to count, but he didn't know where to begin, or if Eren would even want to listen to half of it. And the other half, he wasn't brave enough to say. But one thing he knew for certain was that he had to secure their relationship and there was only one thing he could think of that could ensure that his boyfriend wouldn't leave him. "Actually... there is."

Eren sighed, relieved that Levi was willing to open up. "Okay, what is it?"

Levi looked over his shoulder. Though he couldn't see where Eren's mother was, he knew she could've been close by and he didn't want her to listen in. "Um... could we talk about it in your room?"

Eren nodded, helping Levi up. "Sure, let's go."

6:59

Once in Eren's bedroom, they sat together on the bed, Eren eager to hear whatever it was that Levi had to tell him. "Why did we have to come in here?"

"I... I just wanted more privacy. Is this okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine, don't worry about it. Is everything alright?"

Levi would never tell him there was a problem, he didn't want to worry him. "Yes, everything's fine. I just wanted to talk about us, and... I don't know how to start this." Levi had already made up his mind on what he felt he had to do. He couldn't be talked out of it.

7:00

"Just start anywhere, it's okay if it doesn't come out perfect."

Levi had to wonder what he did to deserve him. "Um... I want to take things further." A complete lie. He just wanted to do what he thought Eren wanted from him.

"... Alright. What do you mean?"

Levi started to sweat and used his hands to make gestures, hoping they'd help him explain what he was getting at. "Between us. I want to... you know."

"I really don't." Of all the times Eren could be clueless, it had to be at the least opportune moment. He held Levi's hand, urging him on. "Just take your time, we have all night."

Levi didn't want to take all night, he wanted to get his thoughts out of his mouth in one go, but it didn't seem like that would happen. He closed his eyes and tried to be as blunt as he possibly could be. "I want a more physical relationship." Another lie, but he thought that was what Eren wanted, so he was convinced he needed to supply that for him.

Eren nodded. "Oh, so that's why you've been acting like this! That's fine by me, I don't mind us sitting closer together and stuff like that."

Levi shook his head. "No, I mean... I want that too, but I was getting at something else. Do you understand?"

"Like..." Eren was beginning to see what Levi was trying to say. "I'm sorry if I'm assuming the wrong thing, but... do you mean you want to sleep together?"

Levi nodded sheepishly, avoiding eye contact and involuntarily inching away from Eren.

Eren narrowed his eyes at Levi skeptically. "Do you?"

"Yes," Levi mumbled. "I want to."

Eren had the hardest time believing that. "I don't know."

Levi looked back at him, terrified. Was Eren not interested in him that way? Was he already failing to meet his expectations? "What do you mean?"

7:04

"I just..." Eren rubbed the back of his neck, trying to process Levi's request. "I don't know. I can't decide what you do and don't want, but I feel like that's not something you honestly want to do, at least not now."

Levi's heart broke. He didn't want to be pushed away, because if Eren rejected him now, he didn't think he'd ever be wanted again. "No, I promise! I want it, if that's what you want too. Isn't that what you want?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind doing that with you at all. I'd love to, but I don't think you do. I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you what you are or aren't ready for, but it took you so long to even hold hands with me, not that I mind. And we still took everything after that really slow, I just think you might be jumping too far ahead and you might not be comfortable with having sex so soon."

Levi took everything the wrong way, already too lost in his misconception of what you as expected of him. "I am comfortable with it! I'm swear, I'm ready. Please, I want it." Levi sat closer, as if it would drive his point further.

 

Eren didn't understand why Levi was so desperate for this. He was always so tentative when progressing in their relationship. Granted, he was willing and gave full consent for everything, but this was different. It felt wrong.

"Eren, I want to do this with you." Levi couldn't control all the falsities leaving his mouth, he just wanted to prove he could give Eren everything he'd need in a relationship.

"Well, why do you want it? Why do you want to do it so bad?"

Levi saw this as the perfect chance. The one thing he could be honest about. "... Because I love you."

Eren nodded in realization, smiling a bit, elated to hear that Levi felt the same. "I love you too. But we don't have to sleep together for you to prove it to me, you know?"

Levi disagreed. "I still want to do it."

Eren couldn't be convinced, knowing Levi he just couldn't be fooled. "Levi... can you think about it? Give it awhile, and really think about it. I don't want to go through with this if it's something you aren't entirely comfortable with. If after you've thought about it you still wanna do it, then yeah. We'll do it. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe that you could handle it, but give it more thought. And I can wait, too. If you've thought about it, and you decide you don't wanna have sex, that doesn't mean we can never do it ever. I just want you to wait until you have no second thoughts. Okay?"

Levi wouldn't be thinking about it because he knew he'd back out if he gave himself the chance. But he wanted to please Eren. "Okay, I'll think about it."

Eren gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Good."

 

~

 

4:38

Levi of course pushed the thought of actually going through with his intentions with Eren to the back of his mind and picked a time to talk to his boyfriend, waiting just long enough to make him believe he'd given it a fair amount of thought. The idea of sleeping with someone had him petrified, but he was certain he'd be able to do it if it was for Eren.

He picked up the house phone and called his cell, trembling with nerves the whole time. Eren picked up on the fourth ring.

4:39

"Hello?"

"I thought about it. I still want to go through with it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can probably tell, but in the next chapter, everything is going to shit. That chapter might take a long ass time to upload because I just want to do it right. I'll put all the proper warnings in the tags and beginning note.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for any errors. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading!


	24. Trapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi goes farther than he had planned and Eren does what he can to make him comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! I'm not proud of this chapter, this is another one of those chapters where I've planned it out and it hasn't reached my expectations.
> 
> WARNING: I tried to make this as non-explicit as possible, but please skip this chapter if you find it triggering! I'm not sure what to tag this as because full consent is given but it's... I'm not sure how to explain it. Just be cautious!

8:57

Levi buckled his seatbelt after getting into Eren's car. They found a night when Eren's mother wouldn't be home, so they'd have all the privacy they needed. Levi's heart had been hammering in his chest in anticipation ever since he woke up that morning. The whole day, he was trying to convince himself that he'd enjoy this, and he was well on his way to tricking himself into being almost optimistic.

He always felt a burst of genuine fear whenever he thought about going through with sexual activities. His whole life. But ever since he decided he'd be doing this with Eren, he needed to fool himself into believing it wouldn't be so bad. So he told himself that plenty of people enjoyed sex, so it must've been for a reason. Maybe he was wrong and he would enjoy it. Maybe he'd even think it felt good and if it was with Eren, it couldn't be that horrible. He'd never been with someone in that way before, so perhaps all his prior anxieties were irrational and he was only imagining that he wouldn't like it. At least, he hoped that was the case.

Levi looked at Eren as he drove and tried to want what was coming. He tried to be excited, but that kind of attraction just wasn't something he experienced. Though, he loved Eren, and that was enough to keep him persistent.

All he told his mother was that he was spending the night at Eren's home, so she lent him her cell phone in case there was an emergency. He almost didn't want to leave her, knowing what was to come that night.

Levi felt awful for evading all of Hanji's questions at school that week. They could see better than anyone that something was wrong, but whenever they asked him about it, he lied and said it was nothing or that he was stressed over school. He knew how they'd do all they could to talk him out of it and it would've killed him. He didn't want to be chastised for this, it was the last thing he needed. In all honesty he just wanted to get the night over with. He wanted Eren to know he could give him all he'd need and be done with it.

9:08

The couple made it to the empty house, and Eren stopped in the kitchen, surprising Levi. "What would you like to have for dinner?"

Levi quirked a brow at him. "I don't want to be rude, but I thought we were skipping right to it. It's a little late for dinner, isn't it?"

"Well... yeah, I guess you're right," Eren said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's just that I want this to be a good first time for you so I wanted to make everything special. Hell, I'm not even good at cooking anything, I just thought it would be nice." He thought over other options to make the evening more romantic. "Wanna watch something first?"

Levi felt so confused. "Um..."

"Sorry, sorry, I guess I should've planned this through better," Eren excused himself. 

"Is this what you normally do?"

"Not really, no."

"Then... why are you...?" Levi trailed off, wondering why Eren was stalling. "Why are you treating me differently then?"

"Well, you're my boyfriend." Eren shrugged. "I don't wanna talk about who I've been with in the past much, but I wasn't in a relationship with anyone I've slept with, so doing stuff like this didn't matter. But you're my boyfriend and you're important to me, so I wanna do this right, you know?"

It pained Levi to hear that, he didn't think he was deserving of the effort. 

"I'm... I'm gonna make sure Bear doesn't need anything before we go to my room. You could head in there now, I'll just be a minute."

"Alright." Levi let him check on his dog and left to his bedroom. He wondered if Eren was feeling nearly as anxious as he was.

9:12

Levi wasn't waiting for long. Eren came in soon after, smiling and joining Levi on the bed, taking both of his hands in his. "I have a couple things I want to go over before we do anything, okay?"

Levi nodded, ready to comply with anything that would be asked of him. 

"You said this was your first time?"

Levi nodded.

Eren inhaled deeply, feeling as if he had a responsibility to make this a great experience for Levi. "Okay, first things first. I'm gonna need you to tell me right away if you want to stop. You don't have to give me a reason, it can even be for no reason. Understand?"

Levi bit his lip, but nodded.

"Or even if you don't want to stop, but if there's one specific thing you need me to stop doing, you have to let me know. Or if you just want to take a break. If there's anything that's bothering you in any way, I need to know, alright?"

Levi would tell him whatever he wanted to hear to appease him. "Alright."

"Do you promise?"

Levi took a moment to let the guilt settle in. "I promise." He only hoped that he could bear it all so that he wouldn't be breaking that promise.

"We'll take this slow," Eren assured him, patting his hand. "We don't have to rush."

Levi didn't want that, he wanted to get it done as fast as they could. 

"We don't need to do anything complicated tonight, I know you're not experienced, so I'll be gentle."

"I want you to enjoy yourself, though," Levi said. He was doing this all for Eren, he didn't care if he liked it himself.

"I'll still enjoy it, sex doesn't have to be rough to be good. As long as we both have a good time, I'll be happy." That optimistic smile of his was killing Levi. He was being too kind.

9:13

"How far do you want to go? We can start off easy, we can do whatever you want."

Levi wanted to prove to Eren and himself that he could handle doing anything and everything that Eren would want in a relationship. "I want to go all the way."

"You sure you don't want to start with something less—"

"I'm sure."

Eren still felt skeptical, but if Levi was so sure, he'd trust him. He'd trust that he knew his limits. He had no choice but to believe that Levi would be in control of how far they progressed, he was so eager. He tightened his grip on Levi's hand, looking him in the eyes. "Alright, if you're sure." He was now willing to go as far as his boyfriend requested. "I love you so much."

Under any other circumstances Levi would've melted at that statement, but right now all it did was hit him with a wave of guilt. Guilt because he didn't feel he was deserving of that love, deserving of this person and the respect he was being showed, especially after lying about his comfort level. "I love you too."

9:14

Levi looked at the flashing numbers of Eren's clock on his nightstand and started to get it through his head what he was getting himself into.

Eren gave Levi a soft kiss, but it felt different from the others. Levi was used to it by now, but it made him shake because he knew what was coming. His trembling wasn't enough for Eren to notice, though he feared it would grow. 

'People enjoy this, maybe I'll like it too,' Levi told himself. 'Maybe I've been wrong this whole time.' He repeated those words of comfort in his mind. He told himself anything he could to calm down and not back out. 'This won't be bad. This won't hurt. I'll like it. Eren won't hurt me. I'm safe with him. I'll like this. Maybe everyone is right, maybe I always thought I didn't like sex because I've never had it. I'll be okay. I'll be okay.'

9:17

Levi felt as if the flashing red numbers were mocking him. They hadn't moved on from kissing and the entire process felt like it was as taking centuries. 

'It'll feel good, I'll like it,' Levi repeated in his head.

9:18

Eren set his hands on Levi's shoulders and pulled back. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Levi lied.

"Do you think you're ready to move on?"

Levi nodded with no hesitation. Eren gave him a quick kiss and slid off Levi's sweater, then taking off his own jacket. 

"You know to tell me if you want to go slower, right? We can take our time."

"I know." Levi didn't know want to go slower. 'I can handle it, I want this. I'll be okay. Eren won't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me.' "Actually, can we go a little faster?"

"Sure, if that's what you want." Eren kissed Levi's forehead. He cared for him so much and while he tried to be certain of Levi's comfort, he couldn't help but get excited himself. He was eager to share this experience with Levi, he wanted to know what it felt like with someone he loved this much. He had to do this right, he wanted to pamper his boyfriend.

Levi could tell Eren had nothing but good intentions and he was so grateful for that. It reassured him that Eren wouldn't take advantage of his vulnerability but it still didn't guarantee that he'd have an easy time.

9:19

Eren tugged at the bottom of Levi's shirt. "Are you okay with this coming off?"

Levi nodded, his body starting to shake more noticeably, much to his frustration. Once the article was removed, he brought his arms in front of him to hide and his face drained of all color as opposed to turning red. He knew Eren would be seeing him like this, but now that it was happening, it became harder to breathe. 

"Levi?" Eren stared worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Levi nodded without really thinking about it.

"Why are you shaking? You can put your shirt back on if you want."

"N-No. I'm fine."

Eren didn't seem so willing anymore. "Do you want to stop?"

Levi shook his head.

Eren sighed, picking up Levi's sweater. "...I can't do this, I don't think you're ready."

Levi's heart stopped. "I am! I promise!" He took his sweater from Eren and fished out his inhaler from the pocket, taking a quick puff. He needed to regain his breath first and foremost. After holding in his breath for a moment, he grabbed Eren's hand in desperation. "I promise I'm ready, I just... I don't know what to expect, so I'm nervous. But I promise I'm ready, I just don't know how this is going to play out."

Eren narrowed his eyes at him, unable to pick up on his fibbing but still hesitant to continue. "I'm not sure."

"Don't you trust me?" Levi felt sick as the words left his mouth. It was cruel to ask Eren to trust that he was honest when he was doing nothing but lying the whole night. 

But his question seemed to do the trick. Eren fell for it, thinking he was being sincere. "... I do trust you. I'm sorry."

His apology only made Levi feel worse. He shouldn't have been apologizing to him. 

"You okay to continue?"

Levi nodded. 

9:21

Eren took off his own shirt, sitting closer to Levi. "Sorry for overthinking everything, I just don't want to hurt you or do anything you don't like."

Levi's stomach started turning. "You don't have to be sorry, I understand."

9:23

They continued to undress, Eren leading the whole process and Levi tried to suppress the discomfort he felt so that he wouldn't alarm his boyfriend. He hesitantly removed his watch, setting it on the nightstand beside Eren's clock. Once out of all his clothes, Levi grabbed the blanket without thinking, gradually covering himself so he'd be less vulnerable. He couldn't even look at Eren as his face went white as a sheet. 

"Are you okay?" Eren asked, stroking Levi's shoulder, unknowingly putting him off even further. 

Levi faked a smile and hummed affirmatively.

Eren just grinned back. "You're really cute when you're shy."

Levi didn't know how to respond and he feared that his concerns were showing, so pushed himself to do anything that made it seem as if he was more willing. He leaned over and kissed Eren's cheek, but he felt that his nerve was dying down and he hoped that they would just get to it already so it could be over with. 

9:25

Eren helped Levi lay on the mattress and he smiled looking down at him tenderly. This was when Levi realized that he couldn't see the situation getting any better. He thought seeing Eren so happy to be with him like this would be worth putting himself through so much. But while it did relieve him some to see Eren enjoying himself and genuinely glad to be doing this, it also wasn't enough. This wasn't good enough motivation to keep him from backing out.

'I'll be okay. It'll feel good. Eren won't hurt me,' Levi repeated in his head. 'It'll feel good. He won't hurt me. He won't hurt me.'

Eren placed a soft kiss on Levi's forehead, gently running a hand through his hair. Even though Levi wasn't in a position to be inviting of these actions, it let him know that Eren really did care about his wellbeing. He really did have feelings for him and he wanted to treat him right. But even that couldn't put him completely at ease.

"I love you," Eren whispered.

Levi shuddered, not wanting to hear that at the time. "I love you too." 

Eren gave Levi another chaste kiss and moved to grab all the necessary supplies out of his nightstand. 

9:27

Eren held up a bottle of lubricant to show Levi. "Are you sure this is how you wanna do this? We can try something else if you want."

Levi shook his head. "No, I want to do it this way."

"Okay, if you're sure." Eren popped the cap of the lube and poured some of the substance over his fingers. And that's when Levi involuntarily let his vision blur, unconsciously blocking out all that he could so that he wasn't mentally present in the moment. 

He didn't process what Eren was doing as he started to prep him, but after staring at the alarm clock so hard, he felt as if time was moving faster. He heard Eren asking questions, to which replied 'I'm fine,' but he wasn't taking in exactly what was being said. 

9:28

Levi couldn't make connections anymore. He knew what was happening to him, and he knew Eren was with him, but he'd somehow convinced himself that Eren wasn't the one making him feel so awful. It felt like he wasn't the one stretching him, or leaving kisses at the side of his face. Levi went into a state that almost matched a survival tactic, being mentally absent for the sole purpose of enduring. He was only vaguely aware of the reason he was doing this in the first place. He wanted to go through with everything so somebody he loved wouldn't leave him. 

Levi didn't let himself believe that Eren was causing his pain, but he still knew on some level, because he was suppressing his emotions, trying not to show his discomfort. 

9:36

Levi heard the rip of the condom packet but he wasn't looking at it. He couldn't. He recognized Eren's voice asking him something else, inquiring about whether or not he felt ready to go further, or something like that. Levi nodded without giving it any real thought.

A blank moment, then Levi could feel a presence all around him. Something holding him close, something kissing him and soft, low noises, sounding of fondness. He didn't care enough to tune in. If he wanted to do this for Eren, he had to extract himself to allow this to happen. Eren was his entire motivation for this, he was what reminded him why he was here. He told himself everything he could to prepare himself for everything that was to come. 'I'll be okay. It'll feel good. Eren won't hurt me.' Levi didn't even think it through before it slipped out of his mouth. He was just overwhelmed with anxiety and also gratefulness towards Eren, still under the impression that he couldn't and wouldn't harm him without him having to guide him. "I love you."

9:38

"I love you too, Levi." That's what Levi thought he heard, but he couldn't be certain, because that's when he felt something forcing it way inside of him and it didn't feel like Eren. Eren loved him, he wouldn't make him feel this awful. 

More questions about how he was feeling came at him, and he was certain he answered because the movement persisted. There were only brief pauses every so often, usually followed by a question or comment, but Levi was too lost to be concerned with whatever was being said.

9:42

Levi had distanced himself so far from reality, he wanted out of the situation but he wouldn't dare ask for a way out. He didn't even know who could help him. The only person he could think of who he'd want to comfort him and get him out was Eren, but Eren was the one doing this to him and he had no idea how Levi actually felt.

Being under the impression that Levi was enjoying this, Eren kept a steady pace, leaving light kisses on Levi's neck and whispering words of affection. He was completely oblivious to Levi's mental state and he just wanted him to have a good time. He continued to repeat how much he loved Levi, occasionally asking him how he felt, if he wanted to slow down and other questions of that nature. Levi was so brief with each reply, but he sounded genuine. 

Eren felt spectacular, happy just to be in such an intimate situation with Levi and happy to know that he was liking everything. Of course, the ignorance was bliss, for if he knew the weight of his actions, he would have never agreed to this.

9:47

Levi was nearing completion, and he hated every sensation that came with it. It was unbearable. 'It'll get better,' he reminded himself. It was now the only statement he was holding onto to get through it all. 

At a particularly deep thrust, Levi felt himself slipping, so he grabbed onto Eren's shoulders with a vice-like grip, holding on as if doing so would save him. He recognized Eren's voice for once, hearing him ask if he was alright. "I'm fine," he lied, then clamping his mouth shut. This entire time, he only opened his mouth to respond to Eren. Otherwise, his lips were sealed, fearful that if he let out any noise it'd be a scream or cry for help. 'It'll get better,' he thought.

Levi felt a hand reach lower to begin stroking him and he felt sick at the contact. 'This'll never get better,' he screamed internally. 'Why won't it stop? Why isn't Eren helping me? I hate this, I hate this.'

9:49

Levi focused on the alarm, begging for the red numbers to change faster, but his wish wouldn't be granted. He would give so much for this to end.

9:50

The movement stuttered, Levi released and he hoped to god that that meant it was over.

Eren slowed to a stop, kissing Levi's forehead, then pulling back to look at him. They were both flushed from the exertion, but feeling emotions on opposite sides of the spectrum. "How was it? How do you feel?" He asked out of breath, smiling giddily.

"... Good," Levi murmured. 

"So, you liked it?"

Levi nodded, faking a grin.

Eren rested his forehead on Levi's, running his fingers through Levi's hair affectionately. He was so overwhelmed with love for Levi and he felt like he was on cloud nine after sharing such a personal experience with him. If only he knew. "I'm glad we did this. I love you so much."

Levi's stomach turned. He should've been happy Eren was satisfied, that was the whole point of going through with this. "I love you too."

Eren bit his lip. "Wanna go again?"

"No," Levi said without a second thought, making Eren widen his eyes. "I... I'm just so tired now."

Eren nodded in understanding. "That's okay. Let's go to bed now."

Eren cleaned them both up with tissues before tugging the blanket over the two of them, pulling Levi close. Levi wished he could have his own space and get dressed, but he wasn't willing to speak up. Eren held him in his arms, smiling with glee while looking into his eyes.

9:53

Eren started to chuckle, worrying Levi. "What?"

"You were so quiet," Eren whispered.

Levi didn't know if sounds were expected of him. "I-I'm sorry."

Eren laughed more. "Don't be sorry, it was cute." He looked like the happiest man alive when he looked at his boyfriend. "Are you sore?"

Levi nodded briefly. "A little."

Eren gave him a quick kiss. "I'll be more gentle next time."

Levi felt panicked. He didn't want there to be a next time, and for some reason, he forgot to consider that. He never stopped to think that this might not have been the only time they had sex, and he might've not known how it was going to feel beforehand, but now he was sure he never wanted to feel it again.

"You know, I thought you would change your mind and decide you didn't want to go all the way. But I'm glad you had a good time. I would've been happy to do a lot less than that."

Levi shuddered. "Really?"

Eren yawned. "Yeah. Hell, I would've been fine with us never getting to this point. I just love being with you. For some reason, I didn't think you'd ever want to have sex to be honest. I was cool with that. But this is good too."

Levi cracked. All this was in vain. He put himself through so much emotional turmoil for nothing. 

Eren fell asleep with his arms tight around Levi, and Levi laid awake, feeling numb and broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: if you're ever in a similar situation, PLEASE be honest, be blunt, don't force yourself to push your limits or go out of your comfort zone. Tell your partner(s) the truth, because your mental state is more important.
> 
> I'm so sorry this was terrible, I hope it didn't cause you guys have as much pain as it did for me to briefly proofread.
> 
> If you did like this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading <3


	25. Square One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The affects of the previous night take a tole on Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uggghhh I'm sorry this chapter took so long and I'm not happy with it. Again, it's one of those things I wanted to be a certain way and I just couldn't get it there. I got really mad every time I repeated certain words and some small parts are rushed and most parts aren't written well. This chapter is all over the place, forgive me.

8:04

Eren took a surprisingly long time to wake up. Levi had been awake the whole night. He spent all those hours looking at Eren's serene face and trying to convince himself that he hadn't hurt him. It was all a mistake, it couldn't have added up. Eren loved him, he couldn't have been the one putting him through such a traumatizing time.

Eren's eyes slowly fluttered open, and as his vision focused on Levi, he couldn't help but smile giddily. "Good morning."

Levi pretended to have just barely heard him. Nothing felt real, nothing felt right. 

"How did you sleep?"

"Well." Talking seemed like such a difficult task for Levi. 

Eren kissed Levi's forehead, and Levi wondered why it made him feel so sick. It felt like a stranger kissing him. 

"I'll be right back." Eren left, throwing on articles of clothes as he stumbled into the bathroom and the second he was out of sight, Levi was clothing himself hastily, despising the feeling of being so exposed. He dove for the phone his mother lent him that had fallen out of his pocket and went through the contacts to find anyone who could help him. 

8:07

He found Hanji's number and called them with his heart racing, silently begging for them to answer.

"Kuchel?" Hanji said.

"It's Levi."

"Oh- are you okay? You sound like you're sick."

"I'm sorry if this is a bad time," Levi whispered, watching the bathroom door. "But can you... can you please pick me up?" He had to keep himself from breaking down with each word he forced out.

"Are you okay? Where are you?"

Levi gave them the details of where he was and how to get there but he left out why he needed to leave so badly, wanting to keep things short due to the urgency.

8:13

Levi hung up just as Eren came back from the bathroom. "Who was that?" He asked, pointing to the phone.

Eren wasn't asking to accuse him, he was merely curious, but Levi still didn't want to tell him the truth. "It's... it was my mother. I have to go soon, she needs me home."

"Oh. Everything okay?"

Levi nodded, tensing up when Eren came back to the bed and pulled him close with his back pressed to his chest, cuddling his smaller boyfriend lovingly. "I don't want you to go." He kissed the top of Levi's head.

Levi couldn't understand why he felt so threatened in Eren's embrace. He would've understood if he was only slightly uncomfortable, but he felt bound and under pressure. "I have to leave."

"I know," Eren whined. "Do you wanna hang out again tomorrow?"

Levi gulped, shivering slightly. "Maybe." He didn't want to see him for the time being.

8:20

Hanji arrived and picked up Levi. He sat in their car without a word, not even bothering to look at them. His whole body was numb, he couldn't put his thoughts into words. He could hear his best friend speaking to him, but he wasn't in the right mindset to listen.

8:28

Hanji brought Levi into his home, beyond worried for him since he hadn't spoken yet. "Levi? Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

Levi stepped towards the fridge, finding a note written for him. It was brief, to the point. 'Levi, I've got several errands to run, I won't be back until the afternoon. I hope you had fun with Eren, love mom!'

Levi felt a sharp pain in his chest. He walked away, shuffling up the stairs to his room. 

"Levi!" Hanji followed him. "What's the matter? Did something happen?"

8:30

Levi sat on his bed, checking his watch. He didn't know if he wanted to be left alone or have someone to help him, but he didn't think he could be helped.

Hanji sat beside him, they didn't miss how he flinched. They tried to set a hand on his shoulder but he shoved it away, saying 'no.' The first word he'd spoken the entire time. "What happened? Did Eren do something while you were at his house?"

Levi shuddered, blinking his eyes to will back tears. Hanji didn't need him to say anything to know what the answer was. "What did he do?" They couldn't think of anything Eren would purposefully do that could make Levi like this. "Did he break up with you?" It was all they could come up with.

"No," Levi murmured, shaking his head.

"Was it something he said? Something he did?"

Levi hands started to shake. He didn't want to think about it, yet, it was all he could think about. He looked down at his lap. There was no way he could tell Hanji without being furious with him for putting himself through all that, he thought. 

8:32

His watch ticked away. He only wished time passed that fast the night prior.

"Levi, I can't help me if you don't tell me what's wrong. Do I have to talk to him for you?"

"No." Levi's lip trembled and he could feel the barrier breaking. Everything he held back from the previous night came flooding out as he began to cry. Hanji wrap their arm around him to comfort him, but that only made him feel bound, just as trapped as he felt with Eren. "Don't do that," he begged, moving away from their touch.

Hanji stared with wide eyes. "I don't understand, what's going on? What the hell happened?"

Levi sobbed harder, shaking his head because he couldn't possibly tell them what he'd gone through. "I can't... I can't..." His crying was too heavy for him to speak properly. 

Hanji got up to bring him tissues. He accepted one, immediately bringing to his eyes. They couldn't bare to see him so devastated, so distraught. It broke their heart. They knew better than to force him to speak, so they just sat there with him, letting him know they were there to help or just listen. 

He cried for what felt like the longest time to him. Talking was too hard. Coming to terms with everything was even harder. He wished that it was all a mistake, that it all wasn't real, but every bizarre and repulsive sensation was stuck to his skin, every noise and every word echoed in his ears, it was still real. Now that he could process everything, he could see Eren's face in front of him, making him feel this way, and it hurt a thousand times more than when it was actually happening. He didn't want to believe his Eren had the capacity to hurt him so much.

The thought pained him so badly, he got up from the bed and hurried to the bathroom, dropped before the toilet and vomited. Reliving the specifics was absolutely revolting and nearly as traumatizing as going through it in the first place. It made him feel so ill and violated. Even worse, at the hands of someone he loved and trusted. Hanji rushed to his side, beyond confused as to what was causing this. 

Every time Levi got a chance to catch his breath, he wept heavily. And after failing to keep the images out of his head, he'd get sick again. 

Hanji patted his back, which he didn't want but he was far too distraught and incomprehensible to speak up about it. "It's okay, Levi," they assured him, but it didn't reach his ears. They only wished they knew what was wrong so they could help.

9:00

Levi tried to stand, immediately diving for the sink to wash out his mouth and feeling completely drained. Hanji guided him back to his room where he collapsed on the bed. He sniffled, checking his watch and the clock on his nightstand, noting that they were still in perfect sync. But now he hated to dare look at the digits. Something felt wrong about them. His watch felt cold on his wrist, as if it was weighing him down, keeping him somewhere he didn't want to be.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong?" Hanji begged. 

Levi felt tears freely falling again. Because he wasn't seeing the clock anymore. He saw Eren's alarm clock, he saw the walls of Eren's room surrounding him. 

9:14

He was back in that room, in that revolting situation. It felt like he was reliving the night. "It's going backwards..." he mumbled.

Hanji furrowed their brows at him in confusion. "Huh? What's going backwards?"

Levi's breath escaped him. It was like he could feel Eren's lips back on him and this time it felt like he didn't have the option to pull back. Eren had given him the choice to back out repeatedly, but now he was trapped in his own skin, in his own memory.

"Levi?"

9:17

His face burned and he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, willing the sight away. The ghost of his boyfriend's hands lingered all over his skin.

9:18

"What happened?" Hanji asked for the millionth time.

"I... I..." Levi couldn't even begin to explain.

Hanji patted his back. "It's okay, take your time."

'We can take our time.'

Levi shrank inward on himself, hearing that voice again. "Don't say that..." he whispered.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Levi just shook his head, unable to look at them. He budged his hand just to check the time again, as if by doing so he'd see something more favorable.

9:19

From a witnesses view, he was sure he must've seemed insane, but for once he begged that time would stop all together. He tightened his arms around himself feeling the vulnerability that came with being exposed and at someone else's mercy. 

"Levi?" Hanji tried again. "Are you okay?" 

Levi couldn't tell where Hanji's voice stopped and Eren's started. His senses were impaired and everything he saw or heard, or at least everything he thought he saw or heard, was blurring together with the night before.

"Are you o—"

"No! I'm not okay!" Levi cried, yelling back at someone for what he was certain was the first time. It was awful but he was more focused on how awful he felt at the moment. 

"Why not? What's wrong?"

"... Eren," Levi said to himself as opposed to Hanji. 

"Eren? What did he do?" 

Levi shook his head, trying to block it out instead of answering. He thought back to how guilty he felt for lying so persistently to Eren, only to be the one who got hurt in the end. He never thought he'd regret something this much or be hurt so badly.

9:21

"Did he hurt you?"

Levi screwed his eyes shut, choking out his breaths as he cried. "Yes," he forced out. 

Hanji widened their eyes in panic. "What did he do to you? I'll set him straight."

"No, don't..." Levi sobbed. "I can't..." It frustrated him that he couldn't get a single coherent thought out. But Hanji remained patient, letting him take all the time he needed to speak. 

9:23

Levi felt more and more exposed as those terrible numbers progressed. And though time was going forward, it seemed like an aggressive force was ripping Levi away and back into the night before. And yet, he couldn't get himself to look away from the clock.

The relived the feeling of rushing the process, or at least hoping that's what his actions did. He saw himself leaning up to kiss Eren again, and found himself squirming in the bed to get the image out of his mind. Why couldn't time have ticked this fast when he was with Eren?

9:25

Eren's tender smile burned in his eyes. The constant reminders that it would feel good and the echoes of 'I love you's rang like bells and it was the worst music he'd heard. He flinched when Hanji tried rubbing his arm to comfort him and they immediately backed off, seeing how it affected him.

"Levi, what did he do? Did he hit you?"

Levi sobbed into his arm. "No."

"Was it something he said to you?"

Levi could only cry harder. There were too many things contributing to his trauma.

9:27

As soon as that number hit, everything went from bad to worse. Things he had blocked out started replaying in his mind crystal clear. The sensations were new again and more recognizable. It was like an attack he couldn't fight off.

Hanji noticed his change in demeanor and was worried that he'd been physically hurt, but couldn't imagine how. They'd been watching him this whole time and nothing had happened to him, the switch was so sudden. "What's going on?"

"Ow... ow.." Levi whimpered under his breath. "Stop." Now that he was out of direct danger, he could voice his needs, but it didn't do him much good now.

"Stop what?"

9:28

"Stop!" Levi screamed. 

Hanji had no idea that he was yelling at someone that wasn't there anymore. Yelling at the circumstances instead of a person beside him. Yelling for his pain to go away. They would've called his mother for help if there was a way to reach her, but since Levi had her phone, that wasn't an option. All they knew was that according to what Levi said, Eren was to blame and they were furious with him. 

9:29

On top of the pain, Levi felt something more. He recognized that time. From long ago. Along with the pain and visions of Eren above him, leaving small kisses, he saw parallel to that, Eren kissing that girl all those months ago. He thought he left that memory, he thought it wasn't relevant to him anymore. But it still hurt.

"Please, no," Levi sobbed. "It's going back..."

"What's going back?" Hanji asked incredulously. "Levi, I'm scared, what are you talking about? What did he do to hurt you?"

The memory reminded Levi of why he did all this. It was because he knew he could never be what Eren wanted. What he needed in a relationship. They were too different and Levi couldn't provide Eren with things he'd need to be happy. That girl could probably offer more than he could. She could probably go through what he did and come out wanting more, but he was left here, scarred.

"No, no, no!" He dug his nails into the sheets, yelling out in agony. He didn't want someone else to take Eren. He didn't want to be like this. He hated that he had to suffer so badly to do what most people could do with ease. "It's not fair!"

Hanji tried to figure out why their best friend was screaming for seemingly no reason, but there was nothing they could do. They felt so helpless. Levi had raised his voice before on extremely rare occasions, but he was never this loud. He never really screamed before. Even their eyes started to water, hating to see him like this with no way of helping him.

9:36

Levi could understand all the sweet phrases and praises given to him at last but it killed him to hear them at all. He was undeserving of them, he couldn't bare to have them linger. The false sense of hope he had the night before, that was the one thing that wouldn't being coming back any time soon. 

9:38

Hanji gently set a hand on Levi's shoulder. "Levi—"

"Stop! I hate it!" He screamed. "I hate it! Stop it!" He trembled, curling in towards himself in a protective manner. "I don't want it!"

"I'm sorry... what don't you want? Do you not me to touch you?" 

"No!" Levi sobbed. 

"Levi, what is going on with you? What's making you so upset? I've never seen you like this."

"Eren, he... he..." Levi forced out as much as he could.

"What did he do to you?"

Levi had to admit, it wasn't what Eren did to him, it was what he let him do. "I... I slept with him."

Hanji's heart stopped as they stared at their friend in disbelief. "No, you didn't. Levi, no."

Levi nodded, his entire body shaking. Hanji could see it now. They could see why he was hurting so much and why he was acting so out of character. Not only was he repulsed by sex, but he despised being touched on any level. Being so exposed and being handled in such a way was what broke him. Of course, they knew there was probably more to it, but for now this was enough to explain. 

"Levi... I will kill him for doing that to you. I know you might still have feelings for him, but I can't forgive that." Hanji's voice wavered as they spoke, broken-hearted for their best friend. "I don't know everything you're feeling right now, but I won't let him get away with rape—"

"No!" Levi sat up, forcing himself to grab Hanji's hands in desperation, still crying uncontrollably. "You can't... you can't do that. It wasn't his fault."

"You can't make excuses for him!"

"He didn't know!"

Hanji looked at him skeptically. "Are you saying he didn't know what he was doing? That doesn't sound—"

"He didn't know I didn't want it!" Levi hid his face in shame. "He didn't know... I said I was okay the whole time. I never told him no. He thought I liked it... I gave consent. Hanji, he doesn't know. He doesn't know, you can't..."

9:42

"Why would you let him do that? Why the hell would you go through with it?"

Levi couldn't meet their eyes. "Because I love him... and I wanted to be able to do it for him."

Hanji shook their head. "Levi, no. No, you can't put yourself through that. You have to tell him."

"I can't. He won't love me anymore, I don't want to lose him." 

Hanji grabbed a tissue and handed it to Levi. They watched him press it to his eyes, devastated for him. "It's not worth staying with him if you have to be put through this. And if he really loves you he won't mind that you can't do this."

Levi wiped at his eyes, but the tears kept flowing steadily, dampening the tissue. "He does love me, but he wouldn't want to be with me if I couldn't do this for him." 

"This isn't healthy, do you seriously think you can keep this up?"

Levi only cried harder at that. "I don't want to... I don't think I could take it again." He didn't know how he'd get past this. He didn't see himself being able to handle having sex again, but he also couldn't bear the idea of losing Eren. 

Hanji comforted him as best as they could, offering him more tissues, but he declined. He'd used the one he had so much it was crumpled up tightly and small shreds came off onto his face. Hanji tried to convince him to take another but he wouldn't have it. They wondered what had made him feel like such a burden that he wouldn't accept help for anything.

9:47

Levi didn't know how he could feel better after this, he didn't even think he could feel better. He didn't see himself feeling good ever again.

"It hurt..." Levi mumbled. "It's never going to stop."

Hanji didn't understand half of what he meant, but they just let him spill out all he had to stay. First and foremost they didn't need to lecture him on what he should do or should've done, they just needed to be there for him. 

9:50

Levi glanced at the time, his chest tight with the overwhelming mix of emotions. "I don't know what to do. I don't want to see him right now, but I want him to help me and I don't know what I need, I just..." He still struggled to convince himself that Eren put him in this position. He didn't want to believe that someone he was so infatuated with would make him feel this way.

"You need time." Hanji said. "You need time to yourself, and time to figure things out. Take a few days off from school." They held up their hand, noticing how Levi was about to protest. "And before you say anything, it's well needed. You've never taken a day off before, you deserve it and you need it now more than ever. Just do it for you."

"What about Eren? He'll know something's wrong."

"You can't avoid the subject forever. You'll have to tell him eventually. But if you really want me to, I'll make something up until you decide to come into school, then you can take it from there." They didn't want to push him into telling Eren, but they also didn't want him to let himself go through this again, so they'd do what they could in the meantime.

"Hanji... I can't tell him. I can't do it."

"You don't have to do it now, you just have to do it before you're in that situation again. And I'll be here for you to offer advice, talk you through it or just listen. I'm always here for you."

Levi nodded to himself. "Thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worked really hard on this chapter but it just didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. With that being said, I hope you enjoyed it anyways. 
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! If you want to check out my other fic Think Ink, it has a regular posting schedule and it has far less angst than this. I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	26. Falling Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is winding down, there's only a handful of chapters left. I hope you enjoy!

10:50

Eren stared at Jean expectantly, waiting for him to move a piece on the chess board. It was their shared study hall, and he was missing Levi so terribly that he asked to teach Jean how to play chess, to which he begrudgingly agreed.

Levi hadn't come into school for two days, which was very unlike him. He called him several times and Levi insisted that he was severely sick and wasn't in the mood to talk. Eren always wished him well, reminded him that he loved him, and said that he couldn't wait to see him again. But that was only when he'd answer the phone, which wasn't often.

Jean huffed out a bored breath, leaning his chin on his fist and staring down at the board. "Can I move that one there?" He asked, not caring about the answer. 

"No, kings can only move one at a time."

"Neat." Jean budged his king one space to the left.

"You can't go there."

"Why the fuck not?" 

"Because, you can't move into check," Eren said calmly. "I told you that."

Jean groaned, leaning back in his seat. "This game is so stupid."

Eren looked between the board and his friend dejectedly. Levi loved this game, he used it to challenge himself. He was so skilled at it and Eren learned to enjoy it because of him. "No... no, it's not stupid. You just have to think a little bit."

"Well, I don't wanna have to think about something like this. It's a waste of time." Jean stood to leave.

"Don't you want to finish the game first?"

"No." Jean spat, exiting the library.

Eren looked down at the black and white squares sadly. He would've much preferred to play against Levi. That would've been far more engaging.

10:53

When he got it through his head that his friend wouldn't be returning, he started putting the pieces back where they belonged to start a game. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed someone standing back, watching. Hoping it was one of his friends, he looked up and to his surprise, he found Levi. 

"Levi!" He beamed. "You're back!"

Levi shuffled over to his boyfriend, wary and apprehensive. "Hey, Eren."

Eren jumped out of his seat, putting his hands on Levi's shoulder (not noticing how he tensed), and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Are you feeling better?"

Levi nodded subtly. "A little."

"That's good, I was getting real worried. Hanji said you've never taken a day off before. What were you sick with?" 

"... Upset stomach." Levi did still feel sick to his stomach, so it wasn't a complete lie.

"Aw, that sucks. At least you're better now! Come on, come sit with me," Eren invited him, sitting back at the table. "We can play chess if you're up for it."

Levi tiredly took a seat. "Weren't you just playing with Jean?"

Eren looked down at the table. "It's... not really his thing." He shook those thoughts out of his mind and tried to focus on Levi's return. "But it's your thing. Go ahead! White moves first."

They progressed steadily for awhile, Levi not really bothering to speak often and Eren asking him more and more questions. Levi felt so sick sitting across from him, and he was angry at himself for feeling that way. Eren of course picked up on Levi's mood, but he figured it was because he was still getting over his illness.

11:10

Levi peaked up at Eren while thinking on his next move. He had his usual massive grin and he couldn't take his eyes off of him. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Eren replied calmly.

"... Why are you staring?"

"Because you're adorable."

Levi didn't want to hear that. He didn't want to receive any affectionate praises after what happened. 

Eren wondered why Levi didn't give the same reaction that he typically had when he complimented him. He hoped he wasn't too awfully sick. "That must've been a bad upset stomach, huh?"

Levi nodded subtly. "It was."

"I'm sorry. Hey, if you feel better this weekend, maybe we can go on a date and do something fun! How does that sound?"

Levi shrugged. "I might be busy." Levi kept talking in a monotonous, dead voice. He didn't want to be around anyone or do anything.

"Oh... well it doesn't have to be this weekend, how about next weekend?"

"I really don't know." Levi moved his queen carelessly.

Eren looked down at the board, seeing an open spot. There was no way Levi wouldn't have noticed that. He budged his knight, feeling odd about how his boyfriend was acting. "Check." 

 

~

 

12:05

Eren was getting more and more concerned as days went by. He had first assumed that Levi's low mood was because he was exhausted or he was perhaps still getting over his sickness, but it persisted too long to be either. Levi looked mentally absent during all conversations. Levi stopped sitting so close to him. He excused himself out of so many situations. And what worried him the most, he didn't want to be touched at all anymore. Eren kept forgetting because he was so used to touching him, often times without knowing, but now Levi was pulling him away, coming up with a different excuse each time and seeming pained.

In their creative writing class, Eren looked over like at Levi, seeing how his under eye bags were getting worse with each passing day. It killed him to see him so broken and he couldn't even think of what could've caused it. 

"Alright, everyone," the teacher said, "I'll be coming around to check that your work is done. Have it out on your desk."

Eren fished his paper out of his folder and set it aside. He glanced at his boyfriend and took a longer look, noticing how agitated he was. "What's wrong?"

Levi shut his eyes in frustration, shaking his head. "... It's not done."

Eren widened his eyes at him. "You didn't finish?"

"I didn't start."

That information hit Eren hard. Levi would never let that happen. He always stressed over his school work, always making time to do it and work on it to the best of his ability. He never had a late assignment, never had anything less than perfect.

Their teacher came around, waiting expectantly for Levi to get something out of his book bag. "... Levi. I need to see your work."

"I don't have it," Levi mumbled, no longer appearing bothered, but just completely resigned. 

Even their teacher was worried. "Um... alright." He shuffled along to the next person, eyeing Levi in confusion. 

12:07

"Why didn't you get your homework done?"

Levi couldn't even begin to explain how he was being affected and he wouldn't dare tell Eren what the problem was. He just sighed and shook his head again, hoping that sufficed as an answer.

"What's wrong?" Eren reached to hold Levi hand, which was pulled away. 

Levi looked at him with pleading eyes, eyes that begged him to keep his distance.

Eren drew his hand back. "I'm really worried about you. What's going on? You're not yourself."

"... I'm fine." 

"No, you're not. Somethings really wrong. I can help you with whatever it is, I promise!" 

Eren couldn't help him. Levi was the only one who could help himself. He just wasn't brave enough to do what he had to do. "I'm fine," he repeated, quieter this time.

 

~

 

12:50

Eren sat beside Hanji in his study hall, hoping they could shine a light on what was going on with Levi. He figured that since they'd always been so close, then Hanji might know a thing or two.

He tapped their shoulder gently. "Hey, Hanji?"

They seemed to be just as tired as Levi, turning to face him slowly. "Yeah?"

"Um... Do you maybe know what's wrong with Levi?"

Hanji visibly stiffened at the subject. "... Have you asked him?" They hoped that Levi would eventually tell Eren for his own good. They didn't want to give out information that wasn't theirs to give. 

"I did, and he told me nothing was wrong. But I know that's not true, and I know you can see it too."

Hanji sighed. The fact that Levi was too stubborn to be honest with his boyfriend complicated things immensely. "It's not my place to tell you, I'm sorry."

Eren stared back with wide eyes. "You know? You know and you won't tell me? Please Hanji, I care so much about him and I hate seeing him so upset."

"And I don't care about him? You think this doesn't devastate me as much as it does for you?" Hanji spat defensively. They lightened up, figuring that getting emotional wouldn't solve anything. It was difficult for them to remember that they needed to not blame Eren or be angry with him. That would only make things harder. "Listen, I don't want to see him go through this any more than you do. And I want to tell you so you can help him, but I can't. He doesn't want me to tell anyone and I refuse to disrespect his wishes."

Eren couldn't help but feel hurt that Levi would tell Hanji what was hurting him so badly but not him. "Then... what can I do for him? Is there anything I can do?"

"Just be gentle with him. Give him anything he needs and don't ask anything of him for awhile. Just try your best to be understanding."

Eren nodded. All he wanted was for Levi to get better and he'd do whatever he needed to help him along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	27. Dead Quiet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The people in Levi's life become more concerned for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to get these chapters out and I'm sorry this one is so short. It was going to be longer, but I felt bad for not updating for so long so I'm just going to update what I have already. There aren't many chapters left, this fic is coming to a close soon.
> 
> Enjoy!

3:06

Levi came home, walking in sluggishly like he had been doing for some time now. To his surprise, his mother was already home from work, relaxing on the couch. "Mom?"

Kuchel turned to look at her son, standing up and wincing. "Levi, you're home..."

"What are you doing back so early?"

"I had a migraine. My boss cut me some slack and gave me the rest of the day off."

Levi nodded understandingly. "I hope you feel better." He went to take shelter up in his room but his mother asked for his attention.

"Levi, wait. We need to talk." Kuchel stepped up to him. "I got a call from the school. I know you haven't been turning in your homework and you haven't been attentive in class."

Levi's heart race increased, scared that he would be reprimanded.

"That's not like you. You're always on top of your school work. What's the problem?"

Levi avoided eye contact. His mother may not have been upset with him, but he felt shame for possibly disappointing her. "... I don't know."

Kuchel looked at him sadly. "You can tell me what's wrong, I want to help. Besides, you have seemed really bothered by something lately, I'm not blind. So, talk to me about it."

Levi took a step back, wanting desperately to retreat to his room. He could never find the courage to tell his mother what happened. "Nothing's wrong."

Kuchel wouldn't be fooled so easily. "Levi, you missed school. You've never missed school."

"I was sick, I told you."

"Sweetie, is my help really that bad? You haven't been sick for awhile now and your behavior hasn't changed. I'm worried about you." She went to set a hand on Levi's shoulder, but he dodged it, stepping out of the way. Kuchel was at a complete loss. 

"You don't need to be worried. Everything is fine." Levi hated lying at all, but it felt the worst when he did it to his mother.

3:08

"I have homework to do..." Levi excused himself, turning to go up the stairs.

"Wait, Levi..." Kuchel's heart broke for him. She wished she had some idea of what happened so she could at the very least console him.

 

~

 

11:33

Eren started to become suspicious that Levi wanted to break up with him. Levi wouldn't hold his hand, wouldn't hug him, or show him any signs of affection for that matter. He never really spoke up anymore, unless he had to. He wouldn't call him, and if Eren called, Levi would keep the conversation short. Levi rarely even made eye contact with him.

All their friends noticed the difference too. Hanji was emotionally drained, constantly hurting for their best friend and feeling useless in the task of helping him. Mikasa would try to get him to talk, mostly about things she knew he liked, but he wouldn't give much of an answer for anything. Armin asked Eren about it, not confident enough to approach Levi. But Eren was just as clueless as him.

They all sat together at lunch, less lively than they would've been. Armin and Mikasa occupied themselves, discussing schoolwork, while Hanji and Eren sat silently, concerned over the same thing.

Eren hated the distant look in Levi's eyes and he had to keep reminding himself not to hold his hand to comfort him, knowing Levi wouldn't like that anymore. It scared him to think about the possible things going through Levi's head. 

11:35

Eren decided that he had to try something, anything to get Levi to get back to normal. "Levi... are you free this weekend?" They had to have a talk at the very least, so someplace private would be preferable. 

"I don't know," Levi sighed. He didn't give Eren clear answers anymore. Never a yes or a no.

"Oh..." Eren said dejectedly, but he wasn't ready to give up. "It would be nice if we could hang out, just you and me. We don't have to do anything much, being with each other would be enough."

"... Maybe." Levi would eventually tell him no, but he still didn't want to hurt Eren's feelings. 

"Oh... well, think about it, because I'd really like to—"

"Eren!"

Everyone at their table turned to see one of Eren's friends coming closer, looking hopeful. 

"Hey, Connie," Eren said, not overly enthusiastic to see him, and quite frankly, not in a good mental state to deal with his antics. 

Connie stepped up to his friend, leaning his hand on the table. "Where the hell have you been? You're missing out on so much!"

"Been busy," Eren mumbled.

"Well, you better not be busy Friday night. Reiner's having everyone over at his place again. You in?"

Eren exhaled deeply. He didn't want to go at all, and he had too much going on in his own life to go to some party that he probably wasn't even going to enjoy. "Connie, I don't know... I've got too much to worry ab—"

"Come on! You haven't come to any of our parties in forever! You don't even sit near us anymore, what's going on with you? We're all tired of waiting to hear from you, you're no fun anymore. You know, we might just stop inviting you to come at all, now what's it gonna be?"

Everyone at the table looked at Eren with sympathy, feeling bad that he had such pressuring friends. 

11:38

Eren spared a look at an exhausted Levi. This was the last thing he needed. Of course he still didn't want to lose his friends, but there were matters that we're more important at the moment. "I'm not sure..."

"You should go," Levi mumbled.

Eren stared at his boyfriend, surprised he'd suggest that.

"Have fun with your friends."

"You should listen to him," Connie added.

Eren briefly glared at Connie before going back to Levi. "What about you and me hanging out?"

Levi shrugged. "It's fine. You should go."

Eren didn't want to go. Although, he knew he'd be losing people if he didn't attend. "Connie? Can I bring someone?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Eren looked at Levi pleadingly. "Do you want to come with?" He wouldn't have typically invited Levi, knowing how much he didn't like parties, but he was thinking of a plan to get together with him and sit down and talk.

Levi stared back incredulously. "To their party?"

"Yeah, then after we can go to your place or my place and we can just chill. What do you think?"

Levi wasn't fond of the idea, but he could tell how desperate Eren was for him to go. And even though he needed and craved distance from everybody at the moment, he hated denying him. "I... okay. I'll go."

Eren lit up with hope, reaching for Levi's hand then catching himself, bringing it back in slight disappointment when he saw Levi draw back.

"So, both of you are going?" Connie asked.

"Yeah... yeah, we'll go," Eren said.

"Awesome, see you guys there." And with that, Connie left.

Eren turned back to his food that he'd lost interest in, trying to look forward to his alone time with Levi, but too overcome with his worry for him.

Levi took notice of Eren's change in demeanor and it filled him with guilt. He was the reason Eren wasn't happy, or at least that's what he told himself. So, he reached out, latching his pinky finger around Eren's like they used to before Levi got accustomed to physical contact.

At first, Eren didn't pay any mind to it, but then it clicked in his head what was happening and he looked over at his boyfriend in delight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the long wait, and I'm sorry it's a short and uneventful chapter. 
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Thanks for reading! <3


	28. Shatter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that this took me so long to update. I don't know what happened but I've been unable to write in months and I just dished this out in the last three days. I'm still struggling to write, but the next chapter is the last chapter. My goal is to at least have it out by August, I think that's a fair time restraint, given my difficulties with writing.
> 
> Enjoy!

8:34

Eren and Levi arrived at the party, neither of them really wanting to be there, but both attending for different reasons. It was just the same as any other get together at Reiner's home. Blaring music, unpleasant odors and energetic guests. Nothing special like any of them made it out to be. It never was special. 

The couple waded through the old friends that now felt like strangers and eventually gravitated towards a large chair in the corner so that they were both out of sight. They both had their own internal struggles to deal with, so engaging in conversation with anyone was the last thing they wanted to do. 

Eren didn't feel welcome anymore. He may have been invited but with the exception of Levi beside him, being surrounded by so many people never felt so lonely. His friends didn't know him anymore, he wasn't even sure if he'd still call them friends. 

8:39

Eren groaned seeing Reiner approach him. He wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He just wanted to stay long enough to appease everyone then leave.

"Hey, are you getting a drink or what?"

Eren shook his head. "No, I don't want one."

Reiner stared back at him, puzzled. "But it's a party.

"I know, and I still don't want a drink," Eren spat. The music was starting to give him a headache.

Reiner brushed off his decline. "Whatever. We're passing it around in a few minutes, are you coming?"

"No."

"Why not? Why did you come if you weren't going to have fun?"

'Because I felt pressured to come,' Eren thought. "I don't need that shit to have fun. Is that a problem?"

Reiner just rolled his eyes and left.

Levi looked over at Eren, studying his behavior and feeling bad for him. He wondered if his presence was weighing him down and keeping him from having the kind of fun he'd typically have at a party.

"I'm sorry I dragged you here," Eren mumbled. "I know you don't like parties, I'm really sorry. Kinda wish I didn't come either."

"It's okay," Levi said so quietly Eren almost didn't hear. 

8:41

Levi started to pick at his sleeve, wondering how long Eren planned on them staying. Few people would look in their direction, making eye contact with them, and even fewer bothered to say something to either of them. 

Eren couldn't think of a single person there who he actually wanted to see, and there definitely wasn't anyone too enthusiastic about him being there. He didn't know why he agreed to show up at all. 

Christa came rushing over, sitting on the arm of their chair, offering Eren a drink. "Hey, I got this for you!"

Eren waved his hand subtle to decline. "Thanks, but I don't want a drink."

Christa tilted her head, wondering what he meant. "Why not?"

"I just don't really want to drink anymore, it never ends well."

"Yeah, but one drink isn't the end of the world."

Eren sighed. "I'll be driving home tonight, I don't want anything to drink."

Christa pouted. "What? You're not staying the night like usual? Is something wrong?"

"No, I'd just rather be somewhere else. I don't want to be here because I have to be here. I want to come to our parties when I want to be here, and right now, I don't want to be here."

Christa furrowed her brows, tossing a quick glance at Levi. "Hm. Okay, fine." And with that, she left.

Eren always considered Christa to be one of the more tolerable ones of his friends, but now he had a feeling even she wasn't too keen on him hanging out with the group.

Levi hesitantly set his hand on Eren's, seeing how distressed he was. Despite his own internal grieving, he started to focus on the problems of others again, and it devastated him to see his boyfriend hurting. The act of trying to comfort him was somewhat difficult, not exactly wanting to touch him, or anyone for that matter, but he felt it was necessary. 

Eren half smiled at the gesture, but considering everything he was going through, coming across as genuine was hard. 

 

~

 

9:06

Time was doing that funny thing again when everything moved too fast or not fast enough. Levi started to get overwhelmed by all the noise and sudden changes in atmosphere. On occasion, people would pester Eren about being a killjoy, but he stood his ground. Though, with each interaction, he became more agitated, which made Levi more apprehensive. 

"I'm thinking about leaving soon," Eren whispered to Levi. "What do you think? Are you okay with that?" 

Levi didn't think Eren had to ask, the answer felt more than obvious. "Yes, I don't mind."

9:08

Levi kept checking his watch, thinking 'exactly how soon is soon?' He was far too anxious to leave.

They heard cheering from upstairs, neither of them actually caring what it was over. For all they knew, someone could've announced they brought more booze, it didn't take much to excite the group. 

9:12

Levi couldn't understand why things seemed to go so fast. Typically in these situations, he'd feel as if everything sat still but the world around him was racing and he barely took in any of it.

A herd of people came flooding into the room from upstairs, some more coherent than others. One girl Levi recognized approached Eren and the interaction made him sick to his stomach.

"Eren," she slurred, tugging on his wrist. "Come on, you're missing out!"

Eren stayed put. "Annie, I'm fine right here."

"No, you gotta come with us," she persisted, tugging a little harder. "It's no fun without you, you have to come. We're doing drinking games upstairs, let's go."

"I don't want to, just let me be."

Eren was too frustrated to bother with beating around the bush. He was ready to leave. 

9:14

Levi started to tremble after checking his watch. Things didn't feel right, not that they did before, but everything seemed to put him on edge.

9:18

How did Levi tune out for so long? 

9:19

Eren and Annie were still going back and forth, drawing the attention of onlookers. Deep down Levi knew they were staring at his boyfriend and not him, but he began to feel terribly exposed. He studied the second hand of his watch, seeing it spin faster and faster, or at least under the illusion that it's pace was quickening. 

9:25

Levi recognized that time. An ugly sequence of numbers and an obscene arrangement of ticking hands, he thought. 'It's going backwards' he mentally uttered, seeing his fear manifest before him, but not in the way he expected.

Voices were raising, Eren was less and less polite towards Annie as she became more demanding of him.

9:27

Levi thought he was going to be sick. He felt a familiar intrusion that wasn't really there. Eren lightly nudged him in his tug of war with Annie, making him recoil in disgust. 

"Let go of me! You're pissing me off, Annie!"

"You're such an asshole, you don't do anything anymore!"

Some people were looking on nervously, some were supporting Annie in her accusations, and the rest were either upstairs or trying to ignore the issue by dancing to whatever music Reiner had put on.

9:29

Levi hated that time. He could see Eren and Annie, but not arguing as they were. The intrusive images in his head replayed the scene he'd witnessed from many months ago before he and Eren were dating when he saw him kiss Annie. His body shook as he tried to pry him mind out of such a dark place.

9:38

Eren and Annie were practically in a shouting match with each other at this point, the entire room erupting into a roaring atmosphere.

Somehow, Levi ignored it all, only able to hear the terrible noises his mind conjured from the night he spent with Eren. He scratched behind his ears, trying to discreetly drown it out, but it was of no use.

Annie tried forcibly pulling Eren out of the chair, which he fought against, accidentally knocking into Levi all the while, causing his anxiety to increase tremendously.

9:42

Levi couldn't take it anymore. He'd reached his limit.

Annie finally let go and instead just stood screaming at Eren, telling him that he was a piece of shit and no one wanted him around anymore. Eren argued right back, saying that his friends weren't that great either and maybe he didn't want to be around.

"I have to go," Levi said more to himself than anyone else. He fiddled with his watch, trying to take it off, planning to put it in his pocket so he wouldn't torment himself any longer. He stood to leave, not caring if his boyfriend followed.

Eren heard him mutter something and saw him make a move to get up and he determined that they'd finally go home. He stood up, whispering "Let's go, Levi," staying close behind him. He glared back at Annie. "Fuck you," he spat.

9:43

Fuming with anger and exceedingly drunk, Annie shoved Eren with her foot, causing him to crash into Levi. Levi, unbuckling his watch, tripped forward, dropping the time piece onto the floor.

Instinctively bending over to retrieve it, Levi backed away as he noticed someone stepping back, and his heart stopped when their heel landed on the face of the watch, shattering the glass.

In that moment, Levi didn't look at it as something mocking him with each passing minute. He saw it as he did when he first received it. Something delicate and pristine. And now it was broken. 

The girl who had stepped on it turned around and gasped. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

Levi placed a hand in front of his gaping mouth and the other over his heart. 

"I didn't see it, I swear!" The girl continued. 

All the ruckus from before had come to a halt, and the only sounds existing were hushed murmurs and the music that was still playing.

Eren looked at what Levi was staring at and realized what was going on. "Levi," he whispered. "I'm sorry." His voice fell on deaf ears.

Levi kneeled to the ground, carefully picking up his watch, overcome with a new kind of grief. 

"Here, let me get some of that..." Eren rushed to his side, attempting to help him, but Levi just shook his head and subtly waved his hand in dismissal, picking up the glass shards, piece by piece, uncaring if he were to cut his fingers. "Levi, I'm so sorry."

"What's the big deal?" Jean asked from his spot in the corner. "It's just a watch."

"Shut the fuck up!" Eren yelled at him, unintentionally startling Levi. "His mom gave him that!"

"Oh shit," someone muttered.

"I don't get it, is his mom dead?" Another person asked.

"I don't know, but I think the watch is important."

Eren helped Levi stand after he finished gathering all the pieces. Levi didn't even care that he was being touched anymore, he'd suddenly grown accustomed to the uncomfortable feeling.

They left without saying anything to anyone.

 

~

 

Eren had asked Levi if he wanted to go home or to his place, and 'I don't care' was the only response he'd gotten. So, Eren took Levi to his home, wanting to spend time with him in order to be sure he was okay. Levi didn't even flinch as Bear came to greet him and he shuffled upstairs with Eren to his room.

Eren gave him a napkin to set all the small pieces of glass onto and let him set his watch down on his bedside table.

"I'm so sorry about your watch," he mumbled. "... Who knows, maybe there's a place nearby that can fix it."

Levi didn't respond. He had nothing to say. He looked so empty, having mentally gone through so much that day and all together lately. It broke Eren's heart.

Eren set his hand on Levi's, checking to see if he pulled back, even a little, and assumed he was fine when he sat still as stone. "It'll be okay, I'm sure there's something we can do about it."

Levi wasn't even certain that he wanted his watch fixed. So much weight was put on it that it stopped working, there wasn't a guarantee that it would ever work as good as it used to, if at all. And even if they got it working again, with a new, clean glass to cover the face, it didn't feel the same. It was tainted. 

Eren felt devastated for Levi, having to endure so much. Everything about him looked so drained. He seemed paler than usual, he had bags under his eyes from exhaustion and he stared off into the distance, appearing as hollow as he felt. 

All Eren wanted was for Levi to be okay. He'd do anything to see him smile. He hadn't done that in so long. He leaned in close and planted a soft kiss on Levi's cheek.

Levi languidly turned to look at him as if for no other reason than to acknowledge him, considering his blank stare.

"I promise it'll be okay. I'll make sure of it," Eren said with a reassuring smile.

Levi wondered how he could look so hopeful when he was in such despair over everything going on in his life. He had no idea what to say to express that this wasn't just the unfortunate accident at the party that was hurting him. It was so much more than that.

Eren wrapped an arm around him, noting that he didn't seem to mind or cower away and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "I'm sorry for taking you, I know you probably didn't want to go. I was being selfish, but I'll make it up to you."

Levi knew that Eren was being sincere and was about to tell him to not worry about it when Eren gave him a quick kiss on the lips, sufficiently silencing him.

Eren pulled back, bringing Levi closer into his embrace. He tried to think of something that would take Levi's stress away so he could feel better even if he couldn't fix his problems immediately. Some ideas he thought up he knew wouldn't work, seeing as Levi wouldn't enjoy some things Eren thought would be helpful. It was hard for him to comfort his boyfriend not knowing how Levi would normally take care of himself.

Levi relaxed into his arms, too tired to resist. He didn't want to be held, he wished Eren would move away, but for the time being, he accepted the gesture.

"I know what usually makes me feel better," Eren prompted.

"Hm?" Levi wasn't overly interested in feeling better, he needed time to sort out his inner turmoil, not move past it quite yet.

"This." Eren pecked his lips and waited to see if he had a negative reaction, not wanting to push him.

Levi offered him a forced fraction of a smile, hoping that would be enough to make him stop. Unfortunately, Eren got different signals, assuming that his grin meant it was helping.

Eren went in for a slower, longer kiss, under the impression that Levi was grateful for it. He knew he couldn't solve Levi's problems, but he wanted to do everything he could.

Without even giving it much thought, he then made a big mistake.

Just letting his hand rest on whatever it found first, he set it on Levi's knee, pressing down lightly. He merely adjusted to sit further back, just barely moving up his hand, a half inch at most, and that's what it took for Levi to break down.

Levi pulled away, his lips trembling and his eyes watering. He looked down at his lap, pushing Eren's hand away. "No," he said, voice shaking, but having yet to shed a tear.

"No, what?" Eren moved his hand but kept his arm around Levi.

It was times like these when Levi wished he was better at articulating how he felt. He simply shook his head.

Eren tried to sit closer and Levi pushed him away. "Please stop," he begged, tears finally flowing down. "I can't... I can't..."

Eren, now incredibly worried, gave him some space and wondered what he meant. He absentmindedly went to set a comforting hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "Levi—"

"No! I don't want that!" Levi sobbed. 

"Levi, I know you're upset about your watch, but it can be fixed—"

"It's not the watch! This isn't about the stupid watch!" Levi shook with so many emotions deciding his actions for him. He didn't care what he said anymore. He didn't care what Eren knew. He just wanted to stop hurting. 

"Then what's this about?" Eren asked, afraid of the answer. 

"It's about this!" Levi yelled, gesturing between the two of them. "I can't handle it, I don't want you to ever touch me like that again! I hate it! I was fine we just held hands and sat close and hugged, but I can't do more than that like everyone else can!"

Eren was at a loss for words, having no idea what brought on this subject or why he was just now finding out about it all. "I... I don't understand."

Levi hated yelling at Eren and he hated raising his voice at all, but he was tired of lying and he had to make things clear. "I mean I don't want to sleep with you again, I don't like it when you put your hand on my leg like that, and I just don't want..." Levi ran his hands through his hair, trying to restrain himself from tearing it out. He lowered his volume a considerable amount. "I don't want anything sexual out of our relationship, I can only handle so much... I'm sorry... I'm sorry if I'm not what you want but I can't keep doing this while pretending that I'm fine."

Eren stared back in shock, letting the words sink in. He didn't want it to be true, because that would mean... "But... but you said you wanted it. Levi, we've had sex before, are you saying that...?"

Levi shut his eyes, crying heavily. "I hated it. I lied. I told you I wanted to go through with it because I know you like it and I thought you wouldn't want to be with me if I couldn't do that for you. I understand if you want to break up, but it made me want to die, I don't have it in me to go through that again."

Levi blinked back the tears, looking over at Eren, finding him staring at nothing, looking almost distraught. "Oh my god," he breathed. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did you let me do that to you?"

Levi shrugged. "I didn't want you to leave me."

Eren gawked at Levi incredulously. "Are you kidding? You know I wouldn't-" he cut himself off, trying to process everything, hanging his head in his hands. "Oh my god... oh my god..."

Levi hiccuped, wiping at his eyes. "Eren, I'm sorry."

"You lied to me about all of it?"

"I'm sorry."

"Oh my god." Eren was hunched over, screwing his eyes shut, clamping a hand over his mouth, looking as if he was going to be sick. 

"Eren..."

"I can't believe I did that when you..." Eren shook his head, the knowledge that he'd put Levi through that kind of trauma without realizing it terrified him. He never wanted to do that to anybody, especially Levi. And he'd done everything he could to make him comfortable and be certain it was done with consent. Now, he felt like a monster. "Levi, I am so sorry. You can't just let me do that- Levi, you promised you were ready, you can't lie to me like that, I can't believe I put you through that. Fuck... I feel sick."

"I'm sorry," Levi wept, unable to stop apologizing. 

"Levi, don't tell me you're okay with things that you know you don't want anymore, understand? I wish you told me, I wish I hadn't..." Eren felt like an idiot. He'd seen that Levi wasn't comfortable with the situation but continued when Levi lied to him. He regretted not trusting his instincts. 

"I... I wanted you to be happy with me. If you can't be happy with me, then I understand..."

Eren furrowed his brows at the other. "What? No, no, no, Levi. I mean it when I say 'I love you.' You do make me happy, I just can't have you letting me do things to you that you don't like. I don't care if it's something small or if it's a big deal, I need you to tell me when you don't like something, okay? Like you just did, you pushed my hand away when I was being too much, you need to do that for anything I do that upsets you. Actually, not just me, if anyone does something that upsets you you need to tell them. And... didn't I tell you that I never expected sex from you? I still mean that, you don't owe it to me."

Levi felt like such a fool for every decision he'd made thus far. "I'm sorry I ruined things between us. I'm sorry I lied to you and hurt you."

"Levi, you didn't ruin anything, you made a mistake. Yeah, it was a big one, but we can fix it. I don't want to leave you, and I don't want you to feel like you have to do things that make you feel this way in order for me to stay. And hey, I made a mistake too. I should've known you weren't really okay with everything and put it off. If... you can forgive me, we can go ahead and work on whatever we have to."

Levi sniffled, baffled that Eren was taking this so easily. "Aren't you angry? You should be furious that I lied... th-that I broke promises, and... and—"

"I'm not angry. I'm upset, sure, but I don't want to give you up. I still love you. And now I want to make things right." A small, hopeful smile cracked on Eren's features, like a light at the end of a dark tunnel. Like the same light that kept Levi going for this long. 

"I love you too. And I'm so sorry."

Eren reached out his hand, not enough to startle Levi, but enough for him to make the decision whether or not he'd meet him half way, and he stuck out his pinky finger like they had done ages ago. "I think we both apologized enough for tonight."

Levi slowly met Eren's hand the way he always had. 

"We can fix it. I promise," Eren said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please leave a comment or kudos if you liked this! My tumblrs are dr-s--art and the-witch-daddy. Be sure to check out my other fics, I recently uploaded My Mother's Grimoire and I'm really proud of my Think Ink series! I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. Thanks for reading! <3


	29. Untied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gooood, it took me long enough!
> 
> Here it is, the final chapter! It hasn't lived up to my expectations, I feel that it's rushed, but I'm content with it (for the most part). 
> 
> Enjoy!

"Make sure you have Eren take you home today," Levi's mother reminded him before he left for school. "The bus takes longer and I don't want you to be late for your appointment."

"I already asked him, he said he would." Levi was just about to wait outside for the bus. 

Kuchel came to stand in front of Levi, setting her hands on his shoulders. "Are you nervous?" 

"Somewhat," Levi replied honestly.

"It'll be alright. This'll help. I know you asked to go to therapy for a reason, something you know I probably can't fix for you, but I'm always here to listen too." Kuchel knew something was wrong with Levi, but she had no idea how long it'd been affecting him and how bad it was. So, it was fair to say she was mostly surprised when Levi asked if their insurance covered therapy.

Levi nodded. "Thank you, mom."

Kuchel brought her son in for a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Kuchel kissed him on the top of his head and let him go. She wished she knew what was troubling her son, and she wished there was more she could do for him. But she was happy that he was getting help. 

 

~

 

10:32

"Why do you keep checking the clock?" Eren asked out of pure curiosity, moving his pawn.

Levi shook himself of his thoughts. "It's a habit. I guess it wasn't so noticeable with my watch."

"I still noticed," Eren chuckled. "But do you do it for a reason? I thought I heard Hanji telling you to try and stop doing it."

Levi scratched his arm, wondering how to condense it so it didn't sound as neurotic. "Um... I'm not sure. I've always done it. I feel like it keeps me on track... in a way." That wasn't even a fraction of why he did it, but he couldn't really explain half of it either.

Eren nodded, trying to understand. After having a better understanding of the things going on in Levi's head and why he did things inspired him to ask more questions. And after Levi told him he'd be going to therapy, he wanted to support him in ways he hadn't before. "Did Hanji tell you stop because it gives you anxiety?"

Levi had explained his mental illness to him, and he was so grateful when Eren showed genuine concern and tried to learn more about it. "... Yes," he mumbled. "Sometimes checking worries me and sometimes not being able to check worries me, so I can't get a break. But I can't help it."

"That's okay. You should bring it up to your therapist, maybe they can give you some advice."

Levi nodded, moving his pawn two spaces ahead. 

"Speaking of clocks, is your watch fixed yet?"

"Almost, I'm getting it back tomorrow."

"You don't sound excited."

"I'm worried it's not going to be the same. I'm worried it won't work like it used to."

Eren hummed in thought. "Well, yeah. It broke, so obviously it can't be exactly the same. But what if it works better?"

Levi stared at Eren questioningly. "Better?"

"Yeah, they'll be repairing the whole thing if it needs to be fixed. It could work better than bran new."

Levi sighed, shaking his head. "No. It worked perfectly before. That's not possible."

"How do you know it was perfect?"

Levi huffed out an amused breath. "It just was. It never ran slow or too fast, I never needed to reset it. I could rely on it. It was perfect."

"What if you just thought it kept time perfectly, but it was always just four seconds slow, how could you tell?"

Levi didn't know how to respond to that. And to be quite frank, he wouldn't have known.

Eren shrunk in his seat in response to Levi's confused stare. "Sorry, that was stupid."

"No, no, it wasn't," Levi assured him. He had a feeling that Eren had a point but didn't know where he was going with it. But he could see what he was getting at. Maybe he was mistaking something for perfection. Or maybe there wasn't such a thing and he'd been hoping for something unattainable.

10:35

"Levi."

"Sorry."

"I wasn't yelling. I just wanted to remind you. Do you think it would help to stop looking at the clock or wouldn't it matter? Would it make a difference at all?"

Levi shrugged. "I guess I wouldn't know unless I tried to stop."

"Maybe it would help if you stopped wearing your watch even after its fixed."

Levi didn't want to think about it, but he knew at some point he'd at least have to consider it. "Maybe it would." 

Eren moved his bishop. "I think you should try it. Maybe just a week to start, just to see if it helps." He looked up at Levi, noticing how warn out he seemed. He knew Levi wasn't currently stressed or anxious or particularly depressed. He was only tired. "I wish you didn't have anxiety, I don't like how it makes you feel."

Levi smiled briefly. "I wish I didn't have it either. But I can't just get rid of it."

Eren spoke quieter, not wanting the other people in the library to hear in case Levi didn't want people to know. "Can't your therapist fix that?"

"That's not how it works," Levi sighed, moving his rook. "They can help me learn to cope with it or have it under control, but you can't just get rid of it."

Eren stared down at the chess board. "Oh." He didn't mind being in a relationship with someone with anxiety and other mental illnesses, especially if it was Levi. But he hated that it hurt his boyfriend so much. "Well... I hope you get everything you need when you go to therapy."

"I hope so too."

 

~

 

Levi got back to being able to hold Eren's hand again, so he did so under the table during lunch. Everyone at the table noticed the change in Levi's composure, sensing a great weight being lifted off his shoulders. Things weren't the same as they were before, but they were on their way to getting back to normal, or perhaps better than normal. 

"So, guys," Mikasa spoke up. "Tomorrow night, the local theater is putting on a play that I'm the junior board member for. It's opening night and I was wondering if anyone would want to come."

"That sounds like fun, I'd love to go!" Armin chimed.

"So would I," Hanji agreed. "Every show you do is so good."

Mikasa blushed at the comment. "Aw, thanks."

Eren looked down at Levi. Levi nodded enthusiastically. "We'll go too," Eren said. "It'll be nice for us all to hang out outside of school."

Having a sense of normalcy was the best for the group, especially after the period they just got through. Even if it wasn't all of them that were suffering, they felt pain for those who were. Getting back on their feet was something they had to do together.

Everything was going so smoothly until they all caught Eren grimacing down at his food. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" Hanji asked.

Eren shook his head dismissively. "It's no—"

"Eren!" 

The table turned to find Connie calling him over, waving at him. "Come 'ere."

"For what?"

"Just come here!" Connie said more urgently.

Eren hadn't really spoken to any of his so called friends since the incident at the party. And quite frankly, he didn't want to start talking to them again. His real friends looked at him sadly, silently saying he didn't have to go. But Eren had to at least find out what it is that they wanted. "Excuse me," he said.

Leaving the table, he joined Connie, following him back to their usual spot. "We gotta talk to you," Connie explained. 

Eren rolled his eyes and quietly sat down with the rest of them. Everyone seemed so tense, as if they were a high council. "What is it?"

"Eren," Jean spoke up. "We've been talking and we're ready to forget everything you did. And Annie is ready to accept you're apology."

Annie sat straight up expectantly.

Eren frowned. "Apology for what?"

"For how you treated her at my house," Reiner answered. "That was uncalled for."

"What? What do you mean? She was trying to force me to do shit that I didn't want to do. She owes me an apology!"

"I invited you to come have fun with us like you used to," Annie argued. "But you wouldn't listen. We're tired of having to drag you everywhere to do stuff with us."

"Then maybe don't," Eren said, feeling his anger increase by the second. "If it's such a bother to get me to do things with you guys, then don't waste your time. If it's hard to get me to come along, maybe that's for a reason. Maybe it's because I don't want to go."

"Why wouldn't you want to go?" Christa asked. "That's what we're trying to figure out."

"Because I don't wanna feel pressured to be anywhere. And I got other things to do, and other people I want to see. You guys aren't the only people I care about." Eren felt that the last statement was a bit misleading. At this point he wasn't even sure if he cared about them at all after the way they'd been treating him. 

"So, what? We were your friends first!" Reiner defended. "Just prove that you still want to be around us, we feel like you're never around. Will we even see you tomorrow night or should I even bother asking?" He glared at Eren, more so challenging him rather than inviting him.

"No, I've got plans," Eren huffed. "You don't even ask if I've got plans, you just expect me to show up! I'm going somewhere with people who don't force me into shit and make me feel bad if I can't go or don't wanna go."

"Is all this about your stupid boyfriend?" Jean sighed in frustration.

"Don't call him stupid!" Eren yelled, slamming his hand on the table. 

"Easy, Eren," Connie said, patting his shoulder. "Calm down, we just want answers." 

"Well, don't ask dumb questions. No, it has nothing to do with Levi. Though I'm not happy about how you guys treat him either. You guys just... you guys are such jerks!"

Most people at the table either gasped in shock or simply looked offended. 

"You're the one who's abandoning us!" Reiner accused. "We've been friends for years and now you're never here for us."

Eren looked down at the table. He felt a shred of guilt for leaving people he'd known and loved for ages, but that feeling ebbed away once he realized they weren't the victims. "I could say the same for all of you. I'm tired of this. I ask so little from you guys and you can't even give me that. But I've always done the most for you guys. If I asked any of you to do one little thing for me, none of you would even think about it. But I'm always expected to do everything you guys ask from me, and if I can't live up to that for any reason, I'm suddenly the bad guy. I asked you all to go see a show at the school with me to support my friend, and that's the first time I really asked anything of you, but no one considered going. You didn't give it a chance. But if I miss one of your parties, that are all exactly the same by the way, then you all ignore me or bully me next time you see me. If I treated you guys like that for not going with me, you'd stop talking to me all together and you know it!"

The faces staring back at Eren were fuming, partially because they knew it was true. But they'd be damned if they admitted they were wrong. 

"What are you getting at, Eren?" Annie said.

Eren took a deep breath. He couldn't keep going back and forth with them. The quicker he did it, the better he'd feel, despite how much the initial reaction would hurt. "I'm saying that... I deserve better." He recalled all his real friends telling him this for the longest time. "I'm tired of all of you treating me like shit for no reason."

"We're not treating you like shit," Connie said. "We never see you anymore and we're upset about it!"

"You see me all the time, and it's not like you can't live without seeing me at every single party..." Making this decision would be for the best. It would hurt, leaving his long time friends, but it was what he needed. "And I can live without all of you." Eren stood to leave.

"What, then?" Jean chuckled. "You're just gonna ditch us?"

Eren paused. "Yeah, I am."

Jean's features were drained from amusement. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously," Eren retorted in a mocking tone. 

"Eren, wait. You're making a rash decision," Christa cautioned.

"No, I've been mulling this over for a long time. It took me too long to decide." He turned on his heel and walked away, feeling his heart pounding relentlessly. As he left, he heard someone muttering that he'd regret this or he'd be coming back, and he felt comfort in knowing they were wrong. They didn't know him as well as they thought they did.

Eren sat down with his friends, shaking unnoticeably. Levi could sense something was off. 

"Is everything okay?"

Eren nodded slowly, attempting to process what he'd just done. "Yeah. Yeah, everything's okay. Everything's going to get better."

 

~

 

7:15

"What did you say your therapist said?" Hanji whispered, nudging Levi's arm.

"To not look," Levi mumbled, realizing his error. "Can I give you my watch to hold onto? Just so I won't be tempted?"

Hanji nodded, taking Levi's watch and carefully putting it in their pocket.

The two were joined by Eren and Armin, bringing popcorn to their seats in the theater. They all liked Mikasa's show so much that they returned the following week after the last day of school. Levi asked Hanji to help him with tips his therapist had suggested to him. After his first session, he was trying to not check the time and stop picking at his sleeves, so he told Hanji to point it out if he forgot.

"Maybe you could try to replace your bad habits with something equally as engaging," Hanji thought aloud.

"Like what?"

Hanji thought for a moment, and when the realization hit them, they tugged on the string from their hoodie. Once it was pulled out, they began fiddling with it, befuddling Levi all the while.

"There." They slapped the mess in his hands. "Try to untie that."

Levi frowned at the knot. "What did you do to this?"

"Yeah, I have a talent for making unsalvageable knots. Try to unknot it."

"This is impossible."

"Just try."

"I can't—"

"Try it."

Levi gave up, pulling and tugging on the different parts of the knot, doing as Hanji asked.

Hanji watched him and was glad he was at least seeing someone about his mental health. "I don't think I told you this, but I'm glad you were honest with your mom and made the decision to go to therapy."

Levi grinned at his friend. "Thank you. I'm happy I went through with it."

Hanji hadn't seen him genuinely smile in so long. It was so refreshing. "I'm proud of you."

 

~

 

The play started, all four of the friends enjoying it, Mikasa working hard in the booth and it lasted as a very agreeable night.

Hanji spared a glance at Levi right before the first act ended. Nothing made them happier than to see Levi leaning against Eren without a worry, and thumbing absentmindedly at the knot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for sticking with this fic, I know it's not the best of my work.
> 
> If you liked this, please leave a comment or kudos! I'm sorry for any errors, I don't edit. My tumblrs are dr-s--art & the-witch-daddy. Be sure to check out some of my other fics (I swear I've written better). Thanks for reading! <3


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